251: Should You Become A Coach? With Head Coach Melissa Porter

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio episode number 251.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife, and mom of four. Each week, my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.

 

Amber B  0:50  

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke. And today, we are talking about becoming a coach and answering the question of whether or not you should become a coach. Before we dive into that, I do want to let you know that finally I am on TikTok and this has been a new development in the business and in my progression on social media. I resisted TikTok for a very very long time but we are now on TikTok and I am making content that is specific to TikTok. There is some overlap between my Instagram and Tiktok. But we are making content that is specific to TikTok. Over on TikTok, so if you want to come to follow me, you can go to BicepsAfterBabies. That's my handle on TikTok and come hang out with me the on the ticky-talkies. Okay, that's our announcement. 

 

Amber B  1:30

Now, we're gonna dive into our conversation. And to have this conversation, I decided to invite our Biceps After Babies’ head coach, Melissa Porter, onto the podcast so we can have this conversation about becoming a coach. And Melissa, let me know before we hit record that she holds the title for being on the podcast the most number of times between the times that she has been interviewed and the times that she– we have podcast episodes where the team members submit little snippets. She's been on the podcast a lot, so I'm really excited to have head coach, Melissa Porter, on the podcast.

 

Melissa  1:50  

Hello.

 

Amber B  1:51  

The goal today, Melissa, is for us to help the people who are listening answer the question of: “Should I become a coach?” And my goal is at the end of this episode that you'll feel like you kind of have an answer to: “Is this something that I want to pursue or not?” I'm guessing that most of the people of you are just listening because you're like have listened to literally every episode that has ever been done. And I love you so much. But I would guess that for most of the people who are hitting play on this episode, there is at least a part of them that has wondered about, thought about, and been curious about becoming a coach. And that's who I want to really speak to in this episode. And one of the reasons I invited Melissa on is because yes, I can talk about this from my perspective. But it's really only one perspective. And Melissa has now been a coach for us for how long? Six Years?

 

Melissa  3:20  

Yeah, like the end of 2019.

 

Amber B  3:23  

Yeah. No, like it was at the end of 2018. 

 

Melissa  3:25  

I started as a community moderator–

 

Amber B  3:26  

That's right.

 

Melissa  3:30  

–in the summer of 2019. But you didn't actually hire coaches until December.

 

Amber B  3:41  

Okay, so we're almost three years.

 

Melissa  3:44  

Yeah.

 

Amber B  3:46  

Almost three years. Okay, so we're coming up on a three-year anniversary, and we elevated her to the role of head coach a year ago.

 

Melissa  3:54  

Yeah

 

Amber B  3:55  

Yeah. Okay, so she spent two years as a coach and now she has a head coach. She's still coaches in the business. Although she's doing less of that as she moves into this new role of really helping and mentoring the other coaches. That's kind of the role that she has.  I always forget this number. There are like 12 coaches. That's kind of like the number I throw out. 10?

 

Melissa  4:12  

Yeah, we have 12 now. If you include me, it's 13.

 

Amber B  4:18  

Yeah. Okay, so we have a good number of coaches. And so Melissa really is responsible for helping to mentor those coaches. Helping to organize and manage. There are a lot of logistics that go into having so many coaches serving clients. And so Melissa does a lot of that in the business. So I thought it would be really fun to have her on because she's gonna give a different perspective about being a coach than I am, but that's what I want. I want to have a couple of different perspectives on making this decision to be able to support you. So we're gonna get into the conversation. But the first thing that I wanted to start with was the idea that if you are listening, I have to assume that at least part of you has thought about becoming a coach. Wondered about becoming a coach. And typically, when we have ideas or thoughts like that, the first thing that happens after that tends to be a little bit of fear, right? It's like, “I want this thing, or at least a part of me thinks I want this thing, or I might want this thing.” And then our brain's job is to keep us safe. And so usually our brain goes to a place of fear. Oh, like, “I don't know if I could do it, though. I don't know if it's possible for me. I don't know if I'm capable of it. I don't know if it's going to happen.” And so we have a lot of fear come up. Did you have any fear about becoming a coach? 

 

Melissa  5:37  

I don't think the fear hit me until I was further in the coaching journey.

 

Amber B  5:43  

So funny. Yeah.

 

Melissa  5:45  

Because for me, it was such a natural progression. I'll say when I was a client, I didn't have the desire to be a coach. The reason why I stood out to you is that I was so invested in my journey. And part of my journey was sharing my progress with others in our community, right? And so I just kind of stood out to you because I am an oversharer. And I was constantly sharing stuff. And so it just was this natural progression into coaching that I don't know if I–  I obviously had the desire because I applied to be a coach. But in the beginning, it was more like I just wanted to help other women feel the empowerment that I was feeling. So that excitement kind of propelled me further into my coaching journey. And then the fear hit probably six months in. Impostor syndrome. But it was after I started coaching.

 

Amber B  7:01  

Okay, we're going to talk about that for sure. I am going to share with you something I don't think I've actually shared with you the reason that we identified you and pulled you in initially as a community moderator. It wasn't because of your sharing or because of your journey. It was because of how we saw you show up for the rest of the community. So we identified you very quickly as somebody who not only shared about their journey, but we saw you engaging with other community members. And I was like, “I see what she's doing. She's supporting other members in the program.“ And I think for you as you said, it was a way for you to– you were all in. You're all in on this journey. You're all in on this transformation. And part of that being all in for you was engaging in the community and supporting the community. And so identified that really quickly, and that is why we reached out to you. And we're like, “Hey, do you want to do the community moderator?” Which then turned into coaching. That's what I saw.

 

Melissa  7:56  

Yeah. Well, I'm sure we'll talk about this a little bit later. But cheerleading is one of my main things. I love to cheer people on, right? And I think that one of the big misconceptions that people have about coaching is that coaching is just encouraging people to continue doing what they're doing. And sometimes, what they're doing isn't actually leading them down the path of where they want to go. And so yes, cheerleading is part of it. But it's not the only way you coach. 

 

Amber B  8:31  

Yeah, absolutely. And to your point, cheerleading, if somebody is doing what is good for them, and is what is moving them towards their goal, cheerleading is like, “Oh, yeah, that's a very natural extension.” But what you said was sometimes they aren't doing the things that are lean. So then what do you do? You have no tools if you just cheerlead, and someone's not doing what they need to be doing to get to the goal. Now, you have no tools. And so what ends up happening is a lot of coaches go into shaming or guilt-tripping of like, “Well, why didn't you stick to your macros? Well,  just do it. It's not hard to do it. Just do it. It's not hard.

 

Melissa  9:08  

Just be consistent.

 

Amber B  9:10  

Yeah, and you have no tools to be able to support that poor client who needs much more support than you just saying, “Well, why didn't you do it? Do better.”

 

Melissa  9:18  

Right and effective coaches are able to help the client decipher if what they are doing is actually leading them to their goal.

 

Amber B  9:31  

So good. So good. Say more about that.

 

Melissa  9:34  

So and if you're a client, you know this because you're client, the way that we coach is we ask a lot of questions. And those questions lead to answers that the client doesn't necessarily just have at the very beginning. And so in that habit–

 

Amber B  9:56  

They haven't been able to access them. They're in there. But it's in the deep parts of your brain that you don't access all the time. It's not right there on the tip of your tongue.

 

Melissa  9:56  

Right? So an effective coach is able to ask the questions that get the answers that are not on the tip of the tongue. That really shows what's happening underneath. And that's what is going to help us determine if the actions are taking are leading them in the direction they want to go, or if we need to adjust.

 

Amber B  10:29  

Yeah. Yeah, and I think that's such an important distinction because what a lot of coaches do is they manage the client, and it's their job to tell the client everything, and do this, and do that, and do that, do this. And on some level for clients, there is some security in that because someone else is making the decisions, and you just have to follow along. But the dark side of that is that if somebody else is making all the decisions, if someone else understands what's going on if someone else is organizing the steps when you don't have that somebody else now, it's like someone took away your rudder, someone took away your paddles, and you're in this boat in the middle of the ocean with no paddle to get anywhere because the guy with the paddle jumped out of the boat when you're coaching with them.

 

Melissa  11:15  

And that coach is coaching you from their perspective and from their journey. And so for them, it's one size fits all. It worked for me so you just need to do what I did, and it'll work for you. And that's not the way it works. No, if you're not creating a plan that's customized to you that fits within your lifestyle, this isn't the results that you achieve are most likely not going to be sustainable, lifelong results.

 

Amber B  11:43  

Yeah. So one thing I want to address for those of you who have some sort of desire to become a coach. I know a lot of you and Melissa didn't struggle with this. But a lot of you struggle with it, you have a desire, but then all the fear comes up. “Who am I to do this? Am I capable? What if I fail? What if I can't do this? What if it like I cannot be a coach? What if that's just not innately possible for me?” And so I want to speak to this just a little bit because I believe that our desires in life are our guidance. And you can choose to believe whatever you want. Whoever you believe in your higher power. I believe that our higher power, God, the universe, source, your intuition, uses desires in order to guide us through life. Meaning, I don't have the desire to do everything. In fact, we were just watching a documentary about some people who were hiking in the Himalayas and summiting, Everest. Zero. There's no desire. No desire in me to go climb Mount Everest. Zero. There's not even a small part of me that is like, “Huh, I would like to do that.” And I think when we start to attune to our desires, that that starts to guide us through life to the things that are good for us.

 

Amber B  12:13  

And I believe that if you have even a small desire to do something, that inherently means that it's possible for you. And I think God gives us these desires as little breadcrumbs of things that we could do with our life. Now, not every desire you're going to act on. But I think the breadcrumb– I don't think God leads us to things that we are incapable of doing. I think that's just silly to think, “Oh, I had this desire, but it's impossible for me to reach.” I think desire indicates inherently that it is possible. And then we get to choose. We get to choose if we want to follow up on that desire and go after it. But I think this idea of maybe I'm not capable of doing this if you have a desire, I believe that means you are inherently capable. And it is the decision to go after something that makes you capable of being able to achieve it. So desire. So I would say if you have the desire to become a coach, it's possible for you. You can do it. You could become a coach. And so now the next question is: do I want to do that, right? Because desire means you're capable. You have the capacity to become a coach. And now the question is: do I want to do that? Is that something that I would like to do if that's something I want to do with my one wild and precious life? And that's what we're gonna kind of start to answer but you're gonna say something, Melissa?

 

Melissa  14:22  

I was just gonna say I would dial it. I would make it a little bit broader than that. I would say if you have a desire to help somebody, not necessarily just a desire to be a coach because I didn't really have the desire to be a coach. I had the desire to help other women feel the way that I was feeling. That was my desire. And that desire turned into coaching which now turned into a head coach, right? It has evolved naturally, and so I think if you have this natural desire to help other people, then you absolutely hands down can be a coach. That is the one quality that every coach needs our desire to help other people.

 

Amber B  15:11  

Yes, exactly. And I think we come back to that a lot in when Coaching Academy. So Melissa helps mentor coaches in our Coaching Academy. We have a team of coaches that coaches, Biceps After Babies, but then we also mentor and train and certify other coaches who want to go out and take our coaching model. And use it in their own coaching practice. And so Melissa helps with mentoring those coaches. And that's something that we repeat a lot in coaching Academy is simply that coaching– when you just boil it down exactly what Melissa said, when you boil down what is being a coach, it comes from this desire to serve. It comes from the desire to help somebody and like Melissa, and honestly, like me, I would say a majority of people who come and want to do fitness coaching, do it because they have had some sort of success or transformation themselves. And they are the type of person like Melissa, where it's like you had that transformation and now you just you want everybody to have it. You want everybody to have that experience. You want everybody to share. It's like going and seeing a really great movie. You want all of your friends to see this really great movie. And that desire to serve is the basis of good coaching. So good. 

 

Amber B  16:23  

Okay, so let's take a little bit about imposter syndrome because it is a real thing. And I think everybody has to go through this at some point. I don't know that I've ever talked to any coach who's like, “Yeah, no, I never struggled with imposter syndrome.” And if you don't know that term imposter syndrome, that's really the thought or idea of like, “Who am I to be doing this? There are way better people out there. Why would anybody hire me when they could hire XYZ? Am I good enough to do this?” And I think it is a stage of your coaching development that you have to go through. So I'm curious about your experiences with imposter syndrome because you said that kind of crept in six months or so into your journey.

 

Melissa  17:07  

I also think that imposter syndrome is just self-sabotage. It never goes away. Imposter syndrome creeps in every time you're pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. Every time, just like self-sabotage. Impostor syndrome to me is like a form of self-sabotage. Because you're sabotaging your ability to continue moving forward because you feel you're not qualified or whatever it may be. So for me, it did creep in a little bit later into coaching. And mainly in the way of I constantly found myself wanting to just be a clone of Amber. I had to do it exactly the way that Amber would do it or it wouldn't be effective, right? I didn't have the faith in my ability to be different from the way that Amber did it and have it be effective. And in having that mindset, there was a period of time I felt clients had a hard time relating to me because I was being fake. I was not being my true authentic self. And so for me, overcoming that I had to just constantly remind myself that Amber believed in me, right? So I was borrowing her belief that I had the ability to do this and that I had something to offer like myself. Outside of amber. I didn't have to coach the way that Amber coached, as long as I utilize the tools that she gave me to be an effective coach. I could still be authentic in that way. So once I was able to break free of feeling like I had to be Amber's clone, and step into really how Melissa coaches, clients were able to relate to me. And that is where good effective coaching is because they know that I'm being honest with myself. I'm not feeding them full of crap, right? So I think that my coaching definitely up-leveled when I was able to push past that imposter syndrome. And once I had proof that clients were relating to me better than it was before that, then that specific imposter syndrome was gone. It creeps in other areas, but I am a damn good coach, and I coach much differently than Amber coaches. And it doesn't mean that it's the wrong way to coach, right? 

 

Amber B  20:05  

Yeah, I teach you these principles, right? So I trained you, and I taught you principles, and I taught you techniques, and I taught you ideas. But it's like the color of your coaching is different. It's the same type of coaching, I guess you could call it, but we're different colors. And I think that that's really important. And when Melissa really gave herself permission to be a different color than me, it really did deepen her ability to coach. And something I've been studying recently is this idea that if we are showing up, and I see this a lot with coaches, I think this is going to hit home for anybody who is already coaching, and there are applications, other areas of life as well. But if we are showing up in a way that is an energy of seeking validation from the person we are interacting with, and I see this a lot with coaches, are you want your clients' validation, you want them to think you are a good coach, you want them to validate you. If you show up in that energy of your goal is to get that validation from somebody else, you will morph and change yourself into whatever you think that they want in order to have that validation. And so what happens, like Melissa was saying, is you inherently become inauthentic because you're more worried about what they're going to think about your coaching. So you're trying to change your coaching and Morfitt, and change who you are to be able to fit what you think they want, rather than showing up as your authentic self. And when you can show up as your authentic self, and the person can connect to you as who you are instead of who you're trying to pretend to be, then you can create a connection, and you can create a relationship between you and the client. But the thing that has to let go in order for that to be accomplished is needing somebody else's validation. And when you can start to validate yourself off, “I'm a damn good coach.” Well, now you don't need that validation. And you can show up as a coach, and you end up being a better coach because you can show up as your authentic version of yourself and people connect to that.

 

Melissa  21:59  

Right. And I also think that coming to the realization that you're not going to be for everybody. And that's fine. The way that I coach somebody could land great. But then the next person doesn't land as well. I am an emotional person, and some people don't handle that well, right? But for some other people that are super relatable for them. And so I think the other part of the imposter syndrome is outside of the validation is just knowing that you're not going to be for everybody. And that's okay.

 

Amber B  22:36  

Yeah, yes. And I think the earlier you can step into that, what I see a lot of times with new coaches, especially as they want to be everything for everybody. And that's the fastest way to, one, wear yourself out as a coach, not be who you truly authentically are and not be able to serve people. Because if you're trying to be everything for everybody, you aren't able to help people on a deeper level. It's like if you section off and say no, this is the type of person I serve. This is the type of person I can help. This is the type of person I relate to. You can go deep with those people instead of trying to go wide being everything to everybody. 

 

Melissa  23:09  

Yeah, this conversation leads great into one of the questions that you had prompted me with that we would talk about what's your– what's a personality trait? Would be really good for coaches to have. And the very first thing that came to my mind is integrity. And integrity in you as a person because people know when you're being fake. It doesn't take long for somebody to be able to sniff out a wolf in sheep's skin, right?

 

Amber B  23:49  

And people, we estimators are very attuned.

 

Melissa  23:52  

Yes. Fake. So when you're constantly trying to morph yourself into what you think all of these other people want or need from you, because you think that's going to get you more clients, right? If I'm what this person needs, then they're going to come coach with me, and if I'm what this person needs, they're gonna come coach with me. And so you think you're gonna get more clients that way, but in reality, they're not going to stay with you long-term because no one wants to be around someone who doesn't have integrity. They just don't. You don't want to surround yourself with someone who's constantly morphing from one thing to the next. And not solid in who they are as a person.

 

Amber B  24:37  

Amen. Yeah, that's a really excellent point about personality traits. So I'm curious, I have some thoughts on this, but I'm curious if you have the antithesis of that. What are some personality traits that would be like, “Whoa, maybe becoming a coach is not for you. Maybe you shouldn't coach.”

 

Melissa  24:57  

I think you are solely out to get validation from other people, you should not be a coach. Yeah, that's good. Because seeking validation, might be a little harsh I'm sorry if it's harsh, but I think seeking validation is a very selfish thing. So if you're constantly needing someone to make you feel good about yourself, that's not your client's responsibility. And if you're just wanting to make a name for yourself and have as many people as possible, know you want to Instagram and have the most followers, your number one goal is not helping somebody else. You're not this service-oriented mindset. And that doesn't yield very well to make an effective coach.

 

Amber B  25:56  

Yeah, yeah, I would say that the personality trait of desire to help is one of them, and we kind of talked about this, but I think it hits home here. This is when we talk about personality traits like the desire to help is one of the number one things that you need as a coach. If you don't have the desire to help, if that's not what's driving you, I don't think you should become a coach. And I love money, I think money is amazing, I want more money, I think money is awesome, I think we all should have as much money as we want. But if your only goal in becoming a coach is to get money, don't–

 

Melissa  26:31  

You'll have less of it.

 

Amber B  26:32  

You'll have less of it, right? I think it has it again, I'm not saying money is bad or evil, or we shouldn't want money, but if that's the only reason you're becoming a coach, and you're like, “Oh, this is lucrative. I'm just gonna make so much money,” you're missing the bigger point. It has to be driven by that desire to serve. And yes, when you really have that desire, and you do help people, you are going to receive money. That's how the world works. You give value, someone gives you money. But if you're not leading with that value, if you're not leading with that heart of service, it's never going to work. And then the other trait that I would say you need. And then the converse would be what I would say, stay away from coaching if you can't admit you're wrong, don't be a coach because I think you have to have a level of humility and an ability to self-reflect and get it wrong. And then admit that you got it wrong, and then change it. And if some people have a really hard time, and I admittedly, if we're talking about some of my faults, or things that I'm working on, or things that I'm developing, it is the ability to admit when I'm wrong and change course. That is hard for me and I recognize it in myself, and I see it happen a lot. And so I'm working on it, right? This is something I'm working on myself. But I think if you can't admit that you're wrong, and you just dig your heels in it, it becomes a really damaging conversation that you're having with clients who have never been able to receive feedback, never been able to make pivots, never be able to make adjustments to be to become better.

 

Melissa  28:00  

Yeah, yeah, I totally agree with that. Obviously, I thought about the desire to help, right? But I knew that we would like to touch on that before. So it's like, yeah. But being coachable is the other and that goes hand in hand with what you're just saying about being able to admit when you're wrong. Every good coach has a coach. Yeah. Amber still coaches me. Amber coaches. Every good coach has a coach. And if you come into this feeling as if you know it all, you're not going to last long. The world will quickly remind you that you don't know it all don't. You don't in fact, and if you aren't willing to admit that you don't know it, you won't last long as a coach. There have been so many times in coaching interactions where I am asked a question that I don't know. And I do not have the personality that I'm going to try to fake my way through that. I very much am okay with saying I don't know that. But I will research it, get the answer, and I will come back to you. Because for me, that is staying within the integrity of coaching, right? I'm not here to blow smoke up someone's butt and make them think that I know everything. I think that when you are able to admit that you're either wrong or you don't know something, a lot of times comes with fear, right? That is like “Oh my gosh, they're not going to want to coach with me anymore because I don't know this.” But on the flip side and I have seen this time and time again, they actually respect you more for being honest about where you're at. And not knowing something or admitting that you did something wrong, they actually have more respect for you and the end, and it builds so much more rapport with the client.

 

Amber B  30:14  

Yeah, well, it's because I've been doing a lot of research. I've been working on this emotional eating course that we're doing. So I've been doing a lot of research with emotions, shame, and vulnerability, and a lot of bringing up Brene Brown's work. And she makes this point that if we're not vulnerable, we cannot connect, right? Vulnerability is scary, it's brave because it exposes a part of ourselves that maybe we would like to hide, we would like to hide that I don't know this thing that feels very scary to share out into the world. But being vulnerable is the only way that we're able to create a connection. And so exactly what you said is if you want to build rapport with the client, sometimes we think rapport is built if I just pretend that I know everything. But rapports actually built with vulnerability. And so it's what seems like the courageous thing to do to say, “I don't know, but I'm gonna get back to you. I'm gonna research.” That seems scary for a lot of people to do. I think that comes more naturally to you than some other people that in and of itself builds rapport with your clients and respect. Because they know when you're telling them something, it's accurate. You actually know it. And when you don't know it, you're gonna say that you don't know it, and you're gonna go get an answer for them. And people respect that. 

 

Melissa  31:25  

Right.

 

Melissa  31:26  

Yeah. So one of the things that I do want to address because I think this is a really important distinction that I want to make. And it's honestly one of the reasons I wanted to bring you on because we both are coaches. But I'm also a business owner. And you're not, right? You're a coach. And that's the role that you fulfill. And I'm a coach and a business owner. And I want to make this distinction because I think a lot of times when people are making the decision about whether I want to become a coach, they are linking becoming a coach and owning a business together. And plenty of people are like, “Coaching sounds fantastic. I would love to help people, I'd love to support people, and I love to work with people, but no way in the heck I want to start a business. I don't have the desire to own a business.” And so I think it's really important for people who are making this decision to make sure you separate out those two things. You can be a coach without being a business owner, you can be a business owner without being a coach, and you can choose to be a coach and a business owner. And if you're someone who you're like, “I want to coach, but I don't want to own a business.” There are opportunities and ways for you to be a coach, and not have to run or own a business. And that's what Melissa does, right? Melissa coaches have coached in our business for three years, she's never owned her own business. She's told me many times she doesn't want a business and has no desire to own a business. But she's a fantastic coach. And I just see a lot of women who are like Melissa, who would be fantastic coaches hold themselves back because they don't want to own a business. Do anything to add to that? Yeah.

 

Melissa  33:02  

No, I think that we get so tunnel-visioned into the way that we see other people be successful with their coaching. And we need that that's the only way that I can hear it and it's not. We live in a world where anything is possible. And I feel a little weird talking about this because it happens so naturally and easily for me in this position that I'm in. So if I feel a little guilty, bringing this up just because I didn't have to go out and find a company that I can church with that I meshed with their methodology, and the way that they coach. It just naturally happened to me. But I do know that there are possibilities out there. I can think of two other coaches right now who have businesses. And they are always hiring. They're constantly adding coaches to their roster. So it's not impossible to just be a coach and not have to deal with the business side of it.

 

Amber B  34:26  

We actually had a couple of clients who came through and did our Coaching Academy Transformational Coaching Certification. And she hired some of the coaches that were in her cohort to work inside of her business because they didn't want a business but they wanted to coach, so she had a business, and she hired them in her business. And so again, I think and I love that you're being genuine and saying, “Hey, it was easy for me. I didn't have to go out and look for a job. It kind of fell into my lap.” And also recognize that there are lots of opportunities out there. I echo exactly what most just said like opportunities are always available, especially for people who are willing to go out and seek them and put themselves out there. But when you are making that decision about whether you want to be a coach, I would invite you to separate out coach from entrepreneur and make that decision separately, right? It's like, “Do I want to be a coach?” Yes or no, let's make that decision. And then do I want to be an entrepreneur? Yes or no? And if the answer to is to I want to be a coach is yes, and the answer does I want to be an entrepreneur, no, you still can become a coach. And there are opportunities for you to be able to coach in other people's businesses to a lot of actual people who go through Coaching Academy and learn our transformational coaching style, they use it in their relationships, they use it in parenting, they use it when they're talking to their siblings, or their parents, or their in-laws. And when you understand the principles that we're teaching you of how to elicit and shift beliefs and understand people's model of the world and be able to help them to see a different perspective, the opportunities for you be to be able to “coach” or use that knowledge and other settings is endless. Even if you don't technically coach another person, so many of our clients have said, “This. Learning this has made me a better parent. Learning this has been a better partner.” Because communication and being able to understand where people are coming from and shift beliefs and understand their model of the world. Use it in every situation. Literally every time you're in ever talking to anybody. 

 

Melissa  36:26  

Yeah, it’s true.

 

Amber B  36:29  

So if somebody is sitting thinking, “Okay, maybe I could do this. Maybe I do want to become a coach.” Where should someone start? I'm curious what your thoughts are, and I'm not asking this question from a marketing perspective of like, “Oh, you should just come to join Coaching Academy.” That's not why I'm asking the question. I think joining Coaching Academy, and we can talk about Coaching Academy, and how that can be a part of your journey. But if someone is just now kind of coming to terms with this idea of like, “Okay, maybe I do really want to do this.” Is there a good first place for them to get going with that?

 

Melissa  37:07  

I would say, to put yourself out there. That you have this desire to help other people along their fitness journey and putting yourself out there will allow other people to see if they have the desire to help you become that, right? So maybe you don't want to be an entrepreneur and that's fine. But that doesn't mean that you can't go out and get your first client. Just–

 

Amber B  37:48  

“Help somebody,” that's what we always say. Just go help somebody. For free, for paid, for whatever. If you're leading with I just want to help somebody, I think that's a fantastic place to get started. One of the things that came up for me that I forgot to even put in our outline, but it's something I hear all of the time is this idea. And I think it's self-sabotage, again, is this idea that I'll be a coach when, and oftentimes it's like, “I'll be a coach when I've lost the weight, I'll be a coach when I'm a size four, I'll be a coach when I have a six-pack.” And there's this link between thinking you have to have certain results in order to validate your ability to be able to coach somebody else. And I know a lot of women who hold themselves back because they're like, “Well, I haven't had this giant transformation. I still am overweight, right?” That's what I hear a lot like, “I'm still overweight. Who would ever hire me to coach.” So if that's something that you've worried about, or this idea of like, “My body doesn't look a certain way, or I have to be a certain size.” I invite you to go listen to episode 192. It was with Lindsey. And the title of the episode is Confidence as a 200-pound coach. And Lindsey gives some fantastic advice or ways to work through this idea that you're only worthy as a coach, or you're only good enough as a coach, or people only going to hire you as a coach if you have a six-pack if you're lean if you have this certain aesthetic. And what she has found has been the exact opposite is that in fact, a lot of people choose her as a coach because she doesn't look so intimidating. She doesn't look like she's so far away from where they are. People know that she can relate to them. And that actually builds more rapport with her clients.

 

Amber B  40:16  

And so this idea I just really want to knock down this idea that you have to be a certain size to be a coach, or that you have to have a certain aesthetic or a certain amount of muscle. I always tell clients, Coaching Academy clients if you are further along in some in your journey than somebody else, and further along is relative. Further along, doesn't mean that you're at the end destination or that you've reached all of your goals further along simply means you are further along. If you are thinking about health and nutrition, you are further along than somebody who hasn't even thought about that. And there are a lot of people out in the world who haven't ever even thought of that, right? So consider that. If you're listening to this podcast, you're already further along than many of your friends and family because they don't listen to health and fitness podcasts. And so this idea that we have to be at a certain destination or a certain mile marker in order to validate us as being able to coach is just so silly. The goal is like, “Am I further along than somebody? Is there somebody that I could support and help? Is there something that I've done in my life, whether that's starting working out?” Just starting to count macros like yours further. If you've counted macros, you're further along than someone who's never kind of macros. You have something to offer to that person. So getting out of this mindset of like, “I have to reach a certain destination before I can become a coach.” It's bullcrap. It's a way for you to keep yourself safe, and not have to take action on your dreams and your desires.

 

Melissa  40:57  

And to add the physical and aesthetic side of it, you don't have to have a handful of certifications to be a coach either. You don't. Amber hand-trained me before Coaching Academy was even created. She created content to train the very first coaches and that turned into Coaching Academy. But that's all the training I have and to speak to coaching without reaching your goals, yet. The goal that I– the original goal I set when I started MACROS 101 in March of 2019, but I have still yet to hit that. Am I working toward it still? Absolutely. Am I much, much closer to it than I was in 2019? Absolutely. Have I reached it yet? No. But does that mean that I can't be an effective coach? Right?

 

Amber B  42:01  

Value of somebody.

 

Melissa  42:02  

Right. That's like saying that you can't coach somebody who– if you've never had a baby, you can't coach somebody who's had a baby in his postpartum now because you've never experienced it. You can't provide value to them because you've never experienced having a baby.

 

Amber B  42:23  

My husband, my male, OBGYN husband can't help women have babies because he's never had one.

 

Melissa  42:28  

Right. It's crazy. You can absolutely provide value without having experience with every single thing.

 

Amber B  42:41  

Yeah. So this is an excellent thing to bring up because I see this as also a way that women self-sabotage. I love you so much. I think education is valuable. I love education. I think we should be educating ourselves. I think the desire to learn more is a valuable thing as a coach to have that desire, that insatiable need for knowledge, looking for knowledge, and always growing in your knowledge. Love it. Great. The sinister part of that desire comes when you use that need for more knowledge to hold you back from using the knowledge you already have. And so what I see is a lot of women who certification hop. And they say, “Okay, I'm going to take this certification, and then when I'll be done, I will feel ready to coach.” And then they finish that certification, and they're like, “Oh, but I'm still scared. So I must need another certification to make me feel like I'm enough. I'm ready to coach.” So that they will take another certification. And they feel like, “Oh, this isn't this. When I finished this, I'm going to feel confident, I'm gonna feel ready.” And they get to down this location, and they don't feel confident ready, so they do another certification. And now they've gathered five certifications. They've never actually served or helped anybody. And it's like you cannot get enough of what you don't actually need. You don't actually need more certifications. At some point, you have to decide that you're going to be uncomfortable, like Melissa talked about, and go get your first client and go start helping people and using the knowledge that you already have to help people. And then yes, if you're already using the knowledge you have to help people, great. Let's go get some more knowledge. I'm all for expanding your knowledge base. That's great. But it's the way you expand your knowledge base. Are you expanding your knowledge base because you think it's going to make you enough? It's going to make you competent as a coach, it's going to make you feel finally worthy of being able to be a coach, or you going there because you're already utilizing the knowledge you've already basically already built, and you just desire more knowledge. You think it's fun, you want to expand, and you want to learn more. It's very different decisions about why you're going and taking different certifications.

 

Melissa  44:40  

Yeah, I think a lot of people think that it's going to squash the imposter syndrome

 

Amber B  44:46  

Imposter syndrome. Yes, it does not.

 

Melissa  44:51  

It doesn't. It doesn't at all. The only way to squash impostor syndrome is to actually do the damn thing that makes you scared. Yep, that's it. It's like overwhelm. The only way to get through being overwhelmed is to take a step forward and do something. But if you can continue to sit there and be scared, and collect this certification, and collect that certification, then I'm definitely not going to feel like an imposter because I have all of these things. But then you realize that you have to put all of those things into action. And the action is what is going to squash the imposter syndrome.

 

Amber B  45:31  

Yes, yes. Yeah. So good. And so now that we've talked down certifications, if you're wanting to come, you can come to take our certification. But again, I will straight up say you don't need it. You don't need my certification. You may want it, I hope you desire it, I hope you come, and I hope you come and learn from me. And I have so much to offer people who want to learn from me in the area of coaching, but you are enough, worthy, and awesome where you are right now. And you probably have more knowledge than you think. And yeah, I'm going to have forced you to think differently. I'm going to train you in how to specifically be a transformational coach, like Melissa kind of mentioned at the beginning of the podcast this idea of most coaches kind of falls into certain buckets of the way that they try to get clients' results. One of those is cheerleading. They just try to say, “Oh, you're doing such a good job. Just keep going. And that's great.”

 

Melissa  46:30  

A glorified accountability partner.

 

Amber B  46:34  

Yeah, yeah. But other ways that coaches try to coach is through accountability. They're like, this was me, I was like, “If I just give clients my phone number, and they can text me whenever they're having problems, and we can create a plan for the weekend, and then we can check. I can check in with them a bunch over the weekend. I can help them stick to that plan. It's like if I provide them accountability, then, of course, they're going to get results.” And again, I want you to see that none of these are inherently fundamentally flawed. But if they are the only thing that you are providing, you are not actually supporting your client in the way that's going to get the results. So we have the cheerleader, we have the accountability coach, we have the advice giver, who was like, “This worked for me. This has worked for a bunch of my clients, so you should do this. The client has a question that is like, “This is what you should do. This is how you should handle it.” And like Melissa said, she kind of spoke to this earlier of this idea that that there is just one way to get results is silly. First of all, the person who is giving you advice knows your situation. Knows the intricacies of your situation. It's like when you talk to a friend, and you start telling them about your problems, and all they do is sit there and give you advice. And you're thinking in your head, “You don't even understand the situation. You don't understand everything. I haven't told you all the different aspects that are involved in this, and you're trying to give me advice. And that doesn't work because you don't understand X, Y, and Z about the situation.” But that's where a lot of coaches are. If they think, “If I just give advice, if I just tell people what to do, then it's going to work.”

 

Amber B  48:03  

And then the last archetype that we see a lot with coaches is they try to coach through teaching. They try to say, “Hey, if I just teach more, if I just tell them– I help them understand a reverse diet, then they're going to get over their fear of reverse dieting. If I just teach them how to count macros, then, of course, they're just going to count on them. There's just going to do great. If I teach them how to eat more protein, then they're always going to do it.” Which is just looking at that, you can tell it's silly because we all know things that we don't actually execute or put into practice. So this was something I learned throughout my years of coaching seeing these different elements and aspects of myself and saying they're good, accountability is good, teaching is good, cheerleading is good, and even sometimes giving advice can be good. But if that's the only tool that you have in your tool belt, you actually can't create long-term transformation in someone. 

 

Amber B  48:51 

And so I developed a methodology in a way of coaching that actually speaks to creating transformation and other people. And transformation comes from a deep core level. It comes from understanding someone's beliefs, understanding their fears, understanding what is actually keeping them stuck, and then being able to help them shift themselves out of it. Not telling them what to do, but walking alongside of them as you help co-create this path forward for them. And that's what a transformational coach does. And so that's what I teach coaches how to do, or people who want to become coaches, I will say. Not everybody, a lot of people come into coaching academy have never coached before. This is the first thing that they do. The first foray into coaching. And then we have people who have clients and businesses, and they want to be able to do better. They want to be able to coach deeper. And that's what we do inside Coaching Academy. Teach you how to become that transformational coach so that you can get clients long-term results. I believe that the people who are listening to this podcast are not the people who are out to make a quick buck. If you're out to make a quick buck, you don't really care what happens to your clients afterward. You made that quick buck. And that's it. That was your goal. I believe that the people I attract into my sphere are not those types of people. You're not the quick buck kind of person.  You're the person who, yeah, maybe you want to make money. Again, I love money.  I think we should all love money, but you are not wanting money at the expense of somebody not getting the transformation long-term. You don't want someone just to lose 10 pounds. You want them to lose 10 pounds and get it off. You want to change their life or change somebody's life. That's the type of people who I attract into my sphere. And if you want to change someone's life, you can't just cheerlead, teach, or advice give or give accountability. You have to be able to understand how to get to that transformational level. And so that's what we do. That's what I teach you inside Coaching Academy. And we will be opening doors to the coaching academy later this year. So before the end of the year, so if that's something that you– if this spoke to you, and you're like, “Dang, that's something I would It's on my bucket list. I want to do this, I want to get better, I want to learn how to coach, I want to learn how to elicit beliefs, and shift them.” Then I invite you to get on the interest list at bicepsafterbabies.com/cert, and you can get on that interest list, and we'll let you know when doors open up to Coaching Academy, and you can come to join us in having your own transformation as a coach and be able to transform and help and coach and support others on the path. 

 

Amber B  51:17 

Do you have anything to say about Coaching Academy? Because you've been there from the get-go. Melissa said Coaching Academy started as me teaching three coaches, my methodology and then I trained more coaches to work in our business, right? So just started out training coaches to work in my business. And then we did another round of training coaches to work on my business. And then we developed a model that I saw, “Oh, hey, I can replicate this. I can teach people what I'm doing. It's not that I can just coach, but I can actually teach people how I'm coaching, and why I'm doing it, and I can teach that to people.” And so then that's where Coaching Academy was birthed from. And Melissa has been there since the very front because she experienced the first round of Coaching Academy, which was just me teaching them how to coach. So I don't know, anything you want to add about the coaching academy, Melissa?

 

Melissa  52:05  

It is awesome. And even me helping and mentoring and I get something new out of it every round that we do. Which just speaks to the content that is there that you get for life, right? When you join Coaching Academy, you get all of this content for life. So the fact that I've been through it, gosh, probably five times.

 

Amber B  52:34  

I say five times.

 

Melissa  52:38  

And I'm still pulling stuff from it. Really speaks to the content that is there. As she mentioned before, you use it in every area of your life. I just used it on my mom this morning. So yes, it's something that you even if you don't want to have a business, right? That's not what Coaching Academy is. Coaching Academy is not teaching you how to create a business just like Biceps After Babies. Coaching Academy is teaching you how to be a transformational coach, and getting to know people, and understand people on a deep core level and not just the surface.

 

Amber B  53:30  

That's so good. So if that's speaking to you, if this episode has spoken to you, I invite you to go to bicepsafterbabies.com/cert and just get your name on the interest list. We are not doing a very public opening of this. So if you don't put your name on that list, you won't know when we're opening it. That's the one way that we're going to be reaching out and sharing Coaching Academy with the coaches who are ready to come in. And join us and they're ready to uplevel their– either start or uplevel their ability to be able to coach. It's a really fun program. I really enjoy teaching other coaches and helping them to uplevel their ability to coach because I know that when I do that, they're going to go out and be able to serve more clients. And it's the more that we can transform ourselves, the more we can transform other people, and that ripple effect goes throughout the world. And that's really exciting to me. 

 

Melissa  54:23  

And even if you don't have the desire to be a coach right now, we've had multiple women come through Coaching Academy, who just want to understand our methodology of coaching to help them help themselves more effectively because we as coaches have to go through this as well. We have to go on this journey with our clients, and like Amber was saying, we provide value to somebody who is not as far along as we are. And so having the knowledge can help you with parenting. It can help you with your other relationships. If you can learn this information just for yourself, it is a ripple effect and it just will bleed out to every other area.

 

Amber B  55:19  

Yeah, yeah, it's so good. So Coaching Academy will be opening up. We're excited for those of you who are curious and interested in joining us. It's always a good time. Thanks, Melissa. This was a fun conversation.

 

Melissa  55:34  

It was. I like kind of the co-hosting part of always just interviewing.

 

Amber B  55:40  

Yeah, it's a nice change of pace for me as well. It's a little bit more co-collaborative than me just asking questions. So that's always a fun thing for me as well. So thanks for coming on. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber, now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.

 

Outro

Hey, friend if you heard the news. We have a Biceps After Babies Radio Insider list. If you love Biceps After Babies Radio, you don't want to miss a thing. Head to bicepsafterbabies.com/insider to join the group. You'll be the first to know all things about the podcast, see some behind the scenes and get special messages from yours truly. We want to make this a special community for those who are fans of the podcast. And last, did this episode particularly resonate with you? If so, will you please share it? Either send the link to someone who would find it valuable or take a screenshot and post it to your social media and tell your friends and family why they should listen. Make sure you tag me @biceps.after.babies so I can hear your feedback and give you a little love. And you know, if you aren't already following me on Instagram or Facebook, that's the perfect time to hit that follow button. Thank you for being here and listening to Biceps After Babies Radio.