164: “I Should Be Eating Healthy” and Other Ways We Keep Ourselves Stuck

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps after Babies radio episode number 164.

Hello and welcome to Biceps after Babies radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife, and mom of four.  Each week, my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.

 

Amber B  0:48  

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke. And this episode is going to be a little bit of a shorter one. But don't make the mistake of thinking that because it's shorter that it's not going to be valuable. We're going to dive into some valuable things today that you can start to directly apply to your journey and how you are thinking about your journey, how you're speaking to yourself about your journey, and why this is going to make such a difference in the long run. 

 

Thanks for following the podcast  1:20

But before I do that, I do need to say a big, huge thank you. And a big shout out to those of you who either follow or subscribe to the podcast on whatever platform you're listening on. Apple just changed it. So now you follow a podcast, you don't subscribe to a podcast. But, whatever platform you're listening to, following the podcast, subscribing to the podcast, it really does make a difference. And it's awesome for you because you get everything automatically downloaded. So when we do things like bonus episodes or extra things, they automatically get downloaded to your phone and you don't miss an episode. And then an extra special thank you to those of you who have left a rating and review on iTunes, that absolutely really helps the podcast to continue to grow and helps people to find the podcast. So if you have not done that yet, I asked you to just take like two to three minutes and just leave a rating and a review on iTunes. It really does help the podcast.

 

Pay attention to the client’s language  2:16  

Okay, so moving into today's topic, this is a really important thing that I want you to start watching for in the way that you speak, in the way that you think, in the way that you are speaking to yourself. And as I have been coaching longer, longer, I started coaching in 2016. And I will tell you, for those of you who are listening, who are coaches yourself, growth over the time and period that your coaching is is not only important, but it's actually essential for you to continue to uplevel your coaching and your abilities. And I can tell you personally, that who I was as a coach in 2016, is incredibly different from who I am as a coach, you know, here in 2021, when I'm recording, and frankly, I hope in 5-10 years from now I'll say the same thing I'll look back and realize how much I've grown and how much of a better coach I am and how I'm better at getting people the results that they are signing up for them. And one of the things that I have learned over the years in coaching is to really pay attention to the client's language, to pay attention to the words that clients are using to pay attention to how they are expressing themselves. Because it is, you know, one of the best reflections that we have as an outside source of what's going on internally or what's happening in someone's head. I cannot read anybody's mind. I'm working on it. I'm really trying hard. But I'm not to that point where I can actually read somebody's thoughts as I am coaching them. And I doubt that I'll ever get there, I don't think that's going to be, I don't think that's a gift that I'm going to have. So, but I know that I need to coach from a deeper place, I need to coach not from and I talked about this before. It's really important as a coach that you're coaching not only from the actions that you're seeing, but from the underlying beliefs that are causing those actions. And in order to figure out what those underlying beliefs are, I have to kind of get into somebody's head, get into the way that they are speaking to themselves, the thoughts that they're having, the beliefs that they're having. But the tricky thing is that most people don't speak those beliefs. They don't, no one goes around and says, Amber, here are my beliefs to help me work through them. That's not how it is, that's how beliefs show up for us. It is something that is inside of our head and we don't necessarily verbalize it or say the words that would let somebody know that those are our beliefs. And so as a coach, I have to be somewhat of a detective to try and figure out and tease out what those beliefs actually are. And one of the ways that I do that is through paying attention to the language and the words that someone is using as they are communicating with me. 

 

Pressure language  5:01  

And so today, I want to share with you with something that I look for and listen for in a client's language that you can start to apply to your journey and you can start to listen for it in the way that you are speaking to yourself, and can start to shift out of this way of looking at things, that can be a really powerful shift for a lot of women. So what I'm looking for, as a coach, one of the things that I'm looking for is, you know, I'm, I'm looking at a lot of things. But one of the things that I am listening for, as I'm listening to someone speak, is what I call “Pressure language”. Pressure language shows up in language that creates pressure. We all know what it feels like to be pressured to do something, right, it's very different. If you're like, Oh, I want to go and fold the laundry, that's a very different situation than if your child or your spouse or somebody else is pressuring you into doing something. There's a difference between you making a decision to do something and being pressured from outside sources, outside individuals to do something. And we all know, in general, as humans, as adults, most of us would rather decide to do something rather than feel like someone is pressuring you to do it. We tend to not like to feel pressured to make decisions, we don't want somebody else telling us what to do. We don't want other people making us do something that we don't want to do, that tends to put up resistance. When somebody tells you to do something, a lot of times many of us will have resistance to that, because, hey, we don't want to be told what to do, we want to make the decision, and we want to decide what to do. 

 

When we feel pressured, we don’t actually perform well  6:44  

Sometimes that pressure, though, doesn't come from an external source, it doesn't come from another person or another situation, it comes from yourself. That pressure can often come from us and it's sneaky in that way because we will often use pressure language in our thoughts, or in the way that we are speaking to ourselves. Because on some level, we feel like if we have that pressure, it's going to incentivize us to do it. But you already know from experiences where you feel pressure from somebody else, sometimes Yes, maybe a little bit of pressure can be positive. But most of the time, when we start getting pressure, which most of us don't perform the best under pressure, like nobody's getting up, and giving an you know, who's been given an award is like, I would really like to thank everybody putting a lot of pressure on me, because that allowed me to perform my very best. Okay, so it's just, it's a little bit like stress that like some stress can be good, and a lot of stress can be detrimental, Det-tri-mental, that's a hard word. But when it comes to pressure, it's often the same way. And we tend to put more pressure on ourselves to perform than is actually beneficial to raise our level of execution. And so on some level, we think that by pressuring ourselves, we're getting better results. And in reality, for most of us, when we feel pressure, we shut down and we don't actually perform better. And so paying attention to the words that you are using and looking for this pressure language that I'm going to be describing can be very helpful in helping you dial that back and come into a more empowered place in your journey, to not be pressured to do things, but to actually make a choice of your own free will, and being able to feel empowered as you make that choice. 

 

What does pressure language actually sound like?  8:48  

So what does pressure language actually sound like? The biggest way that pressure language shows up for people is in the form of the word “should”. Now it can be other derivations of “should” “I must”, “I need”, those that kind of carry the similar pressure behind them. But for many of us, the word “should” is the word that shows up a lot. “I should be working out”, “I should be counting my macros”, “I should be” How many times have you said those words to yourself in some form? It's very common. And again, we have to have a little compassion with ourselves. We like the reason we use those words is because on some level, we think that it's motivating. Like if we say “I should be eating healthier”, we feel like maybe that will actually motivate us to do it. But when you take a step back and you zoom out a little bit, we know inherently that pressuring somebody else to do things oftentimes will backfire and actually makes them rebel against it. And we're the same way is that by pressuring ourselves oftentimes what happens is that we only rebel so I should be eating healthier, but then do you really do it? Does that actually lead to you eating healthier? So asking yourself that question, like, hasn't worked in the past, has sitting there and being like, I should do X, Y, and Z, has that been effective for you in the past? And if it hasn't, well, awesome, like, what are some other ways that we can approach this? Is there another, maybe better way to motivate yourself other than shooting all over yourself. 

 

Let’s do some exercise  10:27  

So this exercise I'm going to take you through is actually going to be much more powerful if you do it alongside me. So what I'm going to encourage you to do is to think about something maybe, recently that you have said I should do this, I, whatever, whether it's, I should be eating healthier, I should be working out more, I should be more present with my kids, I should be doing, you know, being a leader at work, whatever it, is for you, this can work in any area of life, it doesn't have to only be about fitness. But what is something that maybe you have said recently to yourself is something that you should be doing. And once you've come up with that, I want you to, to do a little bit of reflection of how that makes you feel when you say that to yourself. So let's take one that's very, very common, I should be eating healthier. So think about if you're telling yourself, I should be eating healthier? How does that feel when you say it to yourself? Does it feel motivating? For some people may. Does it feel defeated? Does it feel like it induces guilt or induces shame? Does it feel positive? Does it feel negative? Like how does that actually feel when you say that to yourself? Now, if you're like it feels great, it feels amazing, I feel super motivated, and I go and execute and it's all good, then you know, maybe this is not going to be valuable for you. But if you're like most, where maybe there's a little bit of motivation behind that, but in the reality, what ends up happening is that you stay stuck in this cycle of I should, I should, I should, I should and then you don't actually ever execute, and you stay in that repetitive cycle, then this is going to be really valuable for you. 

 

No. 1 Shift the language that you are using (should to could)  12:13  

So the first thing that I want you to do is we're just going to start to shift some of the language that you are using. So for whatever you came up with, I should be eating healthy or you fill in whatever your shoulder is currently, I just want you to replace that with the word “could.” So instead of “I should be eating healthy.” we say “I could be eating healthy, healthier.” And I want you to do that for whatever you've come up with and then see how bad it feels. To me, when I say something like I should be eating healthy, it makes me feel guilty. It makes me feel like I'm not doing a good job, it makes me feel a little bit shameful. And when I just make that slight shift to the word could I could be eating healthier, it feels like possibility feels like I'm opening up possibility. But then I'm not feeling bad about the fact that I'm not doing it. I'm just opening up the door. It's like I could be doing that. That's awesome. I could be doing it. And then we're going to actually continue that shift. So once we move from should to could. 

 

No. 2 Shift the language that you are using (could to can)  13:20  

The next shift I'm going to have you make is from could to can. I can eat healthier. Use whatever you're coming up with, I can work out more. I can lift heavier, I can ask for that promotion at work. I can spend more time with my children. And then check in with yourself. How does that feel to you? When I say the word can, it takes the possibility that I felt the opportunity that I felt with the word “could” and it like, opens it up to the present. So I could is a past tense word, or it feels like a past or a future tense word. I actually don't know if could is, I don't know English is not my strong suit. But it's not a present tense word. Can is a present tense word where it's like, Yes, I can do that, like I could, I can do that right now. And it feels more immediate. It feels more empowering to me. So try that. 

 

No. 3 Add the word “because” 14:23  

Substitute the word should with could then switch could to can and then we're going to do one more powerful shift. And that is the shift to instead of switching out a word, we're going to add a word. So we're going to say I can eat healthier. And then what we're going to add is the word “because” I can eat healthier because and then fill in whatever comes up for you. I can eat healthier, because I want to. I can eat healthier, because I'm in charge of what I put in my mouth. I can eat healthier, because I feel better when I do that. like, whatever it is for you, what is the reason behind it? I can do this, because I'm in charge. Because whatever it is for you that feels empowering, it feels like you're taking back control of what you want to do next in your journey. 

 

Start applying what you are learning 15:28

So again, this is like this is nothing earth shattering. But it's probably also not anything you've ever actually applied to your journey. And I make this point to my Macros 101 to ladies all the time that there is a difference between learning something and applying that. And a lot of clients initially come into Macros 101 in the student mode. Okay, you guys know what I mean when I say the student mode, because most of you have been a student one time in your life, where the whole goal is to be able to assimilate knowledge into your brain and then regurgitate it out on a test. That's literally what our whole schooling system is, like, memorizing these muscles. And then like, we're gonna have a test, and you're gonna see if you have if you know the muscles. So it's like this regurgitation of knowledge and information. And so a lot of people come into this process with that student mindset of Oh, I just need to learn a little bit more, I need to read more, I need to understand more, and somehow by osmosis that knowledge is going to translate into different results. And a reality of knowledge in and of itself yields importance. I'm not saying you don't need more knowledge, knowledge is great. But knowledge without application doesn't actually change anything. And so you can do one of two things, you can listen to this podcast and be like, nodding your head and being like, Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. That's, you know, that's a good, good tool to use. Yes, yes, yes, I get it. I've processed that I could regurgitate on a test. If you asked me to, like, do it, I could do it. And that's not I'm actually going to change anything. If you want to start having new results, now we need to start applying the learning that you are doing. So don't make the mistake of being Oh, like this is so simple. Like now that I know it, it's gonna change everything. No, we have to actually apply this to your journey. So how are you going to start applying it moving forward? How can you be listening for and looking for pressure language in the way that you're speaking to yourself or even the way that you're talking? How can you catch it when you say those words “I should?” Or do you think I should use those words “I should”? And how can you intentionally start to shift to this new, more empowered place if I can because and when you actually start to implement this, that's when you're going to start seeing changes, that's when you're going to start feeling changes. And that's when results and outcomes are actually going to shift and change as well. This is powerful stuff that I'm teaching you. The application of it in your journey is what's going to make the difference. Just listening to this podcast and checking it off. It's good step one, but it won't actually change anything until you take this and actually start to apply it to your journey. So that's my challenge to you. How can you apply this moving forward? How can you teach somebody about this? 

 

Watch, do, teach 18:14

That's also a really good way to start to integrate the knowledge and teach, learn it, teach it, and then apply it. In fact, many of you know that my husband is a surgeon, and there's a saying in the surgical world, that you need to watch one, you need to do one, and then you need to teach one. And when they say one, it's like, whatever your whatever the surgical technique is, you want to watch somebody else do it, you want to do it yourself. And then you want to teach it. So it's that application, right, you can watch somebody do it, but until you've actually executed it and executed it and been able to then pass it on to somebody else, assimilate it in a way that you can now teach it. We all know that we learn deeper when we teach it to somebody that you don't really know you don't know, on a deeper level. And so that's what I'm going to challenge you to do: teach this to somebody, as well as really start to have the application in your journey, listen for it, it's probably going to come up more than you think it is. Because so many of our thoughts are on autopilot and we don't pay attention. Pay attention today. Pay attention to the way that you're speaking to yourself and see if that pressure language comes up. Now I use the word “should” in this example, because that would probably be the most common. But again, this can come up in other derivations. So things like I NEED to, I MUST, those are other ways that this can show up especially the I need to I see hear this a lot. I NEED to lose weight. If you've ever said that to yourself, consider the energy that is behind the word need and how neediness shows up and how inherently most of us push neediness away that like if somebody is needy, if there's a person in our life who is really needy That does that typically does not attract us to them. That really makes us push them away. We've all known that like, a needy person, and we tend to push it away. So consider the energy that is behind the word need. And how could you shift that again away from that pressure language to a more empowered language. I look for this and others that can be sneaky in the way that this can show up. It's not always in the word should. But there are other ways that pressure language can show up. But look, listen, listen for it, listen for the pressure language, and start to consciously shift that and see how that plays out in your journey and what a difference it makes.

 

Thanks for the support of BAB’s podcast 20:36  

Thanks for being here. I mean, we're on like, 160+ episodes of biceps after babies radio, and I just want to take a moment to thank you for being here. The podcast is one of my most favorite things that I get to do. And it's so fun for me to hear of how it's impacting your life. So if this hit home, if this was something that was an aha moment for you, or that you want to apply in your journey, if you will, either send this episode to someone who would find value of it, or post on your social media and tag me and let me know how you are actually applying this, that you're not just learning, but you're actually applying it and that my friends are what makes all the difference. So that's it. That's a shorter episode today, but don't let it fool you. Because this can be powerful if applied to your journey. That wraps up this episode of biceps after babies radio. I'm Amber now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.

 

Outro

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