337: Maintaining Weight Loss: Tackling the Fear of Regain After 65 Pounds Lost | Live Coaching Session

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 337.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, and today we are diving into a topic that doesn't get nearly enough attention, how to maintain your weight loss after you lost a bunch of weight. We all know how challenging it can be to actually lose the weight, but often I find the real challenge begins when you get your goal weight, the scale stops moving, and it's actually time for you just to maintain, just for you to sustain all the progress that you've made. And so today I am bringing on a Coaching Call that I did in our Beyond MACROS 101 group. This is our alumni group. After you go through MACROS 101, if you want to continue coaching, you have an opportunity to come join Beyond MACROS 101 where we continue doing deep work together. And so, this is a call that I took from Beyond MACROS 101, and this is a conversation I had with Darla who lost an impressive 65 pounds, and she has been navigating this complex world of maintenance. And we're going to talk about the creeping scale, the fear of regaining weight, and how to find a maintainable weight that doesn't require you living in this constant state of restriction. So, whether you're currently in maintenance or maybe you're preparing for it, this episode is going to help you shift your mindset, start to maybe think about releasing some of that control that we like to pretend that we have in our life, and finally feel at peace with your weight. So, let's dive into that coaching conversation with Darla. 

Darla 02:20 

Thank you for inviting me today and letting me do this somewhat nerve-wracking thing, but you know I've been around for two years here, a year before I found you, and so in my mind I should know the answers and have this figured out, but I think it's time to come talk it out. So this started, I did post a question in Circle and talked to Ellen just a bit, but what my issue right now is I lost the 65 pounds, and for the last year I would say I am within, I'm staying within a range of five pounds. Most normally I'm staying within the range of about three pounds, so the three pound range is kind of what I'm used to, and what I am struggling with is I feel like I maintain this by cutting and then creeping, and then when I creep I cut back, and then, and this is not a quick thing because I've been real careful to plan very specific cuts. I've really only had two lengthy cuts in the two years. I've wanted, I've done the reverses, I've stayed on maintenance, but it's those maintenance times where over time I feel that creep, and I feel a little embarrassed maybe just that it even bothers me that because there's a part of my brain that says, well it was only five pounds, and that shouldn't freak you out, but I'm 64 years old, and I'm really happy where I'm at, and I don't want it creeping up five pounds this year, and five pounds next year, and you know, so that's kind of where my mind has been, and why I entitled my post on Circle as, you know, I feel like I'm freaking out, but it's that kind of that flip-flop, and it's helped me manage the creep because I can come back, and I can say, okay, let's reel it in, and let's do a cut, so it's not a drastic, like, I'm up two pounds in two weeks, and then I cut my calories way down. It's all planned, and maybe that's the way to handle it. I don't know, but I'm wanting to kind of talk about that.  

Amber B 05:05 

Well, I mean, this is a great question. I'm really glad you brought this question up, and that we can talk through this, because this is relatable, and there's other people who, this is a very relatable experience for a lot of people, especially when it comes to maintenance. Do you guys know I've talked about how, in a lot of ways, I feel like maintenance is actually harder for a lot of people than even the cutting part is. Cutting is very familiar. We're very familiar with how it goes, what it's like. A lot of us are much more familiar with depriving ourselves. That's a very familiar place to be, and getting into maintenance and being able to maintain long-term is a much more foreign experience, and so we're going to talk through this together, Darla. I think there's a couple aspects here of pieces that we may fit together that may help with this. 

I want to point out that, because you talked about how you feel a little bit embarrassed about being worried about the five pounds, and I do want to point out that it's not really that it's the five pounds that's worrying you. What is worrying you is the prediction of what's going to happen in the future.  

Darla 06:05 

Yes. 

Amber B 06:06 

That's just important to point out, because there's a difference between what is and then what we predict in the future, what our brain goes to and going to the extreme of where we will be, that's always going to be fear talking. So this idea of, oh, I've gained five pounds, and I can be okay with that, but then my fear brain kicks on and says, but where will we be next year, and then the next year, and the next year. We get out into the future, and making decisions from that fear brain and from that future, that doesn't actually exist yet, isn't going to be very beneficial for you. So understanding that and realizing it's not the five pounds, it's the prediction of what you think is going to happen after the five pounds. Okay, so I do want to make a distinction, and I've talked about this distinction before, between an attainable weight and a maintainable weight. When I say that to you, what comes up into your brain is about what might be the difference between those two? 

Darla 07:04 

Yeah, so I've really analyzed that myself, because I think my, you know, the numbers are, I mean, I'm short, I'm five foot tall, and shrinking at 64. So, you know, so my, honestly, when I lost down from starting at 195, almost 200, when I lost down to, you know, I was thrilled at 140, I was more thrilled at 135. And what happened was, I reached a low last October of 129. And that magic number was dropping under 130. And it's like, wow, I can do this. And that was my lowest point. 

And I was there one hot minute. And, but that number is the number that's in my mind. And then at the other side of it is I sitting at 133. Today, I'm really happy with how I feel how my the clothes fit fine. This is, I know this is a, it's some kind of mental weird thing, because all my logic tells me one thing, but, but then there's the health field where that magic number of 130, or under 130. For a five-foot-tall female, it's it's all that yada, yada, yada back there. 

And it's like, why can't I get to that magic healthy assignment that they've given us, you know, and so.  

Amber B 08:34 

Are you saying that because of the BMI?  

Darla 08:36 

BMI and other things, the percentages of fat. So, I've done some DEXAs, I've done them very consistently, like always, at the same time of the day with the same water amount before. And so just trying to kind of keep tabs on fat percentage. And I just can't get into that healthy range of fat percentage, according to DEXA. You know, I had a, I had a 10-pound baby at one point. So, you know, I've got some skin that's not going away. And, you know, so attainable. I think that that's where I'm at is I'm looking at that and thinking, am I wanting something that's I shouldn't really even, it's not attainable.  

Amber B 09:22 

Yeah. Okay. Well, one question before we go back to that, what is the body fat percentage that you're getting with the DEXA?  

Darla 09:28 

Thirty-three. 

Amber B 09:29 

Okay. So, it's really important. And I don't know if what you're looking at is taking you account, but as you age your range for a healthy body fat percentage increases. So I just actually just quickly looked it up. And for a woman between 61 and 79, the healthy body fat percentage range is 24 to 36. So you're still in that healthy range and taking in age into account is a really important that data point. But I want to go back to this question because I think it's such an important one that we got to answer. 

Darla 09:58 

Okay.  

Amber B 09:59 

What is the difference between an attainable weight and a maintainable weight?  

Darla 10:06 

And you want me to answer what I think the difference is?  

Amber B 10:09 

Yeah. If I would just say what, like you're, you're explaining it to somebody on the street. What's the difference between attainable weight and a maintainable weight?  

Darla 10:17 

Attainable weight is you can, you can do a crunch time where for whatever time you can restrict yourself and your body can, can give off the water and the extra food and all the stuff that goes on in your body and you can reach that low point, but you can't really eat. You can't really live, you know, unless, unless you're willing to just live that lifestyle all the time. And, and that's my non-negotiables is I'm not going to give up eating out with my husband. You know, I'm not going to give up going on vacation. I'm, you know, those are things that have to be able to fit within my life. So maintainable is, and that's literally what I want is I want to be happy with being able to live the life I want to live and be happy with my body. And the teaser was the attainable weight that I got that one time.  

Amber B 11:18 

Yes. Good. Okay. Excellent. Yeah. You explained it really, really well. And I want to add a little bit of nuance to that as well that I think will bring some clarity up. I think of attainable as kind of like you described like a point, right? It's like, it's what I can get to. And you said it yourself, you maintained it for a hot second, right? It's like, I hit that and I saw it for a hot second. That's something that we can attain. If we're putting all of our energy, we're putting all of our effort into it. We're doing all the things, right. We're checking all the boxes. We're doing everything. We can hit that. We can hit that weight. That's an attainable weight.  

And then when we talk about a maintainable weight, there is a range. Okay. So near that attainable weight could be a maintainable weight, but a maintainable weight with a lot of energy and effort, right. I can maintain it, but it's going to require precision. It's going to require me to keep tracking. It's going to require me to do a lot of exercises. It's going to require a lot of my time, focus and attention. I'm probably not going to be able to drink or go out on the weekends or whatever. Right. So I can maintain it, but it's a lot of effort to maintain. And then as we go further along on that continuum, we get to a place of like easily maintainable, right. It's, it's maintainable and it's also easy. I don't necessarily have to track. I don't have to pay attention to it. I can kind of live life habitually and kind of keep an eye on it. And I don't really have to pay a lot of attention to it. 

And so I think all of us can agree that like focusing on that attainable weight is, is probably not a great place to focus, right. It's something you hit for a hot second and something you can do if you're really dedicated, it's never going to be anything you maintain long term. But I do think that there is a wide range of maintainability based off of what you're willing to tolerate. Um, do we, are we willing to like, I want to maintain at a little bit lower weight and I'm willing to put the time, effort and energy and attention into my weight and how I look and what I'm doing. Um, or do I want to be a little bit further on that continuum, maybe up a couple more pounds, but it's easy. It's easy for me to maintain. 

Now it's not for me to make any decision about where you want to be on that level of maintainability, but I think that's the question that I want you to be asking yourself, Darla is like, where on that level do I want to be? Do I want to be easily maintainable? Do I want to, and obviously there's steps in between those. I'm kind of like breaking it up into a binary, but there is any continuum in the middle there. And so even hearing you talk about your non negotiables is, is very encouraging because it tells me that you're thinking about this. You're thinking about what is it worth to me? How much energy and attention do I want to be paying to this? Um, and, and how much do I want to be managing it? And I think you're coming to a head of, of making that decision. And, and maybe part of you is being pulled towards, I just want this to be easy. I don't want to be thinking about it. 

And then there's that other programming that's very deep into you of like, no, you should be focusing on this. You need to be focused. If you don't focus on this, it's going to, you're going to blow up. You're going to get back to the 200 pounds that you were before, right? That fear that starts to speak really, really loud. Um, but my guess is there's a part of you that just wants this to be easy.  

Darla 14:20 

Yeah. 

Amber B 14:21  

And then the fear kind of pulls you back. Does that sound accurate?  

Darla 14:25 

It does. And as, as kind of, that does sound accurate. And when you say easy, it's not even like, I really, I love tracking it's for me, it's a safe place. Like it's, it's not a worrisome thing. It's most of the time I can track it meal by meal and, you know, and then towards the end of the day, it gives me the range that I can hit. And so, so it's not that kind of precision is not the problem, but, but the saying no to life is where it gets, it gets hard. And then when you're talking about the fear, it is the fear that's way in the future because 135 pounds doesn't scare me. I hit it earlier this weekend. And oddly enough, since I talked to Ellen every day, since then I've dropped almost a pound. 

So apparently I had some water issues going on, but I mean, day by day it's dropped points, you know, but the fear is what you said before is I don't want to get 10 years down the road and be back to 200 pounds. And that's just my number. Everybody's got their own numbers, but that was so, so that's where, you know, so I, I need to really think about, I guess when you're saying that maintainability, what is attached to every one of those places is, but will it stay there?  

Amber B 15:56 

Sure. And I think that's a, that's a question that needs to be answered, but I think what you're trying to do is you're trying to answer that question in the future rather than experiencing it, right. You're trying to make a decision based off of fear of the future rather than like what is happening at this present moment. And, and you're never going to be able to make well-informed decisions about the future because it's not here yet. 

Right. And so I think you're thinking about all the right things, Darla. You're thinking about what is this worth to me? What do I want my life to look like? What am I okay? You know, being at what is my upper limit? Where do I, where do I, where am I afraid I'm going to go? And in between there, like what, you know, how can I make the decision that I've gone too far? Right. 

And you're asking all of these really good questions. And I think you're sitting in good questions. It's just, we, we need to be a little bit patient with ourselves of not having to answer things that we aren't actually experiencing yet. So, so I think we can have an, I think it's okay for you to have in your mind some sort of, of limit of like, Hey, if I hit 145, that's, that's a key for me to be like, Hey, what are we doing here? Again? It's not like I have to go back into a deficit or whatever, but it's like, how am I feeling? How am I, how am I balancing? How I feel with, is this easily maintainable? Right. Asking yourself those questions. But I think our fear brain jumps to the extremes of like, again, if I go up five pounds in your brain's mind, that's the same as like, Oh, well now I'm going to be at 200 pounds again. 

Right. We just jump to those like extremes rather than being able to, to pull our fear brain back and say, Hey, no, I'm just, I'm five pounds up and I can change this at any point. I think what we fear is the losing of control and the ability to change it at any point. And I just want to point out that you are a different person today than you were at 200 pounds. And I don't mean just physically. I mean, in here, the way that you think, the way that you approach life, the way you make decisions, it is inherently different than it was when you started your journey. 

And so there's a little bit of like relying on that evolution of yourself of recognizing like the, the, the version of me before got to that place, but the version of me now is a completely different person, makes different decisions, looks at life different, has different values. Right. And, and being able to rely and step into that and trust her a little bit more. I think, I think you're, you're not quite trusting this new version of yourself that I think has proved trustworthy.  

Darla 18:27 

That's good. That's good. Yeah, I think I, that's, that's good. Let me, can I ask a little bit about the creep?  

Amber B 18:40 

Yeah.  

Darla 18:41 

I don't, I don't think my reverse overshot. I, when I first hit that, I maintained it quite a bit. I mean, quite a long time. And so I don't, I don't feel like the creep because Ellen asked me this, are you, are you overeating during maintenance? Is that's what causing this? It's not. 

Amber B 19:04 

Yeah.  

Darla 19:05 

And because I am a dedicated tracker and I, I want to not, not just track my food. I really have a strong motivation to eat healthy and I'm watching, I'm my caretaker for, I'm the caretaker for my mom. So I see what happens at 85 if, if you don't. And so I'm dedicated to all of that. I don't think it's a creep in the calories. I will say looking back over during a creep, there's short vacations, like one long weekend where we had a couple more margaritas than I would ever have normally. So there's, I can look to one thing or another, but it just doesn't seem like that should result in a, you know, five-pound increase over time. So. 

Amber B 19:54 

Yeah. So my question is, of course, there's like two sides of this equation, right? There's the equation of what we're inputting. And then there's an equation of what we're outputting. And if, if we're pretty sure that there's not creep with the inputting, which is kind of what it sounds like you're saying, I would be looking towards the outputting. And what tends to happen is as we age, movement decreases and muscle mass decreases, and both of those can play an impact on how many calories we're burning. And so my, my wonder, and I don't, I don't know this for sure, right? But where my brain goes is I wonder if we've had creep in the movement side of things. And that can have the same effect.  

Darla 20:37 

Yeah. I'm at the gym three times a week doing progressive overload.  

Amber B 20:44 

Good for you. 

Darla 20:45 

At the gym during those three mornings a week, two and a half to sometimes three hours because I do warmup and I do some functional body stretching and I'm 64. I'm trying to do all the things to make sure I can still get up off the floor when that happens. And, and then my progressive overload program is usually anywhere between an hour to an hour and a half. So that's three times a week. I've upped my steps and I went back and checked them. So they are averaging more in the eight, eight to 10,000, instead of they were in the 6,000. 

Amber B 21:20 

Awesome. 

Darla 21:21 

So I, I feel like I've added it and maybe, you know, the one thing I can't stop changes my age and, and the loss of muscle mass. I'm trying really hard to, you know, to improve that situation, but there, there is that. And, um, on those weeks where we do travel and stuff, all the, all the routine gets changed. So it could just simply be that it's not that I'm not active when I'm here. It's just that when I'm out of sync and I'm not at home, I don't do, I don't do that consistent gym work and swimming and stuff that I'm doing.  

Amber B 22:04 

Yeah. You sound like you sound like you are controlling the things that are within your control. 

Darla 22:09 

Yeah. I feel like I am. And I feel like there's this formula and I don't, there's something missing and that I don't know what it is because I do feel like I'm controlling everything I can control.  

Amber B 22:24 

Yes. And so what I want to offer with that, um, is we have this idea that it's an equation where it's like, I input ABC and I get X, Y, Z. And of course, if you have an idea that it's this equation, then when you're putting in ABC, which is essentially what you're doing and you're not getting out X, Y, Z, it can be very frustrating. And I think it's really important to understand that it isn't an equation, right? There are controllables. And then I guess if we have an equation, there's like, there's variables that are without side of your control. And, and so I think at the end of the day, and I know it's not, I know it's not as, as someone who loves to control everything as well, Darla, it's a little bit of like releasing that control and realizing that even if I control everything that I control, that doesn't mean I get the outcome that it is that I expect and or want. And coming back to that at the end of the day, this is what I can control. And so that's what I'm going to focus my time and attention and energy on. And, and I think if we can get you there of like feeling proud of controlling the controllable and releasing that, which is outside of your control. 

And then we can also kind of deconstruct some of the stuff where I think there's still some of that programming that you're still running off of, of a certain number is I need to send a sub number or I need to learn a closer way or, you know, whatever weight that we have, this illusion that it is like the number that we need to hit. I think if we can do both of those things, the things are going to get a whole lot better for you.  

Darla 23:55 

Yeah. 

Amber B 23:56 

So what I would offer for you or what I would love for you to do is do a little bit of journaling for me. Because I think we've kind of covered a little bit of this, the like practicality of it, the, like what you're doing, the attainable versus maintainable. And so I think we can do a little bit of pulling up where, what some of that programming is that you're still currently running off of. So having some questions, I would love you to like kind of  be brief on would be what, what's the smile?  

Darla 24:30 

Well, if you've ever read anything that I wrote, which hasn't been a lot, but it's the few times I'm not brief brevity is not my strength, but I'll try.  

Amber B 24:39 

That's okay. We don't need brevity. We actually like to get some of this stuff out. And it's it's not for me to read. It's really for you to be able to go read and analyze and pull out. What are the important things that you're learning about? But I would love for you to answer the question of like it, whatever you can get with specificity of like, when did I decide that 130 was the best weight or whatever the weight is, 135, or whatever the weight, when did I decide that? What comes up for you about that? And then what, like, I really want to get clear on like, what are some of your specific fears around? If I was 140, if I was 150, here's what my fears are around that and, and play around with that a little bit and see what comes up for what are the, what are the specific things we're afraid of? I know you're afraid of getting to that 200, right? But is there anything else that like makes you afraid of, of that? The more we can get clear on when you decided that and what you're afraid of, we can kind of start to process that and work through it. 

Darla 25:41 

That's, that's really helpful. I, things popped into my mind immediately that I haven't ever let myself really even consider because I've always been focused on that end weight of 200. But yeah, I could write that down right now. So that's a helpful thing.  

Amber B 25:57 

Awesome. So what I want you to do is I want you to write that out for yourself, right? It's journal, free flow writing, and then come into the community and post it, post whatever came up. I don't want you to post what you wrote. I want you to post your summary of like, here's what came up for me and then tag me in it. And then we'll, we'll keep going on this and we'll dive a little deeper. 

Darla 26:16 

Great. All right.  

Amber B 26:17 

Great. Awesome. 

Darla 26:17 

Thank you. 

Amber B 26:18 

Thank you.  

Wasn't that a great conversation with Darla? One of the reasons that I bring these coaching call episodes onto the podcast is you really start to get a firsthand experience of what it's like to listen to somebody else be coached. And while it is very wonderful to have yourself be coached one-on-one, you'll see that there is great power in being able to listen to somebody else get coached because what I find is that we're able to be out of our head a little bit as we listen to somebody else and be a little bit more objective. And sometimes that those teachings land a little bit better when it's not us that's in the hot seat. So a lot of what I do inside of MACROS 101 and inside of our, you know, our continued coaching program Beyond MACROS 101 is group coaching. And I love to be able to bring these conversations on because I think you can learn a lot from them and you can really see the value of the group atmosphere and the takeaways that you can have learning and listening from other women in the community. It's not just, do I get coached myself, but what can I learn from other people? And I think bringing these onto the podcast also shows you the power of group coaching and also shows you the power of the type and style of coaching that I do. It's very different. You can see the way that I coach clients is very different from a lot of other coaches. And it's really hard to describe and it's really hard to explain. And so it's all, it's a much easier just to show it to you. So hopefully this conversation with Darla was really helpful to you, especially if you are planning for a maintenance in the future, or you're in that space right now. 

If you did enjoy this episode, it would mean the world to me if you took the three minutes it takes to leave a rating and review wherever you're listening to this on whatever platform that you're listening to this on. That really helps me and it helps the podcast and it's a great way to say thank you for the free content that I'm putting out. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber. Now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything. 

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