344: If You Say “I Hate My Body” You Aren’t Alone (And How To Change It) with Aimee Mccarrey [I Did It Series]

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 344.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, and I have another fantastic episode of the I Did It series where we interview women who are doing the dang thing. They're on their journey. They are making the changes. No one's ever at the end of a transformation, but they've made progress from where they started. My whole goal with bringing these women on is to be able to give you hope and insight into the things that are possible. I think sometimes it can be really hard to feel like change is possible and to know how to make that change. What are the steps? What do I need to go through? What do I need to do in order to create that change? If we can talk to people, or listen to people, or learn from people who have done the thing that we want to do, have improved the area that we want to improve, we can learn from those people and maybe skip some of the harder parts, or maybe know where to focus our attention to be able to create the same transformation. Aimee Mccarrey was so gracious to be able to come on to share some of the things that she's learned along her journey. I think a lot of the things that she has struggled with and has made a lot of progress in are things that so many of you who are listening will also very much relate to. 

In the episode, we talk about how she has improved her self-image and a lot of the negative thinking that she tends to default to, how she's really been able to improve that so that she isn't so negative about herself. She isn't so negative about her body. We talk about how she was able to develop her own confidence, how she was able to get out of overwhelm and into action. Really, her secret sauce that you'll hear as a theme throughout the episode is how important small, little bite-sized pieces of action are. She talks a lot about baby stepping and how transformational that has been in her journey. I think it's one of those things that intellectually we can hear, yeah, make small changes, baby step your way. I think we can intellectually hear that and think it makes sense, but I find that a lot of women struggle to actually apply that piece of advice into their own journey. It's just so easy to brush it off and say, oh, that's not going to make a difference. Oh, that's too small. Reach for the stars and then wonder why you aren't making any progress because you get down on yourself because those huge changes feel like they're so incredibly out of reach. When we can break those down into small baby steps and really just continue to make progress over and over and over again, even though it may seem small and it may seem like it's not going to make that big of a difference over the long run, it really does. You're going to hear that theme play out in a lot of Aimee's advice and how she's been able to make these transformations in her journey. A lot of it comes down to being willing to just make it small and make it one step at a time. I think that is one of the messages that I hope that you really get from this interview with Aimee. Without further ado, let's jump into it. 

Amber B 03:46 

I am so excited to welcome Aimee Mccarrey to the podcast. Amy, how are you doing?  

Aimee Mccarrey 03:53 

I'm good. How are you doing?  

Amber B 03:54 

I'm doing excellent. I'm really excited for people to hear a little bit about your story. Let's start with just a little bit of an introduction. Anything that you want to tell people about you, maybe a little bit about your story and what brought you to the point of joining MACROS 101?  

Aimee Mccarrey 04:10 

Sure. I don't know. I feel like my identity is kind of I'm a mom. I'm in that phase of life where I don't have a whole lot else. I'm also a musician. I'm the biggest band geek, music geek out there.  

Amber B 04:25 

What do you play?  

Aimee Mccarrey 04:27 

I play a few instruments. I have a music ed degree, but my primary instrument is clarinet.  

Amber B 04:33 

Awesome. That's so fun. That's a cool tip about you.  

Aimee Mccarrey 04:37 

Yeah, a little fun fact. As far as what brought me to MACROS 101, I won't go into the whole story. I've kind of always had a poor self-image. I remember when I was a kid, I had a pretty okay self-image. It kind of hits more so in high school, but I remember having a few moments of self-negativity. It got a little worse in junior high, even worse in high school, but it was still okay. Then just over the years, it's gotten progressively worse. I think what it is is I've gotten into this habit of thinking negatively about myself and I need to learn how to break those habits. And through a series of events, I came across Jodi Moore in Better Than Happy. She talks about, well, sorry, let me back up just a little bit. After having babies, your body changes. I would try to change my circumstances. If I get different makeup, if I get cuter clothes, if I change my hair, get highlights, I'm trying to change my circumstances. A part of me knew that that wasn't going to work, but I wanted to try something. I didn't know what else to try. Then, like I said, a series of events led me to finding Better Than Happy. What Jodi Moore teaches is a watered-down version. Your circumstances don't cause your feelings. Your thoughts cause your feelings. Circumstances cause your thoughts, cause your feelings. I needed to work on my thoughts, not trying to change myself. Then in listening to one of the podcasts, I listened to a podcast where you were a guest. I was like, oh, Biceps After Babies? Well, I'm not done having babies. I'm pregnant right now. I need to wait until after babies. 

And then, after I had my baby, my third baby, I was like, I think I can try something. Let me search around, listen to Amber's podcast. Then I thought maybe I could do this. Then your five-day challenge came up. I think that was like January, February. Is that right?  

Amber B 07:01 

Yup. 

Aimee Mccarrey 07:02 

I just felt like everything resonated with me. I've never really done a diet. I've done health challenges, but I couldn't commit to diets because nothing seemed like, I don't know, it just didn't seem totally right. Then everything you taught, I'm like, I can get on board with this. So, I did the five-day challenge, and then that led into MACROS 101.  

Amber B 07:27 

Yeah. That's awesome. If you were going to say one or two things that you were really struggling with that led you into taking that next step into MACROS 101, what were those things that you were really struggling with?  

Aimee Mccarrey 07:47 

Definitely my thoughts, but also just feeling like I don't know what to believe. There is so much information out there, and it's conflicting. Some of it just doesn't seem right. Seeing what you taught in the five-day challenge, I was like, maybe this stuff could actually work. You know, this whole idea of not restricting yourself, of allowing yourself some freedom, but reining it in, that just seemed like it would be good. It just felt right, whereas the media was really conflicting. I think that was the main thing. One, it just seems like a lot of alumni would talk about how you worked on the thoughts, not just your body. You work on your thoughts, your mind, and empowering yourself and your whole mindset. Then two, having information that seemed right, if that makes sense. 

Amber B 08:53 

Yeah, totally. That's something I hear from a lot of people. I think it can feel very overwhelming and very conflicting in this space because there are so many varying voices, loud voices saying conflicting things. One person's like, eat low-carb, and the other person's like, no, eat high-carb. One person's like, lift weights, and they're like, no, that'll spike your cortisol. There is so much conflicting advice when it comes to nutrition and exercise in the space. One of the things that I really want to give to women is I want to teach you the science because there is science behind it. Understanding that can give you a leg up of understanding the science. But at the end of the day, I would be interested to hear if you felt this way. At the end of the day, it's like, I don't want you to trust me. I don't want you to just do what I tell you to do. What I want to teach you is one of the reasons it's so conflicting is because you're going outside of yourself to get answers from everybody else. I just want everybody else to tell me what to do. At the end of the day, I think there's knowledge, there's science, and we need to understand that. At the end of the day, I want you to be able to start to trust yourself. I think that's what a lot of women lack is that self-trust. They look to everybody else to tell them what to do. If we can develop that self-trust where you even said it yourself, you're like, I was hearing conflicting advice of other people, but it didn't feel right to me. 

That's that turning inward and recognizing that you have a unique circumstance that needs to come into play, that your intuition can guide you, and that not everything is going to be right for you specifically. If you can learn how to, one, understand the science, which is really important, but then you can be more judicious with what you let in from external sources because you have that internal reference point of like, what do I think about this? How is this going to work for me?  

Aimee Mccarrey 10:42 

Yeah, I agree with that. It is easier to have somebody tell you what to do. 

Amber B 10:45 

Totally, it's way easier.  

Aimee Mccarrey 10:47 

Yeah, teacher, tell me all the answers. Then I don't have to go to the effort of learning. 

Amber B 10:53 

Yeah, right. That's right. Using kids is a good one because we all inherently know that it would be easier for our kids to do their homework for them. That would be easier for them, but why don't we do our kids' homework? Because we know that while it would be easier, it stunts their growth. It stunts their ability to be able to learn and to grow. It's the same thing with us. 

If we are always using everybody else as an external reference point, we're just listening to other people and having them tell us what to do. It may feel easier, but at the expense of your growth and your ability to evolve and your ability to change.  

Aimee Mccarrey 11:32 

Yeah. 

Amber B 11:33 

Yeah, it's really good. Each of us have unique challenges. This is one of those things that we're talking about with why it's so important for you to develop that internal reference point because some women work, some women don't. Some women have kids, some women don't. Some women have different diseases, some women don't. Some women have more time than others or more free time than others. There's different unique challenges that all of us have. What were those unique challenges for you, some of those unique circumstances as you're coming into this process and as you're looking to change things in your life? What was something that was unique that you had to overcome?  

Aimee Mccarrey 12:11 

Well, one thing that I'm still working on as far as physical challenges. Before I got pregnant with my third baby, I developed what's called exertional compartment syndrome.  

Amber B 12:25 

Interesting.  

Aimee Mccarrey 12:25 

Yeah. I was training for a half marathon and it just flared up really bad. What it is, is the compartments in your legs, the fascia won't expand enough to allow blood flow, so then the blood pressure in that muscle just can't go anywhere. Then it hurts really bad.  

Amber B 12:48 

And it can be dangerous, too.  

Aimee Mccarrey 12:50 

Yeah, yeah. 

Amber B 12:51 

Compartment syndrome can be dangerous.  

Aimee Mccarrey 12:53 

That's what I learned. Not from experience, but just from other people telling like there's a, and there's the other, there's different types and stuff, but I didn't get to the emergency situation. Thankfully, I thought I was going to have to get surgery. I found physical therapy. I'm trying that first. I still haven't gotten to the point of training for a half marathon or really running more than three, maybe four miles. That's been kind of holding me back and I'm trying to allow myself to decide if that's what I need to progress with. Maybe that's something that I need to let go or allowing myself to kind of push forward with that. 

It's kind of holding me back mentally a little bit physically. I haven't had it flare up again yet, but I'm trying to be careful to not make it flare up. That's one challenge I've been working with. Then also, two other things are that I am a mom and with motherhood, it can often feel like there isn't a lot left for you because my thoughts, my time, my energy is so, my priority is my family. And so I focus so much of my time and energy on them that often it seems like there isn't much left for me. Then I need to try to balance my priorities. 

Then another thing is financial priorities. Our focus is on savings right now. Then it often feels like there isn't a lot of money left over to focus on the healthy things like maybe exercise programs or MACROS 101 or your other programs or buying healthy food and more healthy food, like more of it. So just trying to figure out those priorities in time and in money.  

Amber B 14:52 

I'd love to dive in with you, especially, I mean, this is something I refrain to hear from women a lot, a very similar experience of feeling like my family is my priority. If I take time away from them or take money away from them or take my effort away from them, then it's selfish or it's hard and you don't only have so much time. 

And we all know that being a mom is a 24/7, you don't give it a break kind of job. So I'm curious for you, how were you able to manage that? Or how did you find that balance that included prioritizing your family and at the same time being able to prioritize yourself and your own development and your own growth?  

Aimee Mccarrey 15:38 

Something that I've found, it's still a struggle, but I have this idea that I should probably wake up before my kids do to allow myself my me time, my exercise time. And then I can show up so much better for my family. That's not always possible. And sometimes I would rather sleep in and sometimes I need to sleep in.  

Amber B 16:02 

Sure. Yeah. 

Aimee Mccarrey 16:03 

But that seems like for me, it won't work for everyone. But for me personally, I think that's the most ideal. And I do better when I exercise in the morning than I do later in the day, because otherwise it won't happen. I'll prioritize other things. And so that's something that I've been working on. And then your, the MACROS 101, I'm forgetting the big why, that big why exercise or worksheet. That was so enlightening for me. Because I do feel like if I want to work on my body, and if I want to work on my health, I know that it's important because we do need to take care of ourselves, we do need to take a part, care of our bodies. But a part of me also feels kind of self selfish. And so going through the steps of the big why I realized that my big why doesn't have to do with me really. I, it's mostly like I want to become a better person. And I want to become a better wife and mother. And a part of doing that is taking care of myself. 

Amber B 17:13 

It's really good. Yeah, it's really I think, one when we can realize that self care is not selfish, right? It allows you to show up for the people that you love in a bigger, better, more whole way. We all we've all heard the saying you can't pour from an empty cup. And I think that that is it's really true. It's like self care isn't selfish. It is actually one of the most loving things that you can do for your family is to take care of yourself. 

And then I love that you mentioned growth, because that is, to me, that is the exciting part of any goal that we set, right? It's like, whether it's working on your body, whether it's building a business, whether it's, you know, working on your relationship with your spouse, or becoming a better parent, it pushes you, it pressures you to grow, you have to become a different person in order to improve in any of those areas. And that to me is the exciting part of life. It's like, growth is what we're here to do, we're here to become who we're meant to be. 

And that requires us to get outside of our comfort zone, and to push ourselves in these different areas. And health and fitness is just one of those areas. But it can be such a major area for people when they push themselves out of that comfort zone, that pressures that growth, that they're able to grow holistically as a person and show up in different ways in different areas of their life. 

Aimee Mccarrey 18:27 

Yeah, totally. And life would be so boring if there wasn't any growth.  

Amber B 18:30 

Totally. Yeah, it would be very static and very boring. Yeah, and yes, it would be way more comfortable and way more boring. Yeah. One of the things that I wanted to point out, that was so good that you said, you talked about how getting up early for you is helpful in being able to like prioritize some of your needs before you, you know, your kids wake up and their needs become top of the list. What I loved about that, though, was that you really demonstrated getting out of all or nothing thinking. Because you said, I don't always do it. Sometimes I need to sleep in. Sometimes it's not a good time to do it. Like, I do it the days, I do it more often than not. That's the Jodi Moore phrase. She loves the more often than not. But what I loved is that I think sometimes people feel like, if I'm going to get up before my kids, then I always have to get up before my kids. 

And they fall into that all or nothing thinking where it's like, I can't do it every day, so I'm not going to do it at all. And what I love that you demonstrated in that is just getting out of that all or nothing thinking saying, this is something that's helpful for me. It doesn't mean I'm gonna do it every single day, because that's not possible. But I'm going to do it because it is something that helps me to be able to prioritize myself. So I just wanted to point that out for anybody listening. You probably didn't even notice it yourself, Aimee, but like just that ability to be able to move past all or nothing thinking is such a skill in being able to grow and to be able to set new goals and to be able to achieve those new goals. And you demonstrated it so beautifully in your explanation of something that helps you with your priorities. It's really good. Good job. 

Aimee Mccarrey 20:00 

Thanks.  

Amber B 20:01 

Yeah. So, you know, the journey transformation is never linear and transformation is never always easy. So was there a particular moment that you can remember where you felt discouraged or you felt stuck or you felt like you hit a road block? You know, what was that? And then how did you overcome that? Because I never want to give the idea that it's, oh, it's just like super easy. You just like do the dang thing and then you like transform. Wohooh! So, would you talk about some of the hard stuff. 

Aimee Mccarrey 20:30 

Absolutely. So, um, I think, and you've talked about this before. I think I jumped into this with so much momentum and excite, maybe not momentum, but excitement and energy. I'm like, I can do this. And it wasn't, it wasn't easy. Like I, I was pretty far below my protein goal. Um, tracking wasn't necessarily hard for me. Um, and then the protein was a little challenging and I had to go with, I've in one of your podcasts and in MACROS 101 you mentioned, um, don't just start with your eventual goal. You need to bring yourself down to where you are and then gradually increase. And so I did that and it was okay. It went pretty quickly and I was like, wow, this is, this is coming along. And like with that pyramid of priorities where like you just track and then you just get your protein and then your protein and fiber. I, I looked at the top of the pyramid. I'm like, I, I don't know if I will ever get there. That is, that seems so, it seems unachievable to get protein. And then I got there and I was like, Hey, I only have the top of the pyramid to go. And that was like maybe right after MACROS 101 had ended. And in MACROS 101 you talked about, um, like right at the end, K if you'd like to, you can go on to Beyond MACROS 101. And if you feel like you've been okay up until now, you might not be later. And that's exactly what I was thinking. It's like, I've been okay. I can figure it out. I can overcome the hurdles. 

Amber B 22:04 

I got this. 

Aimee Mccarrey 22:05 

Yeah. And then it hit, um, I was working on my carbs and fats and it seemed so impossible. And it kind of seemed like, I felt like I had a little bit more knowledge going into the other, um, steps in the pyramid. And then I have no idea what to do when it came to carbs and fats. And I mean, I knew, and I was telling myself I can do this. I just have no idea how like my mind felt completely blank. And also the overwhelm was kind of like, um, preventing my thought flow.  

Amber B 22:42 

Yes.  

Aimee Mccarrey 22:43 

And I just didn't know where to go. But then I remembered what I did with my protein and how I did like teeny tiny baby, or I did small baby steps. And then with carbs, I really have to do teeny tiny baby steps. Um, and another part of, of this process was the, the very top is carbs and fats. And I kind of thought that was interesting because with every other part, you're only adding one thing at a time. And then with the top, you're adding two things. And I was like, well, mathematically that makes sense. Like with all the variables, if you know what A is and you know what B is, you can figure out C. Um, so this should be easy,  

Amber B 23:19 

That’s how your mind works. 

Aimee Mccarrey 23:20 

Oh yeah. 

Amber B 23:21 

It's like such a mathematical mind. I love it.  

Aimee Mccarrey 23:23 

Oh yeah, totally. Um, so then I just like allowed myself to choose either carbs or fats. And then I got kind of hung up on that for a second. And I'm like, you know what? It doesn't matter. I'll just choose one. Listening to some of the other things that you've talked about, just pick a choice. So I decided to focus on carbs and my eventual goal seemed so far away, but I looked at my previous week. I've been like document get documenting everything in an Excel spreadsheet. And I could see what my previous average intake was every week. So I started there and then I added like 10 more grams and 10 more grams. And I'm, I'm aware of what my fats are, but I'm not focused too much on it. I'm focusing on my carbs. So then finally that just like cleared up my mind. I was like, okay, I can do this. I have a plan. I will get there eventually. It might take a long time, but even if they're like teeny tiny baby steps, I have a plan. And so that's kind of what helped me to overcome that discouragement hurdle.  

Amber B 24:24 

Super good. Yeah. And I want to point out, like, I think it's awesome to hear the story. And then I want to make sure that I point out the skills that you have developed that allowed you to get there because so many women get stuck in that overwhelm that you felt. That's very, very common. You feel overwhelmed. You don't know where to go. You don't know what to do. And so then you just shut down and give yourself permission to not do anything. Um, but the way that you got over out of overwhelm is exactly the way that I coach people to do it, which is to get into small action, right? Don't just sit in the overwhelm, but get into some sort of small action. And, and you did such a good job of, again, breaking down something that can seem overwhelming and big and breaking it down into those small baby steps. 

And so I mean, people who are listening, you heard her say that, but I just want to like, I want to pull up a skill that you're relating Aimee, which is that skill of getting into action and of breaking down big things that feel very lofty into small actionable sizes. Um, there's a, a graphic that I will use a lot in my teaching, which is two ladders. Um, and one ladder has very rungs that are very, very far from each other apart from each other. And the other one has rungs that are very close to each other. And in this image, the rungs that are really far apart, even the very first rung is like too high for the guy who's trying to climb the ladder to even reach. So it's like, not even are just the rungs really far apart, but he like can't even reach the first rung where you have this ladder that has much smaller rungs, you know, spaces between the rung and that guy can just start climbing the ladder. And that's a good visual of exactly what you did, which is instead of like trying to reach for the stars, you just started with something just a little bit better than what I'm doing right now. And then a little bit better and then a little bit better.  

Aimee Mccarrey 26:05 

Yeah. And being okay with that, that it is small progress.  

Amber B 26:07 

Yes. And that's a big one. Because people tend to like discount it. It's like, oh, well, does it really matter if I ate 10 more grams of protein? Like, does that really do anything? And it's like, maybe, maybe no, but maybe also yes, because it's not only 10 grams, it's like 10 grams today. And it's 10 grams the next week. And then it's 10 more grams. And now a month later, you're eating 40 more grams of protein. And is that going to make a big difference? Heck yes, it is. And so we just got to get out of this mind that like every action that we have to, that we take has to be this like massive transformation. That's what prevents us from actually getting the transformation. 

Aimee Mccarrey 26:43 

Yeah, totally. I also thought of another graphic in this process that you have a picture of a guy inside of a square and he wants to get over here to this circle that's outside of the square. And that square is your comfort zone. And I was like, I'm just stepping out of my comfort zone. And the square is going to get bigger eventually. And it'll include that circle eventually. But that, that graphic, that image kind of helped me. And I'm totally a visual person. So having that graphic is super helpful. And the latter graphic. 

Amber B 27:15 

Yeah, that's so good. So one of the things that I love about being able to coach women in their health and fitness journey, kind of like I said before, is that transformation in one area of your life always ripples into other areas of your life. It ripples into our relationships, into our professional life, into our mental health, into our parenting. Like it just, when you grow as an individual and as a human, it can't help but impact other areas of your life. So what were some of the transformation that you saw both in your health and fitness journey, but then some of those ripple effects as well?  

Aimee Mccarrey 27:48 

I was trying when I initially thought about this question, I was like, I don't know if I've noticed it because I've noticed other changes more. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't say that I feel confident yet, but I feel more confident. That's just one thing that I've noticed. And that that's like everything that you talked about, but relationships, professional life and mental health. But with my family, I feel more empowered and more confident in raising my kids to be in control of their health. And to be, and I feel like I am getting to a point that I can be a more positive influence for them in that area of their lives. I don't know if my mom will listen to this.  

Um, and I don't want, I don't want to like harp on her at all, but my mom, I feel so, and not just my mom, so many people have such a negative self-image of themselves. And I think that that influence of other people influenced me to, to think negatively of myself and to be okay with speaking negatively of myself. And I don't want my kids to develop that. Um, I want them to have an example of somebody who will speak highly of themselves. I don't know if I will ever get to that point. I hope I will. And I I'll work on it. Um, but I I've caught myself saying the negative things about me, myself and the kids were in the room and I don't want them to develop that for themselves. Um, and so I think that through this process of working on my thoughts, working on myself, um, that that is going to be a positive influence for them. Um, like I said, in being in control of their health, but also be, uh, learning to speak more positively of themselves, no matter what their body looks like, what their phase of life is just that they, they can think more highly of themselves. 

Um, and then that also has influenced my relationship with my husband. And it's not like me speaking negatively about myself is ruining my relationship, but just the positivity of our conversations. And then he, when I talk about myself that way, my husband doesn't know what to say. And it's not like him complimenting is me is going to fix it because I'm not going to believe it. I need to get to a point that I believe it on my own. Um, and so that's been another way that this has impacted, um, other areas of my life. 

Amber B 30:28 

So I know that you said like, even coming into MACROS 101, one of the things that you realized that you needed to improve was that self-image was that like negative thinking about yourself. So can you kind of walk us through, um, what that arc look like for you? Maybe some of the things that you learned that have been helpful. Cause I know that there are women who are listening to her. Like, yes, that's me. I really struggle with thinking negatively about myself, right? That's not, that's not just a you thing. That's a lot of women struggle with it. So I'm sure those women listening would love to hear any kind of insight that you have into what helped you to, you know, get better at that. Right. And progress along that continuum. 

Aimee Mccarrey 31:02 

Yeah. Um, so it's, it's a little embarrassing to say, but I, I hope that other people can relate to this. Um, and I think that there are people that can relate, but I did get to a point that I would say, I hate my body. And I was at a point that I would say, I hate myself. I didn't love myself. Um, and so, um, some other life coaches, including Judy Moore and some, I'm sorry, Jody Moore, not Judy. Um, uh, they've, they've had a, they pre presented this idea or this concept, kind of like the ladder thing that you were talking about, but they, they present it more of steps like a stair, a staircase and the bottom of the staircase is, the very bottom step is where you are, what your thoughts are. And then getting to a point of that thought over there that I want to be thinking is too far. And, um, just as like kind of a side note, when we were doing the five-day challenge, you talked about the, my, the, the miracle scale, and you said, don't limit yourself by what your 10 is. Cause my 10 was going to be that I wanted to like my body. And so you said, don’t go off of what is reasonable or logical or achievable. What do you want? And so I was like, you know what? Yeah, I want to love my body. And that just seems so far fetched for me, but I want that. So that's my 10. And so my bottom step is hate my body. And the top step is thinking, I love my body and I have to fill in the steps in between. And my very next step I thought was going to be just having a neutral thought about me, like myself, like I have a body, right? There's no emotion to that. It is just, I have a body and that's true. And so, um, that's what my next step was going to be was to kind of replace my negative thoughts with the neutral thoughts. And then I realized that's even too big of a step for me because I would start to say I have a body and I don't like it. 

Amber B 33:15 

Yeah. 

Aimee Mccarrey 33:16 

Um, I, one of the things that I'm really self-conscious is about is I feel like I'm, I have big boobs and so I would try to say I have boobs that's neutral. Yeah. And I don't like them.  

Amber B 33:28 

And they're too big.  

Aimee Mccarrey 33:30 

Yeah, exactly. So then my husband was like, well, maybe your next step is being okay with having a but at the end of the sentence or an, and at the end of the sentence, you still have the neutral thought in there and something else. I was like, yeah, you're right. I think that's my next step. So I tried to be okay with that. Um, but just kind of like to number each of my steps. Number one was to find and think of neutral thoughts and affirmations. Um, and then two was to write them down, just like have a list of them. Step three was to write them honest on sticky notes. And then step four was to put them somewhere. And I, I thought that it might be a little bit weird to just have sticky notes all over my house. Some of them saying I have a body and I have boobs. Like people might think that's weird.  

Amber B 34:18 

Can you imagine like people coming over to visit and being like, what is this?  

Aimee Mccarrey 34:23 

Right. I don't really want to explain that. Yeah. Um, but the place that I tend to have the most negative thoughts about myself are in the bathroom because there's mirrors and that's where I see myself getting in the shower and that's where I see myself getting ready for the day. So I put the sticky notes around my bathroom. And so that was the next step. Um, and then the next step was working on replacing my thoughts with the neutral thoughts or the neutral and thoughts, um, and to be okay with those. Um, and then I felt like I needed more binary steps in this process. Um, so my next step was just to download an app. That was it. Just download an app that I could tally the number of times that I would replace my thoughts. Um, step seven was to track, to actually track it. And that's the step I'm working on. I'm not actually tracking yet. I have other, other focuses right now, but then I could like create more binary goals of just like, I'm going to change my thoughts three times this week or three times today or whatever. And then I either do it or I don't. 

Amber B 35:32 

So good. So good. Yeah. Those, like those ladder thoughts are so powerful. And I mean, it's like, it's a theme that keeps coming up in what's allowed you to be successful, Aimee is just this commitment too, and this, this not minimizing how important little baby steps can be, you know, it's like the, what about Bob? Or it's like baby step to the front door, like baby stuff. Like, that's what it is. It's like these little baby steps and not, like I said, not downplaying it. Cause so many people would be like, well, it doesn't make that big of a difference. Like it's not enough change to like actually create a transformation. But what you're showing is like those small changes over time, create big transformations. It's kind of like a large, what do they say? A large door swings on very small hinges. 

And I, and I think about that a lot in our, in our, um, our fitness journeys is that it doesn't have to be this grand sweeping change. I think that's where people get stuck. A lot of times is they think they have to change everything. They have to change their diet and their work and their workout. And they have to do all this thought work and they have to change their environment and they have to buy all these clothes. And I mean, it's just like, it gets so overwhelming for people that they, they don't actually ever get started with the process. 

And what I love is that you're giving people permission to just make it small, just make it small. You know, if you can't get to the point of like neutrality with your body, that's okay. Like, let's get to the point of like neutrality with a but statement. That's a fantastic example of something is better than nothing. And that these small changes over time add up and create a big transformation for you. And I, I mean, just to hear, listening to you, I have no doubt that you're going to get to the point of loving your body. It may take six months. It may take a year. It may take six years. I don't know, but because of your commitment to your, and your willingness to do it small and to keep making that progress, I have no doubt in my mind that you'll get to that 10 on your miracle scale.  

Aimee Mccarrey 37:22 

Thank you.  

Amber B 37:23 

That's really exciting. And such a good lesson for people to like, I talk about all the time, but to hear it embodied in someone who's, who's doing it, who's demonstrating the value of it is really, is really, really awesome. It's really great.  

Aimee Mccarrey 37:37 

Yeah. I hope it's helped.  

Amber B 37:39 

I know it's going to be helpful. If you could go back to yourself and give yourself a message, like going, maybe go back to yourself, like before MACROS 101 and, you know, thinking about the things that you've learned, the progress that you've made, the aha moments that you've had, and you could go back to that former self and give yourself a little pep talk or give yourself a little bit of advice or a little, a little message from the future. What would you, what would you say to yourself?  

Aimee Mccarrey 38:10 

It's kind of like short and simple, but I would tell myself that you'll find a path because like I said, I felt so conflicted and confused and like, I've tried to do healthy eating, but I just didn't know if I was doing it right. Um, I felt like I didn't have that knowledge and then that conflicting, um, the conflicting on the internet. Um, but I would tell myself, you'll figure it out. You'll find a path and you'll gain knowledge and guidance to reach your goals. It feels, it feels kind of hopeless right now, but you'll get there. And I'm not there right now. We present me, but I, and I don't, you know, life is, we're always learning and growing, but that's what I would tell myself is you'll, you'll find a path. You'll start to figure it out.  

Amber B 39:01 

Yeah. And that belief in yourself, like, again, if we're talking about like thoughts, this belief in yourself of like, I don't know how to do it yet, but I'm confident I'll figure it out is such a powerful thought. Um, you aren't going to know how to do everything all the time. And if you are waiting until you know how to do it, you're never going to get anything done. And so this idea of like, I can sit in this discomfort of not knowing how to do it, but have confidence in my ability to be able to figure it out. And when you can come from that place, yeah, anything is possible. And Marie Forleo always says, everything is figureoutable. 

And I think when we can have that confidence in ourselves, that we can figure it out, everything's figureoutable. Then we able to, to go and do the big things that we want to do. We're able to set those, set those big goals because even if you don't know how to do it now, we can have confidence that we can figure it out. And I think it's really powerful.  

Aimee Mccarrey 39:40 

Yeah. And it's so empowering like that. You, you don't just have the life that you're given. You're not just stuck in this situation. You can change things and you have control.  

Amber B 40:02 

So good, the last thing I wanted to touch on with you, cause I know we talked about this before is how you were able to progress your relationship with the scale. That's something that a lot of women really struggle with is having that number reflect something about them. They don't want to get on the scale or when they get on the scale, it determines their day, whether it's going to be a good day or a bad day is determined when whatever number comes up on the scale. And I know that you have made some progress in there. So I'd love to hear you talk a little bit about maybe where you were before and some of the ways that you were able to improve that relationship with the scale.  

Aimee Mccarrey 40:34 

Okay. Yeah. I exactly what you were saying. I was that, um, I, some days I still am. Um, it's so funny how a number can influence your day.  

Amber B 40:47 

Right.  

Aimee Mccarrey 40:48 

Yeah. But just coming to realize and accept the fact that there are so many factors that affect that number on the scale. It could be where you are, um, in your menstrual cycle. It could be what you ate the previous day. It could be how many carbs because carbohydrate, your body retains the hydration. Um, and, uh, like just so many things. Did I poop? Did I pee? Did I nurse before I weighed myself? Because there's a few ounces there.Yeah. Um, so yeah, just realizing that there are so many factors that affect the scale. And that helps me to get curious instead of just like, Oh, dang it. I'm getting fatter. No, there's something else going on. Um, and what is it just getting curious about? Okay. What is that? Um, and then just looking at it as this is data. This is another, another data point on my graph. Um, that helps me to look at it more scientifically and have a more neutral than emotional reaction. 

Um, I ended up, I'm like, I said, I'm a very visual person. So I created an Excel spreadsheet and I, I input, and it's on our phone. Like I use the health app and I, and I input my, um, my weight every day, but it's just not super great for the visual. Cause you have to like scroll through the graph. So I have it on my computer and it's just like from January to now and seeing all those zigzags and like the up and down, it's not a straight slope, but it's a downward trend. And that, that has been helpful to just like, okay. Yeah. The scale went up today. Yeah. Big deal. It's just one more point on this and on this plot, it'll, it might go down later.  

Amber B 42:40 

Yeah, it’s like zooming out of it. 

Aimee Mccarrey 42:42 

Yeah. And so I thought that I was doing pretty well. I was like, yeah, I'm having neutral reactions to the, to the scale. And then, and I don't usually, my period doesn't usually affect it. And I looked back at previous periods over this, this year. And I actually lost weight during those weeks, but just knowing that it can happen helped me to remove the emotion from it. Cause I was starting to feel discouraged, like, oh, I've been making this progress and now I'm going up again. But then I just like let myself, I told myself, just wait, just wait a few days. And then it went back down. Yeah. 

Um, so that was good. And sorry, just one more thing with that is it gives an aha moment that I had with that a few days ago is that I don't have control over the number on the scale, but I do have control about the activities that I, that I do, the way that I work out, how much I work out, what I eat, how much I eat. That's what I do have control over. And it's just adding to that empowerment that I've been feeling. And I didn't know I was looking for that feeling when I started this whole journey, but there was just one thing that I was like, Hey, I feel empowered. Like, I feel like I'm more in control of my health now, instead of just like, this is the way that I is, this, this is the way that it is the way that I am. I have control over my health.  

Amber B 44:05 

Yeah. I think when we can focus on the things that are, are within our control and the let go a little bit of the things that are, are in our control, right. You said exactly the number on the scale is not directly within our control. And that's not to say you can't have some sort of influence on it, right? Of course you can have some sort of influence, but it is not with a hundred percent within your control. And that can drive people nuts. If you're spending time, focusing on things that aren't within your control you can see why women go nuts. Like having that number means so much to them.  

Aimee Mccarrey 44:34 

And it feels so hopeless and that just, it's not a good feeling.  

Amber B 44:38 

No, it's yeah. It doesn't, it doesn't support what it is that you want to create. And I want to like pull out again, some of the things that you said for women who are listening, who do want to develop a relationship with the scale. I think the two most important things that I heard you say is one, you learned about the science, right? You learned about what does that number actually entail? How does it change? What are like, what things influence that number, right? So you understood that number a little bit more, which is really, really valuable because most women, they just see it as a reflection of fat. It's like the scale is up, I’m fatter. Scale is down. I am less fat. And when you understand that it's a much more complex relationship that that number represents so much more than just fat, it helps you to detach a little bit from the crazy places our minds go. So you understood the science about it. And then you'd exhibited curiosity. And I think that is one of the biggest changes that women can do to improve their relationship with the scale is to exhibit curiosity about the number instead of judgment. So many of us go straight to judgment and that's a really damaging place to be. And if we can stay in that place of curiosity, huh, that's interesting. I wonder what's influenced that. I wonder, you know, what could be going on. I wonder what changes I could make that that's a very different place to be. And it's a much more positive place where positive change can come out of that experience rather than, well, the whole rest of my day is completely shot because of a number on a scale. 

Aimee Mccarrey 56:56 

Right. Yeah. And going off of something that you just said about like the is up, therefore I'm fat. The number is down. I'm less fat. Um, you said something recently that like, I think I knew, but the way that you said it was like, Oh, duh, that makes sense. That gaining muscle or gaining fat is a long process. It's not going to change in a day, but your water weight will. And that just like changed things so much for me recently. Just that just because the scale is up a little bit from yesterday, it doesn't mean that I just gained a pound of fat.  

Amber B 46:31 

Yes.  

Aimee Mccarrey 46:31 

And that was kind of a, an aha moment for me. 

Amber B 46:32 

That's really, really good. It's awesome. All right. Well, this has been fantastic. You've given so many pieces of advice for people who things that I know that women are struggling with and being able to hear from somebody else who's going through it, who's in it and who has discovered things about themselves and ways to be able to move past it is, is just really, really inspiring. Is there anything that you want that you feel like you didn't talk about or that you want to wrap up or make sure that you say, um, as we sign off?  

Aimee Mccarrey 46:58 

Um, I think I just like to, to say for, for people beginning their journey or who have fallen off the wagon and want to get back on is something that we talked about just a couple minutes ago. Um, is that messy progress is still progress. Even if they're teeny tiny baby steps, it's still progress and indirect progress is still progress. Just like we were talking about with the scale. There's an image that you have on Instagram where there's like this loop de loop on the graph.  

Amber B 47:26 

Yes.  

Aimee Mccarrey 47:27 

It's not always direct. It's not always straight, but it's still progress. Um, and if you're making progress in a different direction, that's okay. You can still change things. You still have control over that. Um, and I think that even gaining knowledge and experience is still progress because like, if you have a bad day or a rough day, you can still look back on it and think, okay, what did I, what did I learn and what can I learn from that situation that I can apply to the future instead of just looking at it as a failure.  

Amber B 47:57 

Yeah, that's really good. So good. Well, Aimee, this has been fantastic. Thank you so much for coming on, sharing your story, sharing a little bit about the lessons that you've learned. This is really going to be valuable for women who are listening. 

Aimee Mccarrey 48:07 

Thank you. I hope so. And it was fun. 

Amber B 48:11 

I hope you got a lot out of the interview. I thought Aimee did such a great job of really breaking down what's made her successful. And you know, I pointed out a couple of times in the episodes, things that I was seeing in the way that she was thinking about things and the way that she was speaking, getting out of that all or nothing thinking, getting out of overwhelm, being able to break it down into small bite-sized chunks and really focus on those one at a time are just some of the few things that I can see speaking with Aimee that have really allowed her to make progress and to be successful. 

And so if you can take those little pieces of advice and apply them today, start applying them today into your journey, it's going to make a difference for you. What is something that maybe has felt overwhelming that you could break down into something smaller? What is something that your brain tells you that's not going to make a difference? You eating one more vegetable today is not going to make a difference. What is that one thing that you can do that maybe your brain says that isn't going to make a difference, but you know in the long run, if you keep doing it and you keep adding to it, it will make a difference in the long run. Yeah. Maybe one vegetable today is not going to make that big of a difference, but if you can create that as a habit and then you can add on to that habit, that is how long-term change really starts to happen. Thanks for being here with this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber. Now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.   

Outro

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