098: Getting Real: 5 Mistakes I Made As A Coach

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps after Babies radio episode number 98.

Hello and welcome to Biceps after Babies radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, online fitness coach, wife, and mom of four. My guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.

Don’t miss the opportunity to join Macros 101 and be sure you are on the waitlist  0:49  

Hey, Hey, Hey, welcome back to another episode of biceps after babies radio. I'm your host Amber Brueseke and we have some big things coming up this month that I want to kind of let you in on.  So a lot of you know, if you've been around here that my signature program is called Macros 101 and we only open it a couple of times a year and do and take new clients and take them through the program and through the coaching experience, and that program will be opening up here shortly. So if you want to make sure that you don't miss anything about the program that you hear all the details and you're able to get in when we open up the doors, make sure that you are on the waitlist at www.bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist that will get you on the email list. That will be the first to know when we open the doors, make sure that you actually are getting the emails because just putting your name on the list if you're not actually getting the emails, it's not going to help you at all when we open up the doors. So that is the best way to make sure that you don't miss out on this chance because once we close the doors, we open the doors we have open for a couple of days once we close them we will not be reopening until 2021, which is really weird to say 2021. But this will be your last chance of this year to be able to join this program.

What you need to know about  Macros 101 2:07 

And if you're not familiar with what we do inside Macros 101, it is my program to help you to lose the weight that you want without cutting out the food that you love. And the 101 portions may make you think that this is Oh, this is just a beginner basic program. It's so much more than that.  Macros 101 is really composed of three large pillars.

Content Pillar  2:26 

The first is content, obviously, you have to learn the process. And I teach a four-step process in my program, helping you to take the right action, gather the right data, make the right analysis of that data and then be able to make the right adjustments based on that. And so the process that I teach is one that will allow you to take macro accounting as a tool and be able to apply it and customize it to you. Because the mistake that most people are making is they think, Oh, I can just set my macros and follow them and boom, I'm gonna have like the body that I want and it's really easy to understand how your body is going to respond differently, you have a different lifestyle that you want, you have unique goals. And because you are a unique person with unique goals and a unique lifestyle, you cannot just take some macros and follow them and expect magic to happen. And the magic really happens when you learn how to customize a program to you and your unique situation. And that's what we help you do. So I will teach you this process inside of Macros 101, and that's the content pillar.

Community Pillar 3:28 

The second pillar is the community pillar. Being surrounded by women who are reaching for goals and even more importantly, are willing to invest in reaching those goals. You may have heard the same sets that are the same that like you are the combination of the five people that you spend the most time around. There's a lot of power in surrounding yourself with people who are doing big things and working towards goals and are willing to invest in those goals. And so we have built a really strong community in Macros 101 supporting each other lifting each other up and keeping each other accountable towards our goals.

Coaching Pillar 4:02 

And then the third pillar is probably my favorite, which is coaching. And coaching is really the application of knowledge in ways that you aren't currently applying it. And so coaching looks like taking the content and the process that I teach in Macros 101, and really customizing it to you and helping you as a coach helping you to be able to figure out your next steps how, how to take a concept and apply it to what your body is doing. And so inside Macros 101, we have coaching, access to coaching every single day. So you can ask any question that you have about how to apply something to your journey. And I find that coaching is really what makes the difference. You can learn all the things in the world, but if you aren't actually applying it to your journey, it's not going to actually make a difference. We all know that. And so that's where that coaching piece comes in.

Three Pillars of Macros 101: Reasons behind achieving excellent results 4:52 

So the three pillars of Macros 101 are content, community, and coaching and that is what makes up the program and I'm so excited we've taken over 1000 women through this program gotten excellent results you can go back in the podcast episodes we will link it down in the show notes but we've had a bunch of Macros 101 clients come on and share their experience and the program works. It works and it gets you the physical results that you want while also creating a transformation from the inside out and I couldn't be more proud of the program and we will be opening it shortly. So again, if you want to make sure if this sounds like something that you would like if you have a goal but you haven't yet reached then Macros 101 is the place for you and you can get on the waitlist at www.bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist.

Some mistakes  and lessons I’ve  learned as a coach over the years  5:39 

So today on the podcast, I thought it would be fun to let you know, share some of my mistakes, share some of the things that I have learned over the years. My Macros 101 clients will know that I very firmly believe that there are no failures, that in life you either get the result that you want or the lesson that you need. And so over the years as I have been coaching clients, I've gotten a lot of lessons and I have learned and I have grown. And I like to think that I've become a better coach over the years as I've practiced. I mean, we all know that the more you practice something, the better you get at it, I mean, that that is evident in so many areas of our life. And I would say that coaching is no different. And you can learn to be a coach, you can read a book about coaching, you can take a course on coaching, you can take a certification on coaching, but it will never give you the level of ability to coach that actually, like doing actual coaching and just practicing it well. And so I've been coaching since 2016 is when I took my first clients. And you know, over that time period, I have learned a lot. I've learned a lot about coaching. I've learned a lot about how to get clients results. I've learned a lot about how to motivate and teach and educate clients. And I've changed as a coach, I look at where I was when I first started coaching clients back in 2016. And I look at how I coach clients and get the results today, and it's very different. And the shift, you know, the shifts that have happened, the learning that has happened during that time, has grown me into a better coach. And so I thought, what it would be fun to do, maybe this will be fun for you, it was kind of fun for me is to go back and look back at the way that I coached back when I first started coaching, and how that has evolved over the years. And more importantly, why that has evolved.

Essential questions that can help you become a good coach 7:42 

And what actually makes a good coach. I've asked myself that question a lot over the years. One, you know, how can I get clients better results? How can people come to me because they have a goal they haven't yet met? That's why they come to me. How can I help more clients be able to reach those goals? And, you know, as a coach, how can I best show up and support them in reaching those goals? And so I've as I've asked myself that question, I've evolved and I've learned and I've grown and, and so I thought it would be fun to kind of share with you some of the mistakes that I've made, some of the things that I go back and I look back at some of my coachings go, it wasn't bad. It wasn't a bad coach. But I feel like over time I've grown and I've improved and I've layered on so much more that has made me that much better of a coach.

You don’t have to be perfect 8:37 

Now, what's my hope for you like, why am I sharing this on the podcast? Why? Why should you listen to this episode? Well, the answer to this question really is a couple of fold. The first is, I think it's important to share our messy middle. I think it's important to have you guys realize that I'm learning and growing just like I'm asking my clients to and just like I'm asking you to, to learn and grow, and to really solidify this idea that you don't have to be perfect to get started, I find, and this happens in business, this happens in fitness, and it happens a lot of areas of life, that we tend to hold ourselves back from taking action until it can be perfect. And so I see this in my clients that they're like, Well, you know, I need to have XYZ amount of time and I need to be at this point in my, you know, my kids, raising my kids or this point in my journey, in my career or whatever, like, all these things need to fall in place, and then I will get started, then I will start taking action. And I see it in people wanting to start a business they're like, well, I need to get this certification and I have to I have this type of body before and you know, and then I'll start coaching people, and I really want to show up and be an example of taking action and making mistakes and continuing to learn from those mistakes and move forward. I am a firm believer in failing early and often and failing forward and failing and learning from those mistakes and being able to correct them and move forward. And that's what I hope that this podcast is an example of ways that I've been able to take action. Maybe not like the best action, but be able to learn from it and continue to grow because I think that's what I'm asking of you. That's what I asked myself every day. And I want to share that because I hope that that's inspiring and inspires you to take messy unorganized action.

Find a good coach 10:36 

The second reason that I'm recording this is that I know there are a lot of you out there looking for coaches, and I want to help you find a good coach. Obviously, I think you should come to join my program. I want to coach you like obviously that's the case. But even if you don't want to come to join Macros 101 and you don't want to join my program, I want you to find a good coach, a coach that is actually going to not only help you to get results right now but has your long term interests at heart. And by sharing some of these things that I've learned as a coach over the years, my hope is, is that you will be able to take this knowledge and this understanding of what makes a good coach and what helps you to be able to get results and be able to look for it in a program or a coach and be able to hire somebody that's going to have your best interests at heart. And I think there are a lot of great coaches out in the fitness industry. And there's a lot of not so great coaches. And I want you to be able to find someone who is really going to not only help you reach your goals, but do it in a way that is sustainable and is something that you're going to be able to hold on to long term and that's a problem that I find in the industry is that people are so eager for results, that they are willing to not think about the long term and just the short term aspect of it.

What coaching is 12:00 

So if you're ready to hear some of my mistakes, and some of the things that I have learned over the years, let's dive in and get started. First, let's start with a definition of what coaching is. And I will admit that my perception and understanding of coaching has evolved over time. And I've really come to settle on this idea that coaching is the application of what you already know, in the places that you aren't currently applying it. And so, yes, we need to have knowledge right. And we need to have an understanding and we need to learn things that are part of the process. But for most women, that isn't necessarily the disconnect. For some women. It is right. Some people are coming to me and they're like, they haven't ever really tracked macros. They don't really know how to do it. They don't really know how to set up their meal plan. And so there is some teaching that is involved like, what is a macro? How does it relate to calories? How do you like it? Why does it matter to count macros above and beyond counting calories? How do you track it? How do you weigh your food? How do you create a recipe like all of those things are things and pieces of knowledge that you need to learn. But if losing weight was just a matter of learning the things we would all have the bodies of our dreams, right? Because for most of us, that separation between the body we want and the body we currently have, is not a matter of just learning more, right? It's a matter of taking that knowledge and then applying it to your unique circumstance. And that is why you cannot just buy a cookie-cutter program that was created for and by somebody else and expect it to work for you and for your body. And it's also why you can read all of the things about setting in your macros or all of the things about cutting, and then when you try to apply it to your journey, you get confused. And you're like, well, I don't know what part of this I should apply or what part of this I should do. And so content is important. Knowledge is important. Education is important. But if you do not pair that with actual coaching, which is the application of that knowledge into your own unique circumstance, you're not going to be able to get the results that you want. And so you need both right, and I find that so many coaches don't provide both.

Why hire a coach? 14:34 

And here's why hiring a coach for the coaching aspect is so valuable. And that is because it, we can't always see, we can't always see the things right. I liken it to, you know, sometimes when you have spinach in your teeth and you're walking around and you have spinach in your teeth and you can't see it, and what it takes is a kind friend, to like whisper in your ear. Hey, I've spent And your teeth, right? Like, go look in the mirror and go, I've got to get the spinach out. And you're like, Oh my gosh, thank you so much. You go look in the mirror and you like to get that spinach out. And I find that's the same with clients is that they know the things they know, they know how to do things. But that doesn't actually always mean that they do them. I call this self-sabotage of like, you know the thing but you don't actually execute on it. And what it takes is a coach to be like, hey, you have some spinach in your teeth. Let's get that spinach taken care of and cleaned up. And that, to me, is the biggest value of coaching.

The value of having a coach 15:37 

And it's why I spend money on coaching for myself. I spend money on my business, I spend money on my fitness. I have seen the value of coaches. Coaches can see things in me. They see my blind spots, they see things that I can't see. And another analogy that I use with my clients is I want you to imagine if you were like standing up against a wall and you know, the wall was like six feet in front of you, what I find is that a lot of times we have these problems and they manifest to us like this wall that we're just standing with our face, right up against the wall. And we're just stuck in this problem, problem, problem, problem, problem. It's right there, we just can't see a way to get past this problem. And my job as a coach is to basically take you, you know, grab your shoulders and kind of pull you back a little bit, zoom you out a little bit, that allows you to get a broader perspective. And maybe when I do that, what you'll notice is that that thing that you thought was this wall that couldn't get around. Anyway, it was just this problem that was unsolvable. When I zoom you out, and I pull you back a little bit, I give you this perspective, you're able to see oh my gosh, that wall was literally just like the single panel. And as I zoom out, I see that you know, I can get around this wall really easily. I just had to walk around it. And so to me, that's the value of a coach is having someone from an outside perspective, be able to see your blind spots, be able to see things that you're not able to see in your journey and help you to take these, this content and this knowledge that you're learning and actually apply it to your unique journey.

Sharing my evolution from the mistakes that I had in the past as a coach 17:11 

Alright, so that's my definition of coaching. And I think that's important as we start to dive into maybe some of the mistakes that I've made in the past as a coach, and how I've evolved and changed over time to be able to correct those mistakes. So, and I want to be really clear as I dive into this, that this is not about bashing other coaches. Other coaches have different methodologies, they have things that work for them and things that work for their clients. And I'm never going to stand up here and like bash other clients methodology or other coaches methodologies. What I am sharing is what has evolved for me over time and why I have evolved it, why I've been able to see better results in my clients as I've evolved as a coach. So I just want to make that super, super clear. This isn't about bashing other coaches, it's about sharing what my evolution has been.

Mistake #1: I used to do a one on one coaching 18:04 

So Mistake number one that I made, and is that I used to do one on one coaching. And I, you know, I use this term mistake, I don't really think this was a mistake. But we're going to go with it anyway, this is something that has changed in my coaching. So when I started, I did one on one coaching and what that looked like when I say one to one coaching, what that looked like is someone would hire me, they would send me a check in every single week, we have a check-in form, and then I would respond to their check-in right we would do weights and measurements and they would tell me how their week went and things that they have questions about and these things and then I would respond to them and then you know, they would go off and continue. And then they would email back the next week, do check-in and then we'd respond. And so that's how I got started doing that one to one coaching and there's nothing wrong with one to one coaching. So again,  I am not bashing on one to one coaching. It's where I started, but what I have found as I've now moved to more of a group setting where when I get on a coaching call, there's a group of people there and I answer questions to a group. And when we are in our Facebook group, there's a group of people. And what I have seen is that the dynamic and the learning and the growth that happens in a group setting is so much more transformative than that one to one.

Hearing answers before having to have to ask questions 19:25

And I tried to think about why that is, because, in most things, you think, Oh, yeah, as I want, I want one to one access, as I want, I want to be able to have that like, you know, one to one access with that coach to ask questions and like, get those answered. And that's like a higher level of service. And I thought that for a long time, too. And so I've asked myself the question like, why, why do we see clients getting much better results? And I think it's a couple of things. One, I found and I found this a lot with my one to one clients, where I'd be like, What questions do you have and they're like, I don't even really know what questions to ask right? It's like you only can ask a question when you know that you don't know something. If you don't know that you don't know something, you can’t ask a question about it. And so what I find in a group setting is that other people will ask questions that you didn't even know you had a question about. And then you can hear the answer before you even have to have to ask the question. I think that is one of the biggest benefits that I have found in being a member of a group myself and coaching in a group is that other people will ask questions that you never even thought to ask about. And then you can get value from that as well.

The idea of community lifting you up and making you want to be better 19:44

The second reason that I think it's so beneficial is and I talked about a little bit in the intro is this idea of community. I am a huge proponent of surrounding yourself with people who lift you up, who make you want to be better. My definition of a friend, in fact, I was talking to one of my friends about this, and I was sharing with her, we had a conversation. And it was we were, I don't remember what we were talking about, we were talking about, like, hobbies and things that we were doing. And she was asking me about playing the piano and asking me how much I could play the piano and things like that. And I was telling her, I can kind of play the piano, I don't really practice. Like, I probably could get a lot better if I practice. But you know, I can play, but not super, super well. And I was reflecting on that conversation later and saying, you know, I can practice like, why am I not practicing? Do I want to get better at this? I want to get better at it. I should implement some practice. And so I did. I started practicing. And lo and behold, I'm getting better. Like I'm improving. I'm improving my skills. And so I came back circle back around to that friend and I was like, that conversation was so enlightening to me. And to me, a friend is somebody who, like I love to be around people who inspire me to be better. And she had this conversation with me about playing the piano and practicing, she inspired me to be better, she inspired me to take action and to, to work towards something that has been in the back of my mind, but I hadn't actually recognized as a goal. And so I say that because I think it's so important to be surrounding yourself with people who are like that, who are reaching for goals themselves, who are trying to be better, who are actively taking action in their life. And so I think there is so much power in surrounding yourself with a community of people like that, in a community of people who are reaching for the goal, who are actually setting goals, right, who are taking action towards goals, who are changing, who are transforming, and the power of surrounding yourself with that type of community is incredible.

Masterminding 21:22

And, you know, I do this in my business. I am a part of a paid mastermind, and the whole idea, if you're not fully familiar with the idea of a mastermind in business, is a mastermind isn't really about coaching. A mastermind is about getting in the room with people to network and provide each other value. So masterminding is way more about the people who are in the group rather than the leader who's leading the group. And I found such so much value in just surrounding myself with other business entrepreneurs who are setting these huge goals and crushing it. And as I see them crush it, it makes me believe more in my ability to crush it. And that's what I find in a community is as you surround yourself with other people doing big things, you yourself are able to do those big things as well.

Mistake #2: I used to give and adjust the macros of my clients 23:41

Okay, so number two is I used to give my clients macros and I used to adjust their macros for them. And that's what a lot of people want, l just set my macros for me and just adjust my numbers for me, and there's nothing wrong with doing that. I want to be really, really clear. There is nothing wrong with doing that. But the truth is, is that if you're hiring a coach to do that, and you're submitting your numbers to them weekly, they are looking at things and telling you what to do, right? So if they're looking at the numbers and the data that you're giving them, and they're making a decision about adjusting your macros based on that, couldn't you learn to do the same thing? And the answer is, yeah, you can, and how much more empowering is it for you to be able to take control of your journey, and instead of just following someone blindly in making those decisions yourself? And so I started out giving my clients macros and adjusting them for them, and even trying to teach them a little bit about that adjustment process. But I thought, how much more powerful would it be to take that adjustment process down, distill it down into a process that is super easy for somebody to follow, for somebody to know what am I looking at? That's gonna determine me adjusting my numbers, what am I looking at? That's going to tell me, I need to increase my cardio. What am I looking at, to tell me that, you know, I need to adjust my calories? And so now what I do is I teach clients how to do that themselves. I teach them how to set their numbers, I teach them how to make those adjustments, I teach them what numbers to look at, and what data to gather. And then when you gather that data, how to put it all together to create a really clear picture of what's going on with your body, and then how to make decisions moving forward based on that. And what I have found is that this allows my clients to feel so much more ownership and empowerment over their journey, rather than just doing it for them. And then feeling like they have to pay me for the rest of their life to have me set and adjust their macros for them. What I'm doing is giving them the freedom and the ownership and the empowerment to do that themselves. And what I found is that as I give women, that freedom and that ownership and that ability to create a plan that fits them and their goals and their body and their lifestyle, that they show up in bigger ways. They take more action, and they're much more successful in reaching their goals.

Have tools to move forward and be empowered to make decisions in your journey 26:27

And I kind of think it's a little bit like a teenager, if you will, my daughter just turned 13 we know a teenager in the house. And sometimes it's like if I tell her to go wash the dishes, guess what happens? Like, she just wants to like, not wash the dishes, right? It's like, it's like this, you know, head butting. See who's stronger willed? Yeah, you know, me or my daughter. Whereas if I let her you know, I give her the option of like, here are your options. You can wash the dishes, you can fold the laundry or you can clean your room or whatever. And she makes the decision to go wash the dishes. How much more likely is she to like actually accomplish that and feel good about it and move forward. And so that's what I find it is for a lot of people in their fitness journey. It's like, yeah, you want a coach to tell you what to do. But how much more powerful is it if you come up with the plan yourself and how much more likely are you to follow through on that when it's a plan created by and for you specifically for your body. So my goal as a coach is to work myself out a job, I don't want you to have to rely on me for the rest of your life. And I want to give you those tools, to set your numbers to adjust your numbers to be able to move forward and feel empowered to make those decisions in your journey. And so that's how I coach clients now.

Mistake #3: I used to coach clients through email 27:44

Okay, number three, and again, I'm using the word mistakes. It's not really a mistake, and again, there's nothing wrong with doing this. Mistake is just a nice word that brings people in but if you're currently coaching this way or if you've hired a coach this way, this is not wrong. But I will tell you in my experience number three is that I used to coach clients through email. And again, there's nothing wrong with coaching through email. But what I have found is that there's so much more power in coaching live, in coaching somebody face to face, or at least over like a zoom call. And let me tell you, as a coach, it's harder. It's way harder to coach someone live because you have to think on the spot. And you have to like, be right there with the client. So it's harder, like as a coach, live coaching is harder, but it is also so much more powerful.

Reasons why coaching live is more powerful 28:42

And one reason that it's more powerful is that I can get context. I can ask questions, I can clarify things. And you know, what would happen a lot of times is that clients would write in and they would write questions, and I would just, you mean at some point, you have to kind of make some assumptions right of what their meaning when they say something, and then I would write back and tell them you know what to do. But there's always going to be some communication lost when you write something, and you're not like having a back and forth with that person. And so it's like the difference between, you know, reading a book somebody wrote is awesome. But how much more awesome is it for you to then have an experience being able to talk to that author and like, go back and forth and be like, Can you clarify what you meant right here? Or when you said this, what were you thinking, right? It's so much richer experience if you can have that back and forth. And so that's what I found the power with the life of live coaching, in my opinion, cannot be beaten. There is just something magical about connecting with a human being able to listen to them, to ask questions, to clarify, to get really down to the root of the question, and we'll talk more about this in let's see, belief number five, but to get down to the root of the question, and to be able to coach them through that, and then by the end of the coaching encounter, to be able to have that clarity or that aha moment. In my mind, there's nothing better as a coach to have somebody come to me with a problem, or question or a struggle, and then to be able to sit with that human and coach them and ask them questions and challenge them and push them and to have them come out the other side of that coaching interaction with clarity, or that action step or with, you know, understanding what they should do next like that, to me is the epitome of coaching. And so there's nothing wrong with coaching through email. As I said, I did it for years, and it can be effective. There's this, I'm not arguing that it can't be effective, but I'm saying in my experience, I found the power that comes from coaching live, is completely unbeatable.

Mistake #4: I used to think to know better than my client 30:58

Number four, The mistake that I made early on in my coaching is thinking that I knew better than the client. And this is something that I think is really easy as a coach, especially as a new coach to get caught up with is giving advice. And I think the worst thing that a coach can do is to give advice. And as a new coach, like, that's what comes up for you. Somebody asked a question, and you're like, Oh, girl, I can solve that, you just do this, this and this and this, right? And you like, give them your advice, or they asked you what they should do in this situation. And you're like, Huh, here's what I would do, and then you give them advice. And there's nothing you know, the advice isn't bad. It isn't bad. It isn't wrong.

Help clients ask better questions so they can get better answers 31:45

But what I have found is that it is much more effective for clients to not give them advice, but to help ask them better questions, so that they can get a better answer. And let me be clear, We're on what I mean with that. What I find is that most people are simply asking not very good questions in their fitness journey or in their life. But we're going to start with stick with fitness journey. So a lot of people are asking really crappy questions. And when you ask yourself a really crappy question, you get a really crappy answer. And I dive more into this topic in Episode 51. It's called How to ask yourself better questions in your fitness journey. And I think that that's probably one of my favorite episodes. And I think it's one that we don't have quite as many downloads on because it doesn't have a really flashy title. But that is one of my favorite episodes. And it's really true, the better questions you ask yourself, the better answers you're going to get. And so if you're asking yourself really crappy questions, you're gonna get really crappy answers. And what happens is, you may be asking a really crappy question to a coach and then that coach just gives you their advice, when how much more powerful would be if you ask yourself if you're asking your coach a really crappy question. And instead of giving you advice, that coach helps you to ask a better question that you can then answer with a better response and be able to have that clarity of yourself.

Why giving advice doesn’t really work?  33:21

Because here's the truth. And here's why advice doesn't really work. You know, your situation better than anybody, right? Like, how can I know what's best for you and your family and your lifestyle and your body? Better than you do. The truth is I don't, so I can give you all the advice in the world. But how do I know that that's actually going to be really customized to the fact that you have three small children at home and you want to eat dinner with them and you aren't willing to, you know, be on your phone after 8 pm at like, right you have this lifestyle that you want to create and you know it better than anybody else? So who am I as a coach to come in and tell you that you should do it a specific way? To me, that's a diet. A diet is where there's a right way. And there's a wrong way to do it. And I do not believe in right and wrong, especially in creating your fitness plan. What I believe in is, is it effective? So ask yourself, Is this the right way to do it? is a very crappy question and gives you a very crappy answer. You want to ask yourself a better question, Is this effective or not? Is this right? Is this effective? And when you ask it, is this effective? Now we can start to have a really good conversation about is this going to be effective for you or isn't it and if it is awesome, keep doing it. If it's not, then we can start to ask yourself other questions that are going to help us to find clarity in what is going to be effective. So because of that, I think the worst thing a coach can do is give advice. And I think the best thing a coach can do is to realize that they don't know their client, they don't know the client's situation better than them. And that helping them to come up with the solution is always going to be so much more effective than just simply giving them advice.

Mistake #5: I used to coach from the problem presented to me 35:11

And that brings us to mistake number five. And this is probably the biggest shift that I've made in my coaching especially over the last I would say a year, year and a half. And that is I used to coach from the problem that the client presented to me rather than from the belief that was causing the problem. And let me clarify that a little bit and make and help you to understand what I mean when I say that. First off, anytime that there is a problem, there is inherently a solution. So the world is made up of duality, right? There is up because there is down, there is hot because there is cold, right we know what happiness is because we know there is sadness. This idea of polarity and duality and that opposites and contrasts, help us to understand things, right? If we didn't have a contrast in our lives, you would not be able to understand the difference, like the difference allows us to see that there is a difference between happy and sad. And so we know what those two things are because there is a difference. And what that means is, if there is a problem, there inherently has to be a solution simultaneously created, okay. And so what I used to try to do as a coach is I used to try and find that solution for my clients. And this kind of is a little bit deeper into what number four was about, you know, thinking that I knew better than my clients, right? They would present me with a problem. And my job as a coach was to find a solution for them. But what I started to realize, and again, this is going one step further, so then they presented with a problem, I would give them my advice, and then you know, whatever would happen after that, and I started to realize that if I could ask my as a coach myself take one step back and recognize that any problem, any problem simply stems from a thought or belief. And if we can uncover the thought or belief that is causing the question to be asked, how much more powerful is it to shift that thought or belief than just addressing the question? And so this is kind of like, if you have a weed, right? And you want to get rid of that weed, and you just go up to the weed and you like to pull off the leaf, right? Is that going to really get rid of the weed? No, the weed is just going to grow another leaf and you pull off that leaf and it's gonna grow another leaf. Right? How much more powerful is it if you actually go down and dig up the roots, right, if you get to the roots, then all of the leaves that are on it are also going to be gone but the roots are gonna be gone so it can't produce more leaves. And that's what I find when we have a connection between beliefs and thoughts and problems is that if we just address the problem that has been presented, sure, we may solve that problem. But the belief is still there, and it's going to creep up,  crop up other problems.

Coaching from the underlying belief 38:15

And so how much more effective is it instead of just attacking that problem that is being presented, but actually coaching from the underlying belief. And so what I do really well as a coach, is I'm able to identify the belief that is creating the question and the problem. And I'm able to work from the position of that belief and shifting that belief so that the problem is able to solve itself and not creep up in the way of other problems. Okay. And let me give you an example. So there's kind of ground that we're kind of talking about any theory or concept, so let me try to ground this as something that may help you to grasp it a little bit better. A lot of clients that I coach, I find hold on to the belief that they failed in the past, which means they won't be successful in the future. And maybe you've held this belief yourself or you've tried a bunch of diets. You've tried all the things right. And you haven't been successful in the past, and maybe a part of you believes this now that it's like, I've tried all these things, and I haven't been successful. Which means why do I think I'm going to be successful with this new thing? Why am I going to be successful in the future? I'm not. But if you believe that, and if a part of you believes that, you may ask questions like, how long is this program? Right? And you're asking that question, because, you know, from previously that you were only able to, like, hang on for six weeks. So because you know that you're asking the question, like, how long is the program? Or you may ask the question, you know, how many days of cardio should I do? Because you know, from the past that it's like, well, I was able to do three days of cardio last time. So if I have to do four, then that probably means I'm not not going to be successful or you may be asking, is my goal body realistic, but you're asking it from this place of like not really believing that you're able to get results. And so you ask this question, Is this realistic for me? None of these questions are necessarily bad questions to ask. But when we can recognize that for this person, this hypothetical client, I'm speaking to you right now, that her question about how long is this program? How many days of cardio should I do? Is this goal body realistic? Those questions are all stemming from this belief that she has failed in the past. And she doesn't believe that she can be successful in the future. And so yeah, I could sit there and I can answer each of those questions individually. But that belief is still going to be there. And I don't have to tell you that if you don't believe you're going to be successful, you aren't, you aren't going to take the action that is going to be required to help you be successful.

How shifting beliefs create transformation inside 30:58

So if we don't attack and shift that underlying belief and uncover it, I can answer all these questions for her and more still gonna creep in because that belief, she's still holding on to that belief. And the crazy thing is, is that your brain does not create your beliefs to match your life. That's what we think we think, Oh, these things happen. And so then I created these beliefs, right? I failed all these other times. And so then I created this belief that I can't be successful. So your brain doesn't create your beliefs to match your life, but rather creates your life to match your beliefs. And I want you to chew on that for a minute. Because that's powerful. When you recognize that what you believe is exactly what you create. You've probably heard this idea you, you get what you expect. You get what you expect you're going to get, that's your life being created to match your beliefs. So instead, if we can zero in on that belief behind the question, the belief that's driving the question that the client isn't even aware of, and then shift that belief and all of a sudden, my clients have so much more clarity, Okay. And so this, I think, has been one of the most powerful things. And this is where live coaching comes in. Because being able to coach this back, you have to be able to have a back and forth with somebody to be able to have this type of coaching. Because the person isn't aware of the belief. They don't come with you saying, I have that, well, some people do. But most people don't come to you. And I have this belief that's really holding me back, will you please help me shift it? No, they come to me with problems, and they come to me with issues and they come to me with concerns. And then when I as the coach can coach from the level of the belief that is creating that problem, how powerful is it for that client to be able to have that shift, and that is what creates the transformation inside. And I don't have to tell you that that transformation from the inside is exactly what creates the transformation on the outside.

A quick recap 42:51

And so my friend, those are five mistakes that I have made in my coaching journey. And just to like, do a quick recap for you. The first mistake was that I used to do one to one coaching and I found so much more power in taking a group through that process, and being able to have that community, as well as being able to hear and listen to other people get coached, and find answers to questions that you didn't even really know that that you had in your journey. Number two, I used to give clients their macros and adjust them for them. And I found that you know how much more empowering it is for somebody else to learn those skills. It's not hard to set your macros and it's not hard to adjust them. I promise you, I teach clients to do it every single day. And so I want to empower my clients to be able to do that themselves so that they're not relying on me in the long run, and they're feeling that ownership and that empowerment in their journey. Number three, I used to do my coaching through email, and I found that there is so much incredible power in being able to coach live or at least be able to have a back and forth with a client and not just like one or two emails back and but like actually a back and forth where you're asking them a question they're answering, you're asking them another question they're answering to really get the context and to ask the clarifying questions to be able to really dig down into what is causing this question. Number four, I have learned that I don't know better than the client. And that giving advice while well-intentioned, while it was well-intentioned from me, doesn't necessarily always produce the best results. And that as I helped my clients to step into a position of power and responsibility in their journey, and make decisions based on their lifestyle and their body and what they know best that clients are able to get not only better results in the short run, but for sure in the long run. And then number five, I used to coach from the problem rather than the belief that was creating the problem. And my coaching has improved so much as I have gotten really good at my methodology to uncover those beliefs and shift those beliefs that are causing the problem rather than just treating the like symptom, right to me like the problem that's being presented as a symptom. It's not actually, it's not actually the illness, so we can treat the symptoms. But that doesn't mean the illness goes away. When you dive down into the belief that is creating the problem, that's when you're actually getting to the illness, the actual thing that we can solve for the long term. And as I've done that, in my coaching, it's amazing how these aha moments and this transformation that is created in the client, and that is some of my favorite things to see as a coach.

The beauty of life: to see the results of one’s transformation 45:37

So that wraps up the five mistakes that I have made in my coaching and you know what, I will probably record a podcast episode in five more years and I will look back at what I was doing now and I will say that that was so cute of me. I've improved so much more. And to me, that is the beauty of life. That is the beauty of being where you're at right now. And being happy with it and being proud of it, and seeing the results and the transformation that I've already had. And at the same time looking forward, and recognizing that there's still more to learn, there's still more growth to be had, I can still become a better coach. And I think that is that beautiful balance between accepting and loving and celebrating where you're at. And at the same time, reaching for and recognizing that there's always room for improvement. I will never ever say that I am done figuring out coaching, that I'm that if there's nothing else for me to learn, that I am at the pinnacle of my ability to coach someone through, I will always be learning and growing and practicing and getting better. And I encourage you, whether you're a coach yourself or whether you ‘re talking about other areas of your life, to model the same behavior, celebrate the heck out of the place where you're at right now. Celebrate all the things that you've done and look back and recognize how much you've grown and at the same time never ever get complacent and say that oh, well, you know, now that I've hit that goal, we're done. We don't need to grow and improve anymore. There's always room for growth and there's always room for improvement and I hope in five years that I'm looking back and saying wow, look at how much I've grown you know since I recorded that last podcast episode and that's really what I would challenge you to do as well.

Don't miss the opportunity and be on the waitlist  for Macros 101 47:25

Last thing that I will say is we are opening doors to Macros 101 so if you've been listening to this podcast episode, and you're nodding along, you're like yes like this makes so much sense. This type of coaching is so powerful. I highly suggest that you get on our waitlist for Macros 101 www.bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist. I coach inside of Macros 101, it is where I do most of my coaching. And it's where I work closely with clients to be able to get them the results that they want. And so if you're ready to create a transformation, you have results or goals that you have upset that you have not yet been able to hit yourself, then Macros 101 is the place for you. And it's the place to have that support, that community, that content, that coaching to be able to make the difference in your journey. So that's www.bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist and we will be opening up doors very very soon. That wraps up this episode of biceps after babies radio. I'm Amber now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.

Outro

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