190: Letting Go of All Or Nothing Thinking with Kimberly Jamett [“I Did It” Series]

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio episode number 190.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife, and mom of four. Each week, my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.

 

Amber B  0:47  

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another Friday episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke. And today on the podcast, we are sharing the story of Kimberly Jamett, and Kimberly has some awesome things to be able to share with you. I'm really hoping that as you listen to these Friday episodes, that you really start to pull away some very practical and tangible tips from people who have been there. That's one of the goals, is when we can find people who have walked the road that we want to walk or others a little ahead of us on the journey. I love to ask those people questions about what it was like, what struggles that you had? How did you overcome these certain scenarios, and so that I can learn from them? And I can speed past that thing. You know that lesson a little bit faster with the tips and wisdom of someone who's been there and done that. And so Kimberly is going to share on the episode today about how she's been able to let go of all or nothing thinking and how she's been able to zero in and figure out what is going to work for her, both in terms of her fitness journey, and also in terms of her curly hair. And she says a really fun analogy about her curly hair that I think will really hammer home this point of being able to look at things like a scientist and experiment and try and figure out hey, that didn't work. Let me try something else that may work. And she says that analogy in the podcast. So without further ado, let's jump into the episode with Kimberly Jamett. 

 

Amber B  2:26 

I am so excited to welcome Kimberly to the podcast. Kimberly, how are you doing?

 

Kimberly  2:30  

I'm doing well.

 

Amber B  2:31  

I am excited to have you share your story. I know that the women who are listening are going to be able to get something out of it. So thank you so much for being here. First story for you is I want to know a little bit about you and specifically the period of time before you joined MACROS 101 and what were you struggling with at that point? What results did you want that you were able to create on your own journey?

 

Kimberly  2:54  

And well before MACROS 101 I have always been an active person. Like I enjoyed dancing and gymnastics in sports. When I was in school, I was in marching band and did a semester in college. And so if I wasn't doing that, then I would go for a walk or run over the stadium. So being active has never ever been the issue. I love the way my body feels once I've exercised, the nutrition area that's another subject. And so before I had found you, I was basically using exercise to try to balance what I was eating. And between my third and fourth kid, I did a nutrition program. I was only eating my food, I was only eating their prepackaged stuff for snacks. And I was able to also count my calories using a different app. And so I lost about 20 pounds. And I was like yeah, this is great. Then like a year later, I lost another 10 pounds, not using them just counting calories. And so my motivation and my focus was like, I'm going to get pregnant with my fourth kid, I want to be on top of things and be really healthy for him or her turns out to be him. And so that was the goal. And so it was easy for me to discipline myself to be like, Okay, I'm gonna work really hard, and we're gonna get my body ready. So I did that. And then we got pregnant. And I had him and we moved. And my husband got a new responsibility at church. And so it was all kind of like compiling and compressing. And so I was like, I'm just gonna be nice to my body and we're just gonna go for walks, and it's no pressure. And August of 2020 I was out for one of my walks. And I was looking for a new podcast because I was tired of the voice of the other person. And yours popped up and it said Biceps After Babies the title I was like, oh my goodness, exactly what I'm trying to do is show these biases that I think I have under there. And so I started listening. The first one was, I think it was episode two. And she had like, she said, Oh, I lost one pound 50 times. And I was like, Okay, I'm gonna do this. And so I got your free downloads for counting and just different things. And I started listening, then I joined MACROS 101 that fall. And I guess I was expecting things to just be like, you know. 

 

Amber B  5:26  

Magic, yeah. 

 

Kimberly  5:27  

Yes. And just like, I was gonna be in your group, and everything was just gonna melt away, and all my problems would be solved. And not to say that nothing changed at all. But that wasn't like, you know, we think that sometimes we're gonna do something, and it's just gonna happen. But I did learn that I don't have to do all of the things and be all the things and do all the things all the time. Because more, it's just more. I always felt like, you know, it's like right here on the tip of my tongue. Like, I just know it ,my husband be like, well, maybe we need to work harder. And he means that loving is way better here, like taking care of four kids. And yeah, why not do this to be strong and healthy? What do you mean, I have to work harder. He knew about macros, because he's been lifting and doing it for a couple of years. So he would, you know, mention that encouraged me a lot. But I was always like, I don't understand how you're supposed to calculate the numbers. And so I would ask other people when they would send me links to other websites, but your guide really helped me. But the mental aspect, I think, is always the biggest struggle and knowing that there were like coaches to listen that there were other women who would be in similar situations, it really helped me to know that I wasn't alone. And so that's kind of where I've been in the last, I guess, it's been a year and a half, almost two years in August. And so that's just kind of the beginning of the takeaways that I've had.

 

Amber B  6:53  

Yeah, yeah. That's so awesome. And you shared with me an analogy that I loved. I love this analogy of your curly hair. Are you willing to share that analogy with everyone?

 

Kimberly  7:04  

Sure. So I've had curly hair for a really long time, obviously. But after I had kids, it didn't really want to curl very well, especially like day two, or day three and curly hair drier. So you have to keep it moist and want to have that nice curl requires a little bit more effort. And so I found this method where you could use certain products that don't have harmful chemicals and things that would dry your hair out or put plastics on your hair, because some chemicals have their products. And so it was like, Well, I've learned and macros are one I can be a scientist, I can just go with, let's try this. If it doesn't work, we'll try something else. And it's okay. So I started doing that in October of 2020. And it's kind of taken me about a year and I completely changed my products. And there's all kinds of hair tools that you can use to help with your curling and plopping and crunch, ionic, all kinds of things. And so I've been learning about it at first, it can be extremely overwhelming, because it's a lot of information about your hair. But once you start doing one thing at a time, it really helps break it down, and you can figure out where you need to go. But here I was thinking about well, it's been about a year where I am. Oh, my curly hair journey. And I was like, Oh, well, I'm using the same products that were my shampoo, conditioner is different. But my jello, my mousse are the same, but I'm applying them differently. And I'm letting air dry instead of using a diffuser, nothing wrong with that, but that's just the new way that I'm doing it. And so it was just really funny all of a sudden to think like, well, there's MACROS 101 again, saying like, maybe you already have all the tools, you just got to apply them differently. And so that's, um, I remember you being like I love when people are able to apply the things they learned to other parts of their life. And I’m thinking, “Yes! My hair!”

 

Amber B  9:03  

My hair. Yeah. And you know, one of the things that we talk a lot about in MACROS 101 is this idea of being a scientist and really, you know, separating yourself from it emotionally and really just asking yourself, like, what's working? What isn't working? What can I tweak? What can I try? What's the next step like and just really looking at it like an experiment and then I, I love it, that you, I always love it when people take the concepts that we're talking about fitness and there are so many applications of that in other areas of your life, your hair being one of them. So this term macro scientists, I use it a lot. I throw it around a lot. You hear it a lot in MACROS 101 but obviously words can mean different things to different people. So if I said to you, what a macro scientist, like, what does that term mean to you?

 

Kimberly  9:49  

And I thought about that, and I feel like it means more. Really when I think of the scientist I think trial and error but I don't want to think trial and error. I want to think about more trial and learning. Because I'm like, that's one of the things I've learned. It's like, it's not that you failed, it's that you've learned a lesson. And so I've started trying to have that perspective on a lot of areas and say, like, oh, you're a loser, you failed at this. I'm just like, No, what did I learn from this experience? And so that's what kind of with my hair, it's like, well, something that I failed at was that I learned that that particular product weighs my hair down and that I don't get the curls that I want. And the same thing with my body, it's like, well, that exercise hurt some part of my body so I'm not going to do that one. And I adjust it, and I tweak it. And like you said, I can go from there and that's what has made it more enjoyable to know that I don't have to fit into this mold and do exactly the same thing that somebody else is doing that I can make it different and more enjoyable, and apply it to me my life, my situation, the things that I enjoy, that you did say one thing that reminded me, we did that archetype call. And my archetype is actually refined Kimberly. And so because I think it's a refinement, it's like, it's not that I have to say the same, and it's making me better, because I want to refine and purify and make it, you know, the gleaming diamond, whatever is under there. But it's the idea that you can adjust and you can make changes, and you can tweak it along the way. And so that's what I think in those moments where I'm just like, I've been doing this, and I'm not getting the results that I want, then I can say, well, what results am I getting? So say that and be like, Okay, that's still not what the results that I wanted, but I can change that I don't have to stay here, I don't have to eat this, or I don't have to do anything that lifts that. And so that has been helpful for me, in my moments of my low points, or my frustrations, I've just like refined that we can make a change, it's going to be okay.

 

Amber B  11:59  

I love that word refinement. That's such a good word is such a good way to describe it. And one of the things I think I love about the analogy of going back to the analogy of your hair, is that I think one of the hard parts with a lot of women and being a scientist when it comes to their body or losing weight is that for some reason, we've attached this like emotional connection to our body that if we try something and it doesn't work that it means something on a deeper level about us that we're not good enough, or whatever, we'll do it or we suck or whatever that emotional connection is. And I think when we think about our hair, a lot of us don't have quite the emotional connection, we really can innately be a little bit more of a scientist of like, I tried this product, it works for my friend, but it didn't really work for me. And that's okay, because my hair is a little bit different. It's fine. Like, when a product doesn't work for my hair, I don't go oh my gosh, I'm the worst. Like, I'm never gonna have the hair I want, right? We are able to be a little bit more scientific, a little bit more, less emotional. And what if you could be the same way about your body? Like, what if you could have that same scientific? Let's try it. Let's see what works. And if it doesn't work, doesn't mean you're terrible just means you tried something, and it didn't work. And sometimes we have to figure out what doesn't work before we can figure out what does. So there's a lot of reasons I love your analogy of the hair. But just that understanding that it doesn't have to be in this emotional attachment that many of us have developed with our bodies.

 

Kimberly  13:34  

Yeah, my mom is a hairdresser. So growing up, I could do whatever she was totally willing to, like do anything to my hair. And so we would learn like, the color red does not look good, or like good with my complexion. She'd be like, it's just hair, it'll grow back. It's just hair, we can put something on top of that until everything grows back out. And that reminded me of another coaching call where we came up with the #itsjustabody. So I do have to repeat that to myself on some days. Like it's just a body, like you're still doing what are you doing right now? I'm like, Okay, well, I am consistent with this. And I do enjoy these results in the way I feel. Because I live in East Texas, and it can be really hot one day and it can be really humid, or it can be really cold. And so I can walk out, it'll look great in the mirror in my bathroom. And then I walk outside and the weather's like nah, I don't think so. So I just throw it in punk toe and just go because I just don't have time to worry about that. And so I think yeah, it's just hair like it's just a body. And our bodies can do amazing things. And so it's helped me to go from thinking kind of putting my value on how I look and what the numbers say or whatever to what my body can do. And what am I doing right now, that pressure, I'm able to alleviate that pressure and those feelings.

 

Amber B  14:58  

That's so good. So having, you know, been on this journey for the last year and a half, as you look back, what do you see as the biggest area of growth for you? And for somebody listening like what prompted that growth? Or how did that growth happen to you? Because I think sometimes people can hear oh my gosh, like, she's been at this for a year and a half, like, that's terrible. And helping people to kind of reframe that and understand that this is an ever developing process that isn't just like a once and done. So what has been the biggest area of growth that you've seen in yourself, when you look back over the past year and a half?

 

Kimberly  15:42  

I just think you don't have to do. And this goes to extremes. But you don't have to have all of it. Like, when I first started MACROS 101, I cut down a ready with fat free can in one day, and I would easily do that. For months on end, it was like, Oh, the kids are driving me crazy, you know, go squirt some in my mouth time for figel. And when I started, you know, started weighing and calculating I was like, well, maybe that's a little too many carbs only fat but that's when your carbs. And so it was like am I going to survive without having an entire can in a day. And I learned that I didn't have to have this entire can. Oh, it sounds so silly. And people don't like, Oh my sources but I was. And so now I realize like you don't have to have, you don't have to hold on to something where you're like, I feel like I would hold on to something, I was afraid to let go of it. Because what would happen if I let go, you know, and I didn't let go of it completely, I just only have it once a day. And that's it. And even if it's not the entire can, I can just put a little bit on there. And at the same time, it's like, I don't have to lose all the weight right now. Or I don't have to lift all the 200 pounds that I want to get on my back squat right now like you build up to it, like you create a foundation. And you add to it, and you just keep going and keep going. So I think the biggest change is just knowing that it doesn't have to be all or nothing like I have that tendency. And I used to be really proud of that. Because I was like, yeah, go bigger, go home, get at it, pile it on, I'm here. And as I add more people to care for my life, particularly my children, it's like, I'm just not mentally equipped, emotionally equipped to do all of that right now. And so some things are just on the back burner temporarily. Well, I focus on them. And other things are staying in the front. But it helped me to balance that out and just be like, you don't have to do it all, you can choose what's most important right now. And then when that's no longer important, or you reach a goal, you accomplish it, you can focus on your next thing. And that's what's really, my biggest change is just like, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. It can be just a little bit, or right in the middle until something else balances up.

 

Amber B  18:03  

Yeah. And what do you think helped you because all or nothing thinking is incredibly common. It's something that a lot of women struggle with and have to get over, and move past in order to continue to make progress. So what if someone's sitting here listening being like, Yeah, I notice that in myself, too. I tend to default to all or nothing thinking all the time, what advice would you have for that person to start to move beyond that?

 

Kimberly  18:29  

I would say just try a little bit of something new, maybe it's a half of the amount of something you're eating or drinking, or maybe it's starting five minutes of moving your body or reading or whatever it is that you're wanting to accomplish. But instead of making this ginormous goal that you feel that you also have to compress and put into a short amount of time to say I'm just gonna try doing a little bit right now and see how I feel. And not to put that pressure that it's the end of the world if you do make a change. And also that you're a failure. If you do make a change, like just to say, Okay, I'm going to try a little bit and go from there. Because I think sometimes our brains kind of do the primitive brain, we freak out and it's like death, you know, all these red alarms are going off inside. But if we just take it just a small chunk at a time, then it's a lot easier and you realize, you know what, I'm okay, I'm still here, at the end of the day, only had 30 grams of ready whip instead of 185 grams or whatever it was, and I'm satisfied and I'm okay. And so then the next day try it again. That's just one of those things that's hard to win. I still struggle with it sometimes but I really want a really big goal, but want it really fast and want to learn how to break it down, in order to reach it, kind of like today's episode on your goals podcast I listened to. And so just saying, Okay, I don't have to know how I'm going to do it. Or when I'm going to do I just know, I'm going to take little bitty steps towards reaching that. And that has helped me, because it's like, I'm not going to get that 200 pound back squat, but just plop it in there and put 200 pounds in, I wouldn't be able to walk. I’d have to bail. I'm getting there. So I'm at 165. And I'm like, alright, this exciting like, Oh, so, like, each week, I'm adding 5 pounds aren't, like, I'm really excited. And I like seeing the little steps in the progress and the little steps. It makes it more exciting. And my husband would be like, Oh, what did you do today? And I'll tell him, Oh, that's great. Now, he could do, you know, 200 and something and 307 with all of his numbers, but I'm just excited to get what I can get. So–

 

Amber B  21:00  

That's amazing. Oh, so good. So good. Kimberly. Thank you. Thanks so much. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about all or nothing. I love the word refinement, I might steal that and use that word. I think that's such a great, great, great word. And you know, of course, your curly hair analogy. I think that just is such a fabulous analogy. So thank you so much for coming on and sharing your thoughts and experience with our audience.

 

Kimberly  21:24  

Oh, there is one more thing. 

 

Amber B  21:25  

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Add it!

 

Kimberly  21:26  

And that ‘s like, what is the level of effort for maintaining my hair because I think that part of it was do I want to spend all the time and finger curl my hair and use the special brush and do all these things? I was like, You know what, I need something that's simple, my hair still looks decent, you can tell this curly and that it's not, you know, like, on the day of coronation, she wakes up and it looks crazy. And so that was one of the things and you know, it looks totally different than what I thought it was gonna look like. But I actually like it. And I'm fine with that. And, and all aspects. But I’ll ask my hustband, what do you think of it? And he’ll be like.. meh.. Well… and I’m like, well I like it. And it's my hair. And I'm the one who has to wear it and maintain it. So it's kind of the same thing where your body, what's the level of maintenance that you really want to put forth? And like, do you have to exert yourself so much that you're stressed? Or can you just be like, You know what, it doesn't look exactly what I wanted. But I'm actually fine with that so…

 

Amber B  22:25  

Yeah. Because that's the level of effort that I'm willing to put into it.

 

Kimberly  22:28  

Exactly.

 

Amber B  22:28  

Yeah. That's so good. So good. Well, thank you so much, Kimberly, for being with us today and sharing your story.

 

Kimberly  22:34  

Thank you. It's exciting,

 

Amber B  22:36  

I hope that you were able to take something away from the episode with Kimberly. I loved her word of refinement, that's when I really want to steal and use because I think that's such a great word to describe this process. It is a refinement process. And just like when you're refining something like diamonds, it doesn't mean it's an easy process. Refinement isn't innately easy, but it also means that it's worth it. And I think when I think about refinement, and what that means for me and who I want to become in the future. It paints such a beautiful picture of the fact that this, this journey is hard and worth it.

 

Amber B  23:14 

If you're tired of your only tool for transformation being restriction and deprivation and cutting out food groups, and you want to be someone who can look in the mirror and actually see a visible transformation… And let's face it, if you're like me, you aren't willing to cut out sugar in order to get there, then macro counting is a tool that is missing from your tool belt. But just like any tool, a hammer, a saw, the tool is really only as effective as the person who is wielding the tool makes it. And what I see time and time again, are women who start using the tool of macro counting, without really understanding how to set or adjust their macros. And of course, this leads to lackluster results. That leads to them getting frustrated with the process and scrolling through Instagram just feeling defeated because they see that macro counting works for other women. So they think why the heck does it not work for me? And then getting to this place where maybe you say something silly like Well, I tried macro counting, and it doesn't work. Which is exactly like letting go of a helium balloon and watching it float away and saying, Well, I guess gravity just doesn't work. No friend to science is science, gravity is working just like it should on that balloon. And you just don't quite understand the nuances of gravity, right? And it's the same thing with macro counting. The question is not does macro counting work? Because macro counting is just basic science. The question is, how can I wield that scientific principle? How can I wield that tool of macro counting to get better results? How can I use that tool for my specific unique situation? And that's what I teach my clients inside of Confidence In Your Numbers. 

 

Amber B  24:48

I created Confidence In Your Numbers because I saw a glaring hole in the market. Too many women rely on expensive coaches to set and adjust their macros for. Now, I get it, most coaches want you to pay them. And then in exchange, they'll set your macros for you. And then if you want to pay them more money, they'll, you know, “coach you” and they'll adjust your macros for you week to week. But of course, they're actually not going to teach you how to do that yourself. Because why? Well, it's simple, because they want to keep getting paid. That's their business model, which I totally get. And that's fine. It benefits them to make adjusting your macros and setting your macros feel as complicated as possible. But it's really not that complicated. And, well, that's not my business model. I don't want to set your macros for you, I don't really want you to keep paying me to have me adjust them for you. I would rather teach you how to do it yourself. So that you don't have to keep paying someone every month to do something that's simple enough for you to do on your own. It's kind of like that, say, if you give a woman a fish to eat for a day, teach women how to eat fish for a lifetime. So the question is, do you want to be the woman who gets given a fish? And then you're left to metaphorically starve when you stop paying for the fish? Or do you want to be the woman who learns how to fish so that you can keep snagging them for free without having to rely on someone else to feed you? If you're like me, you're the type of woman who wants to learn how to fish. And if so Confidence In Your Numbers is for you. 

 

Amber B  26:14

Confidence In Your Numbers is a Live Masterclass where I teach you how to set your macros for your unique body, and I teach you how to adjust them over time. Because here's a second common mistake I see a lot of women making when they start counting macros: They set their macros and they're like, oh, success is just as easy as following these numbers to the finish line. Which is kind of like saying you can drive around the world in a single vehicle. Right? Like, stay with me on this metaphor. So sure, driving across the United States is great. So a car is great for that part of the journey, but then you're gonna hit the Atlantic Ocean, and you cannot keep driving that car any further, you have to get into a new vehicle onto a boat or a plane to keep going. And the same thing applies to your macros. If you just set your macros once and you keep following them, you're going to plateau, you're going to hit the Atlantic Ocean, and you're gonna get frustrated, because what you're doing worked for a while but then stops working. And then you're like most you get frustrated, and you quit. And then you'll really not see results because quitting is the only way to guarantee that you don't see results. So just like you have to swap out your vehicle based on the terrain. If you want to avoid plateauing in your journey and getting frustrated and quitting, you're going to need to adjust your macros, which for some people can feel really complex. And again, that's what most coaches want you to believe because well then you'll pay them to do it. But I'm not that type of coach, which is why in Confidence In Your Numbers, I've simplified the adjusting process into something that anybody can learn that allows you to skip the overpriced coach, accelerate your results and keep that hard earned money in your own pocket. 

 

Amber B  27:45

So if you want to learn to set and adjust your own macros Come join me for my Live Paid Masterclass on March 2. You can always purchase the replay of this class (If you go to my website, you can buy Confidence In Your Numbers for $199). But because I'll be delivering this class Live, which is always more fun anyway, if you join Confidence In Your Numbers before March 2, you'll get all the secrets and about setting and adjusting your macros for only $99. And because Confidence In Your Numbers is the perfect step to take now in order to prime you for my signature program MACROS 101 we’ll also do something really special. We allow you to apply the investment you make into Confidence In Your Numbers. We allow you to apply the $99 you make into Confidence In Your Numbers into MACROS 101 which means if you're listening to this and you plan to join us in MACROS 101 at the end of March. Joining Confidence In Your Numbers is essentially free because the investment you make will be applied towards your MACROS 101 enrollment, which is super cool. And it also means that you get to get started right now. So if you're ready to finally snap that “after” picture that you've always wanted, come and join my Live Paid Masterclass Confidence In Your Numbers, you're going to walk away with all those secrets that most coaches won't share about how to set and adjust your own macros. To sign up, go to bicepsafterbabies.com/confidence to get registered for class and I'll see you on March 2. That's bicepsafterbabies.com/confidence. 

 

Amber B  29:18

That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything. 

 

Outro

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