068 – 5 Secrets to Successful Weight Loss

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps after Babies radio episode number 68

Hello and welcome to Biceps after Babies radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer,
online fitness coach, wife, and mom of four. My guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.

My Mission to Understand Why People Are Successful (00:48)

Hey, Hey. Hey. Welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host Amber Brueseke. Now, today we are talking about something really fun and this is something that I've noticed and kind of a delineated over the last, you know, four years of coaching clients. One of the things that I've noticed is that when I coach clients, some clients are really successful and some clients aren't. And as a coach it's been my mission and my goal to be able to decide and understand why some clients are really successful and why some clients aren't. And once I understand that, then I can start to apply and help those clients to be able to implement the things that make clients successful. And so this is something as a coach I'm always looking at, I'm always trying to assess is what can I do to be able to get my clients to the finish line a little bit faster? And so today what we're going to talk about is five secrets to successful weight loss and this is things that I have seen in my clients who are successful and if you are on some sort of fitness journey yourself, whether that's weight loss or whether that's trying to gain muscle or performance goals or whether you're at maintenance, wherever you are, all five of these things are things that you can imply to your fitness journey right now.

Pick One to Work On (03:02)

This is not something that it's only for people who are losing weight or only for people who even are counting macros. This can apply to very general population. If you have fitness goals, these five secrets that I'm going to talk about today are going to help you to be a little bit more successful regardless of whatever goal it is that you're trying to hit. Okay, so we're going to go over all five of these and what I'm going to say right now is I really encourage you to pick one, pick one and focus on it. What I find is oftentimes when we're given multiple pieces of information, we have a tendency to one either try and do it all right. I think that we have to do every single step in order to be successful at all. Or I find that clients get overwhelmed, they choose to go into overwhelm of like, it's too many things. I can't do it all and so I'm going to do nothing. And that's, that's that sneaky all or nothing mentality coming out. If you haven't listened to Episode 58 I highly suggest that'd be the next episode that you listened to. Cause I talk all about that all or nothing mentality and how it's sneaky and it comes in in ways that you didn't really expect. But overwhelm is a great example of the all or nothing mentality because when we go into overwhelm, we end up doing none of it. It's this idea that we feel like we have to do everything and we get overwhelmed and so then we end up doing nothing. It's like classic all or nothing mentality. Okay? But so I encourage you to not get overwhelmed. Don't choose to go into overwhelm, choose to pick one and focus your attention on it. And when you feel like you have maybe made some strides, some progress in that one tip, and you can pick another and you can pick another.

Layering Habits (04:52)

And then we start to layer habits and layering habits is one thing that successful people do. It's not actually one of them that's on my list, but that layering habits is definitely something that successful people do. They don't do it all right off the get go. Okay, so let's dive into this right away.

Secret #1 (05:10)

The first secret to successful weight loss, those who are successful, they do what they say they're going to do. Okay? Do you know how every single journey starts, whether it's weight loss or putting on muscle or trying to get your first pull up? How does that journey start? It starts with a decision. It starts with a decision of, I'm going to do X, Y, Z. Right? So that decision has to come first and then that you are the person that is committing to that decision and acting on that decision. And that's how we create the results that we want. But before we can start doing actions, it comes from a decision. And here's the thing, the only way that you're not going to get that goal, the only way that you're not going to get to that end destination that you want is to quit. Okay? And I see this so often that people create a goal, they make a decision that they want to reach the goal and then they end up doing the only thing that's going to guarantee them not to get results and that they end up quitting. And the second way that you won't get that goal is if you hop from tactic to tactic thinking there's a perfect weight loss solution out there. Like it's kind of like dating. Like some of you guys think that if you just try out enough different diets, then you'll find the perfect one and then you'll like be happy, you know, happily ever after. And what I want you to consider is that way, way, way, way less important than the actual tactic that you choose. When it comes to weight loss is how you are showing up in the journey. Are you showing up in a committed fashion? Are you showing up, determined not to quit? Are you showing up 100% committed to whatever tactic it is that you are are focusing on right now? Because what I see too often is someone will try intermittent fasting and it won't really work and so then they'll hop to Keto and then it won't really work and then it will hop. They'll hop to whole 30 and then they'll hop to counting macros and then they'll hop to weight Watchers and they'll do all these Hoppings with this idea that there's like some perfect magical tactic out there and I'm just going to let you in on a little secret.

No Magic Diet (07:41)

There isn't. Now, there is, you know personalities that fit better with certain styles for sure, but if you've hopped to multiple diets and none of them have worked my friend, the problem isn't in the diets. The problem isn't in the tactics that you are choosing. It is and this is a hard pill to swallow. It is more in how you are showing up in how you're acting out. Those those tactics. And I say this with like the big most love, like the most, the biggest love. I'm giving you a big hug, but I want you to look closely like how have you been showing up? Are you somebody who does what you say you're going to do? Do you have that personal integrity? I think that this is something that a lot of us can work on is developing that personal integrity. And the second part of that is a trust in our personal integrity, a trust in the ability to do what we say that we're going to do. So many of us have lost trust in herself. And so when you say you're going to do something, your brain is like, ha no, you're not. You think you're going to do that. Like nice try. We've tried, we've done this before. We've gone down this rodeo before. You know you're going to say that you're going to do it. And then you're not going to do it because that's just how you are. And that's something that we have to change. If you want to be successful at any goal that you're reaching, we have to become 100% on board. And you have to trust yourself that you, when you say you're going to be committed to something, you will. Now a lot of you have a lot of evidence in your life that you can't do that or that you won't do that. And we're going to talk about that a little, a little bit more in this podcast episode and then also in 71.

Where are you Showing Up? (9:20)

Um, but we have to be able to develop that personal integrity. You have to be somebody who says you're going to do or says you're going, says that you're going to do something and then you execute. And then you follow through. And for most of us, it's really interesting. For most of us, there are areas in our life that we're really good at following through, and then there's areas of our life that we aren't super good at following through. And so if, if you have had a history or a challenge of following through when it comes to your fitness goals, that's okay. There's no shame. There's no guilt. We don't have any judgment over that. That's that. It's, it's a, it's a circumstance. It's, it's not good or bad, but I want you to think about are there other areas of your life where when you say you're going to do something, do you follow through? Like how many of you say that you're going to make dinner and then you make dinner, right? Like maybe that's not a big deal for you. Or you say that you're going to show up for your soccer game or your son's soccer game and you show up, right? So there are likely areas of your life where you do have that personal integrity. Like you say, you're going to do something and you follow through. And if you have that in any area of your life, you can learn to have that in other areas of your life. So if you feel right now, like fitness is something where you set a goal, you make a commitment and you fall off the wagon and you don't end up following through. What we need to do is to start applying some of those other ways of how you're successful and committed and show up in other others of your life into your fitness journey.

Okay. So building that trust with yourself is key. And I see it in the, in the women who are able to make changes in their, in their fitness journey and make changes in their life, it stems from this ability to say they're going to do something and then to execute and follow through. So that's number one.

Secret #2 (11:16)

The second secret to successful weight loss is willingness to become a scientist. And I look at it like, like this, my, my brother is a biochemist, so he works in a lab and he works with, I don't know, cells and chemicals and really complicated stuff that he tries to tell me about. And, but he's a scientist and he and he, you know, works on these experiments and when he does an experiment it either works or it doesn't work, right? Like that's the nature of experimentation. Like he does an experiment. It either works or it doesn't work and the emotion is kind of detached from it, right? Like he probably does want the experiment to work, right? He's in a PhD program, like he wants it to work, but there isn't any like shame or guilt if it doesn't work, right? It's more of this like scientific mentality of I'm going to try X, Y, and Z and I'm going to see what the result is. I'm going to look at the data, I'm going to see if it worked and if it didn't, I'm going to try something else. And that is exactly how you need to be in your fitness journey. So many of us lead with emotion and your fitness journey has been a journey bundled in emotion, bundled in like happiness and excitement when you're making progress and bundled in like guilt and shame and depression when you slide back.

Data is Data (12:52)

And what I would like you to consider is what it would look like in your journey. If you could take that emotion hat off and instead be willing to put the scientific hat on, be willing to look at the data as data, as numbers, as things that can give you feedback and guidance rather than making a moral declaration about your progress rather than saying anything about you personally, just starting to look at it as just data and something that you can, you're experimenting with. You're getting the feedback, you're adjusting and you're continuing to move forward. Now we're going to talk a little bit about this hashtag that I see floating around #tossthescale. I am not a big fan of #tossthescale. I get its purpose. Its purpose is to not have you defining your worth by a number on the scale and I'm all for that. But here's my issue with #tossthescale. If you don't have any measurements, you cannot change something. You cannot change what you can't measure. Okay? That is a, that is a fundamental principle. When you are setting goals you cannot change what you can't measure. And so what I encourage clients to do is not to toss the scale but to learn to use the scale as a tool rather than a weapon. So many of you use the scale as a weapon, you stand on the scale and you use it to beat yourself up rather than using it as a weapon. What would it look like if it was a tool and it was just a single data point, and this is one of the reasons I encourage my clients to not only use the scale to use measurements to use progress pictures to use things like how your clothes are fitting to look at non scale victories.

Ways to see Progress (14:58)

Like are you feeling more confident around food? Are you able to go to the party without anxiety? Those are all the data points that we're looking at. And so when we're looking at those data points, your weight is one data point of like seven, seven different data points. And we're looking at all of them to figure out what's going on. And so I don't think that we should toss the scale. What I think is that we should learn to use it as a tool rather than a than a weapon and use it as one single piece of data. Now I want to step into a place of ownership with your journey and part of that ownership is understanding that you get to create interpretations. What does that mean? That means when you step on the scale, you are 100% responsible for whatever meaning whatever interpretation you assigned to that number and every time you get on the scale is a chance for you to be 100% totally intentional with your self-talk. Every time you step on the scale is a chance to work on loving yourself and creating intentional meaning. And what do I mean by that? I mean when you step on the scale, what you think and what you say to yourself about that number is 100% within your control and every time you step on the scale is a chance to practice that. It's a chance to practice loving yourself regardless of what the number says. And it's a chance to practice being intentional about the self talk that you are creating.

Okay, so what data do I want you looking at? Yes, I want you looking at this scale, but if you are only looking at the scale right now to measure your progress, you are doing it wrong and you are doing yourself a disservice. You are not being a very good scientist. That's like if you were growing a plant and you just decided that you know how tall your plant grows is in direct proportion to the amount of water that you give it, right? There is a relationship between the two, right? If you don't give any water to your plant, it's going to die. And if you give the right amount of water, it's going to thrive. But it's definitely not a one to one relationship. And there are other factors that you have to be looking at. Yes, you're watering your plant, but what about the soil? What about the temperature outside? What about the amount of sunlight that it's getting? Right? So there's all of these other factors that you need to be aware of when you're growing a plant, not just the amount of water that you're giving it. And so many people are going through their fitness journey only looking at the scale to tell them whether or not it's working. And there are many, many other factors that need to be assessed in order to get a better picture of what is actually occurring.

So the second tip that I really give you is this willingness to become a scientist and to remove emotion during your fitness journey. And this is a practice and it is a habit and it is something that you get better at. Being intentional with your self talk is something you're going to have to practice. It's something you will get better at. We talk about this a lot in Macros101 and I coach on this a lot on how to become intentional with your self talk, how to become a scientist, how to look at things like data points and removing the emotion. Because when we can remove the emotion, we can make much better decisions about how we're going to move forward in our fitness journey. Um, and we can make shifts and tweaks and it doesn't have to mean anything about you or your abilities or your worth. We can look at it just to like a scientist does.

Secret #3 (18:41)

Okay. Number three, the clients that I see who are successful, and this relates back to number one where I talked about being committed and doing what you're say you're going to do, clients who are most successful are the ones who are committed to the result, not the timetable. Episode number 67 I talk about believing your success is inevitable. And we talked about how you can believe and how that, that it really is the first step, like believing that you will be successful is the first steps you actually accomplishing that goal. And one way that you can believe harder that you can believe stronger in yourself is to stretch out the timeline. And I talked about this concept in episode number 67 so if you haven't listened to that episode, that's definitely another good episode to listen to. But I talk about how if you're having trouble right now, believing that whatever result that you want is possible, try stretching out the timeline because if you stretch out the timeline, chances are it will become more possible in your mind. You will believe harder that you can do it if you stretch out that timeline line. And so the people who I see are the most, most successful are committed to the result, but they aren't attached to any timeline that it has to happen in. They're not like, I need to lose 15 pounds by XYZ date so that I can go on a trip. Okay? They are committed to the XYZ result, like those, the result that they want to achieve, but they don't place a timetable on it.

And this is one of the reasons that as a coach, I often tell clients, I want you to select a goal date rather than a goal weight. And when I say that, what I mean is I want you to set a time period that you are going to be in your, in your cut and your deficit, that you are going to be focusing on weight loss and I want you to know that at that date you are finished and you are, well you're not finished. You are done with that cut. You are reverse dieting, you are focusing on intentional maintenance and you can go back into a cut after that process. But when we do that, when we set a goal date rather than a goal weight, we are able to focus on the things that are within our control.

Your weight is not within your control, what you put in your mouth, whether you track, if you go to the gym, what time you wake up, what time you go to bed. Those are things that are in your control. Your weight is not within your control and so I really, really encourage you to set a time period for your cut. Give it your all during that period and then know that you are going to go through reverse a maintenance period and then you can come back to a if, if you're still not done and you're still not at that goal weight, and we can cycle that as many times as we need to in order to get you the results. But this is about not like marrying yourself to a timetable that may or may not be realistic. Okay? When you can commit to the end result and you let go of these pre preconceived ideas about what it should look like, you can relax. You can relax into the process and you can just enjoy the process.

Enjoy the Process (22:00)

It's going to take the time it takes. I love that phrase. We just relax and it's, you're going to get it right. You're going to get the result. When you really believe, when you believe your success is inevitable, you know you're going to get the result. It's going to take the time it takes girlfriend, just relax, just relax into it. Enjoy the process of getting there. There's this idea of, of surrender and it's such a powerful idea. And I experienced this really poignantly when we were in med school and residency. That process is crazy pants. It's crazy. Like you are, someone asked me the other day, we were at a, at a holiday party with my husband's work and somebody asked me when in the process, my husband and I got married, we didn't like the medical training process. Um, a lot of his coworkers get married while they're in residency or they get married while they're in fellowship. And so somebody asked me that and the answer is we got married four months before he took the MCAT, which means I have been there. And I was there through the entire process. I was there for MCAT prep. I was there for MCAT or graduated undergrad for med school, for residency, for fellowship, for attendeeship. Like I've been there through the entire thing. And if I try to plan out that process of like, okay, so during residency we're going to live here and it's going to look like this. And then we're going to go to fellowship and it's going to look like this. And I know exactly where we're going to move and I know exactly what it's going to be like. Had I tried to do that, I would have gone nuts. I would have like, and I would've driven myself crazy because there are so many surprises that occur and there's so many unknowns with that process.

Have an End Goal (23:44)

And so instead what I did is we committed to the end goal. We knew my husband was going to be a doctor and he was going to work somewhere, right? Like he was going to be a practicing physician. That was, that was the end goal that we both committed to. And then we both kind of let go and let go of expectations of what that process would look like, let go of the expectations of even what that time table would look like, like that time table. It ended up taking 11 years post post, um, uh, undergraduate. But I didn't like I didn't go into it knowing that it would take that many times, that many years I just of surrendered and it was going to take the time that it took. I had no expectations. I didn't try to fight it and I just let it happen and my whole mantra during that experience was just enjoy the process, like find joy in wherever I'm at, whatever city I'm located in, whatever situation we're in, however much my husband is working is just to enjoy, find the joy in where we are at and get excited for what's coming next. Not planning what's coming next, but just get excited for what's coming next. And that's exactly what I want you to do in your fitness journey. I want you to be really clear on the end goal. Be clear on that. Like I'm all for you setting goals. I'm also for you setting goals that are like scare the pants off of you. Commit to that, but surrender. Let go of a timeline and let go of what you think it should look like and just enjoy the process to get there. Okay, so that, that's number three.

Secret #4 (25:23)

Number four, and this, these kind of, a lot of them relate to each other, but I wanted to specifically talk about them individually. So number four is being detached from the results. Don't make success or setbacks mean anything about you or about your ability or about your worth. And this is so important. This relates also to like putting the scientific hat on, right? Not letting emotion guide your journey, but looking at it as a scientist would look at it. When you are successful, that doesn't mean anything about you. It doesn't mean that you have more worth or that you're better or that you're smarter or that you're more committed. Like it doesn't mean any of those things. And when you make a mistake that doesn't have any inherent meaning either, they're just circumstances, they're just things that happen. And then you get to create meaning around it. So what can we do to be able to be more successful in this process? We can detach ourselves from the results. Meaning, yes, we set big goals. Yes, we reach for big things, but we surrender into whatever timeline it's going to look like and we detach any meaning from whether or not we hit that goal.

Not Better, Just Different (26:44)

Okay, so it's not gonna mean anything. If you hit the goal, it's not gonna mean anything. If you don't hit the goal, and this is one of the hardest things to do because you're setting a goal for a reason, right? There's a, there's a desire with that goal. There's a wanting, there's a feeling that it's going to be better there than it is here. That's, that's a, that's a true concept. We set goals oftentimes because we think it's going to be better there than it is here. And so we can sometimes get really stressed and anxious about getting there because we think it's better there and I promise you it's not better there. It's just different. Ok, it's different there than it is here and I'm all for you reaching for it and I'm all for you going for it. But when you start to create meaning around whether or not you hit that goal, that's when goals start to actually sometimes bring you down. Okay. Instead, detach yourself from the results. Believe that your results are inevitable. You're going to be successful, so whether you hit them now or you hit them later, it's going to happen. You don't have to be stressed about it and you can just again relax and enjoy the process.

Secret #5 (27:59)

Okay. Last and final one. Number five and this one is huge. If you are not doing this one, this might be the one that I, I tell you to start to implement today and that is to look for the wins to actively seek them out. This is something I work a lot with my clients is to help them actively look for the wins. We are really good in our journey in finding the things that we're not 100% at or that aren't going quite the way that we want and what so many people do is they focus all their attention on the things they're not good at. They focus their attention on what they aren't doing, on the slipups, on the mess ups rather than focusing their attention on the progress they are making. Is that you? Is that what you're doing in your, in your fitness journey?

I want you to consider if you had a friend who is on her fitness journey and you guys were talking at lunch and she started sharing with you all of the things that she did wrong, right, like all of the slip ups that she'd had, all of the mistakes that she had making, all of like the worries that she had. How would you speak to her? Would you be like, Oh yeah, you really do suck man. You are never going to be, you are never going to get that goal girlfriend. If you keep doing that like you're the worst. Like no, we would never ever speak to our friend that way. We would say, Oh my gosh, but look, you're going to the gym three times a week and you never did that before and look like that person said that. They noticed that your legs were looking thinner. Look like, look, I see that you're like, you normally would go out and get a burger and look, you just made a different choice this time around, right?

We would like actively look for the things that our friend was doing well and that is what I need you to do in your finished journey. I need you to focus your attention on what is working on what you're doing well on the success that you are having rather than the gap between where you are and where you want to be. You are where your attention is. Okay, let that sink in a little bit cause that's a powerful statement right there. You are where your attention is. If you place your attention on everything that's not working on the success you're not having on the results that you don't yet have, you are going to continue to get more of it, more struggle and more mistakes, more slip ups, more problems. If instead you choose to place your attention on what is working on the success you are having on the things you are doing, right, you will continue to get more of it. And I liken it to my like a kid's football game, right? Like let's pretend that you're at your kid's football game and what if nobody cheered until the end of the game, right? There was like no cheering. No, no, no. Celebrating until the end of the game when they had won. And they won, if they won, if they won at the end, then we'll celebrate.

Celebrate Along the Way (31:15)

Right? That's ridiculous. Super silly. Right? So then like the team scores a touchdown, but they haven't won the game yet, so we're not going to celebrate. That's ridiculous. No, like if you're at your kid's game, like you are celebrating every darn thing. Yeah, you're celebrating the touchdowns, but you're also celebrating when they complete a pass or when they block somebody or if they get up when they fell down. Right? Like you're celebrating every darn thing that your kid is doing in that football game. Not only if they win at the very, very end. And this is what I want you to be doing. I want you to be celebrating all along the way. So many of you are saying, I'll celebrate when I get there. When I reached my end goal, that's when I will celebrate. And until I get there, like I'm gonna like beat myself up. It's like backwards. It doesn't work. So I want you to start looking for the wins. And if this is something that like you struggle with, you find yourself only focusing on the things that you're not doing well, then make an intentional practice of it. Get a piece of paper out every day, right? Three things that you did well. This is not you focusing on what you, mistakes you made or slip ups. Those things are gonna happen, but we don't even focus our attention on them. We can focus our attention on the things that we're doing.

Visualize Success (32:31)

Well, when I played high school volleyball, um, I had some, I had a fabulous coach in high school with, with my volleyball team. And it's actually where I learned about visualization for the first time, where I really like learned about setting goals and achieving them. And one of the things that our coach had us do, so there's six players on the court in a volleyball team after every single point, our team was to come into the middle. So that would look like if we scored and we'd like, you know, scored a point or did a kill or whatever, we would come in and be like, awesome. So good. Like you did such a good job, like great job, like way to go. And if we got a point scored on us, a ball dropped, whatever, we hit the ball out, we would still come into the middle and be like, okay, we got this. Like we're, we're in this, you can do it. It's shake it off. Whoever's name, you know, made the mistake. Right. But the point was that after every single point, regardless of what it was like a good or a bad point, we would come back and like psych ourselves up as a team. And there was incredible power in doing that. And I want you to think about how you can start to do that in your fitness journey. How can you start to like psych yourself up regardless of if you make a good mistake or a bad mistakes, which I don't believe in like good and bad choices. I believe there are choices and we get to choose whatever we want. Um, but what would that feel like if like you're coming in and you're like psyching yourself up, you're looking for those wins, you're looking for the good things that, that people are doing. You're looking for the good things in your life and the success that you are having. How would that influence the choices that you're making? How would that influence how you show up in your fitness journey? It changes everything. So if you struggle with this, I'm really going to encourage you to be intentional. Look for the wins, actively seek them out. Like even the smallest little win. I want you celebrating those wins rather than just brushing them aside.

Celebrate (34:35)

So many of you are real good at being like, Oh well that's like not that big of a deal, right? Yeah. So like I had the salad instead of the burger, but like that's just, it's not that big of a deal. Like that's it's like dumb. No, no, no, no, no, no girlfriend. Like I want you being like heck yeah, I made a choice right here. I had a choice to choose that and I did it and I'm bomb awesome. Right? Like how does that change your emotional state when you are celebrating the things that you are doing rather than focusing on the things that you aren't?

Review (35:05)

Okay. So that wraps up the five secrets that I have for successful weight loss, things that I've seen in my clients and in my personal journey of how to be able to get the results that you want. And so we'll go through them one more time. People who are successful, they do what they're say they're going to do, they are committed and they have personal integrity. Number two, they are willing to become scientists and detach from the emotion and try things out and see how they work and have no meaning surrounding it. Number three, they are committed to the result, not the time is taking to get there. Okay, let go of that time table. Just surrender. It's going to happen. You'll get there and it's going to take the time that it takes. Number four is they are detached from the results. They don't let setbacks or results mean anything about them. They detached from, from the results. It's not gonna mean anything when they get the goal, and it's not gonna mean anything when they don't because it's going to happen. They're going to get there so we can detach from what it looks like in order to get there. And then number five, actively seek out and acknowledge and celebrate the wins that you are having. Look for them. Place your attention on what's working. Place your attention on what's awesome about what you're doing right now. Stop placing your attention on the fact that you haven't reached the goal yet. Stop it. It doesn't work. It doesn't help. Focus on what is working and you will get more of it. You are where your attention is. Make sure you're being very intentional with your attention placement. All right, so that wraps up this week's episode. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies radio. I'm Amber. Now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.

Outro

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