362: An Easily Maintainable Weight Vs An Attainable One (My Story)

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 362.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke. And I want to start this episode off with a little bit of honesty, because this is a topic that feels deeply personal to me. And at the same time, incredibly universal for a lot of women. And it's about the weight that we live in, the body that we live in, and what is attainable for that weight and for that body, and then what's maintainable, and what feels right for each of us. And so if you've ever chased a goal weight, or you've ever chased a dream of fitting into a certain size clothes, you know how easy it is to get caught up in the numbers. And I talk a lot about data. And I talk a lot about allowing the data to guide your actions. But the truth is, is that not all weights are created equal in terms of how they feel to live at how sustainable they are to maintain, or what they demand from us, you know, mentally, physically, emotionally. And so this is something that I've learned firsthand throughout my journey. I've gone through bulks, I've gone through cuts, I've gone through maintaining, I've gone through everything in between. And I've experienced the difference between pushing myself to hit a weight that's attainable with, you know, some extreme effort, versus learning to live comfortably at a weight that is maintainable long term. And I will tell you that that shift wasn't just about the numbers on the scale, it was about redefining what success, what success looks like, and feels like for me.  

So in today's episode, I'm going to be sharing my story, me sharing some of the milestones, I'm going to be walking through kind of a timeline in history, some of the struggles, and some of the lessons that I've learned about aligning my weight, and my body with my values and lifestyle. And along the way, I want to help you explore some of the same questions maybe for yourself, you know, what's worth sacrificing? What's not worth sacrificing? How do you find that sweet spot between challenging yourself and pushing yourself and then also honoring your limits. So by the end of this episode, my hope is that you'll not only have a clear understanding of the difference between an attainable weight and a maintainable one, but that you will feel empowered to start to define what that looks like for you on your own terms. So let's dive in.  

Personal journey, privilege, societal influence 02:58 

So like I said, in the introduction, this feels very personal to me, because I am going to share a lot of my journey and my experience, and I'm going to be sharing a lot of numbers. And it was actually kind of fun for me to sit down to actually I went through and I looked through my my progress photos, I went and looked through all of my weights in MyFitnessPal and MacrosFirst, and you know, went back to different moments and videos I've taken throughout my time in the gym, and kind of pieced together a timeline of, you know, my experience and my journey. And that was really fun for me to kind of go back and kind of remember, oh yeah, I didn't realize that that fit into that time frame, and this is when I was doing a bulk, and this is when I was, you know, cutting, and just kind of piecing that all together, because it's been, you know, multiple, multiple, multiple years for this journey. And so that was a really fun experience, and I'll be sharing a lot of that today in this episode. So again, very personal. But I would be remiss if I didn't start this conversation without addressing a huge elephant in the room, especially for some of you guys listening, and that is that I have never lived in a larger body. I have never experienced the stigma or the judgment that so many women face on a basis, you know, unfair assumptions about your eating habits, unfair assumptions about how disciplined you are, how lazy you are, or even your worth, or how valuable you are, just based on appearance. And that is a privilege that I don't, I don't take lightly, and I want to be clear that obviously my story comes from that lens. So when I'm sharing numbers, and I'm sharing experiences like that, that's my experience, and I recognize it's not everybody's experience. And I want to acknowledge also that this conversation exists within two layers that I'm always kind of working within, and I've become really aware of more recently of kind of how these two layers play out for all of us as we navigate living in a society. And that is the individual's responsibility and the individual's power, while also existing in the societal systems and structures that we are all navigating.  

So these two dynamics are so important to understand the relationship between. So on one hand there is this ability for us as individuals to be able to craft the life that we want, to be able to redefine things in a way that works for us, to be able to take back our power in loving ourselves, in, you know, making a difference, making a change, not being a victim in whatever situations we're put in, right? So that's, there's a lot of the power that can be taken back on the individual level, and that's where I do a lot of my coaching around, because that's, ultimately, that's where you have the most control, is how you show up in your life, the thoughts that you think, the beliefs that you hold, the actions that you take in a day, right? You have the most control over that. But it is nearsighted to focus only on the individual, because it's just the reality that we all live in a broader context, we all live in a society, and simultaneously societal expectations, societal structures, systems of power are, we're influenced, we're influenced by those things. And so to place all the responsibility on the individual to change, I think is a misplaced responsibility. Obviously, we can control that the most, which is why I focus a lot there, but I think I'm remiss to say that of course there are societal structures, there are power structures at play, there are patriarchal structures at play, there are systems of oppression at play, like there's so many systems at play. And if we don't also focus on changing those systems, changing the way people think on a broader societal level, we're never going to have broad sweeping change. So it's one of those both and experiences. We need to come at this from the individual level, what can you do on an individual level to accept yourself, accept your body where you're at, fall in love with your body the way it currently is, while also putting pressure on the systems at large, society at large, to also learn to accept variety when it comes to bodies, to also not set one type of body up as the ultimate. 

Expand beauty standards, acknowledge privilege 07:15 

The truth is right now we have a very narrow idea of beauty, a very narrow idea of the ideal body. And so I think pushing back against that narrative is an important part of helping everybody to have a better experience no matter what size body they live in. So these are giant questions. You know, these are giant, giant questions. I don't have simple answers. But I think I would be remiss to even start this conversation without acknowledging that, acknowledging that it is easier to go through life in a smaller body, right? Nobody looks at me weird when I go out and I eat a hamburger. People in larger bodies have a stigma associated with it where people will look at you differently. They will judge you based off of your appearance. And you know, one of the things I've learned as I've gotten older is that we all struggle in some way. We all have our areas that we… our struggles are things that we're not great at, that we need to work on. And what's really hard in the realm of health and fitness is that it is… it's so visual.  

So an example is, you know, my husband and I had struggles a couple of years ago in our marriage. That was something that I… there was a lot of things that I needed to get better about, that I needed to work on, that I needed to fix, that we needed to work out. But none of it was visual to everybody who was watching. You know, it's not like we walk down the streets and people can like visually see those things. And that's not to say that living in a bigger body is bad. Like, I don't want to… I don't want to reinforce that stigma because I don't think it is. I think that we need to, again, widen our view of what a beautiful, acceptable body is. But at the same time, it is something that is… that people can see. And that, I think, is one of the hardest parts of it, is we all struggle in different ways. And what your body looks like is just something that so many people can see and so easily rush to judgments about. And so I just… I want to recognize that privilege as I come in and I talk about, you know, my highest weight and what that felt like. And, you know, acclimating to different weights along my journey. You may look at that and be like, that is so far away from my experience, Amber, because even at my lowest weight, I still was in a body that society doesn't deem as, you know, “acceptable”. And I just want to honor that and acknowledge that before I dive into sharing, you know, my story. And I hope that even if you have a different experience from mine and you maybe have a larger body, that maybe hopefully by listening to my experience, there will still be nuggets for you to be able to pull out of ways to think about this, of ways to learn to accept that maintainable weight versus maybe the attainable weight that requires you to sacrifice too much.  

Again, I don't have answers. I'm just saying this is a deep and nuanced topic and I don't want to go into sharing my experience without acknowledging it.  

Fitness Journey at 14 years old 10:18 

Okay, so let's dive a little bit in to my story. So my purpose in telling you all of all of this story isn't just to indulge myself in sharing my story. It is to walk you through the different stages that I've been in throughout my journey, the different weights that I've been in throughout my journey, how those different weights felt, and what I've learned about the difference between like something being attainable, being able to hit it, versus being able to easily maintain it. And those things are not the same thing. And I think a lot of times we get those confused. And so by sharing my experience and sharing the different phases that I've been through, that's kind of what I'm hoping to illustrate as I share my story.  

So we're gonna go back to when I was 14 years old, because this was such a pivotal moment for me. And this was when my mom, who has been a fitness instructor, taught group fitness like as long as I can remember. So my earliest memories were when I was probably three or four, and my mom would take us, well me and at that point it was probably just me, my sister, my brother, to the gym. And we would sit in the child care, which like connected to the group fitness room. Like there was a window between the child care and the group fitness room in the old YMCA that we used to go to. And I just remember sitting there watching my mom teaching group fitness while I was sat in the child care. So you know that was something from a very young age was modeled for me. My mom taught group fitness, step aerobics, regular aerobics for years. And so I would go with her sometimes to her step classes. That was always kind of a fun thing for me to show up. And then once I was 14, that was the minimum age you had to be in order to enter the weight room at the YMCA. 

And so when I was 14, it was like my birthday present, my mom took me into the weight room and she showed me the machines and she showed me the dumbbells. And that was when I was really introduced to weightlifting. And you know what's really cool about that story is that from a very young age, weightlifting as a female was very normalized for me. It was not weird for a woman to walk into the weight room because that's what my mom did. And that's, you know, I'm hoping to normalize that for my kids as well of seeing a woman go and lift barbells and seeing their mom go and compete in powerlifting competitions and CrossFit competitions and seeing that like very normalized is something I'm hoping to pass on because that was such a defining moment for me. From that moment forward, like going to the weight room wasn't weird, especially as a female. 

Weightlifting journey, college, pregnancy 12:43 

So I, you know, lifted on and off throughout my high school years, transitioned into college. I ended up taking a weightlifting class. I was interested and curious enough about learning about weightlifting that I actually took a college class and I learned a lot there. Continued my weightlifting through college. They had a gym and, you know, I was pretty regular of going in using the weights in the gym. And then I met my husband, we got married, and we moved to Pennsylvania for him to start med school. I was continuing, I had my last year of my nursing degree that I needed to finish while we were in Pennsylvania. And so during that year, I had access to the med school, like had a gym for any of like the med students or their families could use this gym for free. And so during that year when I was still in nursing school, I would go to the gym, this gym for free all the time, you know, lift weights. I also got pregnant during this year and I continued to lift weights. I remember people kind of side-eyeing me a little bit, you know, as my bump got bigger and bigger. But, you know, I continued lifting weights throughout my pregnancy. 

And then I had my baby. After that first year of med school, I had my oldest daughter. And at that point, I couldn't really see how I was gonna be able to go back to the gym because I didn't have any child care. And there was no child care person at this gym, right? It was just a weight room. And so I didn't know what I was gonna do with my baby to be able to go and use that weight room anymore. And so I had a friend and she convinced me to come and join the gold gym that was just down the road. Now, I have to like to take a side note because this was a really hard decision for me to make. And it makes me laugh, like giggle a little bit looking back on this of how hard a decision was it was for me to make. But if you've been through med school or or any sort of like postgraduate training, you know that you're very poor. Like, we were very poor at that point, right? I was still in nursing school. I'm not working. My husband's in med school. He's not working. We're paying tens of thousands of dollars to and we're going to intend $1,000 of debt to pay for medical school. Plus, we have to pay for our living expenses, right? It was we were very, very poor. 

Investing in Fitness Was Transformational 14:59 

And so gold gym was $30 a month. And I, it took me weeks to like make that decision to invest $30 a month into myself and into my health and fitness. And so for those of you who struggle to invest in yourself, like I get it, I get it. I it was a really, really a struggle for me. And finally, I broke down and I decided that the $30 a month was worth it. I got free childcare with that as well. I mean, it's amazing, right? So, so I decided, okay, I'm getting free childcare, this is going to allow me to be able to go and work out in a way that I haven't that I can't anymore, because I can't use this weight room. This is important enough, I'm going to do it. So that was a big defining moment for me to be willing to invest $30 a month into myself. And I started attending Zuma classes at Gold's Gym with this friend. And I loved it. I loved everything about it. I loved everything about group fitness. It was so fun. It was a time that I could like be me, right? I had this new brand new baby. You're so consumed by this identity of being a mother and and being a mother is all consuming in your, your emotional capacity and your physical capacity and your nursing this baby. And at the same time, I was able to get a break and go put my baby in the childcare, take one hour for myself, get into my body, move, have fun. And it was it was so healing for me on like so many levels. 

So I did that for the rest of the three years that we my husband was in med school, and just loved that time with my friends, dancing, working out, and you know, having just like a little bit of a breather and a little bit of space from being a mom, 24/7. As we were finishing up med school, this same friend wanted to get certified in teaching Zumba. And she kind of she invited me, she's like, let's go get let's go get certified. We could totally do this. We could totally teach classes. And I really wanted to, but man, I struggled with scarcity mindset. It's something I've worked through a lot, but it like shows up real big in these stories I tell back in the day. Again, it was like a money thing for me. It was like that I don't even remember how much it was. It was probably like $170, something like that. And the money was an issue. Again, it was like I held myself back because I, it was too expensive. 

So my friend had a relationship with my mother in law because my mother in law had come and visited and like gotten to know my friend. And so my friend reached out to my mother in law and actually got her to pay for it for a birthday present for me for that in that last year of med school. So thanks to my friend and thanks to my mother in law who has since passed away, I was able to go and get certified in Zumba. And I got my certification basically right before we left Pennsylvania to go off to residency.  

From Fitness Instructor to Nutrition Focused 17:42 

So I got my certification in Zumba. We moved to California to start residency for my husband who had four years of residency in California. And that's when I started teaching fitness classes. By that point, I had two kids. I had worked as a nurse in Pennsylvania. And I was able to like swing that and that's how we were able to afford all of our living expenses is I was able to work as a nurse mostly in like the evening and the overnight shifts so that we could kind of make childcare work. But then we moved to California and at this point, I had two kids. My husband's schedule was crazy pants, right? He's a resident. He's an OBGYN resident. So he's working 80 plus hours a week. He's working nights. He's working weekends. His schedule is never the same. And it just didn't make any financial sense for me to put my kids in daycare at this point to continue to work as a nurse. And so I hung up my nursing hat and decided to start teaching fitness classes. And so during the four years that we were in in California, that's what I did. And I got certified in other formats. I taught body pump, I taught CX works, I taught bar, I taught body combat body, did I say body pump and Zumba. So I taught like lots of different formats. I loved my time teaching. I taught at the YMCA in Southern California and then also at a 24 hour fitness. So it was just like, it was just, it was awesome. I just loved my group fitness time and loved the people that I got to meet. 

So then we moved from North Carolina, sorry, from California to North Carolina for my husband to do a three year fellowship in female pelvic reconstructive surgery. And I continued to teach classes. So I taught, you know, classes all three years while I was there, same formats, loved the people. I taught at O2 Fitness out there. Shout out to anybody who's still listening who used to go to my classes, but such a fun time, such amazing people. We loved the people in North Carolina. We really look back on our time there really fondly. So I taught, you know, for three years there. So on in year two of our three years, it was January 1st of 2016. And this is where I, and many of you have heard this story where I set my goal that really like changed the trajectory of my life. And I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's, it's literally the truth. This goal, this New Year's resolution that I set literally shifted the trajectory of my entire life. 

And this is when I set a goal that I wanted to get a six pack. I had been teaching classes for obviously like years and years. I went to the gym religiously and yet I felt like my body always looked the same. Like I was never able to actually build muscle or lose fat. It just was like always the same. And I knew that nutrition was the limiting factor. I knew I was working out a ton, but I knew that nutrition was what was really holding me back. And I had been scrolling Pinterest earlier in 2015 or late in like late 2015. And I had come across this blog and she was talking about back then it was called IIFYM, If It Fits Your Macros. And she was talking about IIFYM and she was talking about the science behind it. And I was like, Oh, this actually makes sense. Like this is from a biological nutritional standpoint, like this actually makes sense. 

And I read all about her journey and how she like got super lean. And she talked about her reverse dieting and all these things. And I was like, this makes sense. I want to try this out. And so January 1st, I set a goal to get a six pack. And I look back in my, in my like weight log, and I was around 135 pounds at this point. 

First Macro Cut & Perspective Shift 21:01 

So again, I'm going to share numbers, not as a comparison, but I just, I think it's helpful to have context and numbers. And if your numbers don't look anything like mine, that's okay. I'm not saying my numbers are good and your numbers are bad. I'm just, this is, this is my experience. I'm sharing my story. So January 1st, I was 135 pounds and I started counting macros for the very first time. 

And about 10 weeks later, so March 11th of that same year, I was down to 126 pounds. So I basically lost about nine pounds in about 10 weeks. And 126 pounds is, is like the leanest I ever got. And I look back at those photos and they're actually kind of hard for me to look at if I'm, if I'm being honest, because I was, I was pretty dang lean. It was pretty dang lean, but without a lot of muscle mass. Like I didn't actually have very much muscle mass. And so I look back at those photos and I remember like being so proud, taking progress photos and how proud, how lean I was. And I look back and I'm like, I actually didn't look that great. And you know, what's funny is at the point at that time, I thought I looked awesome. 

And I remember my husband even making some comments about like, you're getting kind of lean. Like, you're kind of losing a lot. Like, do you really, is this really the look that you're going for? And he was gentle and kind and supportive about it. He wasn't mean about it, but I just kind of shugged it off. And I was like, I look fantastic. What are you talking about? And it's just so, it's so funny when you're in it, it's sometimes so hard to see. And I look back on those photos and I'm like, yeah, I was, I was too lean. I, I was too lean. I didn't have an, I was under muscled. I didn't actually look as great as I thought it looked. Anyway, it's just interesting, our perspective and how it shifts and how sometimes like you can't really trust what you see in the mirror as the objective reality. Cause we're, you know, we're in this subjective reality, but anyway, so I gone down to 126 pounds and I, you know, went into like a maintenance period from there and I did not maintain at 126 pounds. And I think this is, this is the point. This is why I'm telling you numbers is because I didn't maintain my lowest weight. I ended up maintaining around 129 to 130 pounds. 

So I just want to create that context because I hear so often from people who feel like that's like they went backwards, right? It's like, I started at 135, I got down to 126 and I maintained around 130 and they look at that as like, I was, I was unsuccessful. Like I lost nine pounds, but I've only been able to maintain a loss of five pounds. And somehow that's like a failure. Like I didn't do it right because I didn't maintain that lowest weight that I hit. And so this is that first opportunity to where I really started to learn the difference between an attainable weight and a maintainable weight. And, you know, very basically, uh, attainable weight is one that you can hit. It means you can get there. It probably requires a little bit more sacrifice. It probably requires a little bit more intentionality, a little bit more of saying no to things, but you can get there, but it might require, oftentimes requires more sacrifice than you're willing to give to maintain. 

And a maintainable weight is one where you can maintain that longterm. And it's, you know, I, I like to sit at an easily maintainable weight. You know, there's different levels of how easy it is to maintain for different people and what they're willing to, to give in order to maintain. But I really clearly learned there is a difference between a weight and I can attain that 126 and one that I can comfortably maintain, which was more like a 130.  

Powerlifting, Bulking & Competition Success 24:21 

So that was 2016. Fast forward into 2017 was when I first started getting into powerlifting and I hired a powerlifting coach and I'm still teaching classes on the side, but I, I wanted to get strong and build some more muscle. And so at this point I decided to go into my very first bulk because I was really trying to push muscle mass and strength with my powerlifting. And during this time I got as high as about 142 with my bulk. So I gained about 12 pounds over this process and was able to really work on getting my numbers as high as possible, my strength as high as possible. And you know, that was, uh, that was a fun time. Uh, I, during this time we moved back to California. So my husband finally finished fellowship and got a job as an attending. And you know, I moved back to, we moved back to Orange County. I started teaching classes again for just a little while when we moved back to California. But by this point I was doing a lot of my own powerlifting and my business was starting to ramp up. And I decided, I made the decision, I think it was about 2018 that I was going to pull back from teaching classes and to stop teaching fitness classes. And I was going to really utilize that time to go all in on my business. You know, during this time, again, I had gone through this bulk, I got as high as 142 pounds. 

And I do remember that feeling of like feeling a little bit uncomfortable in my body. And this is something that is, is pretty universal as you go through gaining weight intentionally is it's mentally challenging. It's physically challenging. I know everyone thinks, Oh, it'd be so fun to bulk. You just like eat whatever you want, but there's a challenge to it as well. And anyway, I did decide to do a powerlifting competition. And so that was in the end of November and middle of November in 2017. So it's like later that year. And so I had, you know, gained up to 142 pounds. And I decided I wanted to compete in the 63 kilo class. So I had to get under 130.6 is like the conversion rate there. So I did do a cut before the competition, a little cut to to bring my weight down so that I could compete in this weight class. 

And I did it, I placed third, I got third place in my weight class, which I was really, really proud of. This is where I hit my 303 deadlift, which had been my goal for a really long time was to be able to hit up above 300 pound deadlift. So I had a 303 deadlift in that competition, I hit a 231 squat, and a 148 bench at that. It was kind of fun, actually, as I was I had to like go back and like look those numbers up, because I didn't I didn't quite remember exactly what they were. And so it's fun to go back and watch my lifts from that competition. And yeah, it was just, you know, that was I was very strong at that time, and had been eating a lot to be able to support that strength, put on some weight, and, you know, was feeling pretty good. 

Transitioned from Powerlifting to CrossFit 27:16 

So then fast forward to about a year later, in September of 2018, was when I started CrossFit. So I kind of got burned out of powerlifting. There becomes a point where you see a lot of progress, you see your numbers go up, you're able to add strength, you know, somewhat rapidly in the first part of doing something new and in powerlifting. And I got to the point where it was like very evident to me that if I wanted to put five pounds on my squat, it was going to take me six months. And you know, you just get to that point where like the returns are so much less and you have to invest a lot more time and effort and energy to get lower returns on strength increases as you kind of start to reach the top of your of your potential in terms of strength gains. And I just kind of got bored of doing the same three lifts over and over again, bench deadlift, squat, bench deadlift, squat. 

And then I also was craving what I loved about group fitness was like working out with other people. I'm so social that it was really hard. I was working out in our in our gym in the backyard when I was doing my powerlifting training and I just needed other people to be around me. So my friends Heidi and Natalie from Butter Your Macros invited me to their CrossFit gym and you know, I never looked back. And CrossFit was such a beautiful blend for me of being able to take all the strength that I had built in my powerlifting days and be able to now apply it in new ways and new creative ways, right? Learning how to handstand walk, learning how to do muscle ups, learning how to do some of the Olympic lifting, you know, your cleans, your jerks. And it was just like a fun, it was fun. It was so fun for me to be able to take my strength and my fitness and apply it in all these new unique ways. And there was lots of learning to be done. And there was an awesome community. And I really, really, I loved, I loved it. I knew like, I actually told my, I told Heidi and Natalie, I was like, I can't go to CrossFit until I'm ready to actually transition to it because I know when I get there, I'm going to love it. So let me wait until like, I'm ready to make that transition. And then, you know, in September of 2018 was when I made that transition.  

So what, what happened to my weight during that time? So I lost weight going into CrossFit. And I, I think, I know some of it was muscle mass. So that's a really important distinction as I ended up going from about, you know, maintaining at like a 138 to maintaining around a 136. And that, that was muscle mass that I lost, I could tell. There's just more cardio that I was doing more cardio with CrossFit than I had ever was doing with my powerlifting. And, you know, it impacted my strength, it impacts my muscle mass. And that's just kind of the give and take of realizing you can only maximize for one adaptation. And the more cardio I'm doing, yeah, my cardio is getting better, my CrossFit is getting better, but my strength is going down and my muscle mass is going down slightly, you know, not, not significantly, but, but slightly from where I was in my top, you know, strength, you know, when I was at my top strength. 

So then fast forward to, you know, going through the pandemic and 2022, I did another bulk, I got back up to like 142 pounds. And really, I've kind of maintained around 142 pounds since then, that's kind of been my new standard weight. So, you know, at my lowest weight, I was 126, maintained for a while at 138, I then, or sorry, 135. And then I creeped up to, you know, 138. And then now here we are at 142. So I've maintained at 142 for a while. And I've realized because I've gone through a couple of cuts in the last little while that I can get down to about 138. But it's, it's actually quite hard for me to maintain their living the lifestyle that I want to live. So I've learned to accept and live at a little bit higher weight, because it's a lot easier for me to maintain. 

And again, this is where I acknowledge that, like, maintaining at a slightly higher weight that is still a weight that isn't stigmatized by society is important for me to recognize, right? It's like, I know other people are having to live at higher body weights that are stigmatized by society. And that is a different experience. So I do want to share though, what I've learned about acclimating to a higher body fat percentage, a higher weight, and how I've started to kind of think about it in in hopes that maybe it can influence or shape the way that maybe you're thinking about your body. 

Attainable vs. Maintainable Weight Balance 31:40 

So the first thing is, I want to go back to this idea of the difference between an attainable weight and a maintainable weight. And this has been such an aha for me, because it really comes down to what am I willing to do in order to, you know, stay at this weight? And what am I willing to give up? What am I willing to do consistently? What am I willing to put into this process? And what results does that translate into? And the reality is, is that I'm usually able, willing to put in more effort, more time, more focus, more restrictions, more saying no to things in order to hit a weight. And the reality is, is I'm not willing to do that all for the long term. And that's really the difference.  

And so one of the things that I do in MACROS 101, when my clients come in, is we have this conversation about non-negotiables. And I think this is when we start our journey, thinking about what am I willing to give up? What am I willing to change in my life? And what am I not willing to change? What am I not willing to give up? And that would be your non-negotiables. It's like, even if I could have, you know, 15% body fat and a six pack and look really great, if I have to give up date nights with my husband, I'm not willing to do that. That's not, it's not, I'm not willing to make that sacrifice for, for that result. And so that's this idea of non-negotiables, is it can be really powerful in your life to look and say, what am I willing to do and what am I not willing to do? Even more important, what am I not willing to do? What am I not willing to give up in order to create the results? And again, this is gonna be different for everybody. 

Some people have no problem with tracking and weighing their food for life and they're like, I'm totally willing to do that for the rest of my life to maintain a certain body size. And, and awesome. Like that's their decision. For me, I'm not willing to do that. That's not something I'm willing to do forever. I'm not willing to not go out to eat. I'm not willing to skip date nights with my husband. I'm not willing to track while I'm on vacation. These are things that I'm currently not willing to do. And so the what, where it's easy for me to maintain will be different than maybe something that I could do for a sprint or a short period of time to be able to attain. And again, this is going to be different for everybody. But the empowering thing here and the takeaway from here is, is not what I'm willing to do. The question is, is what are you willing to do? What are your non-negotiables? And if you do the things you're willing to do and not do things you aren't willing to do, are we okay just allowing with whatever shape or size our body is at at that point of that being enough of that being okay?  

Self-Acceptance Beyond Body Size 34:23 

So that's thing number one that's helped me to be able to acclimate over time at a higher weight and a different body composition. Like to be fair, I am not as lean as I was. I carry more body fat. My body fat percentage is higher. And you know, it's, I'm, I'm okay with it. I have learned to accept my body and love my body at a bunch of various weights and sizes over the years, especially through pregnancy. And it is irrelevant of the weight or size that I am. And that's some of the other work that I've done that I want to kind of share. So some of the ways that I've been able to separate myself and not, and be able to accept living at a higher weight, a higher body fat percentage. 

One is the realization and the thought that I constantly come back to that I am not my body. And I know that this is hard again, because our bodies are so visual and people look at our bodies and they do, they make judgments, they make assumptions. This is where we got to, we got to work on the societal part of it as well, as well as the individual part of it. Can we get people to the place where they're not making assumptions about people's bodies and people based off of their bodies? I think we should work toward that as well. But at the same time, when I can come back to the place of I am not my body and I can separate who I am, my worth, my capabilities, who I am as, you know, on a deep level as a person that that is not the same as my body, that helps me to keep that separation of like, if I gain weight, that doesn't mean anything about me as Amber, as deeply who I am as an individual. Those are completely separate. 

Focus on Strength, Not Appearance 35:58 

The other thing that's been really helpful for me, this is again a plug for weightlifting, is that it's really helpful for me to focus on what my body is capable of and what my body can do rather than what, a fly just flew into my face, then rather than what my body looks like. And so again, this is where weightlifting can be so powerful for so many women, is you're focusing on the weight on the bar going up rather than always the weight on the scale going down. And that can be very empowering to have that be your focus. 

Now at the same time, I have to be careful with that because, you know, I had an experience last year of getting injured and my body couldn't do things that it used to be able to do. So what I don't want to do is take this placement from, I am not my body, I am not what my body looks like, but then just misplacing that onto, I am what my body can do. You see what I'm saying? Like, that's also dangerous territory. Because what if I get injured and I'm not able to lift? Or what if I am paralyzed? Or what if I come down with a chronic illness? Or, you know, what if my capabilities of what my body is able to do is diminished from where it is now? I'm still the same person, right? Like I'm still the same Amber on the inside. And so I have to be careful with that of not just misplacing, I am not what my body looks like, but I am what my body does. So that's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying we should jump to that next one. But that is very helpful for a lot of women and being able to detach from their weight or their body fat percentage.  

Prioritizing Feelings Over Appearance 37:27 

I focus a lot on how I feel. And this can be tricky too, because a lot of times our brains can play a lot of funny tricks on us. And the number of times that I've had women go through my program, and we're in a reverse, and they're adding, you know, they're eating more calories. And they're like, they come to me and they say, Amber, I feel fluffy, just feel thicker, I feel bigger, which is valid. I really believe them that they feel that way. But we go into the data, and none of the data actually supports that. And so sometimes our minds play tricks on us, and you really do feel a certain way. You feel fluffy, you feel thick, you feel heavier than normal. But that is why it's so important to make decisions off of data and not feelings, which is why I push that so much in my programs is how can we make data driven decisions rather than just like I feel this way, because a lot of times our brains will play tricks on us.  

But I do I focus on how I feel. And what makes me feel energized, what makes me feel good, what makes me feel happy, right? That's what I'm focusing on, not necessarily, like what my body looks like, or other people's experiences of my body. It's like, how do I feel? How do I get back into my body? How do I feel in my body? And I prioritize that.  

Consistent Positive Self-Affirmations 38:40 

I also focus on giving myself positive affirmations. You're likely telling yourself either positive or negative things all frickin day long, why not make them positive? Why not tell yourself the stories and the lies of like, I'm amazing. I'm, I'm, you know, beautiful, incredible, wonderful, smart, successful, all healthy. I'm an athlete, all the things. So affirmations are a really important part of creating your reality. The things that we tell ourselves over and over again are what become our reality. We actually create it with our words, our thoughts are, you know, what we repeat over and over to ourselves. 

And so I'm really focused on giving myself positive affirmations. And I say the same things. I will tell you this, I say the same things to myself when I look in the mirror today, as I did when I was 126, as I did when I was nine months pregnant. Like the affirmations are the same. They're not, they don't change based off of what my body looks like, because those affirmations are still true, regardless of the external appearance.  

Focus on Effort, Release Outcome 39:37 

And then, you know, this is, I've said this already, but I kind of want to say it in different ways. I just really focus on what I'm willing to do to get the results and letting go of the rest of it. I recently had an experience just recently, this was over like the summer I ended up was like, Oh, let's do a cut. Like it's been a long time since I've cut. I've been in maintenance forever. I've hopefully built some muscle. Let's do a cut. And I was able to drop, you know, four-ish pounds. I was able to see more definition, yada, yada, yada, all those good things, successful. I went on a couple trips, I got away from tracking quite so much and I've regained that weight back. And I didn't make it mean anything about me. I'm not sad about it, but it was a really good reminder for me that while I can lose the weight, like I can get down a couple more pounds, I can get leaner. It isn't super easy for me to maintain. And I'm at the point in my life where I want to just, I just want to live. I just want it to be easy. And so I'm happy weighing a couple more pounds, but having it be super easy for me to think about it. And I, you know, don't have to like track everything and all that stuff. So I really focus on what I'm willing to do to get the results. And once I've done those things that I'm willing to do, I kind of let go. I let the rest kind of go and just settle where it needs to be.  

Balance, Acceptance, and Control 41:02 

So those are some of the things that I've learned about different weights, about the difference between an attainable weight and a maintainable weight, and how I've acclimated to different, like different size bodies, different looks for my body throughout the years. And, you know, the realization that I've had over and over that, like, while we do have some control over our bodies and what they look like, and how much muscle we add, and how much fat we add, we do not have universal control over our bodies. And maybe that's my like, final point that I want to leave with is, this is not a black and white of like, yes, you have 100% control, or you don't have any control over your body, there's just a set weight, and you just have no control. Right? The reality is somewhere in the middle. The reality is, is that we all have genetic potential. And we all have genes that play into some people living in larger bodies. And that being the natural, normal place for their body to be is in a larger body. And I just hope that we as a society are moving to the place where we can just accept that that is just like there are different, you know, I always like the analogy of there's different types of dogs, right? There's big dogs, there's little dogs. And we don't look at the big dogs and be like, what's your problem? Why don't you look at the little dog, we just accept that there's different breeds of dogs. And they all look kind of different. And they're all great dogs are all great. And it's the same thing.  

I hope that we can get to that point with with people of like, people come in all different shapes and sizes naturally and normally. And I know that there's this hard conflation with like health and there's hard conflation with, you know, do you eat the right foods, you do get enough exercise, the larger body is that an unhealthier body. And this has been the push with like the health at every size movement is this idea that the size of your body doesn't necessarily determine how healthy you are, that we can be very healthy in a variety of sizes of bodies.  

So anyway, I'm kind of talking around in circles. But I think this is obviously an important topic. And one that I think is, is maybe not talked about enough in the in the fitness industry, especially when you have a bunch of thin, white women who are setting the standard for like, this is what a healthy, physically fit body looks like. And that the reality, that's not the reality. There are lots of people who can be in healthy, physically fit bodies that may not fit that standard thin, small, lean physique. And allowing for the different the variety of bodies, I think is is just such an important next step. And I want to be part of helping to expand that idea with, you know, with people and at the same time recognizing that it's not all outside of your control, right? It's not all or nothing. It's not 100% without outside of your control. And it's not 100% within your control. It's somewhere in the middle. And so we, when we control what we can control, and we let go of the rest, that's where this beautiful middle ground falls into. And that's really what I think when we get to that place of what can I easily maintain, we're controlling what we can control. And we're letting go of that which we can't control.  

So thanks for sticking around listening to my musings. Hopefully this give you some insight, maybe some things to think about in your own journey. And if you like this episode, make sure to leave a rating and review on whatever podcast platform you're listening on. That really does help the podcast to reach the right audience and to be able to grow. Thanks for being here. And that wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber. Now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything. 

Outro

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