345: Why You’re Sabotaging Your Progress by Not Tracking Everything—and How to Fix It | Live Coaching Session

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 345.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, and I'm super excited about today's episode because I'm sharing a live coaching conversation straight from this current round of MACROS 101. So if you've ever wondered what it's like to get personalized live coaching inside of MACROS 101, this episode will give you a front row seat. And if you're wanting to get on the wait list for the next round of MACROS 101, you can go to bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist. 

Now, this topic, a little bit about the topic. We all hit roadblocks on our fitness journey. Not just you, all of us. Like it's something we all experience as humans, whether you struggle staying consistent or you're stuck in the dieter mentality or feeling frustrated with yourself when you don't follow through on goals. And it's really easy to think, I'm the only one who struggles with this, but trust me, you're not. And that is why hearing someone else get coached through these common sticking points can be so powerful. You'll see yourself in their journey and you'll hopefully get some aha moments of yourself. And I think that that will happen during this coaching conversation that I had.  

So in today's call, we dive in, I dive in with a client on one of the biggest struggles that many, many women face. And that is, I know what to do, but I don't actually follow through. So we're gonna start talking about what happens when you stop tracking, you know, what self-sabotage looks and feels like and how you can start to shift your mindset to break that cycle. So if you've ever found yourself going over your calories and then deciding not to track it because you don't wanna face the music, this episode is gonna be for you. So let's dive into that conversation and see how this live coaching moment can help you make breakthroughs in your own journey.  

Ashley 02:31 

Okay, so I've been tracking for a while and I like tracking and I don't have a problem with it. But what I do struggle with is the diet or mentality, even if my calories are set for maintenance or anything like that, if I go over, then I stop tracking. And I know that like, logically, I know that it's just data and that I need that data in order to make progress. But for some reason, I can't get through to tracking everything like this. Last week, I've tried, like if I've eaten something and I decided I didn't wanna track it in the moment, I've tried to go back and guess to the best of my ability, but then sometimes I still don't track it. 

Amber B 03:13 

Okay, okay, good. So when we have these conflicts where it's like, I know what to do, I know it's just data, I know, I know, I know, I know, and I don't do it. When we have these conflicts, this is where we wanna dive in and get a little bit more curious about what is going on. Something that's really important to understand about the brain is that the brain always justifies everything. Our brain is great at justification. We will never do anything that we haven't first justified in our mind of why that's an okay thing to do. 

So where we can start to get really curious and take a step back and kind of look from the top down is like, how are you justifying this in your mind? Because how you justify it will give us insight into how you're thinking about it and when we can change the way that we think about things, the things we think about change. So can you get into that moment? And I wanna specifically go to a moment where you ate over, you're like, I should go back and I should track that, and then you didn't.  

Ashley 04:13 

Well, when I decided when I go back and track it, I did, but then there's other times where I just, I guess, I didn't decide I was gonna go back and track it, I just said. 

Amber B 04:20 

Okay, so you're in the moment, you're eating over, and you make a decision not to track it. So we go to that decision point, okay? Can you get to that decision point in your brain?  

Ashley 04:32 

Yeah. 

Amber B 04:33 

Okay, so how are you justifying it to yourself to not track this?  

Ashley 04:38 

I'll say that I'll start tomorrow or that I must need it, maybe it's a hormonal time and I need more calories or I'm really hungry, I'm finding lately that I'll have an urge and then I don't really sit with it, I just go for it right away.  

Amber B 04:59 

Yeah, yeah, uh-huh, yeah. Okay, so what I wanna notice is that none of these are really justifications for why not to track it.  

Ashley 05:11 

Right.  

Amber B 05:12 

Because this justification of I must need it, okay, so you needed 800 extra calories, so what is the gap between tracking it still?  

Ashley 05:24 

Yeah. Uhm. 

Amber B 05:25 

Like why not track it? Like you're eating the extra 800 calories, maybe I need it, but there's something there from that movement of like I need it, I ate it, and yet I won't log it. 

Ashley 05:36 

I guess I don't want to, like I know what my numbers are supposed to be and I don't want to acknowledge that I'm, I guess, “failing” or not doing what I'm supposed, like I say that I was going to do at the beginning of the day, I didn't say, oh, I think, you know, I might need some more calories today, it's just a impulse decision so then I'm mad at myself for not following through with what I said I was supposed to do.  

Amber B 06:00 

Fantastic, this is so good, Ashley. Okay, so I wanna get really clear in your mind. Are you frustrated with your inability to follow through on what you decided you were going to do or are you frustrated with not doing what it is that you're supposed to do?  

Ashley 06:18 

I'm frustrated that I'm not following through with what I said I was going to do because I'm okay with eating more, like, oh, you know what, maybe it would be a smart idea to eat at maintenance for this week because I always am hungrier, so then that's a logical decision but if I haven't made that, I struggle that my, yes, I can't do what I say I'm going to do.  

Amber B 06:40 

Okay, tell me if this is how you experience it because I'm also getting this from the way that you're describing it. It's that there almost isn't even, there almost isn't even a decision point. It's like you made that decision earlier in the day and then in the moment, there isn't really actually a conscious or logical decision. It's a reactionary, trying to get away from yourself, trying to like not let one side of you know about what the other side is doing, right? The right hand can't know what the left hand is doing, right? I get that, which is why it feels so bad and it feels like it's why you're trying to not, you're trying to hide it. It is, it's like one part of yourself is trying to hide from the other part of yourself. 

What I wanna offer is that having commitment to yourself is wonderful and a beautiful thing and I think it's something that I want you to work on. When you have commitment to yourself, that is not the same as saying I'm going to do this and then never changing your mind. Can you see that? Like someone who is committed and it has integrity with themselves, it's not that they never make a different choice in the future, they're still taking information and they can still pivot and they can still make choices. 

The difference is is that it's intentional. So what a lot of people will do is they'll make a commitment to themselves at the beginning of the day and then they'll get to that decision point and instead of making a decision, it just happens and that doesn't feel very good and it doesn't feel, because you aren't in control, you aren't making the decision. So where we're gonna work towards, Ashley, is getting to the point where you make a commitment to yourself at the beginning of the day and then you revisit that commitment and make a decision in the moment and then you own that decision. 

And this is really important because, Ashley, you could still overeat by 800 calories but when you sat there and you said, I feel like my body needs it, I think I need the calories, I know at the beginning of the day I said I was going to stick to these calories but I have new information, I have new data, I'm hungry, I did a big workout today, I'm going to eat, you don't have to justify it but whatever you're working through, I'm gonna eat these calories and I know I'm gonna go 800 to 1,000 calories over and I'm choosing that and I'm gonna own it and I'm gonna log it and then I'm gonna leave it. You're still in commitment with yourself and maybe you still ate the 800 calories but that experience is vastly different than what you're currently doing which is saying I'm gonna do something, not actually making the decision, making a different choice and then feeling like I can never be honest and true and committed to myself. Does that make sense?  

Ashley 09:18 

Yeah. 

Amber B 09:19 

Okay, so tell me where you're at. I've been talking a lot, I wanna just check in with you. What are you thinking, what's landing?  

Ashley 09:27 

I feel like I might justify it more often than is reasonable to all. 

Amber B 09:36 

Yes. Good, good. That's the fear that's holding you back from doing this.

Ashley 09:41 

Yeah.  

Amber B 09:42 

And it's this common fear of like I'm gripping something so tightly and you're asking me to let go a little bit Amber and if I do, I'm just gonna fall.

Ashley 09:51 

Yeah.  

Amber B 09:52 

Right, it's like there's no in between. Yeah. It's like then I'm gonna swing to the side and I'm never gonna hit my calories and every day I'm gonna go over and then I'm gonna blow up like a balloon and now it's all over, right? That's our brain, our brain are so funny of how we like go to the extremes. But what I wanna offer to you right now is that gripping so tightly is the problem.  

Ashley 10:13 

Yeah.  

Amber B 10:14 

You're asking me how to solve this problem and I'm telling you to loosen your grip a little bit and you're like, if I loosen my grip, I'll drop. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't want you to drop. And actually, if you start to loosen your grip, what you'll find is a stronger grip. Your grip right now, you think it's really ironclad strong. And what I'm pointing out is that it's actually a weaker grip because of the experience you keep having. Evidence that it's not a very strong grip. You're not in control. You're not feeling good about it. If we can loosen that a little bit, it's actually stronger. You're actually gonna be more in control and you're gonna actually be able to make these decisions. And sometimes, and the other thing that I want to offer is like when you are moving into this place and you're making these decisions for the first time, it's new and you probably are gonna make some mistakes. You probably will overeat sometimes too many times, but it's like learning that from experience will help you find the middle ground. 

I have a 15 year old son and so he just started driving. So I'm like teaching my second child how to drive and it's like so hard, right? But like, it's so interesting when I get in the car with him, things that are just normal and natural and easy for me to do, I have to like talk him through everything. And sometimes he stops way too aggressively and I'm like, whoa, okay, okay. Like now you know, you have that feedback of like, that was a little too aggressive on the brake. We need to maybe do a little softer brake next time, right? And he's getting better because he hasn't had experience of braking too hard. And then he has the experience where I'm like, brake, brake, brake, brake, brake, brake, right? So he like kind of has to feel when he brakes too hard and when he brakes too soft so that he can find the middle ground. And eventually he's gonna find it and he's gonna be fine. And he's gonna know exactly how hard to brake. And I don't even have to think about it anymore. 

You're learning how to brake right now. And right now you're braking way too hard. And you're afraid that if you soften that brake, you'll brake too softly and you may, but you need those extremes. You need to feel both to find the middle. So it's like that realization of like, it's not working for me now. I can soften it a little bit and find that happy medium. Yes, I may swing too far to the other side. That may happen. It's part of the process of learning how to find that middle ground. But what's available for you in the future is a much more peaceful, committed, happy place for you to sit in. Does that make sense?  

Ashley 12:45 

Yeah.  

Amber B 12:47 

Okay. What concerns do you have about that? Or what's coming up for you?  

Ashley 12:52 

I don't think I have concerns about it. I think, I guess maybe just remembering to like check in with myself and making it a conscious decision. Like what's the cue?  

Amber B 13:02 

That's right.  

Ashley 13:03 

Make it a conscious decision so that I can say, okay, why am I doing this?  

Amber B 13:08 

This will be the hardest part is, and you even said it yourself before, like the pause. Because what's happened is you've gotten on such like a habit cycle and a reactive cycle that it's a way to hide from yourself. And we're trying not to hide from ourself anymore. And so that's become repetition for you, built that groove. And so this is gonna be the challenge. This is going to be the place where you're going to need to focus. 

And it's the place where you're gonna get it right sometimes and you're not gonna get it right sometimes. And that's okay. This is part of the learning. So this is that intentionality of having a pause before you do something. And actually intentionally making the decision. And it's a little bit about slowing down. So you're probably running at a pace that's normal and natural and fast. And just like the decision just comes and goes and just like, we don't even pause. So I'm gonna encourage you to slow it down, to remind yourself to pause, make a decision and then move forward and own that decision. Something that will be very helpful for you in that is starting, and this is why, guys, this is it.  

This is why I tell you to track everything. Because the first step is teaching yourself that you can't hide from yourself, okay? So it's like, I'm teaching myself that if I go over, I can't hide from that, like I did it. So whether or not I track it, it still counts. So I might as well track it and like have that information. And so that actually is gonna be one of the first steps for you is like really that commitment to tracking every single thing that you eat, even if it's estimated, even if you're going back in time, even if it was yesterday, right? That commitment to track everything, it teaches your brain that you can't hide from yourself. And if you can't hide from yourself, there's gonna be more inclination to make a decision because you can't hide. Does that make sense?  

Ashley 15:00 

Yeah.  

Amber B 15:01 

Yeah, okay. So you feel like you have some action items?  

Ashley 15:04 

Yes.  

Amber B 15:05 

Okay, fantastic. I'm super excited to hear how this goes. Please keep me updated.  

Ashley 15:09 

It sounds good, thank you.  

Amber B 15:10 

Awesome. 

I hope that that was insightful for you. I hope that you maybe saw yourself a little bit in that coaching and I hope that you're coming away with some action items that you can apply to your own journey to be able to make a world of difference when it comes to long-term sustainable success.  

If you like this episode and you like Biceps After Babies Radio, will you do me a huge favor and leave a rating and review on whatever platform it is that you're listening on? That is a fantastic way to say thank you for the free content that I put out here because it helps the podcast to reach more people. And that's really why I'm doing this is putting out this free content that's hopefully helpful, hopefully changing lives and you taking the time to leave a rating and review really supports that mission. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber, now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything. 

Outro

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