322: “How Do I Stop Self-Sabotaging On The Weekends?” | Live Coaching Session

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 322.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey, hey, hey! Welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke. And today we have a coaching session where I walk a client from MACROS 101 through a very, very common question, which is Why the heck can I not stop self-sabotaging over the weekends? And maybe you've had the same experience where you can do really well Monday through Thursday and then the weekend comes and it's like you cannot stay on track, you cannot continue, you know you stop tracking or you overeat and it's this cycle that repeats itself every single week and you just don't know how to get out of it.  

And so one of the things that I go through and teach a lot of inside of MACROS 101 is about self-sabotage and the more we can understand self-sabotage and understand ourselves and how we self-sabotage, the more we're going to be able to get ourselves out of these self-sabotaging behaviors and sometimes self-sabotage is a little bit tricky to kind of suss out and to figure out, you know, why am I self-sabotaging? Because it is counterintuitive, right? It's like I say I want to hit these goals and I need to stick to my macros over the weekend, so why the heck am I not seeing to macros over the weekend, right? It's it's a little bit counterintuitive and coaching can be a really good way to get some insight that maybe you currently don't have about how you're approaching the situation or your thought process around it, and why that self-sabotaging is occurring. And so during this coaching call with this last round of MACROS 101. I walk Lisa threw some of her self-sabotaging behavior and help her get down to the root of really what she's struggling with and how she can move forward to have her weekends more aligned with the type of weekends that she would like.  

Coaching calls onto the podcast 02:20 

So, I bring you these coaching calls and put them onto the podcast sometimes because: one, I think it's really helpful to listen to other people who have maybe similar struggles that that you have. It's one of the feedback that we get a lot of times from people who go through MACROS 101 is that it's amazing to be in a community where you don't feel alone, where you feel like, oh gosh, I'm not the weird one. I'm not unusual. Other people struggle with some of the same things that I struggle with and it can kind of help normalize that experience and feel like you're not alone. Like you're in it with other people who really, really get it. So I do, you know, I put these on the podcast for that reason. I also put them on the podcast because I think that there is power in being able to listen and hear other people get coached. And it's the thing I say all the time in MACROS 101 where we do group coaching that sometimes group coaching can even be more insightful than just yourself getting coached because we're able to listen to other people, get coached and kind of have a perspective that sometimes it's difficult to have in your own life, right? It's like it's like when your friend is struggling. And it's so apparent to you, so obvious to like why they're struggling. You're like, girl, like how come you can't see it. He is not good for you. And but she can't see it, right? Cause she's in it. And so that's another reason that I put the these episodes on the podcast so that you can kind of have that experience of being an outsider listening to coaching and getting value from it. And then the last reason is because it's really hard for me to describe how I coach and. And unless you've experienced it and seen it. It's very different from most other coaches. And so I like to give you samples of that here on the podcast, so that if you're thinking about joining MACROS 101 in the future that you kind of know what you're getting into. I want you to come in, eyes wide open and and know what that experience is going to be like.  

Joining MACROS 101 04:13 

And it's been really fun with this last round of MACROS 101 because I feel like we've attracted a cohort of people who really get it and who are really ready for what it is that I have to offer and and what we're able to dive into together like these women are coming hungry and ready to be introspective and really do the work that is going to be required for them to be able to get the results that they want. And I think some of that is is being able to just put it out here there of like this is how I coach. This is the type of program that I run. And if you like it, you're going to love MACROS 101, and if you don't like it, then you're not going to like MACROS 101, and you shouldn't come and join us. So those are some of the reasons that I put these episodes up. But I hope that this one will be impactful because this is again weekends are something so many people struggle with, and I think you'll get some insight as we go through this coaching conversation with Kim before I run the tape, if you are interested in getting on the wait list or the interest list for MACROS 101, go to bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist and you can put your name on there and we will let you know the next time that we open up doors to that program. Alright, let's get into the coaching conversation.  

Amber B 05:24 

Hey, what's your question? 

Kim 05:26 

OK, so I I was really hesitant to raise my hand because I feel like I'm just a broken record in this. I cannot stop self-sabotaging. I went through the sabotage worksheet and it doesn't like I'm in a cut and I was really good the first few weeks. And then the weekend came a couple weeks in and just bounced all over the place and so I went through sabotage worksheets on that and I I did really good again this weekend and now this week came and I don't know what it is. I just like. I just blow over my calories and I can't. I can't figure out why I keep doing it. 

Amber B 06:11 

Okay. So it looks like the manifestation of the self-sabotage happens on weekends, and and what's going to be really helpful for me is if we can go to the moment of decision. So, there's always a moment of decision where we make that decision to go from, like tracking, hitting our stuff to then we decide not to for whatever reason. And there's often a lot of clues there that will help us to be able to get to the bottom of this. So can you go back to this last weekend and think about when was that moment of decision for you?  

Kim 06:44 

So this last weekend, fine, everything was good and I was able to maintain. But it's been this week where I just I I don't even know and I tried to think about what is that decision point. And it's I I don't even. It's not like, oh, I'm going to miss out if I don't eat this, or I really just. I don't know if it's a fear of actually hitting my goals or I fear that I won't hit my goals. 

Amber B 07:18 

So you're trying to go into diagnosis and I still want to deal with symptoms because it's going to make the diagnosis a lot easier. So I want, if still I'm going to push you to go back to that, we're going to try and get as close as we can to that moment of decision because there was some sort of switch that happened where it's like I'm tracking my food. I'm hitting my things and then I'm not right. There's there's a turning point there and the more clarity we can get on what happened during that turning point, we're being able to have a much better diagnosis. OK. So can you think of this week any specific circumstance where maybe you were tracking and then you stop? Or you weren’t hitting the result. 

Kim 07:57 

Yes. I mean, I I don't know what the circumstance is necessary like. So my son brought some banana bread from my mother-in-law and I thought, OK, I'm going to have a piece and it fit into my macros. Well, then one slice turned into two, and then. OK, well, I've made that. I'm going to eat something else and.. 

Amber B 08:17 

Okay, great. This is perfect. OK, so I'm going to go back to that moment, right. We got the banana bread sitting there. We cut a slice, we've tracked it. It fits. We're so excited. We eat the banana bread and now there's a moment of decision, right? Am I going to eat another and and when I say moment of decision, it makes it sound really conscious. It's not always conscious, so I know that this can be hard to kind of walk through. But but stay with me because it's gonna it's gonna bring out a lot of a lot of information for us. So you ate the one piece of bread and now we eat a second piece. Now what always happens is we always justify our decisions to ourselves, always. So can you go back to that point where you ate the first piece and then you ate the second piece and go through well, how did you justify that in your mind? 

Kim 09:06 

Yeah, the justification is well, I won't get this again.  

Amber B 09:10 

Yes, OK.  

Kim 09:11 

This won't be available again. 

Amber B 09:14 

Good. And so that was that pivot point. And so then we ate the second piece. Now when you ate the second piece and you ate it, then we go to the third piece, right. Did you have any more justification that came up of like can I make this third piece? 

Kim 09:30 

Right.  Well, now you've already, you know, gone so far over you can't start over tomorrow or whatever. 

Amber B 09:38 

Fantastic. OK. So this is really helpful in being able to bring to light again. We always justify what we're doing and that justification can really start to give us some insight into how we think about things and how our subconscious is directing our conscious action. OK, so the justification I won't get this again. So that's how we justified eating the second piece and then then it gets into the like the all or nothing thinking of like, well, now I just have to start over tomorrow. I might as well eat as many as I can today, because I'm going to have to read through. 

Kim 10:06 

Just eat the whole loaf, why not? 

Amber B 10:09 

Okay, so there's a couple things here that we can start to work on. Or start to notice are things that if you work on that will help these types of situations, true or false. If you start to work on that all or nothing thinking of like I've thrown in the towel or I've, you know, made a mistake and I gotta throw the towel. If you improve that will you improve your self-sabotaging behavior? 

Kim 10:35 

Ahm, it should improve. I mean, I think it would. 

Amber B 10:39 

Okay, so, so what comes up? What, what comes up as a reason it might not? 

Kim 10:49 

There's still. I know that things are not all or nothing so, I know there's, you know. Does that makes sense? 

Amber B 11:01 

You know that logically, right? But you don't know that subconsciously. Right. That's what we're seeing here and this is, this is where it gets, it gets a little like. This is why it's hard to to see self-sabotage and figure out self-sabotage is because so often we know things logically, right. But our behaviors show us how we think subconsciously. And so while you understand all or nothing mentality and how to get out of it consciously, your subconscious is not on board with that. So true or false. If we can get your subconscious on board with that, will your self-sabotaging behavior improve?  

Kim 11:39 

Yes. True. Yeah. 

Amber B 11:40 

Okay, cool. So then the then the question becomes how do we start to reprogram our subconscious to get out of that all or nothing mentality, that all or nothing thinking because truth like truthfully here, if you ate one piece of bread and then you justified it to yourself saying I'm not going to get this again and I and you ate the second piece of bread and then you stopped. That's going to be way better than what we're currently experiencing, right?  

Kim 12:06 

Right. Yeah.  

Amber B 12:07 

So. So I'm not as concerned with the like I won't do this again. That can very well be a an active decision-making process that you decide to make that decision and own it and move forward. And that can be totally fine where we start to really lose you is in that all or nothing thinking of like. Or now I've gone over to, you know, to this I ate this extra piece of bread and somehow that turns into the day is ruined. Yeah. So what will be really helpful is if you can and I'm going to give you like a little assignment to to work through is can you get as much of that inner dialogue down on paper as possible. So what do you usually say to yourself when you go over? I I know you said I can start again tomorrow, but there's probably other other ways that you rationalize to yourself, other ways that you might as well eat all of it. I might as well. Like I'm gonna have to start again.  

Kim 13:01 

If it's gone, then you won't eat it again, fit all the house. 

Amber B 13:03 

Yes, perfect. See, you know exactly what I'm talking about, right? We're really good at this. So if you can get that all down on paper, then what we can start to do is we can start to look at that rationalization and start to poke holes in it. And start to to see where you're lying to yourself, or you're wrong, or you know you’re not accurately thinking in a way that's going to support your goals and we can start to poke holes in that and we can start to, start to shift into what can you tell yourself instead. So when your brain starts to default to, I'm going to start again tomorrow. What could you say to yourself in that moment that would help you shift out of that or nothing thinking? 

Kim 13:44 

I'm not starting tomorrow. I'm starting right now. Like, you know, despite, you know, not not tomorrow now. 

Amber B 13:52 

Yeah, sure. Yeah, every bite is a new, new, new chance to make a new choice, right?  

Kim 13:56 

Right.  

Amber B 13:57 

So, I can make that new choice right now. You know, there's no need to wait for tomorrow. So what we can do when we can start to get clarity on how we self-justify and we can start to to start to poke holes in it and start to shift it into what is actually going to be more helpful. And then when you and then, now that you've done that, then this becomes a practice, it becomes a practice with yourself of like when these thoughts are to come up you consciously replace them. So I talk about this in the self-sabotage model that we have, the conscious brain, we have the subconscious brain and so much of our life is run on the subconscious. In order to reprogram the subconscious, what we have to do is take the subconscious, bring it to the conscience, change it, and then put it back into the subconscious. Right. That's. That's the process of rewriting the subconscious and so that's what you're going to be doing and that's why I'm having to do this journal exercise. It's taking the subconscious, putting it into the conscious. We're going to then do some work with it. And now you get to practice putting that back into the subconscious practice. That makes sense? 

Kim 14:53 

Okay. It does for sure. 

Amber B 14:59 

What questions do you have about that? 

Kim 15:05 

I think it's going to just take a lot of practice.  

Amber B 15:08 

Yeah. It will take practice. Yeah.  

Kim 15:09 

Yeah. And it does help because I was jumping to the solutions when I was going through the exercise before. So this is helpful to be able to, to really drill down into that decision point. 

Amber B 15:23 

Yeah, yeah. And we can, as you go through this, you may have some more stuff come to light as to like what the real fear is. And that can be helpful. But in the meantime, some people get stuck on, like, trying to uncover their fear that they don't get even get started in the rewriting the subconscious program, right? And that's where I want you to start. 

Kim 15:41 

OK, great. Thank you so much.  

Amber B 15:44 

Awesome. Yeah.  

Kim’s takeaway and action 15:45 

So I hope you had some good takeaways with that as a little bit of an update after we had this. Had this coaching conversation. Kim did go and post in our community, some of her as she sat down and did the homework that I signed her, some of the AHA moments that she had. And she really did some really good work about pulling out some of the fears that she has and pulling out some of the things that she tells herself that her lies and being able to switch those into much more empowering, you know, ways of thinking. One of the things that she realized is that she does have a fear of success. And so that was really exciting to help her to kind of come to that realization through doing the homework exercise that I gave her. And that's really normal and natural to have a fear of success that is actually preventing you from even attaining the success that you say that you want. And so, you know, Kim and I are working on working through that to get her to the other side.  

But this is some of the kind of deep work that we do inside of MACROS 101. It's not just about macros. It's not just about adjusting your numbers. While I teach you all of the science, there's a lot of internal work that goes into making a change and really creating that change from the inside out. So if you're interested and curious about coming and joining us inside MACROS 101, the next time we run the program, head to bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist and you'll be the first to know when we open doors. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber, now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.  

Outro

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