315: “I’m Down 40 Pounds…When Will It Be Enough?” | Live Coaching Session

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 315.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, and today's episode is a Coaching Call that I just recently did in our BAB Coaching Community, so this a community of women who have gone through MACROS 101 and they want continued coaching and so we provide that for our clients and in that Community we have Live Coaching Calls weekly and this call was awesome. And so I wanted to bring it on to the podcast. I do this every once in a while. You scan back, you can find other Live Coaching sessions and I do this for a couple of reasons.  

Value in Other’s Coaching 01:22 

The first reason is that there is incredible value in listening to somebody else get coached. I know some of us think that there's only value if I'm the one who is getting the live coaching, but in reality and many of my clients can attest to, sometimes listening to somebody else get coached is almost even more valuable than you getting coached because we are able to see a little clear, more clearly things that are coming up in other people than sometimes we aren't even ourselves. We tend to have a lot of blind spots in our own lives and we can spot those blind spots and other people very easily and quickly, but it's much harder in ourselves. And so when you're listening to somebody else get coached, it's an opportunity for you to like pay attention to their blind spots and be able to turn and reflect and say, hey, do I have maybe some of those same blind spot?  

Recognizing Unspoken Struggles 02:14 

I also find that people really struggle in this journey knowing that they're like having the experience of knowing that there's a problem, knowing that things aren't going well but not being able to articulate a question, they just know that things aren't going well. They don't really know why, and yet they don't know how to ask a question about it. And so listening to somebody else ask a question more than a handful of times myself in group coaching settings. I've had the experience where somebody else asked a question I'm like, Oh my gosh. Yes, I have that same question. I didn't realize that I had that same question, but I have that same question and I would also very much like the answer to that question please and thank you. And so you may have that experience as you're listening to this call with Desiree that she asked a question and we get into some topics that maybe you didn't even really know that you needed, but as we get into the topics you may be like, yes, I didn't. I wouldn't have ever thought to ask this question. I wouldn’t have ever thought to go here, but this is something that's incredibly valuable for me as well. 

Attracting Ideal Clients 03:11 

And then the third and final reason that I do this is because I want to attract the very right people into MACROS 101. I want to attract the type of people who want to work with me. They want this style of coaching. They want this type of work and so I put these on the podcast because it's a way for you to filter out whether or not you want to work with me. You may listen to us and it may blow your mind and you may be like heck yes, that is exactly who I want to work with. Awesome. I would love to welcome you into MACROS 101. We're opening up doors soon. If not, I mean, listen to this and you're like, yeah, that didn't do anything for me. Fantastic. Please don't comment. Join the program. Like it, I want it to be that easy where it's like either you're gonna resonate with this and it's going to be a heck yes, or you're not going to resonate with it. And then that's great too because it saves you and I both the trouble of hey, we're not the right fit. That's totally OK. I'm fine not being the right fit for everybody. I'm trying to work with the right fit people, the people who want to work with me, and so I put these on the podcast and I'm putting it here today because I want you to kind of use this and other coaching calls as a litmus test of like do you want me to be your coach or am I somebody that you want to work with? And I think the best way to be able to see that is to actually showcase the style of coaching because the way that I coach honestly is not the way that most coaches coach and you'll get that very quickly as we start to get in this conversation and it's either going to be resonate with you or it's not. And either of those is totally fine. 

Opening Doors to MACROS 101 04:38 

We are opening up doors to MACROS 101 very, very soon, so let this be a place for you to kind of dabble and say, hey, is this something I'm interested in? Because if so, you'll want to jump on it when we open up doors on March 4th. So March 4th, we’ll be opening doors to MACROS 101 and would love to have you come and join us and be able to access and tap into learning more about how to become a macro scientist and also learning how to get to the root of some of the issues that maybe are keeping you stuck from reaching the goals that you have set for yourself. 

Free Five-Day Challenge 05:11 

Also, in case you haven't heard, next week I am running a free five-day challenge. I see this as like a really great introduction to again seeing if MACROS 101 is going to be a good place for you. So I run this free five-day challenge. We come and we learn all about becoming a macro scientist. We learn about sticking points on your journey, maybe why you haven't been successful in the past. A lot about mistakes that I see people making and how to correct those. So if you're interested in that come and join me by going to bicepsafterbabies.com/challenge and come join me next week at the Free Five-Day challenge.

Alright, we'll dive into the coaching conversation with Desiree. 

Desiree 05:48 

So I guess where I'm at and what I'm struggling with right now is that I am in the cut and my very first week I was like we saw lots of inches go down and saw the week go down and then it was steady for like 3 weeks and there was no loss of inches necessarily, and there was no weight loss at all, hovered around the 2 of 3 mark. And then really crazy and weird. And then like today, all of a sudden I weighed in at like 199. And like, I don't like I know that that's just a number, but my brain is just trying to understand like what happened and why is it like that and is there something like I try to get water retention and whatever else and I'm struggling with some tracking type things and all of that too, but I'm sure that that's all factored into it, but I don't know. I guess I'm just trying to figure my way around all of that. 

Amber B 06:52 

Okay, how many you guys know what the wish effect is. Like from a scientific standpoint? Put one in the chat if you know what the wish effect is and you understand it from like a scientific point of view. Nobody? OK. Well, great. OK, couple of you. Great. This will be a great conversation because I I really feel like understanding the science and I think that's what you're saying Desiree is like I'm not like worked up about this but it is like really weird. Like why is this? Why is the scale, you know, holding and then dropping and then holding in the drop like it's just kind of weird. And so I think understanding again the science of it and how the body works can be really fascinating and help you again see in that macro scientist’s point of view. So the way that fat loss works is like The Law of Conservation of Mass says that like matter never is created or destroyed, it only changes, right? So fat doesn't just like disappear and go nowhere, it just changes and the actual fat burning process fat gets turned into two main byproducts. It is water and carbon dioxide. So that's the byproduct, the wind fat it's broken down it it's turned into water and carbon dioxide. Remember, it's never energy isn't created or destroyed, it's only changed, and it changes those two byproducts. So obviously the CO2 gets breathed out. So that's how we how the actual fat leaves our body is by the CO2 getting breathed out and then we have this other byproduct which is water. Now the body has a lot of water in it. Intracellular, extracellular, like most of our body is made of water and so that water doesn't necessarily immediately leave our body. And so this is why we have this whoosh effect where you feel like you see the scale maintaining. And then you see a big drop because what tends to happen is that byproduct of water gets held on in our body intracellular extracellularly until we don't need it anymore, or until we have some water shifts in our body and then that water is excreted, obviously out through the urine. And that's where you get that whoosh effect. And so it is very common for people to see a plateau, a drop, a plateau and a drop. Now, that doesn't mean that you are losing 3 lbs in a couple of days. 

Desiree 09:09 

Right. 

Amber B 09:10 

And it doesn’t mean that you're not losing during those periods of time where you are. Where you are plateaued. The fat loss is happening all the time, but it doesn't show up on the scale immediately because that byproduct of water is not excreted immediately. The CO2 is excreted pretty quickly, but obviously the CO2 doesn't have very much mass or weight. The water carries most of the weight. Does that help to understand? A little bit. 

Desiree 09:35 

It does, yeah, it does. And that's like, it's one of those things that, like I said earlier too, like, I'm having some, I'm struggling with tracking for some reason. And I know that that is some of it for me is because, well, I know it's a data point and it's just a number, there's still that that process of not seeing the successor sometimes, does that makes sense? 

Amber B 10:03 

But yeah, question about that experience because I think a lot of people can relate to that difficulty with the scale and even if you feel like your relationship with the scale has improved, there still may be some improvements that are, you know, continue can continue to be made. So I'm curious when. Because I think it's helpful to kind of delineate where the struggle is when those thoughts come up in your mind of like, you get on the scale and those thoughts actually come of like, oh gosh, I'm it's not moving. Oh, gosh, I'm not being successful. You know, how do those thoughts come to you? Is the struggle to counteract those thoughts or is it just that it takes effort to counter out those slots and you're able to get moved past and you're able to move through it, but it just takes effort. 

Desiree 10:45 

It's probably the latter. I think it's probably just the counteracting with it and there are times that it's just I don't know and I'm sure it's like this with the way they just become so exhausted. But I'm just like, I'm so done doing it. 

Amber B 10:58 

Yes. OK. The reason that I want to talk about this is because it is important to understand the phases that I see people go through to know that that maybe you're not at the end phase that there is something available to you in the future that isn't as exhausting. So where I where I see a lot of people move through is oftentimes they'll come to me and they will say that they have a very bad relationship with the scale and what that looks like in practice is that everything that they think they just accept. So they sell on the scale. And they think I'm a fat slob, and they just accept that there's, like, it's just. That's what it is. I'm not being successful. I'm never going to be able to do this. This is too hard, right? Like all those thoughts that are popping up in their head when they step on the scale. They're accepting of those thoughts, and that's typically what people say when they have a bad relationship with the scales. Like that's the inner experience that they're having when they step on the scale.  

So that's like level one, we get to this point then and this is where I think you're at, Desiree. And maybe a lot of you listening are at where it's like I can now see those for what they are, just like thoughts that pop up and it takes effort to counteract them like I have to do work to like, get out of that rut where I used to just accept these things and I felt bad about myself. But it was kind of easier in some way because I just got the thing, accepted it and felt bad about myself. And now we're going to the place where it's like now I'm aware enough of my thoughts and I can work through them and I can coach myself through them, and I can get myself to the other side, but gosh. It's kind of exhausting. It takes a lot of work and some days I just don't want to do all the work and I totally get that.  

So that's like a Level 2 and many of you may feel like you're at that Level 2 and maybe sometimes you slip back into that level one, but you can start to see the thoughts for what they are, just like thoughts that can be counteracted and aren't actually true. The reason that I want to talk about this is because you don't have to like this isn't the end destination. You don’t have to do this for the rest of your life, Desiree. There is a Level 3 that we can work towards and that is where the new counteracting thoughts that you've been thinking become your first thoughts, they become more natural, or at least it becomes much easier to shift out of them into the new into the new thoughts. And this happens with practice. It's like you can't get to the other side of the mountain without going over  the mountain itself. And so you're you're climbing the mountain right now. It's hard. There's a lot of effort required. Some days you don't want to do it. And I get it. But what I'm telling you is that there is there will be a peak of that mountain and you'll be on the other side and it it will start to get easier and hopefully you've experienced that at least a little bit where it's easier today than maybe it was six months ago.  

So you can you can already see that like, yeah, it's getting easier so hard but it's getting easier that will continue. And that's a lot of what we're doing together here is like, we're really shifting your identity. We're shifting how you see the world. We're shifting how you speak to yourself and that takes time, takes effort on the other side of it, you become a new, you become Desiree 2.0, right, where it's like that process is a lot easier, and so I walk through, you know, Desiree and obviously everybody who's listening through that process because I want you guys to know what to accept like expect think knowing what to expect is helpful and knowing what is possible in the future is also really helpful.  

I know there are people on this call who very much relate to that level one. And they're like, yeah, I'm still on that like step on the scale and like still just have all these bad thoughts and it's just a spiral and a  whirlwind and there's people over there and that it's OK to be there. There's people who relate to Desiree who are like yeah I'm able to counteract it, but it's hard and some days I don't want to do it and then there's also people on this call who aren't at that like Level 3, where they really have gotten to that place where it's not as hard anymore where it just those those thoughts become a lot more natural, a lot easier. And they can tell you that it's possible to get to that place. But being able to identify where you are at in that process and help us to wrap our brain around where it is that we're going and the capability of us to be able to get to that other side. 

Desiree 15:05

Okay. I'm sad, yeah. And like, I don't even know what to say. Like I I totally get it. And like what you're saying makes sense. And and yes, there are things that are easier to do than others. And I totally feel like that with a lot of the things that they do like. I don't know. I guess I keep thinking back to myself that when I started going to the gym like I didn't like going to the gym and I would go if I was lucky like twice a week and now if I don't get there at least five times a week. I am like, what the heck is wrong with me? Because it's just become part of me. It and I guess I just kind of forgot that that process to get to that point, because now it's it is just like it's easy just to go to the gym. It's easy to get up at 4:30 so that I can be there by 5:30 and whatever. But I I don't know. I guess it's there's still that aspect in my brain.

Amber B 16:14 

What's that aspect? 

Desiree 16:19 

I mean almost feeling like. There's, I don't even know, like there's like an obstacle that I just can't. I can't like figure out what the obstacle is, but I feel like it's just a smack in the face of like. And and maybe it comes around to some of those thought processes of like it is. It is hard and what am I thinking and this is something that I can really do and all of those like self-doubt questions take things and they still answer them and they still go. Well, this is something I can do. I have done this. I can continue to do this. 

Amber B 17:06 

When you do that. I'm curious how. How much do you believe it? Right. So we can tell ourselves things. And then it's like the difference between telling ourselves they didn't actually truly believe in it. On a scale of one out of ten, where, where do you feel like it's at?  

Desiree 17:24 

I mean maybe. Maybe a six? Because I I don't always feel like I believe it. I don't always feel like, OK, yeah, I can. I can do this. There's a lot of around the just, I don't know. 

Amber B 17:41 

Yes. OK, So what? What's really great Desiree is we've kind of found the rub. Like we, we found where the focus is. If you continue to believe that it's hard and I don't know if I can do this and I don't know it's possible and I don't know if I can stick to this and like if those thoughts and beliefs continue to be held. You're going to continue to see this exact same pattern play out. And so you already recognize that, right? You're already working to counteract them. You're already trying to tell your counteract and say I can do it like, yes, I can. It's not that hard. I'm. I'm strong. Right. Which is great. Like, that's that is that is one of the steps. The harder part of that for a lot of people is getting to the place where they actually believe it. It's like we can tell ourselves affirmations all day long. But if we don't actually believe it, it's not gonna. It's not going to get rid of this, this debris that is causing you pain and causing this to be hard for you. So then it becomes that question of like, OK, how do I say these things to myself and how do I actually get myself to believe them.  

Okay. And that's where a lot of that's where a lot of the work is, right? Is like, how do I let go of that? And there's several ways that we can work through, me helping you to make that shift. One of the ways that I feel like is sometimes the most valuable for people is figuring out what the benefit is of continuing to believe that. We are very, it's very easy for us to let go of beliefs that aren't helping us in some way. And so when we find ourselves holding on to a belief that this is hard, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if it's possible. And we find it hard to let go of those and replace them with the new ones. Oftentimes the reason it's hard to let go of it is because there's some benefit to us and getting clear on what that benefit is can help to kind of soften it and kind of help us to release it. So I'm curious if you can come up and I know it's really easy to say, oh, there's no benefit to thinking this is hard. Oh, there's no benefit to thinking like can I do this right? There's no benefit, but there usually is, and oftentimes it has to do with something with safety of Like not failing, not having to put ourselves out there. So I'm curious for you. Is there anything coming up for you of like what would be the benefit to continuing to hold on to these? 

Desiree 19:57 

To continue holding on to,  

Amber B 19:58 

It's hard, I don’t know if I can do it. 

Desiree 20:06 

Oh. I don't know because I I guess I I feel like I don't think that it would be hard. I mean I've talked to people because I've had people talk to me about the things that I've done and you know it it. I mean, I'm down 40 lbs since March and so then it's like people have said things like, oh, you doing so good. I'm like, great, it really hasn't been that hard. I'm still, you know, I'm still eat my chocolate or what are you doing? You know, but it is, I guess, in fact it Is hard and it's I think I don’t know I just keep telling myself fake it till you make It I guess. 

Amber B 20:41 

And that and that will work for a while. And I think what you're coming up against is that won't work long term and we're getting to that point where it's like at work now and now it's like not working anymore and we can't always fake it, right? The whole point is like fake it till you make it. But like we got to get to the make it point where we have to leave it right. Did you guys like how she just like, casually slipped in, but like losing 40 lbs since March, that's like casual slip in there. That's fantastic. We got we gotta, like, celebrate the heck out of that. That's amazing. That's great. And you know what got you here won't get you there. The work that you've done, the mind shifts. That's a mindset shift you've done to this point. It's like we're at a new level, new Devil, and it's very normal, natural for this kind of stuff to come up. I want to push you on this a little bit more. There is and I and I I see glimmers of what I might I think it might be, so I might help you out. But I want to see If you can kind of pull it out of yourself. What benefit is there for you of continuing to tell yourself this is hard? Continue to tell yourself that you're not sure you can do it, that you don't know if it's possible. What benefit is there to you? 

Desiree 22:00 

I guess in a way it. I think it kind of throws the challenge into myself, if that makes sense. 

Amber B 22:08 

Is that a good thing for you? 

Desiree 22:11 

I think yes and no, but I've always kind of been the person that if somebody tells me I can't do something, I'm like. Yeah, shut up and watch and I do it. 

Amber B 22:24 

What's the Negative aspect of it though? 

Desiree 22:27 

But then the negative aspect is like. I always feel like. I'm never reaching where I'm where I'm going to be or where I'm where I'm comfortable at. 

Amber B 22:39 

It’s never good enough.  

Desiree 22:41 

Yes. 

Amber B 22:42 

It's your climbing amount with no top. 

Desiree 22:44 

Yes. 

Amber B 22:45 

And that's really discouraging. 

Desiree 22:48 

Yeah. And I guess it's, I mean, I guess it's ultimately kind of where I'm feeling now is like. You know I mean like even just now with like, the whole celebration of like the 40 lbs stuff like that. Like, I'm excited about that. I do. I like, I love it. I've had to buy new pants size and in fact I was talking to my kids about how all of a sudden my exercise pants aren't fitting me anymore and I need to buy new ones. Like, that's exciting, but in the same manner. But I'm Like, but that's not enough. Like my big ultimate goal was to lose 100 lbs. And So I'm like, yeah, 40 lbs. Yeah, but I'm also Like, woohoo! 40 lbs. 

Amber B 23:27 

Yeah, I mean, so it's really important to have this conversation because I know and this, you know, you guys can extrapolate all those who are listening, you likely have a different goal than Desiree, but it's the same issue that comes up and I see it over and over where it's like It will be enough when I hit XY and Z and then we hit XY and Z and for some reason it's not, it's still not enough. It's like it doesn't make you feel the way that you thought it was going to make you feel. It doesn't make you feel like you've hit the top of the mountain And so Desiree, I know that you're saying, hey, I've only lost 40 of only 40 of the 100 lbs. And my guess is there's a part of you that feels like when I hit the 100 lbs that then will then it will be enough, then everything will be better, then right. And I I just want to offer to you that like, if we can't feel that way now having Achieve the 40 LB loss. It's not going. Nothing's gonna be different 100 lbs. 

Desiree 24:21 

Right. And I and I recognize that and and I guess that's what I keep telling myself as I'm like it's not about the numbers, it's all about like and even this morning when I was walking home from taking my kids to school, I was thinking that, you know It's about how I feel and like I physically I feel great. I've enjoyed feeling the way I feel and then you know, when I there have been things that I've done That I really enjoy and I wanted to do and. And that and that's what I'm trying to focus on is like look at that type of thing that I can do. I've not been able to do that type of thing before. You know, I ran a Turkey Turkey trot for the first time in 10 years and did it in under 34 minutes. And so like it like, there's just these little things. Like I see and I recognize, but I guess for me, I'm like having a hard time I guess accepting that those are good and that is part of The success, if that makes any sense.  

Amber B 25:27 

Absolutely. And I wonder. You're a lot like me in that like There's this need to like prove yourself or like be enough or have it be good enough and I think this Is where we get on this like mountain with no top. It's like it will never be good enough on some level and it's really important to like work on that and focus on it. I want to go back to what I talked about, this idea of. It's too hard. I Can't do it and maybe what some of the motivation is and Continuing to hold on to that belief, and I wonder if we, if we continue to tell ourselves that and then you don't lose the 100 lbs You'll still be OK because it's like you're protecting yourself from that belief that you Can do it. And there for a lot of people, there tends to be this fear, like, if I really believe that I can do it. And I really say that I can do it and I really think I can. And then I don't. What does that mean about Me and am I not good enough. And and it's like the core fear of, like, not being good up. It hits on that core fear. And So what we do is We play small. If I if I don't really believe that I can do it and I don't. Well Then I'm off The hook it's it's OK. But if I say that I can do it and I put it out there that that's what I want and I don't. Oh my gosh. Now I'm not OK. 

Desiree 26:56 

Yeah. 

Amber B 27:01 

An emotion is a really important guidepost. It kind of tells us when We hit on something that It's true to us. You're all loading up. A lot of us do this. A lot of us tend to play small to protect ourselves. And you can keep doing that, right? Like there's plenty of people who live their lives just playing small in order to stay safe in order to protect themselves. And so we get to this point where we can ask ourselves, what's more important to me being able to stay safe or being able to live the life that I want to live. And part of that is letting go of this idea that it's safer to play small, that it's safer to tell yourself it's hard. It's safer than tell yourself. You know, if you can do it. And until you can let go of those, it's going to continue to be hard like, hey, these things that are coming up, these rocks that are coming up, it's going to continue to be hard. And it's really just it's like the push coming to shove look like what's more important to you? Safety for growth. 

Desiree 28:15 

Yeah. Well, and like I guess that's the growth is important and that is kind of what started me down. All of this is that there's a lot of health issues in my family and I didn't want to end up with any of those health concerns and so I have really like that was the main motivator is I was like I did not want to have that kind of a life. I don't know. Like I still don't want that kind of life, but in the same manner. I'm like, it's OK, like I'm still doing when it comes in to compare and despair because I'm like I'm doing better than they are. And that doesn't give me any doubt. 

Amber B 29:12 

That's right, yeah. Well, this is very normal and natural. We we grow and we make progress and we hit new double s, right? This is a new level and it is a new double. And what got you here is not going to get you there. And So what you're coming up against is a very normal natural thing of just like this is the new breakthrough for you. There were breakthroughs that had to happen to lose the 40 lbs. And now there are new breakthroughs and new growth that is going to have to happen in order to to lose the next 40 lbs or the next 60 lbs. And that that is normal. That's welcome to the process. Welcome to grow. Just when you think you haven't figured out it's like no we have more to figure out. 

Desiree 29:59 

Yes, it's funny because like I was thinking about the same thing. And you even said this in like, one of your podcasts recently. I think you related it to like when your kids were growing up and you're like, hey, I figured out that time. And then all of a sudden it's like never mind. It changed. 

Amber B 30:11 

Ohh you haven't. 

Desiree 30:13 

And I I like. I feel like that too, because I do daycare for a baby too. So like, I feel that physically as well as, like, mentally for myself too. And it just. It's being OK that change is always happening. I guess for me. 

Amber B 30:29 

Yeah, it's a little bit of an acceptance of it. It's almost like it's almost like being on a roller coaster, right? If you're on a roller coaster and you're super resistant to everything that's coming up, you're going to hate the ride like it's going to be terrible and very awful. It's like you're resisting everything that's happening, or you can just, like, put your hands up and just, like, let it happen. It's like I'm on this ride and there are going to be drops and they're going to be scary parts and they're going to be like heights and whatever, and it's just like we're writing it and it's the. It's the same roller coaster, but two completely different experiences as a person writing it. And so we put ourselves in a lot of pain when we start to resist. Resistance is what creates a lot of our discomfort and a lot of our pain. It's resisting, not wanting to let go, holding on to something right.  

Desiree 31:18 

Yeah. 

Amber B 31:19 

Like when we can allow when we can let go and we can stop resisting it. It is like putting your hands up and just like Let's go. You know, let's ride life. It's it's going to have ups and downs, but it's that willingness to ride it and realize that that's actually the most exciting part of a roller coaster is letting it take you and just being along for the ride. 

Desiree 31:41 

OK, come with me and love it. 

Amber B 31:44 

That's right. Come with me. And love it. Like bring it on like whatever it is. And. And I do want to take a moment because I notice this in you, Desiree. And I'm the same exact way. So I can like spot it a mile away. I think that. There is a lot of work, so for you to be able to do in really celebrating yourself and what you accomplished. And I don't know if you're I don't know if you've taken any of the test. I wouldn't be, but do you know what you are? 

Desiree 32:12 

A 2. 

Amber B 32:13 

Oh you’re a 2. You're a helper, maybe you're like a wing 3 because you remind me a lot of myself. 

Desiree 32:18 

I say it's like a 2/3 as well like between is. 

Amber B 32:22 

Because it is like that three is very future focus and future oriented and it doesn't ever takes time. It's like it's like the next thing you're like, you like, get the goal. Yeah. The next thing on to the next thing. I'm the same way and I and I have to be really intentional about stopping myself from doing that because it is my. It's like I'm always open to the next thing like. It's never. It's never enough. It's like what I've done is never good enough. So I have to be really intentional about stopping and really taking intentional time, effort, focus, energy to celebrate with doing things that I've accomplished instead of always looking towards the next thing. And I think that's something that will really benefit you is like asking yourself a question. How can I celebrate myself more? How can I celebrate the successes I've already having? What does that look like for me? And I think that's going to build a really strong foundation for you because what it does is it trains the brain to start to realize that like it can be good enough, right? It's like when you give the brain that celebration of what you've already accomplished it it It lowers the stakes for the brain because if you're someone who always is looking to the next thing, it again, it's training the brain that's like never good enough. It's like never going to be good enough. And we get on this roller coaster like doesn't matter what we accomplish, it's never going to be good enough. And when we can stop and pause and retrain the brain and say No, we can we can still have goals or let's say, you know, ever stop progressing or growing or learning. But we can train the brain and say I'm going to give you that dopamine hit of like, yes, we did it and then I'm going to keep moving forward. 

Desiree 33:52 

Yes, like that is exactly what it is, but I. I'm always looking to the next thing. It's funny because like even naturally in motion, like I have a hard time sitting still, I'm like, OK, I don't think great. What can I do now? What can I do now, like I just don't.  

Amber B 34:11 

It's a very common. It's a very common struggle with people who have aligned their self-worth with productivity or doing it's it's like for those of us who find that we need to prove ourselves or we are valuable for what we produce. We are valuable for what we do. We're valuable for what we accomplish. It's a, it's a dangerous cycle to get into because again, it's like you could never do enough. You could never accomplish enough and it is that shifting into more being less of doing of recognizing like my worth, is actually innate. Like I can't actually do anything that's going to make me more worthy. That's going to make me more enough that that wholeness is present in me, right now without me doing the Dang thing like I'm worthy and they're not sitting on the couch doing nothing. And that can be a hard shift to start to make, but I want to put that into your mind because otherwise we do start to run this world, run this race with this mountain, with no top right, we run this race with no end and it can be exhausting and so really leaning into your enoughness, your worthiness, your awesomeness right now and spending time with that. What’s that? 

Desiree 35:28 

I just like had this flashback to my very first coaching call with you where you had me like close my eyes and say I am worth it like three times and 

Amber B 35:39 

I remember that. 

Desiree 35:42 

But like that that Is that's a big struggle for me, is remembering that I am ready to be able to do this and I can do this and it's OK for me to take time for myself to do and celebrate me. 

Amber B 35:56 

That's right. It’s really good. Good conversation. 

Desiree 36:00

Okay. Thanks!

Amber B 36:01 

All right. So hopefully that was helpful. I mean it's such a good conversation and such an important relevant topic. As I was you know, doing this call, there were so many people in the chat. We're like, yes, this is me. I struggle with the same thing. So maybe you can relate. I did want to read something that one of the clients commented in the chat during this conversation because I know that if you're like a lot of people, you maybe struggle with this idea of celebrating yourself. And I hear a lot of times for people who like I need ideas on how to celebrate myself, especially if you've been one. That celebration usually involves food. And so it's like, how do I celebrate myself without food? And so Pam, in our community, she said that one of the coaches challenged her to celebrate every single thing all day long. It was silly and fun and really helped me to open up to celebrating myself. It looks like I empty the dishwasher. Woohoo! I tracked food accurately all day. Fist bumps and pat on the back. Really just acknowledging and giving credit for every single thing all day long helped me to start celebrating. Also, changing the word celebrate to acknowledge was a game changer for me.  

So I wanted to read that cause I thought it was such good advice for implementing this. You know this concept that we talked about. We talked about this concept of celebrating but what does it actually look like in real life and how can we make it, you know, really tangible and accessible. And I really appreciate, you know, for some changing that word from celebrating to acknowledging can make it seem a little bit more doable, a little bit easier and then really just like any other skill, celebrating, acknowledging yourself is a skill. It takes practice. It takes doing the reps and doing and doing it over and over again and so I love this suggestion of just looking for any and all ways throughout during the day to practice that skill, to get better at that skill. And I just thought it was really fabulous to be able to share because it's a question that I get a lot when I talk about celebrating yourself. 

So if you enjoyed that podcast episode, if you enjoyed listening to that coaching conversation, you are going to love MACROS 101, and you can get on the wait list at bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist. We will be opening doors on March 4th, so mark it on your calendars and hopefully I'll see you there. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber, now go on and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.  

Outro

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