274: How To Stop Breaking Promises To Yourself with Andrea Fausett

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 274. 

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Amber B  00:48 

Hey, hey, hey! Welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, and I am bringing you a phenomenal interview today with Andrea Fausett and we talk about a topic that I feel like so many of you guys are going to be able to relate to and that is this idea of keeping promises to yourself. I feel like for so many women, we do a really fantastic job of keeping promises to other people and sometimes fall short on keeping those promises to ourselves. And we tell ourselves I'm going to do this. I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to eat healthy, I'm going to track my macros, and we start all excited and all motivated and all hyped up and, and life happens and we fail and we don't do those things that we said that we're going to do and and then as we talked about in the episode, we create this identity of a failure and that impacts the results that we get later on in our journey. And so today, I'm bringing Andrea on to talk about this concept of making and keeping those promises to yourselves. And how do we make that, how do we increase the likelihood that you will keep promises to yourself? We know if you can, if you can keep those promises, man, I mean, look back if you could have kept all of the promises you'd ever set for yourself if you actually kept them, where would you be today? I know that I would be not where I am today. Because I I too have struggled with saying I'm going to do things and then not following through. I think this is a very human experience and Andrea does a really phenomenal job of really normalizing this experience for a lot of us. So we can kind of remove some of the guilt and shame that often we feel when we have that experience. But then also she does a really great job of giving some tips and tricks to be able to help us work through it and really improve that ability to say I'm going to do this thing and then have the confidence to back it up that we are going to follow through. So without further ado, let's jump into the interview with Andrea. 

Amber B 02:41 

All right, I am so excited to have Andrea on the podcast today. This is going to be a really fantastic conversation. I've been wanting to have her on the podcast for a while and she said yes right away when I asked her. And so, Andrea, welcome to the podcast. 

Andrea Fausett 02:55 

Hey, thanks. I'm stoked to be here. I'm a long time listener and I always, always recommend your podcast to people in my community. So I'm like, yeah. Let's do this. 

Amber B 03:03 

Yeah, it'll be a fun, a fun collaboration. OK, so for people who aren't aware of who you are, just give us a little bit of run down, a little back, a little background on who you are and what you do. 

Andrea Fausett 03:12 

Yeah. OK. So I always like to say I'm the CEO and founder of Mamele and I empower women to take control of their lives through health and fitness and by utilizing the power of community. So pretty much I love working with women, helping them change their lives physically, mentally and emotionally. And outside of that, I'm a mom to two girls. I've got a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old. And we've got two dogs and my husband and I are little family. We moved to Maui, Hawaii about seven months ago. So we're living on Maui and life is pretty good. 

Amber B 03:42 

That's awesome. Was that just like, hey, we want to up and move to Maui. Was it for a job or what prompted that move? 

Andrea Fausett 03:47 

No, we, Brody, and my husband does real estate investing. And so we bought a like rental out here essentially and we're going to want to rent it and all of a sudden, we're like what are you doing? Let's just move. Let's just do it. And so our plan was originally six months and it's been over 7 now and we have no plans to leave, so it's it's keeping us here. It's been really fun.

Amber B 04:08 

That's so fun. You said something interesting as you were talking about your business and you talked about the importance of community, share a little bit more about that and why that's an important part of your business. 

Andrea Fausett 04:17 

Yes, 100%. I feel like your vibe attracts your tribe and in any research study, anything you look at, if you have people with similar goals, views or anything you're doing, you're like 10 times more likely to be successful if you're doing it with other people with the same goals, and so that's something that I like pride myself in and I love about Mamele is our community is just I think it's the best. Everyone says that, but it really is the best and everyone just like cheers each other on, and it's such a motivating environment that pushes you to find success. And I think so many of us, when we're, like, going through whatever you want to call it health journey, fitness journey, we think we just need to like muscle our way through it and just be tougher and suffer and it's like no, I want you to like walk through this process, enjoying it, making friendships, feeling happier and better every day rather than like miserable and a slave to the process. And I feel like community is the magic piece that does that. 

Amber B 05:14 

So awesome. Yeah, I think Instagram and social media in general has been really an awesome platform to be able to find like minded people who are interested in the same niche things that you're interested in and have some of the similar goals like you said, being able to surround yourself. You always hear that saying you are the combination of the five people you spend the most time around, so why not spend time around people who lift you up, who are also reaching for goals and wanting to do similar things to. I, I couldn't agree more that community is an important part of that. 

Andrea Fausett 05:43 

Yes, 100%. 

Amber B 05:44 

Awesome. OK. So the topic that we kind of hashed out to be able to cover, which I thought was such a fantastic topic that we can spend like hours on is this idea of keeping promises to ourselves. I know that you have clients and I have clients that really, really struggle with this of having that pattern of saying. I tell myself I'm going to do something, you know, I going to make it happen and then for whatever reason, they don't. And they feel like maybe they keep promises to everybody else whenever they tell their kids are going to do something. They make it happen but It's like that struggle with I just can't keep the promises to myself. So can you share some of the common reasons why you think we struggle so much with this? 

Andrea Fausett 06:25 

Yes, I love this and I think if this is you and you're sitting here and you're like, oh, this is me, like, don't feel guilty. First off, No, this is like so normal and I always hear this might sound like a little harsh, but no, I'm always like, hey, you're not a special snowflake. Meaning, like if you're going through it, I promise someone else is going through it as well, and that's OK, because if, if someone else can get through it, that means you can too, so this is actually like a super motivating thing to be like,  OK, this is normal to feel this way to be like I'm going to do this, like I'm ready. I'm going to hit my goals. I'm not going to have any mess ups and I'm going to go for it. And then all of a sudden you find yourself a week, 2 weeks later, maybe a month later, and you're right back to the same spot that you started. So it's like, OK, why does this happen and why is this so common? And I think it boils down really to three things. I think it's identity. I think it's unrealistic expectations and I think it's self belief. At least if we start with the first one, like identity. If you don't know who you are, how do you know what you want to do? I like to say that your identity indicates your inputs, so our inputs are what determine generally our outcomes. So if we don't know who we are and what we want and what we're doing, then how do we know what inputs we want to put each day and if our identity is that we're a failure, and that we don't ever do anything we say we're going to do and that we're incapable and it's not possible for us then your inputs are not going to match that so I think always starting and boiling it down to like who you are and what you want and why you're doing it and once you can get really clear on that it makes it a lot easier for it to determine what it is that you're doing every day. Because I'm sure with with social media everything that we see it's like Oh, should I have that goal? I do that like if someone says doing this I should be doing that and it's like wait, what do you want? Who are you and what do you want? And why do you want to do that? And and choosing that for yourself? And I think that's really, really powerful. And then I think next, next… 

Amber B 08:23 

Hold on. I wanna. I wanna. I wanna stay on this topic cause this is such a this is such a good one. And I know that there are people out there I feel like this this question that you just asked is, is such a powerful one and such a challenging one for so many women to to answer, which is like who are you and I know especially you and I are both moms. I think, especially when it comes to moms. That identity of Mom becomes such so strong and such an anchor that it feels hard to have any identity outside of that of. 

Andrea Fausett 08:51 

100% 

Amber B 08:51 

What do I want? You know, me as Amber, not me as Mom. So for somebody who maybe feels like they ask themselves that question of, of, who am I? and they are drawing a blank as to what that could even mean for them. Do you have any recommendations of how to do some of that inner work? How to do some of that digging to figure out who you are, what you want, and why you want it? I think those are really easy questions to like roll off the tongue. And then when we start to get into it, it it is so powerful. That's why the identity is such a big piece. But do you have recommendations for someone who's working through that maybe? 

Andrea Fausett 09:23 

Yeah, I love looking at it from, like an outside perspective when we're doing like identity work. Like, OK, If I'm looking at myself, how would I want to describe myself? Like what are traits or attributes, what are things that I do? Am I kind? Am I caring? Am I motivated and my disciplines like whatever that is right? Like what are those things that I would want to be saying about myself? And then deciding what are those traits that that person would have? I love James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, he always says embody the identity of the person that you want to become. So you know if and maybe even if you don't know, like what that is that you want, maybe you can look at what someone else is doing. Maybe someone you aspire to be and sit down and what are they, what traits do they have? What thought process do they have? What are they doing and then start really small by just being like,  OK, I actually want to be the person that is an early morning person. Like I wake up early in the morning and maybe I journal or I go on a walk like, OK. How can, what's one small way that I can implement that in my life? Like, what's one small thing and I think that's really what's breaking it down is when we feel overwhelmed with who am I? Like what do I want? What is my identity? then we can break it down to like, what are the actions that I want to take that's with that identity and then one little piece 1 little step at a time like I I think that's like one of the best things is there's so many things that I want to do and become better at in life. So it's like, OK, what's something that's doing that? What are they doing and how can I slowly start to implement that and then that's going to build that trust in yourself that that's something that you're going to be able to keep doing over and over and over again. So just doing that work, taking that time to think about it, because so many of us don't even take the time to think about it. 

Amber B 11:05 

For sure. Yeah.  

Andrea Fausett 11:06 

Especially being a mom. 

Amber B 11:07 

 Well, it's a hard question. I feel like we're really good at like who,  who am I that feels like such an existential question of, like and so that's a hard question. And so I just don't spend time with it. You know, I don't wrestle with that question. I just go back to doing whatever it is that I can ignore that question, yeah. 

Andrea Fausett 11:22 

Or I'll do it later. 

Amber B 11:23 

Yeah. I'll journal about it later and. 

Andrea Fausett 11:26 

I'm really busy right now with my kids. It's like no, now is the time because it would just make you better. 

Amber B 11:30 

Right. It's so good. OK, so the first one is identity. What was number 2? 

Andrea Fausett 11:33 

Yes,  number 2 was unrealistic expectations, flush calls and this is like so common like I'm like, OK, if a client comes into me and they're like, I am ready, like I'm so motivated and this is a no judgment. But let's say this person right now is like waking up at 9:00 AM, maybe they're starting the morning with Lucky Charms. I love Lucky Charms, and then they're not going to the gym, they're going to bed super late like maybe that's their current schedule. OK. And now they're coming to me and they're saying, but this time, Andrea, I am so ready. I'm so motivated. I want the lowest macros. I want the hardest workout. I'm going to wake up at 6:00 AM. I'm going to cut out all sugar like I'm ready and I'm like, OK, this is so I'm never going to let you do that and it's like what? No, like, I'm ready. I promise I can. I can keep this, and generally I'll follow up with the question with we'll have you done this in the past? like, have you felt this way before? Can, can we follow a pattern here where we feel really motivated, we start something and then we quit and guess what happens then we think we're a failure and now, it ruins us for the next time and the next one because. 

Amber B 12:39 

Yeah, because it, it generates the identity right? You were just talking about how important identity and now it only reinforces that identity. 

Andrea Fausett 12:45 

Like Yep, I can't do anything. I can't keep my promises I make to myself and this is like, the biggest thing. And like if we can just get rid of all that and just seriously, it sounds so overrated. But like, start small with something you know you can do. I've had someone before I said no. All you're allowed to do is walk on the treadmill every day for 30 minutes. And if you do that for a month, then we can start this next thing because we've been in the cycle so many times that I'm like, no, we just first need to start keeping the promises that we make to ourselves. And I know we want it now. I know we want it now and we want it faster, but if we look at our lives like if I knock on your door in a year, what's going to get you to where you want to be faster starting and stopping a million times or staying with it. And I think that comes with identity, but it's just being willing to be like, no, this isn't a 30 day fix. I am in it because I feel better when I do this. It's who I am. It's what I do and I'm going to do it for a lifetime. And if as soon as you start making goals for a long term with the long term perspective, then they're going to be much smaller. So no, you don't need to climb the mountain in two days, you need to climb it over like a couple of weeks. You know Everest, you gotta slowly get up the mountain and the, the same thing goes here like, stop making crazy goals. Make it smaller. Make it something you know you can do and keep sticking with it. 

Amber B 14:08 

Right, like the problem isn't when you say I can't keep promises to myself. A lot of times we take that on as an identity thing and what I think you're saying here is that you're just making really terrible promises to yourself. Like, let's stop making terrible promise to ourself that we're gonna do all the things, and we're gonna be 100% with it. That's a that's just a terrible you're setting yourself up to not keep all promises to yourself. So what if we scaled that back and we made a really, you know, 30 minutes on the treadmill, right? That is and that's your only promise. That's it. That's all you have to do is that you promise. How much more likely you're going to be to stick to that promise, and then once you've done that on a consistent basis now you start to build that trust with yourself over time? And now you can get out of that identity up. I'm not someone who keeps my promises now you are. 

Andrea Fausett 14:52 

Yes. And The thing is, you'll probably see better results too. 

Amber B 14:55 

Totally.  

Andrea Fausett 14:56 

Because they didn’t just certain stop and then that leads to the next perfect. My Third Point is self-belief because now guess what? If you said you're going to walk on the treadmill every day for 30 days or 30 minutes and you do then the next promise you make all of a sudden this little shift happens, and I've seen it happen in so many people where they go, wait, wait. I just said I could do something and I actually did it. And I stuck with it and now we if we believe we can do it, we will keep going. But I think at our core, so many of us, we make promises and we don't actually believe we can keep them. We just love the dopamine hit of making the big goals, and you do get a dopamine hit from setting a big goal. But it's like we got to start switching that you know and being like, OK, I'm going to get my dopamine hit from clicking complete after I walk on the treadmill every day for 30 days. 

Amber B 15:42 

Man, I'm such a list girl like the dopamine hit from, like, crossing it off my list. But like I'm a sticker chart kind of girl, I want, I want that like I did the thing that I said I was gonna do and then. 

Andrea Fausett 15:54 

Amen. We just feel like our new app in January and where our challenge is, it's now just like it checklists every day and you just click each thing after you do it and it's like to me, I'm like there's nothing more fulfilling than that. Like every day. I'm just like, yes. 

Amber B 16:05 

I'm good. Yeah, that's so good. I love those three things. I think they're that's that's super awesome. A great jumping-off point for this conversation, I want to talk a little bit about self-doubt and this last point that you talked about with, you know, not believing that you can do it. So self-doubt and negative talk are a very common internal experience for a lot of women. And like you kind of already mentioned that leads to them breaking their promises to themselves because on some level they don't really think that they can do it, it's not the identity that they hold and so it becomes this, the self-reinforcing cycle, right? The self-fulfilling prophecy, so how can someone start to if they recognize this is a struggle for them and that their inner critic is very loud? How can they start to overcome that? How can they start to, to hush that inner critic and start to really believe that they can make a change? 

Andrea Fausett 16:56 

Yes, absolutely. You know, I think this one can be, can be tricky because I think we need to change our mindset with it, knowing that like the self-doubt, it's, it's not just going to all of a sudden go away. And I don't know about you, Amber, I still have tons of self-doubt all the time about everything 

Amber B 17:11 

Yeah, right.  

Andrea Fausett 17:12 

You know. And so I think we think that like the path to success is getting rid of self-doubt and and doubting ourselves and believing that we're not capable. But I think it's reframing self-doubt it's saying that when I feel like self-doubt, it probably means that I'm pushing myself to a new level and pushing myself to the next step, so expecting it like OK, I know self-doubt is going to come, I know it's going to come in this journey when it does come, what is my next step? Is my next step saying Yep, I knew I I knew I wasn't going to hit my macros. I knew I wasn't going to go to the gym. I knew I was going to sleep in and quitting. Or is it saying I knew I was going to this was going to happen. I knew that sometimes I wasn't perfect because nobody is. But what's my next step after this happens and I think deciding that beforehand and then reframing this self-doubt. I love with self-doubt and fear. I always say that I'm like, we think these are like the worst emotions and we're just like, oh, run away. These are great things and then we decide it's great, because it's pushing us outside of our comfort zone, which means it's pushing us to growth. Then, when that comes, we're just like, hey, good to see you. Knew you'd be coming. I know how to get past you and, and creating that plan. If you think about anything in life like, I mean being a mom for example, how often do we doubt ourselves and doubt our parenting? Or how often do we doubt ourselves in work? But for some reason, when it's fitness and we feel that doubt, it's like run away, right? 

Amber B 18:39 

It's like a problem. 

Andrea Fausett 18:41 

Yes. And I'm like, wait, this is everywhere in life. And so just the power of reframing those emotions and feelings that come like a feeling is a feeling that's meant to be felt. Feel it, move past it, what's your next step? And that's what I'd say is action. 

Amber B 18:54 

I love this normalizing of of having that experience of self-doubt and not demonizing it. I've heard it said, you know, courage isn't not having fear, it's doing something in spite of fear. And I think it that that same concept applies here. It's not like we're trying to get rid of self-doubt that we're present to it and experience it and we move through it and do it in spite of feeling doubt, and I think that's such a positive way to be able to have that experience because I know a lot of women get into the pattern where they feel like they shouldn't be feeling this way. 

Andrea Fausett 19:15 

100%. 

Amber B 19:24 

And so now not only are they feeling the negative emotion, but now they're also feeling shame and guilt about having the negative emotion. And it just becomes a spiral of, of negativity instead of recognizing hey, negative emotions are actually really normal. There's nothing wrong. It's not a problem. It's just how do you respond to that and like you said, you can choose to not, you know, give up, quit, not do it or what you said is you can feel the self-doubt and continue forward and get into some sort of action and move, moving forward. 

Andrea Fausett 19:52 

Yes, I hope. I always say it's like a timeline. Like if we picture a timeline and I'm like on one end is like our comfort zone where we all sit and then if you want to picture an arrow moving forward and at the end of the line is an arrow, right? And on this side is like success growth moving forward, the bullet point that sits in the middle, the big dot, it is fear, self-doubt, saying you're not enough and so many of us we start, we start at the end dot right. We start in our comfort zone. We say we're going to move forward to growth and we hit that to your bubble. We hit that self-doubt bubble and we say no and we go back to our comfort zone and then we try again and we're like, well, I'm trying, I'm trying, I’m trying and it's like yes, just knowing and expecting that and moving forward and if you think of people that have accomplished incredible things in their life like I love reading about, you know, owners of Nike, all these people that have invented these incredible brands and kept moving forward. It's not because of lack of self-doubt or fear that they got there, it's not that that button's not there and working in their heads, it's they've gotten really, really great at moving forward regardless. And so how can you get really, really great not moving forward regardless and it's going to take practice and it's going to take time, but like, that's really the only way to keep moving forward and so much of the pieces we're missing is what's inside of us that we, we need to work on., you know it's the, it's the magic inside of us like the ability to keep pushing forward, even with self-doubt and fear. 

Amber B 21:16 

That's really good. This triggered a conversation that I had with my husband just recently. We were talking about decision making and I I'm very quick at making decisions and I kind of, I move forward and I don't look back and he was amazed at that because that's not his experience with decision making and so we were kind of opining about it and just kind of comparing and contrasting our experience and I made this distinction to him that one of the reasons I'm able to make decisions so quickly is because I never feel like anything is final. I never feel like it's gonna make or break anything. It's like I can make this decision now and I can change and make a new decision tomorrow. And so it it takes a lot of the pressure off of making that decision because it's, it's not that big of a deal. It's like let's just make a decision and move forward. And a lot of times, he says, his struggle is he really puts a lot of weight on each decision as if it's going to be the pivotal, you know, pivotal point of like where he's going to go next and I think that really relates to kind of what you were talking about is just the quicker we can move through this, the quicker we can just keep moving forward, keep that forward momentum, that forward progress we can move through some of those sticking points like you said that fear and that self-doubt and to get to the other side. 

Andrea Fausett 22:23 

Or oftentimes like what we currently have we can usually come back to and like exactly what you're saying, it's like this isn't going anywhere like your current habits that you have now that you want to change like you can always go back to them if you want. 

Amber B 22:36 

Yes. It's an easy default. 

Andrea Fausett 22:37 

Yeah, like they're not running away. And then I love it. Also triggered thought you saying is I was on a podcast yesterday with someone and they were saying yeah, but like, I always worry. Well, like if I start this, what if I crash and burn? What if I fail and I'm like, what is crashing and burning to you? Like what is that? And it's like, well, it, it doesn't go perfect. I'm like, what is crashing and burning? And I just think like, we create these huge stories of failure. And it's like, well, what is failure really? Like what is it to you? Because to me, failure, I've only failed if I like quit and don't choose to keep moving forward. And like within business, I'm always like someone can take it all away tomorrow. But like no matter what happens, I know I'm not going to quit because I'm so passionate about what I do and I'll just keep moving forward at me, suck for a while, but like I'll keep moving forward and so the same thing here, like, well, what if I fail? OK, well, what's failure first of all? what is that? And then how do you just keep moving forward regardless, because it's not failure, you know. 

Amber B 29:33 

Or, or like you said. So if you crash and burn, you'll literally be where you're at right now. Right? So like we could either like, like you're no worse off, it's you know, and I I get it that people like start to internalize that and so they they wanna right going back to the identity thing is like one of the things that they're afraid of is not that they'll be where they are right now, but that they will now have that label of like failure attached to them. And I think that's why that identity piece is so important because if you do, really feel like that now you're when you try something and don't succeed at it the first time that now you're a failure, that identity will play into your ability to be successful in the future, cause you won't push yourself past that point of discomfort. And that is where like you said, do you want to grow? then you are going to have to get uncomfortable. You're going to have to go outside of that comfort zone. 

Andrea Fausett 24:21 

And it's what everyone says. It's like just being willing to do that identity work and keep moving forward regardless. 

Amber B 24:27 

Yeah, it’s so good. OK. We talked a little bit about community when we were when you were doing your introduction and I think an important part of Community can be that accountability and you know this I said before that a lot of people can keep promises to other people much easier than they can keep promise that themselves. And so I think ultimately we we want to be able to build that ability to keep promises to ourselves, but sometimes in the meantime, we can kind of rely and have accountability, external accountability be a way that helps to develop some of that internal accountability. So what are some ways one that we can include that external accountability and then the second part of that question is then how can we help use that again, I don't think, I don't think we want to use that as a Band-Aid for the rest of our lives. It's like I always have to rely on other people for accountability. So then how do we integrate that into providing that accountability for ourselves? 

Andrea Fausett 25:16 

Totally. I love this. I I'm a huge accountability fan. When I was working out at a house in Utah I had a home gym there and my friends would meet every morning at 5:00 AM in the gym. And I would always like tell, I tell my community I'd be like you guys the only reason why I'm in the gym every morning at 5:00 AM is because I know my friends are going to be there and the only reason why they're in the gym at 5:00 AM is because they know I'm going to be there. In the mornings when they wouldn't come, Ohh, I'd get into the gym later and I've been working out consistently for years and years and years, and I'd still be like, oh, couple of snoozes on the alarm clock like, OK, we do not need to muscle our way through to success like prop your environment, have an accountability buddy, someone that's showing up if you're not great at showing up and doing something, like if you're like I say, I'm going to workout at 6:00 AM every day and I don't, then I'm like, OK, who can you have hold you accountable? And it's like what you're saying, like, that's going to keep us forever, but there's also nothing wrong with implementing strategies that help us sees success. So many of the people that have success in their lives, it's because their environment and their lifestyle is prepped around their goals like if you don't want if you're hitting your macros, or you're trying to not eat a ton of treats. Or whatever that is, right, don't set a bowl of candy on the counter and people will be like yeah, the motivation I need to be more motivated. I need to be more disciplined, no, that is BS.  

Amber B 26:36 

Ohh make it easy. 

Andrea Fausett 26:38 

Yes. Make your goals easier like if you want to read more set books out everywhere, like have it make your goals so obvious that they're everywhere and it hasn't there, begin the goal setting and every week when we like, we set our goals for the week, we always ask each other, is this something you want me to hold you accountable to? And if he says no, because in a marriage, sometimes you actually don't want to be held accountable to that, OK. If he says no, then I'm like, OK, do you want to find someone or is this just not something you're doing, but you don't really care about being truly accountable to it? And so I think having that conversation with ourselves, like if we're setting that 6:00 AM, wake up, call OK, in the past, have you been waking up at 6:00 AM? What does it tell you? If you haven't been, find someone literally you could text someone be. I'm going to text you every morning at 6:00 AM if not by the end of the week. I owe you $200.00 or something like that. Where it's like, hold me accountable to that and and set that up for yourself so that you can see success like it's not anything special that someone has or doesn't have. It's their ability to set your environment up to be successful, I always have my workout close out the night before I have for years, no matter what, because I'm like they're sitting out. I have my alpha picked out. I feel good. I'm going to go the secret to your morning routine lies in your evening one just slowly setting up those processes so that you can see success and stop thinking you need more discipline to get through it, like prep your environment, make it easy. 

Amber B 28:04 

It's really good, James Clear is really big on that too of like it's not about the, it's about the processes and that's how are you creating a process for success, not just saying I want to be successful. OK, well, but what are, what are you doing to make that easy? What are the little steps in between? And I loved, I loved that your what did you say your morning routine is? 

Andrea Fausett 28:25 

Your your morning routine. The secret to your morning routine lies in your evening one. 

Amber B 28:29 

Yes, I love that. It's like setting yourself up for success, especially if you know that there's a sticking point. And I think a lot of us, if we can look through our day and find those sticking points, identify them for yourselves. It's a sticking out for me to get up. Great! How can I go before that and figure out a time when I can make that as easy as possible and do have something like setting it out the night before calling a friend and then making sure someone's meeting you at the gym or something like that, it it it clears that sticking point or at least reduces the amount of resistance that you have. 

Andrea Fausett 28:59 

Yes, yes, there's nothing wrong with you if you if it's hard for you to wake up at 6:00 AM when you say you're going to. That's so normal. Like, yeah, every morning. Like, why do I do this? When I do this, like it does get easier the more you do it for sure, but it's like I also know that I'm meeting people at the gym and then that helps me. So like I stick with it always and forever. And if I'm traveling and I want to make sure I'm up to the gym at a certain time, I'll go to across the gym where I know they have a class and I have to be there at that time, right. It's like, how can I make this happen? 

Amber B 29:28 

It's really good. So I know that you're really big on helping people develop habits and that's why, you know, you're we were just talking about how you don't want someone to do all of the things all at once. You want them to start with something and to develop it and build it into a healthy habit. As somebody is going through this process, talk to us a little bit about falling back into old patterns or having those setbacks or or, you know, just I know that, you know, it's not always progress. Progress forward doesn't always look like forward momentum. So can you talk a little bit about that process of what it looks like when you're working with clients and you're developing habits and let's talk a little bit about setbacks and what that can look like and how to keep moving through those setbacks. 

Andrea Fausett 30:10 

Yes. So when we feel discouragement and this is something that I always prep our clients, especially before I could challenge, I'm like, hey I promise you you guys are all feeling motivated right now? You're going to feel discouragement like you're going to feel discouraged at some point, probably multiple times during the next six weeks. And so starting with the plan, what that looks like, like what am I going to do when discouragement comes knocking at my door because it's going to and it's going to be loud. Like what are my next best steps? And I think it it all sounds so similar, but it really is it's just another system in place because we know it's going to come and getting rid of like the you know the all or nothing always something right it's like. OK, if if I have a setback, what's the next best step and and believing that your little efforts are still making a difference and it comes back to those same things like your identity and your self belief? And if you know that your efforts ultimately are making a difference in the long run, then when the discouragement comes, you feel the feelings just like anything else. And then you look at your little plan. And you're like my next step is forward and it sounds so simple, but I think we overcomplicate it way too much, we overcomplicate it like it's it's a normal feeling. It's going to come. You're going to have setbacks. Choose now before you start what your plan is to keep moving forward when it comes because it will come. 

Amber B 31:29 

Yeah, it's like normalizing it, right, just normalizing that it's like if you're you're doing a road trip across the United States, you're gonna go through the Rocky Mountains and just like normalize that you're gonna go through the Rocky Mountains. You have a plan. I have my snow chains like we're gonna, we're gonna hit the Rocky Mountains. We're gonna put snow chains on. We're gonna get to the other side and we'll take them off. You know, it's not like when you get to the Rocky Mountains, it's like, oh, my gosh, something's wrong. Like no, you just have to go through the Rocky Mountains. 

Andrea Fausett 31:51 

Yes, yes and I like I still feel that way at times, like, I'll be like, Oh my gosh. Like, wow, this shouldn't work. Or like breastfeeding when I'm breastfeeding I, no weight comes off for like 8 months. And I can be consistently tracking. And like, that's what I do. That's what I teach people. And I'm like this girl. I promise you it will stay the exact same or 8 months after I deliver a baby. And I just remember one time I was postpartum and I saw another lady post on her Instagram. She's like, I just give birth, I'm back to my birth weight and this is like not someone that exercised regular or anything. And I was raging, Amber. I was just like you're kidding me. Like. I am working so I'm doing all this. I wear the same, I swear. I look the exact same and like, why is she so lucky? And so I think I always like to say we're all different people, but the process to change remains the same. So if you want change, whether you're the person that loses weight, all the baby weight or it stays on for a minute if you want change the process to it remains the same. And I think it's easy to get. I think what discourages honestly my clients the most is seeing other people see results quicker or seeing the results that they want and they end up in the spiral that something's wrong that they're not doing it. It's like it's so hard to being like. No, like, quitting will not get me there. What do I want? Who am I?-Identity. What do I want? What are those actions? I'm glad it works easier for her, but like, it doesn't matter. Because if I want it, I have to do it and this is my life and this is me, so I'm going to keep moving and I'm going to keep moving forward. Even though she loses the baby weight fast. So like, stop worrying about how it works for everyone else and realize that if you want change, you have to keep moving forward through your process and that may look different, but that's the only way to get to where you want to be. 

Amber B 33:45 

That’s really good. I ran track in like middle school and I very clearly remember my track coach. So I did the 4:40. I would do like one loop around the track and I remember my track coach was teaching us and was saying always, always, always keep your eyes forward, he said. When you're running, people have a tendency to, like, want to see where everybody else is to kind of gauge where they're at and if they're ahead or someone's going to pass them. And he always said don't do it because anytime that you turn your head or you're looking around or like you're taking your attention off of this, where you should be focused is just the finish line. He says it slows you down and so I always tell that to my clients that this idea, it's very natural to want to compare and to want to see where everybody else is and see how fast she's losing and see what her secret is and, but anytime you're looking at that side to side, you're slowing yourself down and so the key is really I always said eyes up, eyes on the finish line where you're going and you know that's that's where you keep your eyes locked on. And so I think we would do well to remember that in our own journey of anytime you're turning and looking side to side, you are slowing down your journey. Just keep your eyes on your prize and run your own race. 

Andrea Fausett 34:58 

Yeah, because you want what you want and that's probably different than what they want. 

Amber B 35:01 

It's probably not even the same finish line. 

Andrea Fausett 35:03 

Yes, exactly. And everyone has different lives and different capabilities and different things. We're able to put in and different efforts we're able to give like certain seasons. You can get more certain seasons. You can give less, but that doesn't take away from you moving forward like why would we get off the train even if it's moving slow? I always love saying like if you have an empty gas tank and your option is either to fill it full or to to leave it empty. Excuse me? Or to fill it just like a quarter of the way, you're probably going to choose the quarter of the way, right? 

Amber B 35:32 

Right. That’s right. 

Andrea Fausett 35:33 

Because it’s gonna get you somewhere. And so it's just. Like, hey, just still give it a little bit. That's OK. Yeah, I love it Yeah. 

Amber B 35:40 

So let's speak a little bit to the moms who are listening because I think that this balancing, being a mom and taking care of other human beings. And I guess it doesn't even really have to only do with moms. All of us have other responsibilities in our life. I don't know anybody who is listening to this who's like, all they do all day long is just work on their health and fitness goals. It's unrealistic. We all have other responsibilities, jobs, other people, we take care of spouses like community involvement. Lots of things. So how have you, how do you recommend people go about finding that balance between whatever health and fitness goals that they've set for themselves and then all these other obligations and responsibilities that they have in other areas of their life? 

Andrea Fausett 36:19 

Totally. And I think this is so common. It's like it, I mean it's it's a mindset, right, the all-or-nothing mindset again, like if I'm going to do it, then I need to like you 100%. Everything goes along to this and this has to be all of it. And if I can't do it all perfect, then I'm just not going to do any of it at all. But I think like we start things without getting clear on what success would look like to us like, well, what? What would make you feel like you live a balanced life like we say, we want balance, but then we never stop to be like, well, what would make you feel like your life is balanced? What does that look like? How much time does that look like you're spending with your kids? How much time would that look in meal prepping? Like what would balance look like to you? And I'll speak for my life, because that's all I know. But I'm like, OK, I work a couple of hours each day, and then when I'm done with work, I'm done with work and it goes off into me. That's what balances looks like to me and then adding fitness in I think we like getting this idea that fitness like especially health journey and it has to just be everything and it can just be a healthy part of a normal life. So it's like I go to the gym in the morning. Eat my food. My identity is not tied to what I eat or whether or not I work out that day. It's just a piece. It's something that I do just like I do the laundry or I try to do the laundry now, just like I do the laundry or I'm cleaning up after my kids, whatever that is. And so I think it's just being mindful. Like if you say you want balance, what does that look like to you? And get clear on what that looks like as a mom write down all of your roles, all of your responsibilities. What that looks like throughout the week and what would make you feel good at the end of the day to be like, OK, this is realistic. This I can do and I promise when you start writing that out, you're going to change some goals and things that you've said because you're going to realize you have other things too, and they're all important. So you get to choose how you want to prioritize those. 

Amber B 38:05 

I always say to my clients that the secret to success is specificity like we do this all the time where we're like, I would like balance. Please and thank you, which is such a broad word that really doesn't mean anything specific and so what I really heard in what you just said is the more that we can stop using broad, I wanna be healthy. I wanna be balanced. Like what the flip does that even mean? Of course you're not achieving it cause we don't even have a definition for what it is and so I love the recommendation of saying, OK, well, what first of all, what am I balancing? What are those specific things I'm balancing? How would I like it to look? What would feel balance to me? How much time would I allow to each of these areas of my life and and making a definition of what your form of balance looks like and when you get those specifics, it's so much easier to then go and create that life. And I think so many people are walking around in this. Ohh, like I'll just stumble upon balance, I'll just stumble upon health. It'll just like randomly happen. It's like no. You want to be successfully gonna be specific and then we can create that life that you're wanting to create. 

Andrea Fausett 39:08 

Yes. Something I love to say is clarity creates confidence. Well, it's like how can I confidently move forward, right? We always say we need more confidence to move forward, that's we're lacking. Clarity is what creates that because identity indicates inputs and then clarity creates confidence to keep you moving forward with those that identity, which and those inputs that you've set with clarity, so it's just, it's just those steps, those ladders, those pieces that keep us moving forward. Everything. 

Amber B 39:33 

That’s awesome. I would say action creates clarity, so we can even have that like action creates clarity and clarity creates confidence. Yeah, I love it. That's so good this has been such a great conversation. Really excited for my listeners to be able to hear it. If they're wanting to connect with you, where can they find you? 

Andrea Fausett 39:50 

Yeah. So I'm on Instagram @mamelefit and TikTok mamelefit. And then I also my personal page is Andrea Fausett, so you can see me there and we also have our app on the App Store, Google and Apple and you can find on the Mamele. So yeah, come check us out. Come say hi.

Amber B 40:07 

And you want to spell that for everybody. 

Andrea Fausett 40:09 

Yes, M-A-M-E-L-E. Mamele.  

Amber B 40:13 

Where did that come from? 

Andrea Fausett 40:13 

Many spelled that wrong.  

Amber B 40:14 

Yeah, I'm sure. 

Andrea Fausett 40:15 

It's actually a slang term for mother, in a different language. 

Amber B 40:19 

Oh, fun. 

Andrea Fausett 40:19 

So we needed like a fun name we can also trademark, and so that was where that branding came from. 

Amber B 40:24 

That's fun. I've always wondered where the name came from. Well, thanks Andrea for being on the Podcast, we really, I really enjoyed this conversation. 

Andrea Fausett 40:32 

Thanks. That was so fun. 

Amber B 40:35 

I hope that you found immense value in listening to that conversation I just had with Andrea. I think it is such a phenomenal thing to focus on this idea of how can I improve my ability to keep the promises to myself. And I really loved the conversation we had around just normalizing the experience of of hitting that roadblock, of hitting that you know that fear that self-doubt and really normalizing that as a normal part of the process and really that it is a place where you get to determine the type of person you want to be. Do I want to be the type of person who hits the hard part and gives up? Or do I want to be the type of person who hits the hard part, recognizes it means I'm on the right path towards growth and who pushes through and gets to the other side, and that can be all of us to recognize that, hey, growth is messy. Growth requires you to get outside of your comfort zone. It requires you to address fear and to move through it, and on the other side is the results that you desire. If you like this episode of Biceps After  Babies Radio, take a moment and leave a rating and review on whatever platform you're listening on, iTunes or Spotify, it really, truly helps the podcast to be able to find more people and to attract the people who are going to receive value from these episodes. So if you have taken the time to do that, my sincerest gratitude towards you. And if you have not yet done it, please take the time and leave that rating in review. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber, now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything. 

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