318: How To Start Trusting Yourself Around Food

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 318.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey, hey, hey! Welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, and today's episode is a little bit different. When you go through MACROS 101, after you finish MACROS 101, you have the option to come and join our Biceps After Babies Coaching Community. This is a community of women who are continuing on their journey and want support and coaching and help in that process. And so we have coaching calls with these clients and because they've already done MACROS 101, they're a little bit deeper into the process. We get to go a little bit deeper with their mindset, with the coaching and with the content that I kind of bring to them and present and so, that's super fun for me and and for the group.  

Coaching journey towards food trust 01:31 

And so we just had a coaching call this last week and had a really great conversation at the beginning of the coaching call that I thought would be really fun to bring, come and bring and put on the podcast. And it was, I kind of presented these three phases, which I talk about often in our Coaching Community, these three phases. And as you listen, you'll likely be able to kind of identify. Oh, I'm currently in the disorganized space, or I'm in the control phase, or I'm in the trust phase. Those are the three phases that I talk about and you know, my goal is to get all of my clients to the trust phase. And, you know, macros can be a way station, macros can be a, a bridge that helps people go from feeling out of control with food, feeling like feel food controls them feeling very emotional about food and feeling like there's a lot of morality and good and bad, tight about food. Macros can be a really great bridge to helping you get out of that organized phase and feel a lot more in control with yourself, with your body, with your food, and that is a really great feeling for a lot of people. But I'm always really clear to point out that that is a way station, it is not the end destination that I want for all of my clients. The end destination that I want for my clients is to get to a place of trust, a place where you can trust yourself, where you can trust your body, where you can trust the food that you're eating, and you can trust yourself to make really good decisions around food, and that it doesn't have to be this hyper focused, hyper control, but we can get to this area of trust and that takes time, you know, like I can teach someone macros and get them to a place and feeling more in control with their food and with their body fairly quickly inside of MACROS 101.  

Coaching journey towards empowerment 03:04 

With that transition from, you know, feeling in control to a, to a trust can be a longer process. And so again that that's getting to phase three is a is a lot more of what like we work on in that in our Coaching Community after MACROS 101. So anyway I I brought this concept to our community and to the coaching call and we had a really good conversation about the difference between control and trust, and I thought, man, this would be such a good topic to kind of bring to the podcast because I think as you listen again, you'll be able to identify currently which phase you are and you can kind of see, hey, what's the next phase that I can be working towards to be able to continue to further my journey and improve my relationship with food and my relationship with myself at the end of the day, a lot of what I'm doing is is, you know, teaching around food and around macros. But at the end of the day, a lot of it is improving that relationship with ourselves and developing that trust with ourself and being able to step into a place of ownership and empowerment in our own lives. And that's really what gets me fired up. And what I love to help women do. So without further ado, let's jump into this conversation about the difference between control and trust.  

Coaching Call Introduction 04:17 

All right, welcome, welcome to today's coaching call. Happy Valentine's Day! I just realized I like am not at all Valentine's deck to help. I thought I would have time this morning and then our doctor called in a prescription for my son and I like spent way more time than I wanted to at the pharmacy this morning. So little behind on what I thought I would be able to accomplish this morning and thinking about Valentine's Day and like dressing in red was not on. Not on that. So I hope that you guys have a good Valentine's Day, though. It's good to be here with you. Before we dive into coaching, I've just been thinking about a couple of things and I just thought we kind of rift for a little bit, I'm curious in hearing some of your guys' wisdom on this topic. So, one of the things that I have talked about on calls before that I'm really trying to flush out a little bit more and figure out ways to help clients make their way through these phases are the three phases that I talk about a lot. Most of you are at least on phase two and some of you are on phase three. So let me back up. What I'm talking about is the three phases of kind of like disorganization, control and trust, and you may have heard me talk about these, these phases before. But I a lot of clients come to me in like this disorganization phase, like a stage one phase where they're coming. And they feel very out of control with the food. They feel very out of control with their body. There is often this belief that my body is broken. My body doesn't work. I can't figure anything out. Everything I tried doesn't work like I can't stick to anything. I can't control my food and it's this very, like, disorganized feeling.  

Assessing audience alignment 06:08 

And I feel like many of you have been able to move and maybe some of you, I'm actually curious how many of you felt, feel like before you came into MACROS 101, that's where you were at, like put, put a one in the chat if you can relate to that. That feeling is that you, it may not be you and that's OK. I'm just curious for those of you listening, do you feel like you started in that like disorganized? I don't know what's working like I can't. I can't have it. I don't have any control of my food. I just kind of eat and there's no, you know, organization to it. Some of you guys can relate to that and then I feel like there is a transition that happens where we can help clients to move from that feeling. It's like a disempowered feeling to this feeling of finally having some control in their life. And it's this feeling of I can make a plan and stick to it at least. Some of the time. It's this feeling of, I understand the food that I'm putting in my body, that I'm more familiar with it. It's this feeling of I have, you know, some control with what I'm eating. Like I'm making some in at least some intentional choices when it comes to I'm going to eat that. I'm not going to eat that. I feel like a lot of clients spend quite a bit of time in this phase and many of you may feel like you're still in this phase too, where you're sometimes you feel in control and sometimes you still slip into that like disorder feeling out of control. How do you guys feel like put a two in the chat if you feel like you're in this phase where it's like sometimes I have this feeling of control and other times I still feel that like out of control like I'm maybe I'm not making intentional choices doing I like it stampin up to two.  

Yeah. So I would say, yeah, many of you may feel like you're in this stage and there's a lot of work to be done in this stage of stripping away judgment that comes with a lot of the food narratives that we have around our food of getting into that place, of making an active decision instead of a passive one. I think that's a really powerful pattern that a lot of people. Yes, Sarah, that's a really good way to describe it, white knuckle control. I think that is can be a way that we can feel that control it's like a it's a. It's a feeling of control at some points, but there's there's still an out of a feeling of out of control at the same time, it's like you're white knuckling it sometimes. Not all the time, but maybe sometimes. OK, great.

So then what is a stage 3? So to me, a stage 3. And this is where I am like pushing and working to get my clients to is this place and this feeling of trust. So then what the question becomes like. What is the difference between control and trust? And I want to pose that as a question to you and I actually want to like start a little bit of a dialogue and a conversation. And so I want you to think about that that question I just asked. And then if you if you want to like raise your hand and let's like, have a discussion about it. What do you see as the difference between control and trust? Who has any thoughts? Jordan? 

Jordan 09:18 

Yeah. OK. So it's funny because I feel like I have. I it's kind of like I don't have a complete difference but like. For instance, if there’s, if I have healthy things in my home, I trust that I will eat them and like I have, I feel like I can trust that. But like over the holidays, when people would bring me a plate of cookies, I then have no I feel like then I have to use control but honestly, don't have much control. So I'm but like I have that difference for like yeah, I trust, I trust how I eat. I trust my body, but then I can get thrown that thing where like. 

Amber B 10:00 

OK, good. Can I ask you a question about this?  

Jordan 10:03 

Yeah, for sure. 

Amber B 10:05 

What do you feel is the qualitative difference in your experience with the healthy food that you trust yourself to eat and when somebody drops off food and you don't look qualitatively, what is that experience and how is it different? 

Jordan 10:18 

Well, I think for me like I can be very, it feels still maybe more like control, but like for instance yesterday I could have gotten to pick up a prescription, but I'm like if I go there, it's right next to the place where I love those cookies. And today I'll probably go buy the cookies. So I'm just going to get the prescription tomorrow. So I feel like I'm still on that edge, but I'd say the qualitative difference is I can trust myself like I trusted my intuition to say, yeah, I'm not going to go there today because I don't quite have that control today, but from yesterday, but hopefully today I will you know. And so they don't. I know there's a difference. I'm not totally in the trust yet but whereas if somebody just brings it to me and I'm not. I haven't prepared. So when I planned and I follow plan, I trust myself. 

Amber B 11:07 

Yes, OK. I I think you landed on something that's really valuable to kind of for you guys to think about is I, I do think this is a stepping stone is there is an element of like, I feel like trust in uncertain situations is a higher level than maybe trust in a plan situation, and I think many of us can get to that place of trust in a very controlled plan situation and that's a good stepping stone. And if you can kind of say, yeah, I'm I'm kind of shared and it's like if it's controlled, if it's plan, I trust myself and it then that next phase that next level is like trust in an unplanned situation and that maybe is a little bit harder.  

Jordan 11:45 

Yeah.  

Amber B 11:46 

Good. Lauren and then Sarah. 

Lauren 11:53 

Hello. OK, so I'm making lunch, but I kind of would land. So me where I find the difference between control and trust is when I think of trust, my first instinct is not having to plan in MacrosFirst. Like I can wake up, I can know, even though I eat the same breakfast every single day. I don't have to go to MacrosFirst and look at it and say oh, I want a snack. What can I fit in? It's more of like these food items that I have in my pantry fit. And but not using the word fit, you know what I mean like it's just natural, but also the ability to eat out as well. So like for Valentine's Day, for example, I don't have to wake up and say, oh, well, let's make this for dinner, because if I go out to eat. Then I have to plant maybe I have to add not have yolks with my breakfast in the morning. That would be like how I would define like trust and then kind of like what previously you said same thing is like. It's all on the work plan to me. If I don't have the plan, then I'm in a feeling of. 

Amber B 13:00 

Yeah. Yeah. So maybe control is around a plan and you said the word natural when you said trust. There's like a natural aspect to it. 

Lauren 13:11 

Yeah, like I don't have to take a second step back or pause in any way. It's just instinct. And I open up the fridge. I don't have to look at every single food group. Imagine. What? You know, fat carbs are within that. And then go make decision. 

Amber B 13:26 

That's good. OK, cool. Thanks. Sarah. 

Sarah 13:32 

Mine's kind of different I or I guess in a lot of ways. It's very similar. I do not struggle with the food or eating part of it at all right now. So in that way I feel like I'm very much in the three zone. I have no problem with people having stuff around or I say, oh, I went off plan and that was OK. And I can get right back on board. No problem so, but I think it's minus like. Well, I've worked so hard on the food and tracking for so long now. It's so like, what do I do with how to, like, go beyond that? The fitness like, how do I trust when I'm tired? What day is the right day to take a day off entirely? Or it's the right day to switch? And go for a walk. Or not lift weights or so like that's again, it's the plan versus the trust, the white knuckle control like you don't take any days off ever, because then it's just a slippery, you know, you you have to press play at all times. So I feel like in a lot of ways it is the same thing. It is the plan versus trust. Like I can trust myself to know what I need today. And at this time so. And I guess too because I'm looking at my macros as I change them and not switch them around like yeah, the trust like my percentages of how many fats versus carbs versus protein. So again, it's like I want someone to just tell me where I should be and what my things are because it's new and these changes are new. So it's like, you know, every time you have to stretch outside your bubble, you have to be learn to grow that much again. So it is very much like the right knuckle control versus just trusting that it'll be OK. 

Amber B 15:14 

I'm curious, so I think I think we all can label areas of our life where we feel like we have developed trust. Can you all think of an area of your life where you have developed trust and maybe it's getting dressed and like matching clothes, you know, like that there's an area like maybe it's you go to the bathroom and you trust yourself to go to the bathroom when you need to go to the bathroom. Right? Like like there is somewhere in your life that you likely have developed some aspect of trust with yourself and Sarah, you kind of mentioned that maybe in the free realm that's for you. You feel like you have that trust. I'm curious, are there any things that you can label or experiences or ways that you've been able to get to that feeling of trust that you could apply in an area that maybe you're working on developing that trust? 

Sarah 16:04

Okay. Yeah, I feel like it's going to have to be giving myself permission to do trial and error and to find it out and like to believe that I'm at the spot. You know, I've, I've done this, I've, I've weighed my, I've done macros with you now, I want to say for a year. And so I wanna like I've done the weighing, the tracking and all of that and I can see that these are like where my boundaries are and I I know where my rails are. So the food I can do that and I think that that's learning how to establish that same sort of thing in other areas. So yes, I aim for this many steps a day. But realistically given my autoimmune disease or these different things, maybe mine isn't going to look the same. And so it's like giving myself permission to maybe go use the same parameters, but personalize them for what is, what's going to be fit, best for me. Not everyone is a home schooling Mom. Not everyone has a job, you know, like there's we all have so many different parameters. So how do we learn to establish our own and then to trust those? And to honor what our body is telling us we really need.

Amber B 17:19 

Yeah, yeah. You said a really important word and you said the word believe and I think to bridge cause cause my my mind is working on how do I help more clients bridge from a feeling of control to a feeling of trust that's as a coach. That's that's my brain and how I'm working. And I I think that that bridge, I think we want to build a really nice easy bridge where we can just take these really easy steps that aren't scary and we can bridge and we can go from control to trust. And yet I think there is an element of faith in making the leap, I think it's almost like a little bit like a trust fall where at some point we have to let go a little bit and have a little bit of faith that we've developed the skills to catch ourselves and and this is where I think there's nothing wrong with a stage two. I think it is a progression that we all of us need to go through and that the stage 2. We learn a lot like this. There's nothing wrong with planning, right? There's nothing wrong with having routines. There's nothing wrong with that that is developing that skill. And yet at some point there's a little bit of a having to have a little faith and letting go of saying I've developed the skills and now I and now I'm going to put into practice. And so I love that you use that word, believe, Sarah, because I think that can be the hardest thing. Like the letting go can be the hardest thing. And there's a little bit of faith. There's a little bit of belief that has to be behind it for us to have that willingness to let go of that hyper focus on control. And and go into that next stage of trust. 

Sarah 18:58 

Yeah, yeah. I think it also comes like with having a long term picture that you know the life's going to have curveballs. We're going to have lots of unexpected events. And so allowing for those having that long term picture like well, my weight has whatever reason it's gone up. That doesn't mean I've gained and. It's bad but. That like this? OK, so I'm going to give myself this week to normalize again and I think that's been one of the biggest parts in getting out of the food stuck in level 2 for the food is this big long term vision of what you know, this is something that can I sustain this for the rest of my life and still feel at home in my body. So. I think that was the big thing. 

Amber B 19:41 

That’s really good. Angela, did you have something to add? 

Angela 19:47 

Well, you know, my question was this week to you was directly about this exact topic. It's sort of. It's it's a false sense of security, right? Being able to count your macros and work your macros and all of that, which is lovely and wonderful. And you can get results of it and you can meal prep all you want and work the system, so to speak, right. But then. Where's the flexibility in it? If you're in it? If you are unable to be flexible, and do you really trust yourself? 

Amber B 20:24 

That's right. That's right. That's exactly right. 

Angela 20:25 

And and that's really the question, which is where macros of course can work for you because it can allow that flexibility. But are you willing to go to to level up, so to speak, and be able to really work the system. 

Amber B 20:44 

That's exactly it. Yes, I love this the the. I love that you said control gives us a false sense of security and I think in the comments you know Pam says control feels like a white luck buckling. And Darla said, well, like control feels like rules to follow. So it's a little bit of a false sense of security. Again, I think it is more secure than the disorganized phase that a lot of people come from. 

Angela 21:09 

It's a lot like parenting. And so as as your kids get older. 

Amber B 21:13 

Yes.  

Angela 21:14 

You know when our kids are young, you know, you are managing everything for them and you don't want them to stick their finger in a light socket because of course. You know, there would be a detrimental effect there as they get older, you're of course worried about other things and it is a sort of false sense of security in some ways of being able to control all these aspects of their life, I think. That is a great. It is really a great parallel there. 

Amber B 21:47 

And some parents never get out of that trying to control their children. Right, that that is and that because of the problem, if you if we have parents who are overbearing and trying to always control their children, especially into that adult phase. But there is this like letting go and trusting that what you've done as a parent and the foundations you've laid that, that child can take and run with them. And that again it is that letting go and that stepping into that place of trust. So you know, I open up this conversation not because we're going to solve it or we're going to fix it or you're going to figure it out on this call. But what I want you to do is I want you to start thinking about that. I think it could be very helpful to, first of all, place our ourselves in a stage, am I stage one and stage two and stage 3. And then asking ourselves, what is? What would need to happen for me to move to the next stage? What's preventing me from moving to the next stage? And usually, especially moving from a stage 2 to a stage 3, the question usually needs to be what do I need to let go of to move to a stage 3.  

Progression from Stage 1 to Stage 3 22:51 

And that's ironic because moving from stage 1 to stage 2 is often about adding behaviors and about doing things differently and moving from a stage 2 to a stage 3 is a lot of times about letting go. That's where the element of faith comes in. The element of belief, the element of I've, I've trained myself to this point. So what do I need to let go of to start to progress towards that next stage? And so that's the question I want you guys to be thinking of and mulling over. And if you want some coaching on it, we're happy to, you know, dig in a little deeper with this. But it's just been something I've been thinking about. So I'm like, let's bring it to the call and let's chat about it a little bit on the call because I think it's it is making sure that we're continuing to keep the end destination in view. The end destination in view is not for you to be hyper fixated. Like Angela said, it's not to be hyper fixated, hyper controlled super rigid, super rule oriented and driven like that's not the end goal. That's maybe a way station, but the end goal is to ultimately get to the place where you trust yourself, where you can make decisions on the fly, where it doesn't have to be planned for you to feel successful, and that's where I'm hoping and working to be able to get you guys and hopefully hearing from some of your community members. Gives you some things to think about on that same vein as well.  

Moving towards trust and self-confidence 24:12 

I hope that was thought provoking and that maybe you are seeing things in a different light and have an idea of maybe what some of the next steps are that can move you forward to that place of either control as a way station or a place of trust with yourself and with your body, because that's ultimately the place that I want to be able to get everybody who works with me is to be able to really trust themselves. That is the name of the game. We don't want to hyper control everything for the rest of our lives, it is about developing that trust. And like I said, control can be a way station. Macros and counting macros is a really great way to get out of the disorganized phase. And then we have to get into that phase of trust and a lot of that comes down to the coaching aspect that we do is how we, how we get those clients to phase over into really starting to trust themselves to own their decisions and to know that they can make good decisions in whatever circumstance they find themselves in.  

Free five-day challenge 25:11 

This, my friends, is the work. I can teach you about macros. I can teach you about reverse dieting. I can teach you all the education, science-y stuff and that's part of the process. But really when we start to dig into it and we start to get into the coaching and we start to get into how you're making decisions and how you're thinking about things, this is where the rubber meets the road and transformation really takes place. It's the things that I love to talk about. And it's the things that you can expect if you come join me in the free five-day challenge starting next Monday. So, if you haven't yet go to bicepsafterbabies.com/challenge. And if you liked this kind of topic and talking about the things that are really going to make macro counting stick, that's really going to help you to make that transition to feeling better in your clothes, better in your body, more control and trust with yourself. That's the kind of stuff we're going to talk about during the challenge. So, we start on Monday, February 26th. Go to bicepsafterbabies.com/challenge and you can get yourself registered and I will see you there. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber, now go out and be strong because remember, my friend, you can't do anything.  

Outro

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