258: “Best Of”: Why Your Body Will Never Change Until Your Mind Does

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio episode number 258.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife, and mom of four. Each week, my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.

 

5 Days To A Fitter You Challenge  0:47

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio, I'm your host, Amber Brueseke. And boy, do we have something exciting coming up. If you are tired of your only tool for transformation being restriction and deprivation, and you want to be able to look in the mirror and actually see results without choosing between ice cream and progress then my friend, my upcoming free Five-Day Challenge is for you. In this Five-Day Challenge, you're going to learn how easy and fun it can be to crush your goals. And to do it without cutting out sugar without hours and hours and hours of cardio or without starting another restrictive diet. In the five days, you'll have the formula for results without having to overhaul your lifestyle, which means that you're going to get to eat what you like and be able to see changes in the mirror. Because the truth is, and you know this on some level, misery does not give you better results. And when you cut out your favorite foods, well, that just usually backfires. That's why the Five Days to a Fitter You Challenge, it's going to be all about making reaching your goals as enjoyable and as effective as possible. 

 

What to expect during the 5 Days To A Fitter You Challenge  1:59

So here are the things I'm not going to ask you to do. I'm not going to ask you to go through all your cabinets and throw anything with sugar and the ingredients. I will not force you to eat dry chicken and broccoli five days a week, there are going to be no rules about what time of day you can eat or how you have to space out your meals. Instead, we'll focus on what matters most in your journey, you. Because you bring you into everything you do, including your fitness journey. This is why during the five days, we'll unpack some of the ways that you may be getting in your own way. Every day, you'll have access to tried and tested many challenges that will make your fitness journey easy and give you incredible breakthroughs around what you need to be actually focusing on for long-lasting results. I'm going to be taking you through many of the same exercises and education during these five days that I give to my paying MACROS 101 clients, including a unique goal-setting exercise on day two. So if you feel like you've signed up and started a ton of free challenges in the past, or maybe even wasted money on paid challenges that you didn't complete, you want to make sure you make it to day one and two, day three, where I will break down state self-sabotage and why the heck you tell yourself you're going to do something and then don't do it.  In fact, if you have been curious at all about what it's like to work with me inside of MACROS 101, think about the Five-Day Challenge as a free sneak peek week. If you're someone who wants to crush your fitness goals, and you want to do it without deprivation, restriction, and cookie-cutter dieting, then this challenge is for you. Go to bicepsafterbabies.com/challenge to register for the free Five Days to a Fitter You Challenge starting August 22. If you like the podcast, you are going to love our Five-Day Challenge. So go to bicepsafterbabies.com/challenge and see how fun it can be to hit your goals. 

 

The importance of working with your mindset first to hit the goals you have set for yourself  4:00

Okay, so what is our topic today? We are going to be talking about how and why your body will never change, you're never going to hit the goals that you have set for yourself if you don't first start with your mind. And some of you may see the title of this and you're totally on board. You're like, “Yeah, I know this, like how I think and my mindset is such an important part of this process.” But some of you may be listening and thinking, “Yeah, Amber, I know it's like, I know that's a thing. But really what I need is I need to eat better, or I need to be working out more or I need to stop snacking in the evening”, or whatever insert whatever it is that you think is actually keeping you from your goals. And here's the thing that I want you to consider. 

 

Pareto Principle 4:00

So first I want to talk a little bit about the principle called The Pareto Principle. If you are not familiar with the Pareto principle, it is this pattern that is seen over and over and over again in many contexts that roughly 80% of the outcome comes from 20% of the cause. So you'll hear it referred to as the 80-20 rule. And like I said, you see it in a multitude of contexts. So you'll see it in sports, you'll see it in economics, you'll see it in business, you'll see it in a whole lot of areas. And one of the places that I really see the Pareto Principle play through is this idea of what is most important when it comes to the results that you want to see in your fitness journey. And a lot of women think that the 80-20 is 80%, nutrition and workouts and techniques, and tools. And yeah, so maybe 20% mindset, right, what I'm thinking. We are not going to say it's not important, but it only is a small percentage of creating the change that you want to see in your body. And that, in fact, and I've seen this over and over and over again with my clients is backwards. That really the 80% tends to be what you're thinking, what you're telling yourself what you believe about this process. And the 20% ends up being the tools and the tricks and the workouts and the nutrition. So it's really important to, I'm not saying that that is not important, I'm not saying that you can just never workout and sit on your butt all day and eat Doritos all day. And, you know, if you work on your mindset, that you're going to be able to transform your body, it is a part of the process. But I see over and over again that women are focusing so much time and attention on the 20%. And when you start focusing more time and attention on 80% of what you're thinking what you're telling yourself what you're believing that things really start to change so much faster, and reaching achieving those physical goals becomes so much easier.

 

Our brain is always constantly trying to predict what is going to happen 6:52

And here's why that is the case. It is because we are predicting making machines, our brain's whole entire job is to predict what's going to happen. And we understand why our brain is that way it's because, in evolution, that is the way that we've been able to become safe. That's the way that we've been able to be protected from predators or things that may hurt us or harm us our brain is always constantly trying to predict what is going to happen. So that if we predict, hey, if I step out into this open landscape, a lion could come in and eat me, I'm not going to do that and that's going to keep me safe. And so our brain is constantly on the path trying to predict what is going to happen. And this can be really great for keeping us safe. However, the dark side is because there's a dark side to everything, right? The dark side of that is that sometimes our brain tries to keep us too safe. And our brains doesn't understand the difference between like physical safety, growth, or personal change. And it views both of those, it's very, very dangerous. Because where I am right now is safe and anything other than where I am right now, by default is unsafe. And if you want to just stay where you are right now, and we're talking about like personal and personal growth, if you're fine being the person staying the person, having the results of the person you are right now, then that's fine, you can stay safe, you can stay where you're at, and not grow. 

 

Step outside of your comfort zone 8:38

However, if you're listening to this podcast, I have to assume that you're not the type of person who's like, “Yeah, I'll just stay here for the rest of my life. This is pretty good. I'm just pretty happy with exactly what I have right now.” I have to imagine that the women who listened to this podcast are women who want to grow, who want to achieve, who want to set goals, and who want to have a physical transformation that requires them to step outside of your comfort zone. It requires you to step outside of “safety” or what your brain deems as safe. And to go and do new things and try new actions and do things that your brain is going to label as “unsafe”. And if we don't address that, your brain will work really hard to get you to quit, your brain will work really hard to help you to retreat back to “safety”. And so what does this look like in real life? It looks like, “I would like to lose 20 pounds.” So you set this goal, right? You do all the goal setting, get all excited, get all motivated, and I want to lose 20 pounds. “I am so excited about this.” And you realize that it's going to require different actions than you've taken in the past. Right? What Got You Here Won't Get You There. So the actions that you've taken in the past to get to the reality you have now are going to be different than the actions you're going to take in order to lose 20 pounds. And because that is different, your brain automatically sees that as scary and unsafe. This is on a subconscious level, it's not necessarily something you're thinking about it, but it's something that is going on in the subconscious of your brain. 

 

Resistance takes in if we don’t fix our subconscious  10:17

And so if we don't address that if we don't address the fact that your subconscious is scared that your subconscious is predicting that you're going to fail, that your subconscious, like does not want you to do that, and we try to start taking action, we start to notice resistance. And metaphorically raise your hand, if you've ever noticed that resistance of like, “This feels really hard. I feel resistance when I start tracking. I feel like I don't want to do that thing that I need to do I want to go to the gym”, right? We feel this resistance. And we're like, Why do I feel that resistance? I set this goal, I want to get a six-pack, I want to lose 20 pounds, I want to look better naked. So I'm like consciously saying I want to do these things. Why the heck is I'm feeling so much resistance? Why am I feeling a lack of motivation? Why am I feeling like not taking the action that I need to take? And the reason is that goals are set in the conscious mind, you decide you want to do something. But if you don't enroll the subconscious, you're going to notice that resistance. It's like an invisible, rubberband, pulling you back. And so what a lot of women do is they say, “Well, I'm just gonna pull harder, I'm just gonna push harder.” 

 

The analogy of driving a car 11:34

I like to use the analogy of driving in a car. There are finding some like they're pushing on the gas, and their car is not moving forward. And so they're like, “I know, I know the solution, push harder on the gas.” So they like slam on the gas. And maybe they move a little bit faster, but it's like still not moving fast enough. And what they're not recognizing is that the key to moving faster is not to push more on the gas, but to realize that they have the parking brake on. Have you ever done that? 

 

I learned to drive first using a manual transmission 12:09

I learned to drive in a clutch like a manual transmission. Sidenote, my dad, I'm the oldest of seven kids, my dad thought it was great to teach me how to drive a car with a manual transmission because he thought was really important that you learn to drive a car with a manual, like learn to drive a clutch. So he taught me to drive a manual. So I'm learning how to drive. And I'm also learning how to handle the clutch and all those things. It was really hard. And he did it. But I did know that every single child after me all six of my siblings learn to drive a car first in an automatic. And then my dad taught them to drive a clutch because learning both those things at the same time is super, super hard. But that was my path.

 

Release the parking brake 12:50

Anyway,  so a lot of times and I don't know if you've ever done this where it's like you have the handheld parking brake you pull up on the parking brake, and then you like get out the car. And then you get back in the car and you forget the parking brakes on and you turn on the car and you put it in reverse and it's like, so slow. You're like, why is it so slow? Like, why am I not going very fast? And then you're like, oh duh, well, the parking brakes on and so we release the parking brake and then you're able to go. That happens to clients all the time, where they're like, “I think I just need to push the gas harder, I just need to push harder on the gas, I need to try harder, I need to have more motivation to be able to move forward.” And in reality, they don't realize that their subconscious is pulling them back is creating that resistance. It's like they're driving around with the parking brake. And you can push as hard as you want on the gas. If the parking brake is on, you're never going to go as fast as you could. And so the key to that is releasing the parking brake.  And that is why your body will never change unless your mind does. Because until you focus on that subconscious until you focus on the beliefs that you have until you focus on what you are telling yourself on a day-to-day basis, and even that subconscious programming that's running in your mind until you address that, you can push down as hard as you want. And you're going to feel resistance, you're going to feel something pulling you back. 

 

Have some grace 14:12

And so when we understand that we can also give ourselves a little bit of grace. And I think this is really important because I think a lot of women are told by society, by people by themselves, that they could get the results that they wanted if they just tried harder. If you just tried harder. You could do it if you just have more motivation. Just like working harder. Just do it. Like the Nike slogan, like just do it. But what is missing is this whole like the underlying paradigm of the subconscious that makes it so you sometimes can't just do it. And then we look at it we say, “Oh, I'm so lazy. I'm so I just like have no motivation. I'm like the worst, why can I just get my crap together? Why can I get just get my act together, just eat better and work out? Like, why can I do this?” And when you understand the subconscious, when you understand why mindset is so important, you can start to have a little bit of compassion for yourself of realizing, “Oh, it's not that I'm lazy. It's not that I'm dumb. It's not that I can't do this, it's that I haven't been focusing on a really large part of what is going to make this process successful”, and that is your mind.

 

Update the programming 15:41

And so this is what I love to work with clients on inside of MACROS 101, I give you lots of tools and tricks and tips and science because there's a science to it, right, the 20%, there's science behind that you have to understand behind body composition changes, and that I get really excited about that. That's fun for me to teach. But I also recognize that like the 80%, that's really going to make the difference is often the stuff that you can't see, it's like the intangible things. It's thinking about what is the programming that you've been running for so long. And can we upgrade that programming, I think about it, like your iPhone, you know, I got my first iPhone, I think got it 3Gs was like my very first iPhone. And now where I don't know, we're like on iPhone 14. So between the 3Gs and the 14, there's been lots of iterations and lots of updates to the program that the iPhone is run on. And if I was still here in 2022, trying to run my iPhone on the programming from the back, I don't know, the early 2000s. No, it's like the late 2000s. I think when I got my first iPhone, it was like after I got married, probably 2008, I think 2007, I think is when the iPhone came out anyway, it doesn't really matter. If I was still trying to run in 2022 programming from 2007 when the iPhone first came out, it would be slow as all get out, it wouldn't really work, and it'd be super clunky. And it wouldn't be because like, there's anything wrong with me, but I just needed to like upgrade the programming. And if I updated, I did an update, and I moved to the latest programming, everything's going to work a lot better, it's going to work a lot faster. And it's the same thing for us, a lot of us are running on outdated programming, and a lot of us are running on outdated beliefs that we don't even recognize and know are there. And when we can upgrade those and that's what I help clients to be able to do, you're able to go so much faster, because you're essentially releasing that parking brake. 

 

Believe that you can accomplish the goal you’re setting up to accomplish 17:35

Now I started coaching clients back in 2016. And while my ability to coach has absolutely deepened and gotten better over the years, as I've learned more and practiced more and been able to coach more clients, I find it interesting that when I go back to even like the first iteration of MACROS 101, back like five, four or five years ago, when I like first made the first version of what has now become MACROS 101. I find it interesting that even back then, the very first module that I took clients through was called Believe It. And even back then even at like the beginning of my coaching, I understood how important it was for someone to believe that they can accomplish the goal they're setting out to accomplish. Now, why is that so important? And this goes back to the very first thing I said is that we are predicting machines. And so what happens a lot of times is when we set goals, we say I want that, but our programming, the subconscious is like you can't do that. That's way too hard. It's gonna be hard with way too much effort. It's not possible, and it's really scary. So how about no? How can we not do that? And what happens is you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you want to do something, but part of you believes you cannot do it, guess what's going to happen? You are going to create that as your reality. It's why we innately know when we're teaching our kids to do something and we hear them say I can't do this, you're like, don't say that. You can't do it. Like that by saying you can't do it. That's all you're gonna be able to create is that you can't do it. So we try to help them shift and like you're learning, you can do it, you can ride a bike. So we innately understand this idea that we create self-fulfilling prophecies if you don't think that you can do something you will never be able to do it. 

 

Principle of self-fulfilling prophecies 19:41

And nowhere else is this principle as beautifully illustrated as in the story of Roger Bannister. So for years and years and years, we thought humans could not run a sub-four-minute mile. Like it was really thought scientifically that it was physically impossible for a human to be able to run a sub-four-minute mile. And that was just kind of the understanding. Everybody knew it. Everybody understood it like it was just impossible. Humans cannot do that. And so nobody did. Until Roger Bannister, who, on May 6, 1954, broke the four-minute mile. He ran a mile in three minutes, and 59.4 seconds. And after that, more people were able to accomplish it. And it is this reminder that until somebody first did it, people just told themselves, it's not possible, it's not possible. And so that's the outcome that they created. It wasn't possible. And once there was somebody who, oh my gosh, he was able to do it, that a possibility opened up in people's minds, and they were able to contemplate that maybe it is possible. And because it was, you know, that maybe it was possible, they were able to create that. And so it is a good reflection to be thinking about what are the things that you are either consciously or subconsciously telling yourself that are impossible like I want to lose weight, but I can't do it, or I want to get a six pack but it's not possible for me. Understanding those stories that you're telling yourself, the subconscious programming that you are running on is one of the most important things to be able to address so that you can take off that parking brake, you can, that actually the actions that you're taking are actually moving you forward towards the goals that you want to hit. 

 

Difference between what you want, and what you think you can have 21:32

Now, here's another concept that's kind of interesting. I was just teaching this to my Coaching Academy students, and we were talking about setting goals. And I made the point that there is a difference between what you want, and what you think you can have. So what do you think is the difference between what you want, and what you think you can have? Because when I ask people for their goals, oftentimes they are telling me what they think they can have, what they think is possible, and what they think they could achieve, not what they actually want. And the reason we do that is that a lot of us have a big story around failure. Like if I say what I want, and I don't achieve it, then I'm a failure, I failed, I'm a loser. You know, it means all of these negative things about me. But when we do that, we settle. Because what you think you can have, is usually much less than what you actually want. And so one of the things I've always tried to encourage clients to do, and I talk a lot about it in the goal setting episode, episode number 92, where I talk about mistakes people make with goals, that if you are just setting goals based off of what you think that you can have, you are underselling yourself. You're never going to achieve what you are actually capable of. Because most of us place more limits on ourselves. Most of us undercut ourselves from what we're actually capable of. And so that's a really important question to ask yourself. What do I want and what do I think I can have? And what is the difference between the two? Am I going after things that I want? Or am I simply only setting goals for the things that I think are possible for me the things that I think I can have? And what would change if you started setting goals based on what you want? Would you be able to achieve more? Would you be able to create more in your life? I would argue that, Yes. Even if you don't achieve those goals, is that like a cheesy saying, I remember my first-grade teacher wrote this in my yearbook, shoot for the moon. Because if you don't hit the moon, at least you'll land among the stars, which is not even like astronomically correct. But you get the idea is like, even if you're shooting for the moon, if you miss it, you're going to still achieve more than you would have if you just settled. And so a great question to ask yourself is, am I working for what I want or what I think I can have?

 

My personal experience where I create reality because of  my self-fulfilling prophecy 24:01

Now, it is true that sometimes we surprise ourselves. And we're like, I wanted this thing. And I ended up achieving way more than I wanted. But that is I would say in the minority. And more often things turn out the way that we anticipate them to turn out. Because we have a self-fulfilling prophecy and we create that reality. You know, once we've decided that's the way something is going to be, that's the only way that it can show up for us. And a really great example of this was an experience that I had with my sister. So like I said, I'm the eldest of seven, there are four girls, and this is my sister is number four. Her name is Rachel. This is about a six-year difference for us. And so right as I was graduating high school was right as she was kind of coming into her teenage years. And she was, I think my parents would tell you she was a difficult teenage child. She was pretty moody and she would like to snap at my parents she kind of went through just a probably pretty average entry into her teenage years. And that was kind of that period that I was like moving out of the house. And you know, didn't really have as much interaction with her because I was going off to college. But I remember, like that experience of her being super moody. And it was like we, this is like, super, super mean. But we would call it Princess Rachel. Like, Princess Rachel needs to get her way. And Princess Rachel, like, you know, always has to be in charge. And like always has to have things perfect and things like that. And so that was how Rachel showed up for me for a long time because that was my experience of her. And that was the way I anticipated her to act was like a princess. It's Princess Rachel. And I remember very clearly several years down the road. We were interacting with I don't know, maybe it was Christmas time or something. And I remember, I don't know if I said, Princess Rachel. But I definitely brought up that idea of that version of her. And I remember so clearly that she looked at me and was like, “Amber, that's not who I am anymore. I've changed and I need you to allow me to develop and progress and change.” And I was first a little bit humbled and kind of put in my place. Because she was absolutely right. I was like I had made a decision based on experience. But I had decided that that was how she was and so that was how she always was going to be. And in reality, people grow and people change. And I wasn't allowing her that space to show up differently. Because I had made that decision of that she was. And that was such an important moment. And from then on I was like, “Well, you're right, like you have changed, you have grown up, you are not a 12-year-old kid anymore. You have matured and you've matured into a wonderful woman”, who I love spending time with like, I love my sisters. But I just remember that moment. And she taught me such an important lesson that day about allowing people to change. 

 

Once you've decided that's the way things are, that's the only way it can show up for you in the future 26:59

And what I hope you're taking away from it is like how often have we done that in our lives, we've had an experience, I'm not negating your experience. And from that experience, we've decided that's the way things are. Because once you've decided that's the way things are, that's the only way it can show up for you in the future. So a really good example is maybe you've tried to lose weight in the past and it's been hard and it's been miserable, and it wasn't fun. And if that's been your experience, you may have decided that losing weight is hard and miserable and not very fun. And so that's the only way it can show up for you. It can only show up for you as miserable and not fun. Until you realize that, yeah, maybe you had that experience but it doesn't mean it always has to be miserable. Or it always has to not be fun. And when we start to open our eyes and thoughts to maybe it could be fun, maybe it doesn't have to be miserable, it can then start showing up that way for you. 

 

How to deal with our blind spots 27:52

And so this is just one example of why it is so important to make sure that when you are trying to achieve a goal that you are yes, you're learning everything you can learn, you're figuring out the science or the steps or the tools that are going to help you get there. And they don't forget the parking brake, that you don't forget to release the parking brake so that you can move forward. And that is why instead of MACROS 101, we do so much work on what are you telling yourself? What are your beliefs? What is the underlying subconscious programming that you are running on? And how can we upgrade that? How can we change that to be supportive of your goals instead of holding you back from reaching your goals? Because the hard thing about the subconscious is that you can't see it. We call them mental blocks or blind spots for a reason you can't see him. So it can be really hard to identify where those blind spots are. Because if you could identify him, they wouldn't be blind spots, you would be like, “Oh, yeah, I totally know that that is there. I totally know that's the program Amber I'm running on.” And you could change it. But the problem is we don't see it, we don't see those blind spots. It's just like how you know, you can't see the back of your head or I always like to use the analogy of spinach in your teeth. It's like you can't see spinach in your teeth, you need somebody else to lean over the table and be like, hey, girlfriend, you got some like stuff in your teeth. And then you can pull it out. But it takes having that external person or a mirror or something outside of yourself to be able to shine a light on the areas that you cannot see. And that is what it is like with changing your mindset or upgrading your programming. It's not usually something that you can do all alone, because we all have blind spots myself included. That's why I hire coaches. It's why I talk to other people. It's why I get other perspectives because I realized that even as much as I know and understand and have worked on myself and coached other people that even that much I still have blind spots that I need someone else to help me work through forward. 

 

Coaching is a vital part of the MACROS 101 program 30:42

And that is why coaching can be so powerful is because when you have somebody else who is able to spot those blind spots and help you work through them, then that 80% of what like drives you towards your goals, you take off the parking brake and you're able to go forward and move And that's one of the reasons that I love coaching so much. And it's one of the reasons why coaching is such a vital part of the MACROS 101 program and the content that I teach you, it's not only about like, just how to count macros, anybody can teach you how to count macros. It's not rocket science. But even for people who know how to count macros, it doesn't mean that they do it, it doesn't mean that they implement it, and it doesn't mean that they get the results. So what's going on? If it's not like a lack of knowledge that makes a difference, what is it? Well, it's 80%. It's the mindset, it's what you're telling yourself, it's the beliefs that you're writing on, it's the programming that you're writing on. And that is what makes you know, MACROS 101 and the coaching that I do so incredibly different from all the other things that you can do. 

 

Come and join the MACROS 101 program 30:49

And the cool thing is, is that MACROS 101 is opening very, very soon. In fact, at the end of this month, August 29, we have our opening for MACROS 101. So if you're someone who has a goal and you felt that resistance, and you want to be able to work through it, and you want to get to the other side of it, I invite you to come and join us inside of MACROS 101. We have opened up enrollment into our Five-Day Challenge. And that's free and it's a way for you to get a taste of what it would be like and that side MACROS 101. It's a way for you to get a taste of how I teach the concepts, we start to dive into some of this subconscious programming during the Challenge. So if you want to get a little taste of what it's like inside MACROS 101, I highly recommend coming and joining our Five-Day Challenge. Go to bicepsafterbabies.com/challenge to come and join us. It's free, it's fun, we get in and we really start to eliminate some of the things that maybe you didn't realize were there and start to help you to move forward to be able to hit those goals that you want to hit, bicepsafterbabies.com/challenge to come and join us and we start August 22. 

 

Thank you for your continued support 31:56

Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening, and thanks for sharing this episode. If you enjoyed what you listen to you, I highly recommend hitting the subscribe button or the follow button or wherever it says on your podcast platform so that you don't miss any of the episodes that we have coming out because we have some good ones coming up. Thanks for being here. I'm Amber, now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything. 

 

Outro

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