035: Losing 29 Pounds Without Feeling Restricted with Melissa Porter

Introduction

You're listening to Biceps After Babies radio episode number 35

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, online fitness coach, wife, and mom of four. My guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.

Hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke and today we're going to dive into a personal fitness journey. So one of the things that I like to do on the podcast, and I've done this a couple times before, is invite past clients or current clients on to be able to share their story of success. And the reason that I do this is because I think it's valuable for you to hear a variety of backgrounds of people that are successful. Because I think so often it's really easy to look at somebody and say, oh, she has the results that I want, but she's 20 years old. She doesn't have kids. Like she likes Kale and I don't like Kale and we make up all these excuses. So we do this like comparison game and we try to like figure out all the differences between us and then we use that as evidence of like why I can't get the same result when I really want you to flip that on its head. And I want you to start to find like similarities between you and somebody else who's getting success and say they did it and she's a mom or she did it and she's in her forties which means that I can do it too. So I want you to start to see people being successful as evidence that you can be successful too. And so that's why I asked Melissa to come on and share her experience because for those of you who are nursing and you kind of think it's this either or of like either I can nurse and feed my child or I can lose weight and I can't do both Melissa, will talk about how she kind of had that paradigm of like I have to choose one or the other and if that, if that's the choice that's given to most women, like of course you're going to choose your child. Like that's kind of a no brainer. But what if there was a third option? What if it wasn't either or what does it, what if it wasn't either I have to, I want to feed by baby or I can lose weight. What if it, there was a third option and the third option was, what if I want to feed by baby and lose weight at the same time? And Melissa's going to talk about how she had that experience and she was able to do that. For those of you who are nursing, for those of you who have more than 10 pounds to lose, Melissa has a journey that she's going to talk about and it's not a 10 pound weight loss journey. She had more than 10 pounds to lose and she's, and she shares about that. For those of you who have some experience anxiety or depression or PTSD and have that as an experience like Melissa experienced that as well. And she'll talk about and share her story and I want you as you're listening to her to help find evidence that like Melissa did this and she's just like you, like she's just like a lot of you out there and she was able to be successful. So she's able to be successful. Girl, you can be successful too.

Now we talk a lot about macros 101 which is my best selling program and Melissa has been amazing in it and she's had a lot of success inside macros 101, which is why I wanted her to come and share about it. All right. Without further ado, let's hop into the interview with Melissa Porter.

Amber: (05:35)

I'd like to welcome Melissa Porter to the podcast. How are you doing? Melissa,

Melissa: (05:39)

I'm great. Thanks for having me.

Amber: (05:42)

I am very excited. I was telling Melissa before we started recording that I love these episodes because it's really easy for people to come to the podcast or come to my Instagram and hear me talking and say, well, all of that super easy you, amber, because you haven't had to deal with x, y, and z. And the truth is, is that I may not have had to deal with x, Y, and Z, but that doesn't mean that you can't be successful doing that. And so I love bringing on other people who can share their stories and their experiences where you can really start to find yourself in their stories. And that's what Melissa is gonna share with us today. So I'm really grateful you're here.

Melissa: (06:20)

Well, I'm happy to do it. I love to share my story and I just hope that even one small part of it can resonate with even one person. And then I know it's a success.

Amber: (06:31)

Awesome. I know that that will happen. So if you, I'm going to say it right now, but if you're listening at the end and something that Melissa said touched you or made you think something in a different way, will you please shoot me a DM and on Instagram @bicepsafterbabies. And what I'll do is I'll forward those onto Melissa so that she can see them and see kind of the impact that she's having. Cause I know what she's going to share with her story will, will touch people and it's always nice to hear that confirmation. Okay. So let's just start out. Melissa, can you just kind of introduce yourself to everybody who you are, what you do?

Melissa: (07:04)

So I will be 33 years old next Monday. Um, I'm a stay at home mom. I have three little rambunctious kiddos. My oldest, Olivia is five years old. Elodie is three years old and Clyde is 11 months. He'll be um, a year old at the beginning of June. So I've just been, um, staying at home for the last like five years and that was kind of an adjustment going from working full time to be an at home full time. Um, I did work from home full time for the first year, um, after our oldest was born. So that was kind of an a transition into not working at all and then wearing many hats as you do when you're a mom.

Amber: (08:00)

What did you do? What work were you doing?

Melissa: (08:02)

Um, I worked at a disability law firm and I kind of, I worked there for almost, gosh, I think it was six years going on seven years when I ended up leaving. Um, so I kind of wore multiple different hats when I worked there. I kind of worked my way up in the company, um, which then gave me the opportunity to work from home when we had Olivia. So that was kind of a blessing.

Amber: (08:33)

And then what was that transition to having a, having a baby, uh, transitioning. Did you transition then away from working or what's that look like for you?

Melissa: (08:43)

Yeah, I did. So the company ended up, um, kind of changing their management and the new management decided they didn't want to have work from home positions anymore. So I was given the opportunity to come back and work in the office. Um, but it just didn't feel right for our family, for me to, you know, leave our daughter and have to go to work. So we just decided that we would, on faith, take the leap to just move to a one income household and it was like the greatest blessing.

Amber: (09:22)

Tell us about that.

Melissa: (09:24)

Um, so when my oldest was born, she was life-flighted at birth, so I got to hold her for I think like 30 seconds. It was not a very long time. Um, and we were living in Cedar City, Utah at the time and she was life flighted to primary children's up in Salt Lake City. Um, and I immediately after her delivery, my health declined. Um, and my doctor didn't want to release me from the hospital so I could go be with our daughter. Um, so I basically told the doctor I was leaving, whether or not she released me. So she ended up releasing me into my mom's care with very specific instructions of like what I needed to do. Um, and that was I think probably 30. She was probably 30 hours old when I finally left the hospital. Um, and it was in the evening, probably around five or six and it was in the middle of winter. Our daughter was born on Christmas Day, so I was released the day after Christmas and there is a huge snow storm. My parents are from California. My Dad was already up in Salt Lake City with our daughter and my husband. So it just left my mom and me. Um, and my sister who lived in Cedar City and we had a really good friend who ended up driving my mom and I through a snow storm in the middle of the night to primary children's Hospital in Salt Lake so I could be there. Um, so that's kind of a little backstory, but to tie it all together, that whole experience, I ended up getting really bad postpartum depression and um, postpartum anxiety and PTSD from the traumatic delivery and being separated from my daughter. And having her on the life and not really knowing what was going to happen. We were told that she had a heart condition. Um, and the same heart condition that she had. Um, my husband's niece actually passed away a few days after she was born from the same thing. So it was just very emotional. Sorry. Tried to like keep it together while I told the story. It's hard

Amber: (11:58)

when we talk about our kids it's near and dear

Melissa: (12:00)

It is definitely. Um, so anyways, the decision to stay at home really was just to kind of take a little bit off of my plate so I would have the chance to enjoy being a mother and kind of heal from the whole experience that we went through. Um, so that transition, it was a little difficult. I won't lie. I had worked from the time I was 16 years old and I'm not one of those women who can say I wanted to have kids from a very young age. I knew that I wanted to be a mom, but it wasn't like this thing that was like an overpowering feeling. Like, I don't really know how to explain it. I just like, I knew I wanted to be a mom, but it wasn't, it's something that was always on my mind, I guess. So the transition to becoming a mother was not the easiest transition for me. It's doesn't come natural. Um, I'm not a very patient person. And being a mother you have to have patience and that it's, it's tough. So the transition was, it was a good transition and it was definitely needed. Um, and we'll probably talk a little bit more about the postpartum depression and the PTSD and how that's all like led me to the point that I'm at now. Um, but that kind of gives you a little bit of the backstory of kind of what got me to where I not now.

Amber: (13:42)

Yeah. So before we dive into that, how is your daughter doing now?

Melissa: (13:46)

Um, she is, she's good. Um, they did additional testing while we were up there and, um, I won't go into huge detail because I will definitely cry if I go into huge detail, but it was a miracle. Um, they did additional testing and they found that the condition that multiple doctors saw when she was first born was actually not there. Um, we did stay in the NICU for five days, um, and then we got released and she's great. Like her health is perfect. Um, she is very high functioning autistic and has sensory processing disorder. Um, so we, we do have our challenges with her, but as far as health wise and her heart, she's perfect.

Amber: (14:45)

Wow. That's a miracle. That's amazing. Um, yeah, I mean our kids are everything and I think a lot of moms will relate to that, that, you know, in macros one one and in the program like I talk about finding your why and like what is driving you and what does that big why? And for a lot of women it is their kids. That is one of the most important things to them. And having a kid go through something like that is just, I mean, it changes you. Um, so I, you know, I, I thank you for sharing that story because I know that, that, that it has defined who you are and how you go through life. Um, and that's really, really important. So in that postpartum period, you struggled with depression, you struggled with some PTSD. Um, and how, how did you come out of that or how did that impact you in your relationships and in, in, in your home life, and what did that process look like for you?

Melissa: (15:40)

So it's kind of interesting. I didn't realize that I suffered from any of that until months, like I think two months after we had our second daughter.

Amber: (15:54)

Oh Wow.

Melissa: (15:56)

So I think I was just so wrapped up in like taking care of my baby and um, like making sure I was on a routine and a schedule with her. I think I just kept my mind so busy, um, that I didn't actually realize that I had any of that. It didn't, I guess it didn't really, um, like come to the forefront until it was about time to deliver our second. And then I just started having like anxiety attacks. And you know, really scared that I was going to have this same thing happen to this baby and we ended up delivering at a hospital that has an amazing NICU. So if for some reason something did happen, you know, we could be right there with her. Like she wouldn't have to be taken from me and I would be in the same hospital and you know, so we kind of took some measures to make sure that that didn't happen. Um, but I didn't realize how bad my anxiety was in regards to that until after she was born. And then, um, it really caused a big regression with Olivia. And at this point Olivia was 27 months old. Um, and she, we had started her and, um, early intervention for speech therapy cause she wasn't talking yet. And after a couple months of doing that, um, we had Elodie and when she was just a few weeks old, Olivia started to become really aggressive towards Ellie in particular. And at one point I was nursing Ellie and Liv got really upset over something and I'm not sure what triggered her, but she just came over and ripped out a chunk of Ellie's hair.

Amber: (18:03)

Oh Wow.

Melissa: (18:04)

And so at that point it was just like this overload of like, I'm overwhelmed. I don't know how to help my oldest daughter. I have this newborn baby that I'm now trying to take care of. Um, so it all just like at that point just hit me. So I called my husband, I'm like, I, I have to go see the doctor. Like this is not normal. I was having intrusive thoughts. Um, it was just very, what's the word I'm looking for? Not overwhelming. It was, oh no, I can't think of the word. Um, Dang. It'll come to me in a minute. Um, so anyways, I went to the doctor and got on some medication and I started counseling and I did the counseling for a few months. I think it was a couple of months that I went. Um, and I took the medication for I think six months before I weaned off of it. And I still, I don't have intrusive thoughts like I did before, but I still really struggle with anxiety and I don't remember struggling with anxiety or depression when I was younger. So I really do think that it was just triggered from the experiences with my first when she was born. Um, and now we have a third one and luckily it hasn't really reared its ugly head at this point. I think I, I do have days where I struggle, but I don't know if it's necessarily the postpartum depression and anxiety versus like just being overwhelmed with three kids, which can be totally normal. Yeah. Um, and luckily when Clyde was born, um, Liv, didn't regress as much as she did when Ellie was born. And I actually think that Ellie helped her a lot through it. They're like best buds. Um, as long as they're getting along, you know, they still have to fight cause they're siblings. But Ellie really does help live through a lot of things. Um, when I can't help live, Ellie is always right there with her. Like, hold my hand, Sissy, let's go, let's go over here. Like, she really does help a lot with her, which is a huge blessing cause Liv and I butt heads a lot.

Amber: (20:40)

Kids will try you in any way that, that they can. Yes. Those personalities, they come to you man in this certain way and not, you know, only so much you can do to just parents, certain personalities. So, yeah. Awesome. So, you know, through this time and through through the years, can you walk us through kind of what your fitness journey has looked like over the last couple of years and how, you know, how this experience impacted you and related to where you, you know, you were at this, he started this, you know, 2019

Melissa: (21:11)

So I have never enjoyed working out. Um, growing up I was always very active. I worked at a horse ranch, um, like from a very young age. And so I just always grew up being active, being outside and never really having to focus on like, I guess working out. Um, so then as you get older and you take on more risk adult responsibilities, it just wasn't a ever anything I enjoyed doing. Um, so I didn't actually start working out until after my second one was born and it was actually after I stopped nursing her. So she was a year old. And um, at that point I started, you know, to have the desire to lose weight and to want to work out. And so I did for about six or seven months and then we got pregnant again. So during that time I worked out five to six days a week just from home. Um, I did the beach body on demand videos and I also did the Keto Diet and Keto Diet worked great for me. I lost 20 pounds. I felt great. My clothes were fitting better, a company that with the working out and I was definitely seeing positive changes. Um, and then I got pregnant and I realized at that point that Keto was not going to be sustainable for me. I know that it's sustainable for some people longer term, but for me personally, it was not going to work, especially being pregnant. Um, I do have really hard pregnancies and so it kind of just went on the back burner and I to this day still have not worked out since I got pregnant. Um, I just, and I will eventually get to that point where I like have the desire to workout. I just get very kind of obsessive over certain things and I knew that I couldn't add more to my plate for me to obsess over. And so my focus right now has just been, you know, focusing on my nutrition and trying to lose the weight and the inches and get my body to a point where I'm happy with it before I add something else onto my plate that may cause me to be obsessive and then feel overwhelmed, if that makes sense.

Amber: (24:08)

Let's talk about this for a little bit because, um, I think this is something that is, um, is really smart that Melissa is doing and that a lot of people I know struggle with when people get to this place where they're like, okay, I'm not happy with my body and I want to lose the weight. They tend to want to go all in and do all the things. And so it's like, I'm going to start counting macros and I'm going to go lift weights five days a week. And then I'm also going to do cardio on top of that. And then I'm also going to like eat low sugar and I'm going to, it's like all of the things that they're like trying to do because they have this desire, right? Like people have a desire to have an end result and have a reach, a goal. And so they want to put all of the resources that they have into that goal. And what I typically tell people is let's dial that back and instead of trying to add all the things at once, let's layer the habits. And so once we get something like your nutrition and it becomes a habit and it becomes something that doesn't have to take all day for you to think about and it doesn't take all this time to like plan and preparing and get ready for once it becomes easy to you. Awesome. Like then let's layer another habit and let's make that, let's wait until that gets really easy for you. And then let's lay a layer, another habit, because the beauty of habits is that they don't require energy and brain power and like, you know, putting a lot of time and effort into something. And so if we can get you to the habits place, then we can layer on the habits. So I love that, that you're being really honest about that of like, you know what, and we'll talk about the success that Melissa has had so far and I really want to point out that she's done it without adding that exercise component. Um, and you know, eventually she'll add that exercise component, but it's not a prerequisite of like, if you want to see results, then you have to, you have to do macros and you have to lift weights and you have to do cardio and you have to stretch and you have to do yoga and you have to like roll out and like all of the things we can take it bit by bit and we can see a lot of success just by taking that one piece of dialing in your nutrition.

Melissa: (26:07)

Right. And that's kind of one of the reasons why I haven't started working out because I want to be proof for other people who use working out as an excuse to not lose weight. That you can lose weight and get your body to a point that you are happy with it and you can achieve your goals without working out. You can achieve your goals by focusing on your nutrition and controlling that part of it.

Amber: (26:38)

Yup. Amen. I actually like a very clear client comes to mind that I worked with for 12 weeks. Um, and she lost 20 pounds in 12 weeks without exercising at all. It was just dialing in her nutrition. And so, you know, I give a big amen to what Melissa saying, like, do I think that working out as awesome? Yes. Do I, you know, do I want women to work out? Yes. Like, I think that's awesome, but just like Melissa said, if you're using that as an excuse of, well, I don't work out, so I like, I can't count macros or I don't work out. So I, you know, I can't even have intentional weight loss. Like that's a big fat load of crap. That's not true. Um, and Melissa is proof of that of somebody who all she's been doing is focusing on her nutrition and she's been able to have some amazing results. So can you kind of speak to those results? Like what have you seen since you've started counting macros?

Melissa: (27:32)

Oh my goodness. So many things. So many things like my list could go on forever. Um, so I'll give like a short little backstory. Yeah. Um, I'm exclusively nursing my 11 month old and, um, my other kids, anytime I tried to lose weight while I was nursing, it affected my milk supply. So I just got in my brain that if I had to choose one, I was either going to nurse or I was going to get my body back. And so in my mind, of course I'm going to choose nursing. And so I just ate all the things all the time. Like I just used it as an excuse for me to just eat whatever I wanted to. Like, I'm not going to lose weight anyways because I'm nursing, so I'm going to eat 12 taquitos and be totally fine with it. Um, and so of course, like I gained back all the weight that you lose initially when you give birth. Um, and I got so depressed like I was wearing huge sweatpants. My husband, who is literally twice the size of me, I was wearing his oversized shirts every single day. My hair was in the messy mom bun. I never did my makeup. I just literally let myself go and it got to a point that I could not recognize the person in the mirror. And I wouldn't say that I, I guess at that point I didn't want to admit that I was unhappy. But looking back, I was unhappy. Like literally the only joy in my life were my kids and seeing my husband happy. But there was nothing like in me personally that I was happy with. So in October, I think it was October, either October or November, I started following, you know, some different people on Instagram, um, like coaches and things. Um, and I somehow came across Amber's like stumbled upon it, which then I made the connection that this is my sister-in-law's really good friend and she's actually told me about her multiple times, but I just wasn't in a place mentally that I was ready to like hear the things, you know, that, that you were gonna share. So in October I kind of started getting this desire, right? Like I really want to lose weight, but I'm really afraid is going to affect my milk supply. Um, so I'm just going to do all the research and get really educated and knowledgeable on it. So as soon as I'm done nursing, like I can just hit the ground running. Well I started, you know, doing all of that and started focusing more on my protein intake and you know, making these little tweaks. And that was probably, I think it was February that I started really focusing on, “Okay, let me just make a few little tweaks and see what happens.” Um, so since February until today, I have lost 29 pounds and 10 inches total. I believe. I haven't taken my measurements in a couple of weeks. Um, but it's at least 10 inches. Amazing total. Um, I have gone down a size in my shirts. I've gone down two pants sizes. Um, my nursing bra is basically falling off of me. Like it no longer fits around my rib cage, but I'm so close to being done nursing that I'm not going to go spend more money on it. Um, my wedding ring spins on my finger now and fits comfortably, which is huge for me because it annoys me if it's too tight. Um, and overall I've just, I'm happy. Like I don't wake up already in a bad mood and I'm kind of a control freak. And so I've been able to control my nutrition, which has in turn, let me kind of loosen the reins a little bit with my kids, which is kind of a weird correlation. But if you really think about it, like I felt so out of control that the only thing I could try to control where my kids, right? Because I'm with them 24, seven, um, and now I, I don't feel the need to do that. So overall everybody in my household is so much happier.

Amber: (32:37)

That is amazing. So what brought you, so you said, you know, you stumbled upon, um, you know, all my stuff in like October, November, what actually like made the difference in February of saying, okay, no, now I'm going to actually, like I've researched, I've done the like reading, I've done the learning, now I actually have to do the thing.

Melissa: (32:57)

So I … You know, I don't even know, like what got me to that point. I think I had just maxed myself out on, um, the education that I could do on my own. And so when the opportunity came up to do macros 101, I really went back and forth on it. Like it was not an easy decision for me to be like, okay, I'm going to spend the money on this and I'm going to do it. Because of course, in the back of your mind it's like, I don't want to spend the money on this. And then a week later just like push it to the side and not do it. Like I don't want to take that, that money from my family and then fail. Right? Yeah. So I reached out to my sister in law and I spoke to Dede and I, you know, she was going to do it and I talked to my husband about it and he was on board with it. And I literally signed up for Macros One oh one, when there were like, I think it was like two hours left that you could sign up, like right in under the wire, like it was to the wire and I, the next day I had buyer's remorse. I won't lie. I was just like, oh my gosh, what did I do? Like that money could've gone to my family. I could have dug deeper and done my own research. I could have been successful doing this without making this purchase. And I went that first week without even opening the program because I just, I felt guilty about it. And you know, I had, I had lost a lot of weight up until that point because that was the beginning of April, I think it was. I can't remember when. Um, so that was the beginning of April and up until that point, like I had lost, you know, about 15 pounds, which I was really proud of. Yeah. Um, so I just spent that whole like first week kind of just being like giving myself a guilt trip over it. And then I finally just like snap myself out of it and was like, you know what? You are worth it. You are worth spending that money to make yourself a better person. And so I opened it up and I start doing module one and go in through, you know, the beginning Process where you like do your measurements and pictures and you weigh yourself and you know, you write out your reasons for, you know, why you're doing it. And my reasons felt very superficial and like, you know, I don't, I don't really know. I don't really have like a deep rooted why, like why am I doing this? And so it took some time. It probably took me about two and a half weeks to really dig deep enough to find what my big why was. And from the moment. And you actually helped me with it because someone else had posted in the macros 101 Facebook group that they were struggling with it. And so I commented on it like I'm struggling with it too and you know, gave the my superficial reasons and you actually like kind of helped me dig a little deeper to figure out like my big why is confidence and it's not necessarily confidence in the way that I look, but confidence all the way around in my whole life, like confidence in my mother and being a mother and you know, confidence in being a wife and confidence in, you know, being a good friend. Like it was an all encompassing. And once I figured out what my big why was, it was just like not looking back.

Amber: (37:10)

Amazing. I love it so much about that. I love, and I want to reiterate something that Melissa said because I hear this a lot. Um, one that it's hard to invest in ourselves. And I think as moms we do, we think I'm taking this money away from my kids, from our budget, from our family and I'm using it on myself. And how selfish is that to do that? Um, and, and I think that when we do recognize that worth that we have kind of as Melissa, you recognize that worth that you have, that you are worth it. You are worth investing money into to be able to reach, to be able to make you happier, to be able to make you more confident, to be able to help you to reach your goals. I think that's really, really important. And then I also want to speak to what Melissa said about fearing failure and fearing that you're going to invest in something and then not do it or you know, just not be successful in it because that is a common fear that I hear all of the time. But what I want to point out is that making that decision to push past that fear and to do it despite the fear and to say that I'm important enough and that no, I'm really, I really am committing to this goal that makes all the difference in the world. Once, once you, it's like you drawing a line in the sand. Melissa drew a line in the sand and said, this is, this is me, this is my goal and I am committed to it. And the way that I'm showing that I'm committed to it is I am investing in something that's gonna help me get there a little bit faster and a little bit easier and with less, you know, pain as I'm going through this process. So, um, you know, for those of you who are waffling and you're going back and forth and you're trying to do all the research and your, you know, learning, learning, learning and, but not actually doing anything, making that decision that you're worth it and investing in something that is going to help you reach those goals is massive. And, and so I really commend you and Melissa, that's a hard thing to do. It's a hard thing to, to make that decision, but hopefully you feel like it's paid off and that it's been worth it. And that you have gotten further in this process than you would have on your own.

Melissa: (39:17)

Oh, totally. I hands down would buy this program 10 times over.

Amber: (39:22)

That's amazing. I love it.

Melissa: (39:24)

Like I have no regrets whatsoever. And to speak on like the, the failure part of it. Um, you will only fail if you continue to stand in your own way. And that's what I learned is you will have zero growth in your comfort zone and you have to get out of your comfort zone in order to make yourself grow and growing and stretching and, you know, facing those with lack of a better word, facing those demons in your own mind. It takes a lot of work and it's not easy, but it is so worth it. Yeah. It's so worth it. Yeah, it makes it, it really does.

Amber: (40:19)

Oh, I love that. So is there, um, one like Aha! Moment that you've had, you probably had a couple, but like is there something that you can think of as you're going through macros one oh one as you're going through this process, an Aha moment that kind of turned things for you?

Melissa: (40:35)

Um, yeah, I do have several Aha moments. Um, but I think the one that really stands out the most is I'm in the past. I have the type of personality that I'm very all or nothing. Um, I'm very like, I'm a very a type personality. I love, you know, my list and checking things off and I'm just very, um, I guess structured. And so when I started this, I really doubted the fact that I would be able to do this because it's more of a moderation thing, right? Like you literally can have whatever you want to eat in moderation. And I am not a moderation girl, at least that's what I thought. Yeah. Through this program, I have figured out that I can mentally change that. Just because I was that in the past doesn't mean I have to be that now or in the future. I can change that and I have changed that. I have been able to say yes, I'll have one cookie and have it not lead to five.

Amber: (41:54)

that's so interesting that you say that. Uh, Gretchen Rubin has a book called better than before and she talks about the difference between abstainers and moderators and she makes it almost seem like that's just the way you are. Like you're either an abstainer, you're an all or nothing person or your moderator. And so I've had people ask me before I identify as an abstainer, is there any but I want to be a moderator. Is there any way for me to like change that in myself or am I just stuck as an abstainer? And you're saying that you very much identified with that. Like you were an abstainer, that was the way that you saw the world, but that that wasn't permanent, that wasn't a permanent fixture in you, and that you've been able to shift over to moderation, which I think a lot of people want. They want to be able to have one cookie and not have five and you've been able to find that.

Melissa: (42:42)

Right. And I think part of the success and that is not only mentally, like you do have to change the way that you think about things. Um, but also for me going through this process, one of the reasons why I've been so successful is number one, I pre log all of my food the day before. Um, so I don't have to think about it in the morning when my feet hit the ground, I know exactly what I'm eating and it doesn't like sometimes I switch it up and I, you know, have something planned for lunch. Well, I don't really want that for lunch, but the snack that I have planned sounds good for lunch. So I like flip flop it. So it doesn't really matter when I eat. What I've planned, but I still am eating. You know what, I've pre logged and part of my free logging is I pre log a dessert for me. I have to like I grew up in a family, we love dessert. Like we had dessert after dinner all the time. When I have my dad over for dinner, he will always say, as soon as the last bite is swallowed in his mouth, he'll ask me what's for dessert. Like I just grew up in a family. We love dessert. So I pre log my dessert and I don't feel deprived. I don't go throughout the day and feel like, you know, oh, there's donuts in the cupboard for the girls. I'm going to stand in the corner of the kitchen and hide it so they don't see it because then they'll want some. Right. Like I used to do that. Yeah. I used to hide and eat my my treats, but now I've gotten to a point where it's like, yes, I can choose to eat donut right now or I can choose to have the dessert that I've already planned, but I can't do both. I just have to make that choice. And there's nothing wrong with making that choice. And there's nothing wrong with saying that you can't do both because it's just getting you on the path to your goals. Right? Yeah. So like it is, it's literally a choice. Yeah. And you just have to make the choice. And sometimes it's an easy choice. Sometimes it's a hard choice. Sometimes I have to call my husband and have him talk me through it. Um, you know, like this whole process is not about restricting anything. It's about giving you the tools that you can use to properly fuel your body through making the choices of what you want to eat and what sounds good. Yeah. And that's what I love about it because doing the Keto Diet, previously I was so used to, you can't have that. You can't have that. You can have that, but only just a tiny bit. So it's really just a teaser and then it's not worth it. Right. So I came from a very like, restrictive mindset. Um, and that is just not sustainable for me. And I applaud anybody in the world who finds that sustainable because heaven helped me. I can't for months till have someone tell me I can't have something. It just doesn't work.

Amber: (46:08)

Yeah. Yeah. And I love that you're talking about that element of choice because to me that that is what this all comes down to is macros empowers you to have knowledge about the food that you're eating. And once you have that knowledge, now you are in a very well educated place to make a choice. And it's not a bad choice. It's not a good choice. It's a choice. And either it aligns with your goals or it doesn't. And if it doesn't, there doesn't have to be any shame in that. You just have to acknowledge that and own that choice that you had, that hey, I make it a choice that doesn't align with this longterm goal that I have and that's my prerogative. Like I can make that. Um, and when you can step back and take that emotion out of it and, and make it more of a, like I get to make a choice, it is a very, very powerful place to be in, in your fitness journey. So I love that

Melissa: (46:57)

It gives you, it gives you freedom. Yeah. Yep. Which is so weird to think about, but it really does. It just gives you the freedom to like live your life. And like one other thing I wanted to point out because I hear this all the time for my friends. Um, they asked me, well, do you cook two meals for dinner? Heck No. I don't got time for that.

Amber: (47:22)

Ain't nobody got time for that.

Melissa: (47:24)

No. I literally make the same exact that I was making before I started this program. Yes. I have made small tweaks to it. You know, maybe changing ingredients out for a little bit healthier ingredients, but my kids eat the same dinner that my husband and I eat. I don't measure their food out like we measure, but they eat the same thing. And it is totally possible to do it without having to increase your food budget or you know, have to make two meals. Yes. Sometimes I do make two meals because maybe we're eating something that's a little bit spicier. Um, and one of my daughters does have a little bit of food sensitivities, so sometimes I do make two meals, but that's the choice that I make for that night. It's not my norm. I'm not normally, yeah, like I'm not normally making two dinners. Um, so if this is something that is like hanging you up on whether or not you want to start counting macros or whatever, you can do it eating the same foods and you don't have to make it a separate dinner. I think the thing that has helped me be successful with that is I, um, the first week of April went in to myfitnesspal and I, um, went in and added all of the recipes that I normally make. Um, so it was just easy for me to go in and pre log it right. And I could kind of figure out when I was inputting my recipes, if that ingredient, you know, is really high in fat so I can switch it out for this ingredient and still get the same dinner, but my macros are a little bit better. So I was able to kind of play with it. So my macros were still really good, but still using the same dinners that all of my family love to eat.

Amber: (49:28)

Oh, I love that. Yeah. The, I really glad that you brought that up because that is a concern of a lot of moms. They're like, I don't want to make two dinners. That's a lot of work. And that's one of the reasons I love it as well is you can eat your normal dinners, you just fit it into your numbers and um, you know, it's all good. So that's awesome. So Melissa, to kind of wrap this up, I'm interested in hearing, okay, so we've, we've talked about all the success that you've had so far. You're almost 30 pounds down 10 inches, you've lost two pant sizes. Where are you going? Like, where are you going to be in six months? What are some of the goals that you have looking forward?

Melissa: (50:02)

So looking forward, I would like to get to my goal weight, um, which I have probably another 40 pounds to go, um, to get to my goal way or somewhere close to it, you know. Um, and then I'll probably shift focus and start focusing on like my muscles and getting stronger and getting muscle definition. And I'm sure at some point in between there I'll start working out. Um, I'm not sure exactly when I've kind of just given myself the ability to like finish nursing my son, um, and feel like I have my body completely back 100% to me and I'm not having to like share it and continue to nurse. Um, before I start, before I like jump into working out. So that's kind of the mental plan that I've made. Um, obviously the, as I continue with this journey, things might change and that's totally fine and I might decide to change my goals a little bit, but longterm I would like to get to my goal weight and then start focusing on getting stronger.

Amber: (51:27)

I love it, love it, love it, love it. And, and I hope that now you really have a sense that that is possible for you. Um, one of the things we talk about in macros one-on-one is really how important it is to believe that you can hit your goals and how important it is to believe in the power of you people to accomplish things. And hopefully seeing that evidence over the last couple of months I've seen, yeah. Like I can be successful. I can do this, that it continues to help propel you towards the goal because I know just listening to you that I'm sitting here going uh huh yeah, I think those are great goals and I think you can absolutely do that. Like, and I can see you talking to you six months from now in a very different place than you are even today. Um, moving forward towards those goals. So that's amazing to hear where you're going Melissa, and I have no doubt that you will, you'll hit that and maybe we can do a follow up episode in a year and you can kind of share with us that experience. But thank you so much for sharing your story today and thank you so much for talking people through your experience and your struggles and your successes. It really, really is inspiring.

Melissa: (52:32)

Thank you so much. I really enjoyed it.

Amber: (52:35)

I hope that interview was valuable for you and I hope you were able to see yourself in Melissa and, and find evidence that you know what Melissa was successful. And guess what? You can be too. And you too can have the success that Melissa is having and has had and will have in the future. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies radio. I'm amber now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.

Outro

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