229: Letting Go Of The Lie That “Everyone Should Like Me” with Ellen Oates [“I Did It” Series]

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio episode number 229.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife, and mom of four. Each week, my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.

 

Amber B  0:47  

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another Friday episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke. And every Friday, we bring you a new story of a woman and her experience in her journey and the lessons that she's learned along the way with the hope that you can learn some of the lessons that you can see yourself in these women and their experiences and be able to realize that if they have done it that you can do it too. 

 

Amber B  1:16  

And today is a very special guest, today I have Ellen Oates on the podcast and Ellen's story, you guys are going to love it. And so many of you are going to relate to it because Ellen's transformation has been one that has occurred on the inside. And that can sometimes for women that can feel like oh, but that's not what I really want. What I really want is external transformation. But as you listen to Ellen and as you listen to her story, you're going to hear what a difference that internal transformation has made for her peace, for her relationships with other people. We really talk about a lot how her relationships with people have been able to become deeper and more authentic and some of the reasons for that. And for those of you who feel like it's very hard for you to look in the mirror and say that you like the person who is standing in front of you, which I know is a lot of women who are listening. Please, please, please listen to this podcast because Ellen talks about that experience and how she was able to get to that place to release that it doesn't matter what everybody else thinks about me. But I love the person who is standing in front of me and how that really has shifted everything for her in her journey. Let's jump into this amazing interview with Ellen. 

 

Amber B  2:37  

I am so excited to welcome Ellen Oates to the podcast. Ellen, how are you doing this morning?

 

Ellen Oates  2:43  

I am doing so good.

 

Amber B  2:46  

I am very excited to have you and allow you to be able to share your story because as we were talking before we hit record, it's been kind of a long one. And I think it's really helpful for people especially those who are starting this process to have a little bit of perspective of that this road may look different than you think it's going to look and that doesn't mean that it's wrong, it doesn't mean that it's the wrong road. And so I'm excited for you to give a little bit of that perspective of what that road has been like for you. So let's start out just a little bit about your story. Tell us a little bit about you and maybe some of your struggles over the last couple of years. And kind of what led you to join MACROS 101.

 

Ellen Oates  3:24  

Okay, so I'm the youngest of five girls. I grew up on a small little farm, and in a little tiny town in Illinois. And I was just a happy kid like always happy, like, optimistic, always thinking about the best things in life and just like happy. And I grew up with a really good work ethic. Like my parents taught me to work hard like it was just us girls on the farm. So we did all the chores like it was no one else to take the slack. So we just did it and over the years of like getting older turn that works ethic into. If I'm not hard-working then I am not, like I can't see my worth. And I didn't realize I turned it into that but I had really turned it into that and like so after adding a kid and then another kid and then another kid, another kid. And that kept going like my ability to manage my life was getting a lot harder. And so I just kept beating myself up I was just like, why can't you do this? Why are you not amazing at this, this, this, and this? Why can you not do like, I really thought in my head I could only do one thing perfectly. And I was like well my kids are my main priority so I guess I can only raise kids and do nothing else but you like lose yourself in that there are no longer things that I mean my kids bring me joy but like I wasn't finding things that brought me personal joy or me like just feeling like a victory or and like I wasn't doing the hard work that I was used to so I just kind of felt I felt pretty bad. I was not finding things that made me happy. And I just kind of just, I used to be a runner because like I remember you talking about in your podcast because you started out running because it's free. And like, you can exercise from anywhere. And I had sciatica so bad after my sixth baby that I could no longer run. And I just, I just felt blah. And I remember sitting in my front room and like, just talking to my husband and saying, I am just at the bottom, I don't know where to go from here. And I need something and I had pushed no on your program multiple times like it killed me. And then I was like, No, I can't do that. I can't spend that money. It's just another thing that's just gonna, like, I'm gonna buy and then I'm never gonna do. So I didn't do it. But I was like, I gotta do it. And he's like, just go for it. And so I pushed to purchase, and I was ready.

 

Amber B  5:51  

Yeah, that's so awesome. I want to back up a little bit because you hit on a topic that I think is more important than a lot of people listening, realize. And I want to make sure that we don't gloss over it because it really can be an aha moment for some people listening. You talked about how you had this realization that a lot of your worth is wrapped up in productivity or in work, or in production. And I think I see with my clients that that is actually very, very, very common. And a lot of people don't realize it. And so I'm curious because I think hearing your discovery of this may shed some light for people who are walking around with their worth tied up in their productivity in their work and don't even know it at this point. So I'm curious about your experience, what did that realization look like? Like, how did you come up with that realization of, oh, I am wrapping my worth up in my work? How did you figure that out?

 

Ellen Oates  6:59  

I don't think I knew I had the problem. I just knew I didn't feel happy about myself. And I didn't feel proud of myself. And I didn't look in the mirror and like look back at myself and think like you're doing an awesome job. But I was a person who was like on to the next thing. Oh, I got that check that was off my list. Go, go, go go. Like I always had to go, go go. And like my husband would like, ask me so many times, just like just can't like, just sit down with me, just be, be just be here. I have such a hard time being present. And I didn't even realize I didn't even like connecting the dots of what I was associating it with, until I got deep into your program and really started to like, look at myself, and I was – it hits. 

 

Ellen Oates  7:49  

It actually came from my very first coaching call from you. I got on a coaching call with you and I was just a blubbering mess. Like, I was just crying about how I didn't think I could do this and how it was just too much and I am not going to be successful. And I was so scared that I was going to change my life so completely to be successful, that I was just like, I don't know how I'm going to do this Amber, I have no idea how I'm going to do this and you got to my level. You didn't like there was no like mocking me or laughing at me or judging me. You just listened. And it's like the first time like I felt validated, and feeling how I felt like it's okay to feel how you're doing like, you are working hard girl like a good job. And from that point, like you were able to like help me like you kind of held my hand and lead me out of that place of fear. And it was a huge aha for me because I was able to like from that point forward, move forward not from a place of fear but what Ellen wanted? What makes her happy? What is it like, who is she doing these things for? Like I remember writing down the question like you asked us about who is weight loss and fat loss for and I remember writing down all the people that I thought it was for and none of them was for me. And like what I realized very early on after my first eight-week cut that I don't actually, weight loss is not one of my top priorities. And I actually haven't lost weight in the last two years but that doesn't mean I've had I haven't had a huge transformation from the inside and that's what I was seeking. I thought I was seeking weight loss but I was actually seeking love for myself and value beyond working hard, working every day, go, go, going. And I working hard every day and like go, go, going actually led me to some pretty serious health problems. And I did it took me also to the program to address those health problems because I just I always put myself on the backburner always was just like, push it back. Oh, you're feeling that way, you're alright, just take care of everybody else and that alone will go away like, because I'm very good about, like pushing my pain away and just focusing on something else to distract me from it. And so yeah, I'm kind of tense now.

 

Amber B  10:27  

No, but it's so good because you listed a lot of symptoms that I think people can be looking for. And now listen like this is the challenging thing is that just because you have some of those symptoms doesn't mean that the diagnosis is always this worth issue. So it's like, it's just like a medical diagnosis. It's like you can have overlapping symptoms with different diagnoses. But I think hearing those symptoms from you, and the experience that you had can help people to start to realize, Hey, do I resonate with that, do I, which I think a lot of people do, where it's like, I set a goal, and it's like, I hit it. And then it's like, I'm always on to the next goal. And it's always like, I always have to be like climbing that mountain, I can't just when you said like, I can't just be I think that is such an important symptom to be looking for, is like,  if you struggle just to be and to sit still and to not be moving and not to be producing, that can be a really clear sign of tying your worth up with your productivity or your work. Because we struggled just to be if we feel like, well, if I'm not producing, then I'm not valuable. So I think just hearing those symptoms is so incredibly helpful for people who haven't had the realization that you've had that, oh, maybe this is something that I need a little deeper than I need to work on. 

 

Amber B  11:46  

The other thing that I really want to highlight that you said is that you can't figure out anything when you're in fear. Fear brings up the fight or flight, it shuts off the prefrontal cortex, and we get into reactionary decision-making, that's what fear brings up in us. And a lot of us are trying to make decisions from a place of fear and are not able to do it because we can't make great decisions from that place. And so I think what you said was so important is that when you start to notice that you're in that fear, recognizing that any decisions that you make from that place are not going to be for your highest value and your highest good. And so one of the first steps is being able to get out of that fear is to calm that fear down, right. And we did that on that coaching call with like, you come in with a lot of fear and a lot of anxiety. And if we can calm that down and start to make decisions from a place other than fear, that's when you start to make your best decisions for Ellen and for your greatest good. And so I offer that here as a lesson for people to take away, of recognizing when you get into that fear, and kind of having that moment of like, okay, whatever decisions I'm making at this moment, are probably not the best, how can we move away from fear, move out of that place, and then make decisions from there because it's going to be such a better decision making process for you. 

 

Amber B  13:05  

So, you know, you talk a lot about how this transformation has been very internal, can you describe a little bit more what that's been like for you, and maybe to even make it a little tangible of experiences that you've had in the past that are different now. You know, maybe even like examples, if you have them, hey, this is how I dealt with this situation in the past and this is how I deal with it now. And kind of contrasting, because internal growth is hard, because people can't see it. And so but it gets manifested in the way that you react to things and the way that you show up for things and the way you show up for yourself. So many examples that you have to kind of illustrate that would be awesome.

 

Ellen Oates  13:48  

Okay, so the first thing that maybe I was thinking about when you were talking is that when I was coming from that place of fear, and just that expectation that I put on myself, but I thought I was feeling it from external sources. Like I thought everybody else was caring so much about these things. 

 

Amber B  14:07  

That's good.

 

Ellen Oates  14:09  

That I was putting this expectation on myself which then I went and put an expectation on my children and my husband. And so if they were not doing as much as I was doing, I was angry at them and I was bitter at them and it caused a lot of tension for us. So now I come from a place of I do a lot of the same things that I used to do like I make a lot of the same decisions I used to because that like my brain hasn't like my me and my be hasn't changed and my how I come out to the world is not changed but my mind around how I do the things. Like I no longer do them because everybody else I think expects me to. I do them now because oh, I actually really love it when my house is clean. And so I set up like ways for my children and me to be successful to have my house clean but not make it like so priority that I am no longer like I'm keeping the relationships, I'm keeping a relationship and a strong bond between my relationships. And I'm not making people feel more, I hope I'm not, making people feel horrible about themselves just to achieve these goals that I feel are put on me by other people. 

 

Ellen Oates  15:23 

I, in another way, wrote down one time, that life works for us, everything happens for our learning or game, ask ourselves, how is this happening for me, life gives us the things we need to get to where we need to go. And I'd put like, I'm here, this is where I want to be in, and in the middle is super messy. And I have had these gut health problems now for most of my adult life. And I used to think that I could just if I could just stop eating sugar if I could just stop doing like overeating if I could just like I used to think like I used to blame myself all the time for it. And I would like really beat myself up about it. And just I thought it was me, me, me, me like I'm such a problem. I am causing all this stuff to myself because I can't change it. And after like I learned that lesson with you. I started to see myself as me and that I have these symptoms going on. But like they're not me. They don't define me. They're just something I'm working through. And I thought how can I make this work for my good.

 

Ellen Oates  16:38 

And since doing that, I've actually noticed that my symptoms are happening less because I was a go, go, goer, I wasn't allowing my body to just relax ever. And since like with the relaxation and like just being present in life, and not just thinking on to the next thing I've been able to like, start to heal my body, truly from the inside, not just my mind, but like my actual body. And that is a way that like this has meant like that's like one of the biggest ways this has manifested for me like just like, calming down and just being like I've been able to like heal some things inside. And I know that there I go through like episodes and like lapses of these times where like my stomach just gets awful and flares up and I'm bloated every day. And like, those are the times that I have looked myself in the mirror and pointed out all the good things about myself. It's really hard to love yourself when you don't feel good inside. But for me not feeling great, it's like it happens often. And so I really needed to find a way to love myself through those times and give my body grace and stick to the love that it needed to heal. Because when you're always beating yourself up about something you can't really control. It's doing nothing good for you mentally or physically. And that has been a huge, like, I just remember looking at myself in the mirror and like just bags under my eyes because I hadn't been sleeping and just like acne on my face and just like looking at myself and like say out loud. Like all the good things about myself and just telling myself I love myself and like I actually believe it now. And I actually truly believe that I am worthy, even if I do nothing in life, or in my day and two years ago, I can't even imagine saying that to myself or I would even think that now. So huge, huge for me.

 

Amber B  19:07  

I know that you know, there are women who are listening to this and want that so bad. And I think what you pointed out about what you were seeking, and what you really needed might have been two different things. And I think there are a lot of women who have that experiences they think that they're seeking one thing and in reality, they're seeking the like inner deep healing that you're expressing and that you're talking about. And at the end of the day, they want exactly that. They want to be able to look at the mirror and really love the person that they see on the other side and your example of having that experience and it's not when you're at your leanest, or whether you're at the end of your cut, or when you finally fit into the size 6 jeans, or you know when you like we're all well done up, how powerful it is to be able to have that experience that you had in front of the mirror at “your dark time”, your like worst time with your bags and with your like bloating and when you're like not feeling your best, and I think that takes work to be able to get there. And it is 100% possible for everybody listening to this podcast. If you think oh, well, that's just Ellen, and that's really great for her, I could never get there, check yourself because you absolutely 100% can.  Now it takes work and I think Ellen will be the first to tell you that it takes some deep work. And not always like comfortable work, but it is possible for you to get there. 

 

Amber B  20:40  

One of the things that you talked about that I want to circle back to because I always find it funny when like things come up or when I'm learning things outside of things I'm talking about on the podcast. But I've been reading the book Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown, and she talks about resentment. And she talks about how when we resent other people, oftentimes that is because there's something unfulfilled in us. And so, for example, like we get mad at her husband, if he's sitting on the couch, and we're like working, we get mad at our husband, and we resent our husband. And the real reason we resent our husband isn't because he's sitting on the couch, it's because we want that, and we can't have it. For some reason. We've told ourselves, that we can't sit on the couch, we can't rest. And so then that creates resentment in us. And what I heard you say is that you got to a place where you may be the actions you may be taking, like you may still be cleaning the house, but it's with a personal piece. It's without resentment for other people, it's without expectations of other people. It's a decision that you've made and being able to move from like cleaning the house because you resent everybody and nobody works hard as you do. And why is no one helping me like cleaning the house from that place versus cleaning the house because I want to and because I like it and because it makes me happy? And because, you know, this is what I enjoy, or I like to at least a clean house. It's the same action from a very different place. And that can be really hard to see for other people, but very profound, when you can get to that place. So does that idea of resentment resound with you? Is that something that you've noticed in yourself of being able to move away from that resentment and have more of that personal peace? 

 

Ellen Oates  22:21  

Oh, definitely, that was 100% what it was, I can definitely relate to that. I was 100% coming from that place of resentment, like see you do it but I am not able to do it. Because I have all these other things I need to do. Definitely. And like I even saw with my extended family, like, I would see my sister-in-law is doing stuff with their babies. And I'm like, Well, I can't afford that. Or I can't do that. Or I'm too busy doing this, this, or this. So I can't do that. And so I would just I was just building the resentment and like for years, and kind of closing myself off to a lot of relationships because of this, this built up resentment that I had. And just always just feeling not good enough. Like, if I could just do this, then I'll feel good and then I can be then I can go hang out with them. Or if I just get this job done, then I can go be with my husband, I was always like, thinking if I just accomplished this one thing, then I can just that he could just be and feel so good and happy and calm and at peace inside. But I never felt that peace. 

 

Ellen Oates  23:31  

I only found that peace when I kept every day just doing a little bit of hard work, and learning to love myself. And like really, just loving myself has created new relationships for me in so many ways, because I feel like I'm more compassionate now to other people and empathetic because I know what it feels like to be on that side. And I don't want anybody else to feel like that. I don't want people to not like themselves. And so because I feel super happy with myself. I feel like I'm connecting more with other people.

 

Amber B  24:09  

Okay, so Atlas of the Heart is good but that everybody should read. And in there Brene Brown talks about how what we're really looking for is connection and belonging and how that's a core human need. And that a lot of these things that we do end up separating us from people and pushing people away. And so I find it so interesting that you're talking about these issues and struggles that you had with your worth and how it created a chasm between you and how it impacted the relationships that you had with other people. And when you were able to heal that part of yourself, it allowed you to be able to create those stronger relationships have that connection that we're seeking have that belonging that we are seeking. And I think it's such it's an eye-opening thing for a lot of people that they haven't maybe realized the cost of you sitting there hating yourself, you sitting there telling yourself all these you do terrible things that you would never say to your friend. But one of the costs of that is relationships and connection to other people. And I think when you can start to heal that and see the relationships flourish. I remember a really awesome coaching call with you because we had a couple. And one of them was about relationships. It was about your experience with other people, it was a little bit about some of those people-pleasing tendencies that a lot of people have about what other people think about you and kind of working through that. Do you remember that coaching call? And if so, what was that experience like for you? What were some of those “aha” you had?

 

Ellen Oates  25:35  

Oh, yes, that coaching call was huge for me, because that had been part of just being a happy-go-lucky person is not wanting confrontation in your life, like you just want everybody. And I truly thought that if I was nice that everybody should like me like I remember Amber saying to you.  You said to me, I said, you're like what would be like if people didn't like you? What if they met you? And they didn't like you? Like, well, then they just have to get to know me. And then they liked me. And you're like, well, that's still you thinking on them, like me, like not everybody's gonna like you. And like, I was like, what? Everyone's gonna like me like this. I was like a 32-year-old woman and I didn't realize that not everybody liked me. 

 

Ellen Oates  26:24

And it was exhausting trying to make everybody like me. I was like, I called myself a chameleon-like I would form to whatever situation I was in. And then because I was like a, I'm like a heartfelt person. So like, as you can notice, I've already cried on this call, this podcast, and many coaching calls have I cried on, but I connect with people. And part of that deep connection is what scares me because I was so self-deflated that I was having a hard time not picking myself apart with these deep connections. And so when I was in these conversations, people I like felt where they were coming from. I'm like, oh, yeah, like your point is valid. And so I wouldn't know how to communicate with them, because I didn't want any confrontation. And so I kind of just always agreed with them. But then I come home. And I know people can relate to this one. Because I've since realized, and I've said it to a lot of people like me, too. But that when you come home from a conversation, and you just pick apart the conversation, you just think about all the things that you said, you're like, crap, why did I say that? Why did I do that? I should have said this, I should have done this in like, just like, always doing that to like an extreme of just like tearing myself apart. And I'm like, wait, no, this is not. So that's why that built the chasm between me and other relationships also, like, well, if I just don't ever see anybody, if I'm just home and alone, that I don't have to worry about all the things that I'm getting wrong. But you have said this multiple times when you come from a place of service, everything works out. And when I am being a friend to others, and really deeply getting to know them and caring about them. It's all gonna work out there. My true nature will shine the people that are meant to be in my life will be in my life. And those that don't really connect with me or don't really like my cup of tea. It's okay. There'll be people for them too. And like, I have a neighbor, who I just don't click with at all, like, not at all. And everything, like everything we think and act and do, is just different. But I remember she posted something on Facebook and her husband wrote in the comments. I don't know how, but I married the coolest girl. And I was like, Oh, we all have our people. He thinks that she is the coolest girl ever. My husband, I don't think like that. But hey, I got my man who thinks I'm really cool. And I just that was but because I had done so much work. And I feel like every day I just do a little bit of something like that 20 minutes a day you always talk about because I'm always trying. I was able to see that before that would have kind of happened. That could have happened before in my life. But I wouldn't have been able to six I was so focused and all my negative stuff that like when you keep doing the work and you keep trying, you'll be ready for when those huge moments come those like aha moments that are meant for you, you'll be ready for them and you'll be able to embrace them and like have it be life-changing for you and make you a better person.

 

Amber B  29:38  

So good.  I think the thing that's so awesome to pull out is this idea of the chameleon because I know there are other people out there who kind of are the same thing like when you have such people-pleasing tendencies and want everybody to like you so bad. You do change yourself based on the situation, based on the people who are it because you want to be liked so bad. And the irony about that is that you cannot, you're doing that in order to create a connection with people, but you can never create a deep connection with people when you aren't being yourself. And so if you're trying so deeply to be able to get to know people, but you're not even showing your real person. So how can you ever create a real true meaning lasting connection? 

 

Amber B  30:18  

Brene Brown talks about how the near enemy of connection is control. And when you are a people pleaser when you're trying to get everybody like you're trying to control everybody. And you cannot create connections by controlling people. And that's really hard for a lot of people to let go of because we want to be liked. And we're human. And we want people to like us but when you can let go of that, and recognize that just like not everybody likes apples. Like, doesn't mean apples are bad or wrong, but like, not everybody likes apples. And when you can let go of it, then come back to that relationship, then you can really create a connection, then you can really create a deep lasting connection with somebody because now you're showing up as the real Ellen. And when you can like the real Ellen, you like her? Doesn't really matter if anybody else likes her, you can show up as the real her and people, some people like it, and some people won't. But you're always going to be okay. Because you like the real Ellen. 

 

Ellen Oates  31:14  

Exactly. 

 

Amber B  31:15  

It's beautiful.

 

Ellen Oates  31:16  

And we've also had a coaching call on that, and just letting things, just letting the wave take you, just being still and letting the wave ride you and then come up for air when the time is right, and just letting life happen.

 

Amber B  31:28  

Yeah, so good. So if somebody is listening to this, and they are feeling the emotion, come up in them as they're listening to your story because it can relate so much to them. And they're in that dark space of may be feeling like they're trying to please everybody else and they look in the mirror and they don't like what they see and they don't talk well to themselves. What would you say to them? What piece of advice could you give to that person?

 

Ellen Oates  31:59  

So I'm going to share kind of an analogy because I relate so much to your analogies. So last month, I ran a 5k. And as I mentioned earlier in the podcast I had not been able to run after my sixth baby because of sciatica, and just knee, knee aches. I ran ladies. I ran, I ran a 5k and I ran the whole thing. And just the whole time of running this 5k I just thought about life. And you guys are a lot farther on and in your journey than you think you are and you're doing a lot more good than you think you are. All those times where you're like thinking you're not good enough. If you just put all the pieces together that you've been doing. Like I just remember running and just thinking every single time that I stepped out my front door and practiced running. Every time that I lifted weights, every time that I just was such like I was just crying as I rang. So it was just like so I thought it was so broken but it was actually a lot less broken than I thought. I just needed to look at myself through a new lens and just see myself for all the good and wonderful things I was doing instead of all the negative and like all that, I can't even like call it bad stuff anymore. Because like nothing I've done is bad. All the things I've done have been really great and I you can only do as good as what you know. 

 

Ellen Oates  33:31  

There's that Maya Angelou quote, I'm not going to get it wrong. But it's like, ” Do what you can until you know better and once you know better do better”. So just like give yourself grace, give yourself love. Look at yourself and admire yourself for all of the wonderful, so many wonderful things about each of us. Like look at those and give yourself a pat on the back. Like you always say celebrate those wins. Even if you think they're tiny like so many people when you ask for wins are like oh mine little like, stop it. They're not little like they are amazing. Like they're you we are so much more amazing than we think we are and just like I think of myself just being able to create, the life that I have and the relationships that I have with the people that mean the most to me are just that's like the most important thing, especially with myself, like creating that love and relationship with myself and just guys I wear a two-piece swimming suit. I have lost zero weight, and I wear a two-piece swimming suit and rocked it and felt so good in my like in my own skin. And that's yeah, that's what I would have to say. 

 

Amber B  34:48  

That's huge. So good. Ellen, you're amazing. And I think everyone got to feel your heart and just your genuineness and that is one of the things that I admire most about you. I've loved you from day one in our coaching call, I love it when people are open and vulnerable and willing to share and I saw that desire in that fire in you to be able to change and to grow and your willingness to do that has been I know I can speak for a lot of people, especially in like beyond and your willingness to grow and to share that and to let us see that and let us in on that. It has been an amazing experience. So thanks so much for sharing your beauty on the podcast as well.

 

Ellen Oates  35:27  

Thank you, that means a lot.

 

Amber B  35:29  

Wasn't that amazing? Isn't Ellen amazing? She is phenomenal. And I'm just so proud of her and the work that she has done, and how it really has created this ripple effect in her life and in her relationships, and in her mothering, and in here you know, spousal relationship. I just, I think one of the things that people underestimate as you do this work and as you create this internal to external transformation is the parts of your life that it impacts. The ripple effect that this has on all the other areas and aspects of your life. And that is what is so powerful about changing your perspective, your perception of yourself is when you come from that place of worth, and your worth is innate. It isn't tied to anything that you do externally that you in and of yourself as a human being are 100% worthy from the day that you enter this earth to the day you die. When you really start to grasp that it changes everything. It changes every aspect of your life. And that is one of the greatest gifts that you can give to yourself. So I hope that you learned something. I hope that you took something away from this episode. With Ellen, it's one of my favorites. I love Ellen's story. So thanks for being here on the podcast. I'm Amber now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.

 

Outro

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