294: “How Do I Let Go Of Tracking My Food And Learn To Trust Myself?” | Live Coaching Session

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 294.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey, hey, hey! Welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke. And today I'm bringing you another Coaching Call conversation. These are conversations that we have either on in MACROS 101 or in our continued coaching program Beyond MACROS 101 where I do all of my group coaching. And in those programs you have the opportunity to be able to come on what we call a Hot Seat where you're able to ask a question and we have a back-and-forth conversation and we get to the root of whatever it is you're struggling with or whatever is keeping you stuck. And it's one of my favorite things that I get to do with coaching because, so we can get so deep with the back-and-forth conversation and work so many things out that are really start to create that transformation for clients. And then the other reason I love these conversations is because it allows anybody who's listening in, anybody who is a client on that call, or sometimes I bring these on to the podcast. It allows you to be able to listen to somebody get coached and receive a ton of value and some, like, secondary coaching yourself because you'll hear as I ask these questions to Jodi, these are great questions that you can start to ask yourself and maybe dive a little deeper and see things that maybe you're struggling with that, maybe you hadn't been able to put your finger on just yet.  

I also love to bring these conversations onto the podcast because I think it is sometimes really hard for me to describe what it's like to get coached inside of our coaching programs and it's hard for me to talk about it and really tell someone what the difference is and I don't know about you, but I remember growing up, my teacher would always say show, not tell, like my English teacher is like show, not tell when you're writing and I think it's the same thing here as like instead of telling you that my coaching is different and telling, trying to talk to you about what the differences are, I can just show you what the differences are as you listen to this Coaching Call and so the question that Jodi came on the Coaching Call and asked was such a good one because I know that a lot of people struggle with this and that is taking a tool too far. You'll hear me say to Jodi, the dose determines the poison or the dose creates the poison and it's this idea that things that are good in our life or tools that are good in our life when taken to an extreme or when done too much, become harmful and not good. And I see that sometimes with tracking where people become a little bit disordered with tracking or they become a little compulsive or obsessive with this idea of control and tracking and it starts to take over their life.  

And as I make the point in the coaching conversation, you'll hear me say this. It doesn't mean that tracking is inherently bad, or that nobody should do it, or that it's the devil or anything like that. But it does mean that it is a tool that we have to be mindful of how we are using that tool. And if you find yourself going to too extreme with a tool, we need to be aware of that and we need to you know, take steps to be able to make sure that that is a tool, that it is continuing to serve us, not us serving a tool. And so I wanted to put this on, have this conversation on the podcast because I know there are people out here who struggle with this as well. Going to extreme of wanting to transition away from tracking or wanting to get to that place where they're able to really trust themselves and they don't have to log or weigh everything. This is always my goal with my clients. I want them to get to the place where you're able to, I talk about it again in the area in the coaching question by this place of what I call informed eating, where you're taking what you've learned from tracking. You're also taking information from your body, what you want your hunger and fullness cues, and being able to marry those together to find a really happy medium. And it is possible. And I think listening to this coaching conversation, you're going to get some great ideas and some great tips about moving in that direction and about what it can look like to go from control to trust, which is the Level 3 that you'll hear me talk about, so without further ado. Let's jump into the coaching conversation with Jodi. 

Jodi 04:57 

Hi.  

Amber B 04:58 

Hi, Jodi.  

Jodi 04:59 

Hi, it's the first time I've ever been on. It's scarier than I thought.  

Amber B 05:04 

You're going to do great.  

Jodi 05:05 

OK, well, I have the opposite problem of most people. I am really good at restriction. I always track. I never miss a day. I weigh my food, I weigh myself. I fill in every blank and perfectionism is always right at my door, so this is the last week of my cut, I’m starting my reverse on Monday and it really terrifies me. I'm starting a week earlier than I originally planned and I'm doing that because I'm going to be in Denmark and Switzerland for three weeks in August. And I wanted to be as close to maintenance as I could, so my FEED plan’s ready. I want to just enjoy being with my husband and enjoy the culture and I'm just so excited to do that and I've written the FEED plan. I've listened, I've written other ones. I mean I'm pretty over the top at tracking and I feel like I need to just relax and enjoy life and I cannot let go. I can't. I can't let go of this streaking myself and I don't like that about myself. I mean, if I say OK, I'm going to run 3 miles today, it doesn't matter how I feel or what I'm doing, I will make myself do 3 miles and anyone who's with me. My friends tease me all the time. Is this going to be a long because I say no, we said we're going to do this, we're going to do it and I just feel like I'm feeling a little unhealthy. 

Amber B 06:36 

Sure. Yeah. No. Yeah, and. 

Jodi 06:37 

In this month. 

Amber B 06:38 

Yeah. And it's good that you're recognizing that. OK, so I have a question, I have something I want to teach here and then I have a question for you. And this is something again we talk a lot in Beyond about because it is kind of that like continued stuff that continues to come up when we talk about a longer journey. And that is a three-stage process that I think is really important for you guys to be aware of and as I talk about this, you can kind of self-place yourself in like a stage 1, a stage 2 or stage 3. So, a stage 1 tends to be someone who feels very out of control with food. A lot of you before MACROS 101 probably sit here where you just, like felt like I'm only having a control. It's like I track sometimes when like over eat and then I have these big swings and like, I just don't feel in control with food. I'm scared to go to parties because I don't know what's going to happen. I'm afraid to go on vacation. Like I don't trust myself around food at all. OK. So that's like the stage 1, a lot of people, so a lot of people start and then a lot of times people find macros, they come into MACROS 101 and they move into a stage 2 where they feel more in control with food. Maybe it's not 100% of the time, but you feel like tracking gives you some sense of control. It gives you some sense of understanding your food. It gives you some sense of, like, guidelines and boundaries. And, like, a container with which to work in and that feels really good if you're coming from a feeling out of control, right, at least now we have some a semblance of control. And that's fantastic. And I think, Jodi, that's kind of where you've been hyper-focused on is like this feeling of control and we as humans like to feel like we're in control so it makes total sense that we would like, feel really good in this space, we're to understand that phase 2 is not the end destination, but a phase 3 is. So what's the transition from a phase two to phase three? Phase three is about trust, so phase three is about letting go of feeling as in control and focusing more on trust. And that's a scary transition for somebody who really likes to feel in control and really likes this feeling of like I have these like this little boundary. And I have this little box and I just stay in this box and I'm safe. However, in the long run, that transition from feeling in control to trusting yourself is a big important transition for you to get to. So that's where I feel like you're at Jodi is control has been really helpful to you to a point. But what I hear you saying and this is where my question is going to lead to is there's a cost associated with it and you're starting to be more aware of the cost and so you're standing on the edge of this bridge to this next phase, which is trust, and there can be a lot of fear because in order to trust, you have to let go a little bit of control. And that can feel very scary. So, I do want to ask you the question because I want to hear from you, there's a cost associated with the control, for you what is the biggest cost?

Jodi 09:36 

Lack of enjoyment of life. Yesterday your Instagram post where you said I was too tired, so I slept through my workout. Good job. In fact, I even come in and say way to go, good job, but I thought I couldn't do that. I can't do it. I can't. 

Amber B 09:51 

I can't do that. The number of messages that I got from women who said a very similar thing or were like, thank you so much for saying this because I feel like such this pressure that like I always have to do more. Like it was like you're not alone, Jodi. I guess is what I'm saying is like that's a very common experience. OK, so lack of enjoyment. What else is, what are the cost? 

Jodi 10:21 

Well, this is kind of embarrassing. Yesterday I thought, well, I can fix this myself. I don't need coaching. I can figure this out. And so yesterday I thought I'm going to. This is the last week of my cut and I'm going to intentionally mess up. I mean, Amber, I have never, ever, ever this whole time during MACROS 101 not hit my macros. I've hit them every single day and I'm just obsessive about it. And so I thought, OK, I'm gonna make myself, you know, I had a bunch of candy out for the 4th of July, for Father's Day, for my grandkids, and I have that still sitting out and I put, I have a little trick that I do. I put the desserts in the freezer. And then if I really want it, I have to take it out and be intentional about it. And so, I ate all those things after day. I still hit them, even trying not to, and it was so upsetting to me. I thought, I cannot. I can't do this. And it was to the point where I couldn't even hardly sleep. Last night I was worried about it. 

Amber B 11:25 

Worried about what? 

Jodi 11:26 

Worried about being able to let go.  

Amber B 11:29 

Yeah. OK, great. What is the scariest part about letting go? 

Jodi 11:36 

Gaining weight, gaining fat. 

Amber B 11:38 

Yeah. OK. And how do you know that that's what will happen? 

Jodi 11:25 

Yes, I don't. 

Amber B 11:48 

Yeah, but in somewhere like somewhere you decided, you've gathered some information. So usually like it makes some sense to us. 

Jodi 11:57 

Right. 

Amber B 11:58 

Lot of history or an experience of that or seeing someone do it. 

Jodi 12:03 

I think. I think I have a history of always watching what I'm eating, but then deciding that like I went on a girls’ trip in February and I just thought to myself, I'm going to just let myself go, I'm going to eat whatever I want because usually on these trips I really watch what I'm eating and I'm always eating less than everybody else and not having dessert. And I thought, well, this time I'm going to just. I'm just going to go for it. I'm going to eat everything everybody else is eating. I'm not going to write anything down. I'm not going to worry about it, not going to keep track of it. And when I got home, I weighed more than I've ever weighed in my entire life. And it's, it totally freaked me out. And so I, since I've been counting macros too, I've been getting lots of rewards from it. For instance, my cholesterol was down 25 points. I'm fitting in clothes I haven't fit in. I've lost 15lbs and I've probably lost 12 inches overall. I mean it, it's working and so my brain is saying. Well, why would you? Why would you let go of that?  

Amber B 13:17 

OK, good. Have you heard the saying the dose makes the poison?  

Jodi 13:25 

No.  

Amber B 13:26 

So it's this idea that a lot of times things that are good and healthy for us. When given in high doses, can actually hurt us, right like the dose is what makes the poison. It isn't actually the thing itself, it's how much of it you get. And I see that kind of in what you're saying right now is like we've taken something that it has a lot of positive aspects, right. You've shared a lot of positive aspects, but the dose that which we're using it is now getting to the point where it's becoming poisonous, right? It's having some negative impact it's having you know lack of enjoyment. It's having, like a stressor on your psyche. And so it's because it's gone too far to a place that isn't healthy. That's what you're saying, right? That's what you're. 

Jodi 14:14  

Right. 

Amber B 14:14 

So this idea that we don't have to like, demonize, or say that you've done anything wrong or that like tracking is the devil or any of these things. But recognizing like the dose is really important and we just kind of gone too far on the dose. And so what I hear a lot in your language, and I'd encourage you to even go back and like re listen to as you talked about it, but I hear a lot in your language extremes. So it's either like I'm going to go eat everything that everybody else is eating and not care in the slightest, and then that freaks me out, or I'm going to be, like, hyper vigilant and track everything and always hit my macros, right? And those are both extremes. And so what I think Jodi is going to be really helpful for you is figuring out a happy medium between the two and what that looks like and in my opinion, that's this movement from the stage 2 to the stage 3. It's from this place of control to a place trust. Trust doesn't mean that you let go of everything. Trust doesn't mean that you just Yolo every single day and just eat all the things and just gorge yourself and never work out, right? That's not what trust is. Trust is being able to build on the foundation that you've already created, but letting go of some of the barriers that have kept you safe, right? It's kind of like going from having bumpers on your bowling to like, the bumpers are helpful, they teach you to go in down the middle, but you can't really bowl a real game unless you like take the bumpers off. And so, we're kind of at that place of like the bumpers were great for you. But now you're like relying on the bumpers, and that's never, that was never the goal of the bumpers. The goal of bumpers wasn't for you to be able to rely on the bumpers. The goal of the bumpers was to, like, learn to go down the center and then every once in a while, if you made a mistake, it like helped you get back on. So that's where we like, get to this place of trust. It's like taking off the bumpers and trusting that your muscle memory will allow you to go down the center lane and be able to hit those, but it's a medium. It's not an extreme. It's in the middle. Are you in Beyond?  

Jodi 16:21 

Yes.  

Amber B 16:22

OK. Fantastic. Mastering maintenance. I also want you to go through mastering maintenance because I talked about this transition too. One of the things that I really want for my clients is to not have to track forever like I don't want you guys tracking for the next 15 years. That's not my goal. My goal is for it to be again, it's like a bumper, it’s like to teach you how to stay in the lane. And then you take, I want you to take them off. I don't want you to have bumpers for the rest of your life, and so in mastering maintenance I talk about that transition of how we transition away from tracking. How do we start to develop that trust? How do we get to that place where we can build on the foundation that you've gained? Right. You've had a lot of success. You've learned a lot. And how can we take that as a foundation, but start to take away some of the guardrails and still feel like you can start to trust yourself, that you've built that muscle memory to go down the center of the lane every single time. And that's really the stage that you're at. OK, Next steps for you. First of all, well done. Recognizing this and being able to admit it out loud, I can't even say like what a huge stuff that is like, it's a big deal for you to be able to say, hey, this thing works, but like it's becoming a problem. Right, that's a, it's a big deal for you to be able to say that and admit it out loud and be able to ask for help for it. So, huge kudos to you for being able to do that. That's a big part of the shift. It's just admitting that we have a problem. We gotta address something, so good job. I want you to go listen to mastering maintenance. And in that mini course I talk about phasing out of tracking that I want to encourage you to start to implement. Again, it's not going from like tracking everything to not tracking anything. It is a phasing out process that I want you to start to go through. As you go through that process, your brain's going to freak out. OK.

Jodi 18:22 

Mine will really freak it out. 

Amber B 18:24 

We'll freak out, and that's OK. That's exactly what we're there to coach you through. So, when you start to take those steps that I outlined in that course and your brain starts to freak out. That's when I want you to come and get support, come to a coaching call, put up on circle like, let us support you through it. There's nothing wrong if your brain starts to freak out, but this is an excellent opportunity for us to be able to coach you through it so that you can keep taking the steps to where you want to get to like I assume you want to get to trust, like you want to. 

Jodi 18:52 

Absolutely. I want to be able to say. Ah, it's OK. I'm going to go with my husband today and we, he wants a hamburger and I'm going to have one. I've done that once and it freaked me out so bad and I stayed in my macros and I saved my macros all day to do it. I want to be able to just not have to constantly be checking my phone. Do I have enough? Can I do that? Can I do that? I want to just let go of that. 

Amber B 19:13 

One shift that I think will be really, a really important shift that you can start making right now. And it's just asking yourself a question, which the question might be scary to you initially and that's OK. We're not doing anything with the answer this question, we're just asking ourselves the question that my guess is you haven't been asking yourself, and that is a what do I want? So, a lot of times when we are tracking, we make decisions based off of how many macros we have left in the day, about what you know that makes the decision for us what we want isn't even on the table, like it doesn't really matter what I want to eat, it's like coming back or do I have left for the day. And so, I invite you even just start asking yourself that question. Like what do I want? And you don't have to do anything about it, right? It could be I would like to go eat a burger with my husband and not track it. I would like to do that. You don't have to do it yet if that's too scary. But I want you to ask yourself the question so that you can start paying attention because eventually what we're going to be doing is we're going to be taking what you want and the foundational knowledge you have about what your body needs and the macronutrients. And we're going to be combining the two. I call this informed eating. So, I talk about this in the mastering maintenance program, but I call it informed eating. It's not intuitive eating, it is a lot about like what do I want? And then sometimes tracking can get to the other shame words just about not what I want, but what are the macro say? And I like to get clients into like a middle ground in between those two extremes, I call it informed eating where you're combining what do I want? What do I desire?  with what do I understand about nutrition and what my body needs and how am I combining the two to find that middle ground? My guess is that you aren't even asking yourself most of the time what I want and so that's a really great question to just start practicing with yourself of just paying attention if what I want in this moment right. Like my macros say I'm going to eat egg whites, but what do I want? do I want something else? Again, you don't have to do anything with that information yet. But just been asking the questions is going to be huge. 

Jodi 21:22

OK. That's, that's really, really helpful. And as you say that I just feel this huge relief. It feels lighter. It feels, it feels good, feels right.

Amber B 21:35 

That's a good indication, right? Like feelings are guideposts, they lead us towards the next step. And so the fact that you're feeling that is a good indication like there's going to be scary moments, right. There's going to be fear that comes up because this is new, but you can fall back on that like this is, it's lighter. It's good like we're moving in the right direction. So good job. 

Jodi 21:54 

Right. Thank you so much. 

Amber B 21:55 

Love it.  

Outro

Hey friend, have you heard the news? We have a Biceps After Babies Radio insider list. If you love Biceps After Babies Radio, you don't want to miss a thing head to bicepsafterbabies.com/insider to join the group. You'll be the first to know all things about the podcast. See some behind-the-scenes and get special messages from yours truly. We want to make this a special community for those who are fans of the podcast. And last, did this episode particularly resonate with you? If so, will you please share it? Either send the link to someone who would find it valuable, or take a screenshot and post it to your social media and tell your family and friends why they should listen. Make sure you tag me @bicepsafterbabies so I can hear feedback and give you a little love. And you know, if you aren't already following me on Instagram or Facebook, that's the perfect time to hit that follow button. Thank you for being here and listening to Biceps After Babies Radio.