176: Best Of: How to Believe Your Success is Inevitable

Episode 176: Best Of: How to Believe Your Success is Inevitable

 

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps after Babies radio episode number 176

Hello and welcome to Biceps after Babies radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife, and mom of four.  Each week, my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.

 

I coach from the perspective that your success is inevitable  0:44  

Hey, Hey, Hey, welcome back to another episode of Biceps after Babies Radio. So today, we're going to talk about something that's very near and dear to my coaching heart. And it is one of the core principles that I coach from. So anybody who has gone through Macros 101, will tell you that I am not a I don't know, “Normal coach.” I don't just sit there and cheerlead. I don't just say, “Yes, you're doing great,” or, I don't just tell you what to do, and say, “Hey, you should change your numbers or whatever.” That's not how I coach. I coach from a very specific coaching methodology. And a lot of that coaching methodology is based on what we're going to talk about today. So I have a couple of coaching beliefs that I hold on to as I coach clients. And this one is one of the most important and it's one of the ones that I find trips a lot of people up. And that is that I coach from the perspective that your success is inevitable. I also live my life from the perspective that my success is inevitable. When I set a goal, I choose to believe that I will absolutely hit that goal like there's no way that I'm not going to hit that goal. And that perspective and that belief shifts so many things for me. 

 

Create a self-fulfilling prophecy 2:02  

So why am I choosing to focus on this? Why am I choosing to focus a whole podcast episode on believing that your success is inevitable? Why are we not talking about the logistics? Right? How to track a recipe or how to work my fitness pal or all the How to's. And the reason is because if you don't believe that your success is possible and inevitable and a sure thing to happen, it doesn't matter how many of the How to's I give you. It doesn't matter if I teach you how to count your Macros if you know the and the science behind it. That none of that stuff will matter because you won't execute on it in the way that is going to get you results. If you don't believe something is going to happen, you will create a self-fulfilling prophecy. So what does this look like? I liken this to my kids at dinnertime. Where if we're feeding something new to our kids, and I put it in front of them, and they're like, “Eww, I don't like that. That looks gross. Like, I'm not gonna eat like that. And we in our rule– in our house, we've shared before that we have a two-bites-no-fights rule, which our kids do know. But if our– if my kid is sitting down and looking at this plate of food and like, “Eww, I'm not gonna like that.” Even if I can get the kid to try it, how likely do you think they are to like it versus not like it? If they go in with the belief that they don't like it? Right? Regardless of how delicious it is, most of the time, a kid will be like, “Nope, don't like it. I told you I didn't like it.” And what we're doing is we're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. And how would that shift if your kid had a plate of food before them, and they were like, “I've never seen this before. I don't know if I'm gonna like it or not, but I'm gonna– I think I'll like this. This looks like something maybe I will like”? How much more likely do you think that kid will be to actually enjoy that dish, or enjoy the food that he or she is eating if they go in with the belief that they will like it? So this idea of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy happens so often in people's fitness journey. And it stems often from this part of you that doesn't believe what you want to accomplish, or whatever your goal is possible. And so our brains when we think something may not be possible, or we think it may put us in discomfort, or we think it may put us outside of our current realm, our current comfort zone, our brain likes to come up with ways to keep us safe. And to keep us from taking that risk. It views that goal as a risk because we have this part of us that believes that we might not hit it. And so that's a risk and our brain is always trying to keep us safe. And so it will encourage us in ways to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don't believe you're going to be able to do something, you won't. Right? 

 

Self-fulfilling prophecy is also manifested in fitness journey 5:11  

And so I see this in people's fitness journey. When you set a goal, anytime you set a goal, a part of you believes that it's possible, right? Most people are not going around setting goals that they don't– they are 100% confident that it's not possible, right? I'm not going around saying, “I want to have a 600 pound squat,” right? I don't think that's possible for me. I've never actually seen those 600 squats on a woman. So I don't really think it's possible for me and I wouldn't set that goal because nope. All of me believes it's not possible. When you do set a goal, when you choose to work for something or choose to set something in your sights, there is a part of you that believes you can accomplish it, otherwise, you would not be setting the goal. Now, oftentimes, there is also a part of you that believes you cannot achieve it. And this is the part of you that we have to work on, and we have to shift because that little part of you that doesn't believe it's possible, will create that self-fulfilling prophecy. Will create that self-sabotage that causes you to know what you're supposed to do, or what action you will take, or what choice you're supposed to make and then not make it in order to create this self-fulfilling prophecy. 

 

Will quitting really helps?  6:13  

Now here's a little bit of the irony, when you don't actually believe you can do something when you think that maybe you can't have a goal, then your brain views that as a failure as a negative outcome of something that's risky. And so your brain will cause you to not take the action you need to take to get the result that you want, which ultimately ensures that you are going to get that very negative outcome that you were so worried about, right? You were worried that you weren't going to be able to hit the goal, so then your brain causes you to take actions that make it so you won't hit the goal, which actually ensures the outcome that you didn't want. Which is so crazy to me, and I always say that the only way that you will not get the result that you want is to quit, and that's what I see so many people doing is they don't quite believe that they it's possible, they don't quite believe that they can do it, and so they end up quitting which is the only way you can't get what you want. To quit something is literally the only way that you can guarantee you aren't going to get the result. And so it's this great irony that our brain doesn't like, “I think this is going to happen. That's really scary. We're not gonna be able to get this result, so I'm going to self-sabotage you in a way so that you won't get the result, which is the very thing that I was afraid of.” It's like this circular thinking that doesn't really logically make a whole lot of sense. But that's how our brain works because its job is to keep us safe. 

 

Believe it  7:57

So hopefully, you're understanding why we're talking about this today. Why this is such an important topic, and if it's something that you don't address if you just get caught up in learning the How. You just get caught up in reading about the science and about the numbers and about the math, and you just stay in that realm, but a part of you doesn't believe that it's possible. It doesn't matter how much knowledge you gain, you will not consistently take the action that you need to take in order to get the result that you want. So for a lot of people, and this is why in Macros 101, we start with this belief– believe it. Module number one is all on believing. We get to module number two, where I teach you the how and we dive into the actual nitty-gritty, but I start with the belief because that has to come first before you can take the knowledge and consistently apply it which is what ends up getting you the results, so you believing your success is inevitable, you believing that the goals that you want to achieve are possible and extinguishing that part of you that doesn't believe, needs to be super high on your priority list and needs to be a part of your fitness journey. And unfortunately, it's not where most people focus, it's not where most coaches focus, and it's not where most clients innately focus themselves. Plus, uncovering these beliefs can be challenging to do on your own because to us, the beliefs that we have and the beliefs that we hold to our truths. We have the thought so many times that we have now established it as a truth in our mind, and often can take an outside observer to be able to help you to uncover and recognize some of the beliefs that you are holding on to that can be limiting you from the results in the goals that you're trying to achieve. 

So we understand, hopefully, that it is so valuable to take the time to do the work, to be able to believe that what you want is inevitable and it's going to happen. 

 

3 steps to help you believe that your success is inevitable  9:41  

So I have three steps to take you through to be able to help you get to the place where you believe that your success is inevitable.

 

Get crystal clear on what your goal is  9:48  

So the first step is for you to get crystal clear on what your goal is. And I see this so often when I ask people what their goal is, I'm always floored that either sometimes I'll get glassy-eyed or this, “I don't know really what I'm working towards right now,” or this overarching, “I'm trying to be healthier,” or this really vague, “I want to feel good in my body.” And I want you to think right now about the current fitness, health, whatever goal that you currently have right now, okay? You're getting clear on it? Can you recite it? Can you repeat it? If not, I need you to take a pause. And I need you to do some thinking right now. What do you want to achieve? What is your goal right now? Doesn't mean that it has to be losing weight. It doesn't mean it has to be doing a pull-up. Whatever, if you want to find balance in your life, great. Just to get clear on what it is. Now, when you have a goal, and you've decided what it is, we need to get even more specific. Because if you don't have a finish line, if you don't have a defined outline of what that success is, you will never know if you will get there. So for example, if you have the goal to feel more balanced in 2020, that's your current fitness goal is just to feel more balanced, how the heck are you going to know when you are “balanced”? What specifically can you see that will tell you you've reached the result? What specifically will you see that will tell you that you have a better relationship with food? What specifically will you see that tells you feel confident in your body? What does that mean to you? And when we can get really specific and we can say, “I know that I feel confident in my body when I put on the jean skirt and I look at myself in the mirror and I like what I see.” “When I am able to go out with my friends without thinking about my body.” Whatever it is, we just need to be very specific. And I find this is where people fall short if they have goals, but they don't really know what would have to happen in order for that goal to be realized. And that is kind of like running a race without having a finish line. What if you just started a 5K and they're like, “You're just gonna run and you're just gonna know it when you finish. You'll just know. I'll just know when I'm done with the 5K”? Be like, “What the heck? No.” We need to have a finish line so that we actually know that we've achieved the goal that we set to achieve. And so I want you to ask yourself, are you currently trying to achieve a goal that doesn't have a very definitive finish line? And that doesn't mean it has to be like a number of pounds, doesn't mean that it has to be like a size dress, but if you have a goal to be more balanced, to have more moderation, to enjoy time with your family. Whatever your goal is, I want you to ask yourself the question, “How will I know when I've got that?” Okay? And in Macros 101 I have clients get very, very clear on their definition of success. And we have to have that definition. Otherwise, I find so many people just running a race without a finish line. And they're like, “I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I haven't reached the finish line.” And then when we get into it, there is no finish line. They don't really have a definite finish line. Well, no wonder you feel like you're never reaching the finish line because you don't have one. So I really want you to get clear on your goal, and your definition of success. If you don't know where you're going, you are probably going to end up somewhere else. Okay? So that goal and definition of success is really important.

 

How confident you feel that you can achieve that goal  13:45  

Okay. Number two, when you look at that goal, or you think about that goal, I want you to rate on a scale of 0-10, how confident you feel that you can achieve that goal. Now, I said at the beginning, most of us do not start goals that we absolutely don't believe we can achieve, right? Most people aren't going around setting goals being, “I think there's 0% likelihood that I'll achieve this, but I'm going to set the goal anyway,” right? So on that scale of 0-10, I really hope that you're not zero. You put in– it's probably not a goal that you should be having if you are zero confident that you are going to be able to hit that goal. So I want you to think through that goal that you've thought about that goal that you are trying to reach in 2020, how confident are you that you will achieve that goal? Give it a number 0-10. Now, if that number is less than seven, we have a problem. Okay? We have a belief problem. And I guarantee if you don't focus on that belief first before you get into the How to, if you don't focus on that belief before you learn how to count Macros, or start going to the gym, or whatever, you will self-sabotage. You will. You will create the self-fulfilling prophecy. And a lot of you have experienced in your past of doing that, which only gives you more evidence that you can accomplish what you want to accomplish. For those of you who have spent years dieting, or have yo-yo dieted have been successful, and then regain the weight back, you have a lot of evidence to support this idea that it's not possible for you. Okay? And we have to focus there before we get to the How. Okay? I hope that you're picking up what I'm putting down. 

 

Make a smaller goal or lengthen your timeline  15:34  

Now, if you are less than a seven, I do a lot of work in my coaching in helping you to raise that number, helping you to get higher than a seven, but I will give you one tip today on the podcast, again, I go way deeper into this, and when I coach Macros 101, but one thing that you can do if you are thinking, “Okay, I have this goal,” and maybe you're about a five with whether or not you can accomplish it, we can either make a smaller goal, or you can lengthen the timeline. Okay, so those two things if you said, “Okay, I want to lose 40 pounds by the end of 2020.” Okay, and maybe that feels like a five to you. You're like, “I don't know. I hope that I can do it. But I'm not 100% confident that I can lose 40 pounds in 2020.” Alright, so we can do two things. We can either make the goal smaller, or we can increase the timeline. So could we instead of saying, “I want to lose 40 pounds in 2020,” could you make it 10? Does that feel more believable to you? Or instead of saying, “I want to lose 40 pounds in 2020,” what if you say, “I want to lose 40 pounds by the end of 2021”? Right? So we increase the time– Does that make you believe more that if you had two years to do it, you could do it. Okay, so you can mess around with those two little things to hopefully get to a place where you have a goal where you are at least a seven, preferably like an eight or a nine or a 10 on how hard do you believe that you can achieve that goal. Okay, our goal with this exercise is to get really clear on what part of you how much of you doesn't believe it's possible and start to extinguish that. Start to increase the part of you that believes it's possible and extinguish the part of you that doesn't believe it's possible until you truly, truly, truly can look someone in the eye and say, “I know I'm going to get there in my goal.” It's not even a stress anymore. I just know what's going to happen. And I don't necessarily maybe know the timeline or I don't necessarily know exactly how it's gonna look and I don't know what's going to happen in between point A and point Z, but I know I'm going to get to point Z. And that my friends is a beautiful place to be in your journey. And that is when you are coachable and you look for evidence to support the fact that it's working and that you are making the changes that need to be made in order to get you to the result that you want to get. 

 

Find evidence to support your belief  18:04 

Okay, so first, we had to get really clear on your goal and your definition for success than I had you rate your belief and I'm hoping that we've been able to at least come up with a goal that has a belief on the 7-10 of the how-hard-you-believe-at scale and so then once we have that, we can go to step number three. And this is where you find evidence to support your belief. Okay, I get this a lot where people are like, “Okay, I have all of this evidence in my past,” right? “I tried this diet, it didn't work. I tried this, but it didn't work. I was able to lose 20 pounds doing this but then I regained it back,” right? A lot of you have a lot of evidence to support the fact that it's not possible for you, or that it's hard, or that it's going to take a long time, right? You have a lot of evidence. And so what I get a lot of people doing is saying, “I want to believe it. I want to believe that I can lose 20 pounds. But I have all of this evidence in my past that shows I can't so I will believe it when I see it. I believe that I can lose 20 pounds when I actually do it.” And, my friends, that is backwards. Okay? That is like saying, “I will get a paint brush after my bedroom wall is painted,” right? That doesn't make any sense. You have to have the paintbrush first. You have to have a paintbrush in order to paint the wall. Same thing applies to your journey. You cannot be waiting for the evidence in order to create a belief. The belief has to come first because the belief drives your actions which drives the outcome. So we need to scrap that all believe it when I see it. And we need to turn it around and say, “I will see it when I believe it.” Okay, and so as you're going through your journey, as you're going through this process of reading for this goal, I want you looking and searching for evidence to support your belief. To support this belief that it's working, to support the belief that you're going to get to the goal that you want, to support the belief that you are being successful right now. It's been said that you create things twice, first in your head, and then in the external world, and I couldn't agree with them more. We first create our results in our head. And then we create them in the external world. Okay, think about how powerful that is. So if you want to create– you want to change what's in your external world, you want to change your external results, you have to create it in your mind first. So it within as within so without, okay, what's going on inside is projected out into the external world. 

 

How do you find out evidence and support?  20:53 

Okay, so what does this mean? How do you find out evidence and support? I want you to look for reasons that you know that it's working. And use thoughts such as, “It's working.” Right? You step on the scale, and the scale goes up a pound, and you choose the thought, “It's working,” or you lose five pounds, but it feels like it's really, really slow, and like your friend is doing it faster, you think, “It's working, I'm doing it, I'm being successful,” and so I really want you to consider that. When you start to have those, “I'm frustrated, I'm not doing well, I'm not doing it fast enough, It's not happening fast enough,” Instead of dwelling on those thoughts, I want you to look for evidence of it working. And sometimes, and inside Macros 101, we talk a lot about celebrating wins, and I'm huge on you finding the wins. Okay, the wins, don't come out and bite you in the butt. Okay, you have to go find the wins. You have to actively be looking for those wins because they don't always come in the way that you think that they should come, they don't always come as numbers on the scale, they don't always come as measurement changes, but you are having wins. And if you aren't actively seeking them out, you aren't reinforcing that belief that this is working, that it is possible, that your success is inevitable. Now, I want to be really clear, this does not mean that we don't put on our scientists hat and experiment, and use the data and analyze the data and adjust according to the results that our body is giving us. No, I go through that in module four of Macros 101. We dive deep into that. So I'm not saying that we don't  put on our rose-colored glasses, and we don't do anything different. No, we need to adjust. But in the process of going through the data and the process of experimenting in the process of going through your weight loss journey, you must be looking for evidence that it's working. Okay. And when you start to do that, you will start to see that belief number rise because you have a lot of evidence that it won't work, you got to start finding evidence that it will, Okay?

 

Recap  23:11  

So, hopefully, that gave you something to chew on. And it gave you something to really maybe start to think about and work on for the goals that you have for 2020. Have you gotten crystal clear on what your goal is and your very specific definition of success? And I would encourage you if you have a number goal like you want to lose 40 pounds, right? If you have a number goal, instead of that being your clear definition of success, I would love it if you would take it one step further. You want to lose 40 pounds so what? What is that going to give you? What will 40 pounds lost give you? Is it going to increase your confidence? Is it going to make you feel better naked? Is it going to have a healthier relationship with food? Be a better example to your kids? What is it going to give you and then figure out what success in that area looks like. For example, “I want to lose 40 pounds so that I will be more confident in my clothes.” Now we ask the question, “How will you know when you are more confident in your clothes?” Okay, now we can get really specific. How will you know when you're more confident in your clothes? How will you know when you have a better relationship with your husband? How will you know when your kids have a better relationship with food? What specifically will tell you that you have reached that finish line? Okay, so get crystal clear on your goal and definition for success. Number two, rate your belief. And this is really just a feeling. When you ask yourself the question, “How hard do I believe this?” On a scale of 0-10, what percent of me believes that this is absolutely going to happen? We really want to get that at least over a seven and be actively working towards it being a 10. So if you don't believe it's possible if you're less than seven, we talked about two ways that you can increase that belief: to create a smaller goal, or to lengthen the timeline of the goal. And then number three is to start to find evidence and actively seek it out to support the belief that it's going to work, to tell yourself that it's working, to find evidence that you're making progress, to look for things, look for wins that tell you that, “Yeah, I'm doing it. I believe my success is inevitable. I absolutely believe that I'm going to be able to get the result that I want.” And I want you to know that as you do this, it will change things for you. It will change how you view your fitness journey, it will change the choices that you make, it will change the actions that you take, and that will drive the results that you want. So many people are doing it backwards. They think if they can just learn more then they'll be able to lose the weight. If they can just learn how to count Macros, then that's gonna change the game. If they can just learn how to cook healthy then everything's gonna be okay. And what I'm telling you is that while knowledge is an important piece, the other important piece that so many people are missing is the belief that it's possible. And if you cannot support the knowledge and the execution with the belief that it's going to work, you will create a self-fulfilling prophecy and you will self-sabotage. We talk a lot about self-sabotage inside Macros 101 because that's something I see very, very frequent in clients is this self-sabotaging behavior, and maybe that speaks to you. Maybe you've experienced that in the past. So that wraps up this episode of Biceps after  Babies Radio. A quick reminder, we opened doors to Macros 101 January 21st. And we do so much of this work inside of there on your beliefs on identifying them on uncovering them on getting you to believe that it's possible, and shifting those beliefs. So that when we teach the How, when I teach you how to count Macros when I teach you how to log your food, you actually will take consistent action, and that drives the results that you want to get. Thanks for listening. I'm Amber, now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything

 

Outro

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